Besides that one internet-famous shot of the Blazers' center getting all boom-boom-in-the-zoom-zoom with one young lady, you rarely see Greg Oden pop-up in any sleazy photos. For a guy who's apparently having so much trouble adjusting to the NBA, he comes off surprisingly well-adjusted. Yes, I've based this psychoanalysis on these vacation photos, of course, because my genius is extraordinary and I can tell people's emotional intelligence quotient just by looking at shirtless photos of them holding a frozen drink under a waterfall. So there.

Let's hope he doesn't injure himself by stubbing his toe on a tiki hut or something.

PHOTOS: More at Blaze Of Love

******

Now, good morning. It's Tuesday. Exhale.

Awwwww, right? So this guy I kind of know predicts the Blazers will beat the Rockets, only to be "schooled" as the saying goes by the Lakers, but adds that it will be "valuable experience for this promising young team," which is sort of how I feel about all my humiliations minus I guess the parts about "young" and "promising."

I find it always helps whenever I am writing about a challenging new topic to find sympathetic characters to whom I can relate and reading the internet I am starting to feel like this Greg Oden guy might understand. If A.J. fires me tonight maybe I'll just start a screenplay about what would happen if we met and by some unlikely sequence of events found ourselves charged with looking after an ethnically-diverse passel of potty-mouthed pipsqueaks, like a sort of fusion of Ghost World and Dangerous Minds. Probably though I will just get drunk.

Jason Quick, Blazers' beat writer for the Oregonian, conducted a radio interview with 1080 The Fan and shared these thoughts about Portland's not-so-special player:

I can’t really stand to be around him. He’s such a downer. He’s not a very fun guy to be around and he’s not a very fun guy to talk to. I think his teammates like him, but that guy is not interacting with very many guys in the locker room right now. He can’t let go of being Greg Oden. I think he’s obsessing with all this expectations. Until he starts having fun again playing basketball, he’s not going to get better. I don’t know how he’s going to do that.

Blazers' coach Nate McMillan also sees that Oden needs little coddling so, apparently, he treats him like a potty training special needs child . Here's an example of McMillan's embarrassing positive reinforcement:

Oden's statistics against Toronto were modest — 10 points, 10 rebounds, two blocks. But his defense was a major factor in the game. He was a formidable presence, often changing the shots of driving players. He held his ground against veteran Jermaine O'Neal, causing the former All-Star to make several wild, fading attempts.

"He was really looking like that center of the future," McMillan said. "I just thought he did some good things, and so I said that to the team. I said, 'Big fella, you came through. I like what you are doing.'"

Spontaneously, the team erupted in applause.

Yaaaay.

Blazers Give It Up For Oden [The Oregonian]
Message to Greg Oden: Quit Paying Attention to the Media and Get Your Head in the Game [The Big Lead]

I think women are smart, don't get me wrong. But for the life of me I can't figure out how Lyle Lovett scored him some Julia Roberts. And Enza Sambataro dumps Ben Affleck for Kevin Youkilis? (room spinning, must sit down). OK ladies, explain yourselves. You have six posts in which to do so.

By the way, if you'd like to be part of the Waxing Off writing staff, email myself at Rick@Deadspin.com, or Mr. Daulerio at AJD@Deadspin.com.

President Steezarak:

You’ve surely heard the old song, “If you wanna be happy the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife.” It’s pretty offensive … offensively honest that is. And I think you can swap the genders and the moral stays the same. I also think a hot girl is more likely to marry a schmo than the other way around, though perhaps that’s an issue for my therapist to help me work through.

So with that in mind, my unconventional crush is Charlie Weis. He is also my conventional crush in that he would literally crush me in the sack. Why Coach Weis? I’m glad you asked.

First, he’s fat. Did you notice? Stand next to a fat person, and suddenly you’re feeling pretty good about your weight and appearance. Not only do you look skinnier comparatively, but fat people always give you self-loathing compliments about how skinny you are. And though yes, you have to do the obligatory, “oh, I’m not that skinny,” in your head you’re like “OH HELL YES!!!” Even if you weren’t “actually” skinny, you would be soon because he’d be eating everything in sight.

Second, he is like totally OMFG BFFs with Tom Brady. Seriously if you’re gonna be married to guy looking like Charlie (or Chaz as he prefers to be called), make sure he has hot friends you can have an affair with. In my head, Tom would be so mystified about the tall skinny (!!! it’s working !!!) girl dating/hooking up with/married to his former coach, he’d just HAVE to see what he was missing out on. Since he has super swimmers, I’d obviously get pregnant and blackmail the pants off of him. It will be amazing.

And finally, I hate Notre Dame. A lot of people do actually. I want to do a favor for those people and the rest of the world and be the person to take “one for the team” and make Charlie Weis pay. We’re talking humiliating role play leaked to the newspapers (haha, just kidding, no one reads newspapers); rumors about orgies spreading across the blogosphere; sex tapes posted on Perez. Sure, I’d have to spend a fortune on stand-ins for those because ain’t no way I’m participating, but totally worth every dime (thanks to baby daddy Tom Brady). Once his precious personal life is destroyed, I’ll take his precious elite football program away too. Oh wait someone beat me to it.

— President Steezarak is a Texas Longhorn fan living in Washington D.C. who once mistook Will Muschamp for Jesus.

————-

The Head Chick In Charge:

Tony Kornheiser could get it. That's right. Loud, sloppy, nasty forbidden nursing home sex that will threaten society's acceptance of Cialis and make his children worry about their inheritance. He's a White man that dances, albeit penguin. And he sounds smart (especially to himself) when he's talking. And he likes to play dress up. He's perfect! And he's not as old as I thought. I was shocked to learn that he's only 61 years old. Truthfully, I doubt this. Who knew? Before there was a Kim Zolciak of Real Housewives of Atlanta, there was a Anthony Irwin Kornheiser lying about his age. Anyway, he doesn't look a day over 73 and I'd be happy to tempt him away from his wife. Yes, Tony Reali is the obvious choice from that set, but I generally disapprove of men wearing jeans that cost more than $100. Real men like Kornheiser wear sweater vests and aren't afraid to wear their reading glasses when they need them. Some people complain about Kornheiser. They say he's a bad boy, especially when he's on Monday Night Football. That it's undeniable that he'll eventually annoy me to death. That he'll emphasize the obvious until my head explodes. That we'll never last. Those people don't know the real Tony. I know the real Tony. He's cantankerous, yet delightful. He's the PTI Tony, the Washington Post Tony. The MNF Tony is just a front. And I just adore him.

I dare to dream, but maybe Tony and I will have a future together riding together in a luxury bus across the 48 contiguous and clipping coupons and doing all the things that old people do. Well, I'm not old ... but I will happily play the May to his December, plow him with red wine and spend his money. He is rich now, cha-ching! But I'm no gold digger. I'm down for clipping the aforementioned coupons. Did you know you can get a free Dr. Pepper if you download the coupon from the corresponding site on Sunday? That's the most useful mention of Chinese Democracy and/or GNR that has appeared on this site in weeks. I hope Tony likes dessert ...

— The HCIC owns the domain name for Leave The Man Alone.

————-

Samantha Wood:

This is embarrassing, but I love Jon Runyan.

I have a little crush on Runyan, the 300-pound offensive tackle for my Eagles. So the natural question is, why? Why would a girl like me, a third of his size, and a little more than half his age be attracted to this man?

I have no idea.

My best guess is it’s because he’s nasty at football, and, to me at least, he slightly resembles a teddy bear. Also, he bowls. He bowls for charities! How could you not find that cute?

In general, fans develop unusual crushes (yes, even man-crushes) on athletes because of their talent. Or maybe it’s because of their “interesting” looks. Or maybe it’s something else altogether. Who knows why we love?

Basically my point is that if Jon Runyan’s reading this, I would really like a hug (I know he’s married with three kids). And I apologize in advance, but I can’t resist mentioning that he’s #69. Immature? Yes. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

— Sam is a journalism student in Boston who will never get tired of working “World Fucking Champions” into every possible conversation.

————-

J-Money:

For the past decade, I've had a thing for professional golfer/CBS broadcaster/serial adulterer Nick Faldo because there's something incredibly sexy about six major championships, more green jackets than the night manager at Bennigan's, and a loose moral code.

I'm still not sure why I chose him to be my athletic obsession. He's older than Velcro and golf isn't the most athletic pursuit, straddling the line between 'sport' and 'hobby' just like archery or whittling or arson, but I'd still put my mashie near his niblick, if you know what I mean (AND I THINK YOU DO).

There were certain parallels between us that made him more attractive, like the fact that he's from England and I'm from West Virginia, two places where the accents make it difficult to understand the locals and the dental industry is non-existent. I also played golf for several years, even though my career achievements were limited to the Coalfield Conference Championship (1995), the Everyone Assumes You're A Lesbian Open (1995-1998) and the Feed That Chili Dog to that Seagull and You'll Never Play Here Again Tournament (1997). He also left his second wife for a college player—one only a few semesters older than me—so he actually seemed attainable in that twisted Lifetime movie kind of way.

I was in the crowd at Augusta in '96, the year Greg Norman choked harder than the late Linda Lovelace and handed Nick the last of his six majors. Despite getting close enough to him to count the pleats on his Stain Defenders, I don't think he ever saw me, which is probably for the best since I was fond of coral lipstick and skorts at the time.

Faldo has since swapped the Masters for a mic to become CBS's lead golf analyst. He doesn't play very much anymore and neither do I, but I still think about him every time I do tee one up and, Nick, if you're reading this I hope the next time you kiss a claret jug (and face it, you're going to have to do this with one you already have), that — just once — you'll think of me.

— J-Money is a freelance writer and responsible for The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy. She hasn't worn a skort since 1996.

————-

Ciara:

Greg Oden could get it. Yes, Nat Turner's right-hand-man could get it in a heartbeat. I don't know what it is but there is something so normal about that cat that makes me want to take him home to meet my Pops.

It started way before he went to Ohio State. I remember watching a short piece about him on the four-letter network. Minus the height, he didn't come off with that typical athlete vibe. He had glasses on too, so he came off like a dork. He was so anti-athlete to me that he had me intrigued from the get-go.

He isn't your typical pretty boy like Kobe. He doesn't even have that understated fineness like Chris Paul. Greg Oden looks like a dude that you would see from around the way and that is what makes him so attractive to me. Pretty boys are either cocky or gay (Jimmy Jackson, I'm talking to you).

For one, Greg Oden isn't that bad to look at. Remember, it isn't like he's on Tyrone Hill status or something (like my Pops said, Tyrone Hill looks like he drinks turpentine). Secondly, dude can take a joke about his looks. He knows that he looks like Father Time and he can laugh it off with the best of them. Lastly, he looks like he could pick me up. That's a plus…

While I will admit, if Brian Westbrook knocked on my door and asked to go half on a baby with me, I wouldn't even think about Greg. Greg who? But if Greg knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to hang out, go to the movies or just chill, I would say yes in a heartbeat.

— Ciara wants Marty Morningwheg's head on a stick in front of City Hall. She's sick of this sh*t!

————-

Meghan:

Does an obsessive stat guy that formulated a superior system for predicting fantasy baseball performances count as a sports figure? If so, my unconventional sports guy crush is on Nate Silver, the Baseball Prospectus guy who came up with PECOTA. I actually came across him via his political blog, fivethirtyeight. But when I found out that he was also a baseball stat genius I was smitten. The man just screams nerdy awkwardness. And there's something about his lanky, slightly undernourished frame that just gives me butterflies.

I'm not joking. I love lanky, awkward, nerdy guys. And add in a love of sports, politics and math and you pretty much have my ideal man. I know most women want a strong, athletic guy with classically good looks who's also handy and can do stuff around the house, but whatever. Think about all the positives of a guy like Nate. He's smart, ambitious, hardworking, and from the Midwest, which pretty much means he's a nice guy. He will always have job, no matter how bad the economy is sports and politics always seem to create jobs. I like stable and reliable, probably because it's the opposite of what I tend to be.

While my experiences with fantasy baseball obsessed boyfriends have not been great, I willing to give it another chance. Really, they can't get much worse. And there's something about really nerdy, awkward guys that makes them better suited to deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes with dating me. Maybe it's that they are not used to having girlfriends and are willing to try harder. Whatever, Nate, if you are looking for a smart, cute, petite, strawberry blonde, who's slightly younger than you, let me know. I could see a move to Washington in your future with your political leanings, and that happens to be where I'm applying for jobs. It could be perfect.

— Meghan thinks Nate Silver should be the President Obama point person to fix the college football system. She loves nerds and also blogs about sports at Girls Don't Know Sports.

I'll give Oden this much: He’s already been more durable than he was last season. After all, he managed to play almost three whole minutes of a real, honest-to-goodness regular season game before hurting himself. He hobbled through nine more minutes of first-half "action" after the injury, but he played poorly (zero points, 0-for-4, 5 rebounds, 2 turnovers, 2 fouls) and spent the second half in the locker room wearing a walking boot.

According to Oden, he landed on Derek Fisher's foot while going after a rebound. Only Fisher said: "I don't remember a 7-footer on my foot." So what happened? According to ESPN's J.A. Adande: "Replays indicate that Oden landed with the weight on the front of his foot, then perhaps his heel hit the top of Fisher's foot, then Oden's foot twisted to the right, after Fisher had moved away."

Uh oh. X-rays taken during the third quarter were inconclusive, and Oden is scheduled to have an MRI exam today in Portland. But, as Bill Walton might tell you (in glaring hyperbole no doubt), the description of the injury screams "stress fracture."

For his part, Oden doesn't sound too worried: "It (stinks). But (I'll) keep on working. It's just a little setback. I'll still be in the gym tomorrow."

Know who else isn't worried? Channing Frye. He seems to think that Joel Przybilla pretty much equals Greg Oden. "If [Oden's] hurt, that's part of basketball. We just moved on. Joel's not chopped liver."

True. He's more Salisbury steak than chopped liver. And although he's certainly not part of the Blazers' grand future plans, his pro career has, so far, certainly outshined Oden's...all 12 minutes of it.

If people hate having their picture taken with Shapiro so much, why do they do it?

Hi. I'm the guy from the grumpy Greg Oden picture. He actually never said a word, he seemed to prefer only communicating in grunts. Any ways here's another moment in my sports history enjoy. Thanks, Dan

Actually, Dan's starting to get on my nerves as well, and I have no reason why.

Oden, who sat out last season with a knee injury, scored Portland's first points of the preseason with a pretty impressive dunk, going on to score 13 points in about 20 minutes. So now, let the hype begin. Here's the assessment of Young Frankenstein's debut from Blazers Edge:

I assume that the minute he stepped on the court everybody saw the difference between Greg Oden and not just everybody else in the game, but pretty much everybody else on the planet. I mean, “RAAAAAWWWR! GREG SMASH NOW!” What? Huh? Say, you’re pretty hu… “YOU MOVE NOW! GREG DUNK BIG!” Oh sorry…I was standing in your way there. My mistake. (I don’t mean to convey any limited conversational skills on Greg’s part…there just aren’t polite words and whole sentences for what he does out there. It’s primal.) His offense obviously needs some work, but then again what’s wrong with a back-down dribble, a spin, or an offensive rebound and then a monster slam? Sounds good to me.

More photos here, and further Oden worshipping here. Of his five baskets, four were dunks, and he also blocked a dunk attempt by Sacramento center Spencer Hawes. For a more detailed analysis of Oden's performance, look no further than Portland's LaMarcus Aldridge: "I'm going on record and saying that Greg is a man-child."

• Elgin Baylor Unceremoniously Tossed Overboard By Clippers. Former Lakers star Elgin Baylor, who was a great shooter, rebounder and passer during his career — therefore leaving him nothing in common with today's players — has stepped down as vice president of basketball operations with the Los Angeles Clippers. And by stepped down we mean resigned amidst some sort of dispute. Mike Dunleavy will assume his responsibilities as general manager. The Clippers issued an 18-word press release; hardly a fitting tribute considering the man spent 22 seasons with the team.

• Captain Ron. Ron Artest's Houston Rockets debut highlighted an otherwise tepid, mistake-prone exhibition opener at the Toyota Center, Houston beating Memphis 96-93. Carl Landry led the Rockets with 18 points, and Artest scored 12 of his 15 points in the first quarter, making three of his five 3-pointers. But he made just one of five shots in the second half and four of 12 overall.

• It's Go Time. Wizards' forward Antawn Jamison wasted little time climbing onto the pain train, leaving their exhibition game with the Mavericks in the first quarter with a right knee injury. Dirk Nowitzki and Brandon Bass each scored 17 points to lead Dallas to a 108-82 win.

Oden On The Mic [Rise With Us]
Greg Oden: quality baller, terrible singer [Hard For The Yard]

So the consensus is that the lovely on the right is Maria Sharapova; but who is the brunette? One thing for sure, Oden could pick her out of a lineup if he had to. If she were facing the wall.

By the way, Mr. Oden seems to have gained a few pounds since then, eh?

Oden, Durant And Wandering Eyes [The Big Lead]

• Colts Cheerleaders get their hair did. [Don Chavez]
• Straightening out what really happened with Bobby Petrino going to Arkansas. [The Slophouse]
• An exciting summer for Cedric Benson has just begun [Tirico Suave]
• Some impressive newfangled playbook technology. [The Wizard of Odds]
• Greg Oden doesn't share my contempt for that G2 ad. I guess injuries are part of the G2 life. [Blazers Blog]
• Jim McKay meant more in Maryland [Bromoblog]
• An ode to Mike Tranghese [35 Seconds]

The only people who seem happy about this are the folks at Draft Kevin Durant, who are feeling awfully good about themselves. Mostly, though, we've been impressed by the outpouring of sympathy and sadness toward Oden. For a guy who could turn out to be a rather major draft disaster, everyone's certainly on his side. From Blazers' Edge:

Greg, you have nothing to apologize for. Of course everybody was disappointed over the results from yesterday. How could you not be? But everyone was disappointed for you, not about you. We want to see you play. We look forward to the day when you put on that uniform and take the court to a thunderous standing ovation. We're eager to watch you mold the game around you as you've shown you can do. We're going to have to wait another year to do that. But it's not the end of the world...for you, for us, for anybody.

In the coming year I suspect you're going to learn something about what it means to be a Trailblazer. That rally at the downtown square after you were drafted? It was only the tip of the iceberg. For every one of the thousands of people that came that day there were a hundred more who couldn't come but felt the same way. Nobody's going to stop thinking about you. Nobody's going to stop cheering you. Nobody's going to stop believing in you. Every person you meet in the coming year is going to smile and shake your hand and wish you well and a speedy recovery. You're going to be as welcomed and accepted for riding a stationary bike and doing rehab exercises as you would be if you were notching 20 and 20 every night. That's what it means to be part of the Blazers. We don't leave our own. We don't give up on our own. Even if you never played another minute in your life you would still be a Blazer—one of us—and we would still love you for it. This ain't L.A. or New York where you perform or get forgotten. This is Portland, baby, and Portland never forgets its own.

Man, Portland sounds like heaven on earth there. Well, unless you commit a crime. Then you're dirt.

An Open Letter To Greg Oden [Blazers Edge]
Cataclysm [Draft Kevin Durant]

Actually, anyone who read his blog a couple of days ago might have seen this coming.

On my vacation earlier this summer i got up off the couch and remember my knee having a sharp pain in it. That was about a month ago. I didn't tell anyone because i didn't want to seem like i was complaining or making excuses for anything. Plus i wasn't doing anything at the time i realized it hurt, so i figured it couldn't be anything big. After a couple of weeks, i had to finally tell someone so i went to St. Vincent's Sports Performance (where i worked out at before draft) and got my knee looked at. That was right before i moved to Portland for good. My knee was swollen since i was there. I finally just said that i need to tell my trainer because this is not normal. We went to the doctor's the next day to get a MRI and that night me and my mom ended up in the doctor's office being told that I have to get surgery. It's a light one, just a scoop, but still it's just another setback. I would like for me to be playing and not seem like i'm a high maintenance player, but things just keep popping up.

That was two days ago, but Adrian Wojnarowski of Yahoo still gets the scoop and wonders whether the Trail Blazers should have been more worried all along. We find this whole "is his body breaking down?" rhetoric a bit much; he is, after all, 19, and bodies don't break down at 19. Because he's 19. Greg Oden. 19. Bodies don't break down at the age of 19. Because that's how old he is.

Damaged Goods? [Yahoo Sports]
Greg Oden's Blog [Yardbarker]
The Worst Case Scenario For Greg Oden [True Hoop]

But Oden's most recent conundrum is perhaps his most troubling: Members of his extended family are asking for money, even though he already provides assistance.

"I didn't expect that at all," Oden said. "I thought my family was cool. You hear stories, but I'm like, nah, my family is cool."

Oden's mother, Zoe, has put her son on a strict budget in the early stages of his professional career, and they have hired a financial planner to manage his funds. He might earn millions of dollars a year, but Oden is living off a $10,000 biweekly stipend.

"They were living with a lot less money than what I am hooking them up with," Oden said of his extended family. "I'm like, 'You can make (the money I give you) work.' I'm getting $10,000 and I bet you I won't use more than $2,000 of that every two weeks. Because I don't need it. And they don't, either."

Oden really does seem like a great guy kid person. At a time when lots of American fans would like the write off the NBA as a league of thugs guys like Oden and Kevin Durant are set to join a league full of amicable young superstars.

via FanHouse

Oden's 10 fouls came in only 20 minutes of game action with the Portland Trailblazers, while scoring just six points, getting two rebounds, and blocking two shots. To think, he was four points shy of the elusive points/fouls double-double.

The Seattle Sonics' Kevin Durant, drafted No. 2, fared a little better. He scored 18 points, but only on 5-of-17 shooting. Worse still, he let his team down after the third quarter in that new controversial rule where you have to bench press as much as you can at midcourt, or your team loses 5 points.

Come On ... It's Summer League Fellas [Sons of Sam Malone]
Kevin Durant Is Low On The Upper Body Strength [Deadspin]

That said, some thoughts. Because our opinions are worth nothing, which makes them as valuable as everyone else's today.

• We found ourselves surprised that so many in Seattle were against the Ray Allen to the Celtics trade. You've got Kevin Durant for the next so-many years; why have a guy like Allen hanging around? Gotta be good for Allen, too; lots more threesome opportunities in Boston. (Link NSFW)

• We always find the trades on draft night more fun anyway. Zack Randolph to the Knicks? That's a lot more enjoyable to play with than Jared Dudley in Charlotte.

• Honestly, it was mostly just a night for the Pacific Northwest. We'd totally move there if they had a subway.

Though some Portland fans have already put together a Draft Kevin Durant blog, it seems likely that Greg Oden is going to be the first pick, and Durant's going to be playing in either Seattle or Oklahoma City. For all the disappointed teams and fans this morning, Portland — a franchise that has been trying to crawl its way back — and Seattle — a franchise that just found itself a desperately needed identity — were the lucky winners. Before we delve into those whose hearts were crushed, we salute the Pacific Northwest, which might very well be the center of the NBA universe for the next, oh, 10 years ago. Well, if Seattle keeps its team, anyway.

Is The First Pick A Money Maker? [CNBC]
The Draft Lottery Miracle [OregonLive]
Draft Kevin Durant
Live From Secaucus [True Hoop]

The interviewer asked him, "OK, but what teams did you grow up watching as a kid? Did you follow a particular team?" Oden replied, and I'm paraphrasing here, "Oh, sure. Growing up, I watched a lot of the Lakers, and the Celtics. They were just good teams, that played good basketball." Safe answer—big franchises with storied histories, doesn't mean anything, etc, etc. Except that the Celtics were never particularly good during Oden's lifetime, much less his formative years. In fact, they sucked the vast majority of the years that Oden has been alive.

Greg was "born" in January 1988, so the first playoffs he would have been alive for were the 87-88 playoffs. Boston lost in the Conference Finals to Detroit. If he were a human baby, Greg Oden would not remember that. If he were born a 36 year old man, he probably would. During his human formative years, when one goes and decides to be a fan of a team (I'm calling that ages 7-12) Boston was one of the worst teams, if not the worst, in the country. During that stretch, seasons of 95-96 to 00-01, the Celtics won an average of 29 games. The Celtics had one good year, during the 2001-02 season (49 wins!), and have steadily slid back into craptacular. So, when, I ask you, WHEN was 18 year old Greg Oden a fan of the Celtics?

Yeah, someone really needs to remind Oden that he's pretending to be 19. Sure, nobody's watching "ESPN First Take," but eventually, someone's gonna notice.

Greg Oden Not Even Pretending Anymore [I Dislike Your Favorite Team]

(Sports At Random had this first, by the way.)

Another reason we need to lean on hypotheticals the day after the national championship game? The title game was like the rest of the tournament; uninspired and never much in doubt. Watching the "One Shining Moment" video, we realized that the most memorable moments of the tournament were Greg Oden's monster non-slam in the Final Four against Georgetown ... and Joakim Noah's weird Officer And A Gentleman deal with his mom after the victory. (Seriously, man ... we're all for loving your mom, but, well, we dunno ... seemed like a bit much.) The biggest upset was VCU over a weak Duke team, and we never had that true epic game.

So we talk about history, and context, and then we look forward to next year, thinking that maybe having a George Mason around isn't so bad after all.

Florida: Best. Team. Ever. (But I'll Settle for "Best of '07") [DanShanoff.com]

As MJD mentioned yesterday, Saturday's games were immense disappointments, neither particularly close or competitive. The highlight of the night was Greg Oden's sudden explosion of a just-missed dunk, a supernova of movement that actually scared us.

Other than that, though, it was obvious who the best team was in both games. Hopefully that won't happen again tonight. We're still in Brooklyn, which means we're gonna be able to watch "One Shining Moment," and if tonight's game isn't epic, they'll be lucky to find enough highlights from this year's tournament to fill it.

That Was A Dress Rehearsal, Right? [Deadspin]

I'm afraid I won't be with you for tonight's basketball festivities — I decided to try actually watching a game without a keyboard in front of me. I don't know what that's going to be like, but I've heard it's wild.

I wouldn't even know where to start with a preview... there are so many personalities and angles and storylines that this can't help but be a memorable night. Joakim Noah's constant battle against the haters, the stifling defense of UCLA against the immeasurable talent of the Gators, and Hibbert vs. Oden, which I think should be subtitled "The H is O." Also, The Rookie is on ABC.

I'll leave you with two YouTube videos... one Joakim Noah video that's a little mean, but very chuckle-worthy, and then this Billy Packer admission that won't surprise you at all.

CBS Sportsline's Gregg Doyel (I hope it's OK to link to Doyel without any insults or irony) asked an innocuous little question of Dorsey at the post-game press conference, and from this little question poured Joey Dorsey's rage.

"I think (scouts) really will be watching this game tomorrow night because it's two great big men going up against each other. I'm an underrated big man and he's a lot overrated as a big man."

"I outrebounded him on the season. I'm the No. 6 rebounder in the nation, and I'm trying to move up to No. 1 after this game."

He didn't stop there. Later, in an individual interview, Dorsey just couldn't help himself.

"[Oden]'s a lot like me. He gets his head out of the game when he picks up quick fouls."

"I'm Goliath, he's the little man."

"He doesn't want to stay in the paint. He just wants to post up. I watched a couple games. He's not really playing in the paint. He likes to help-side (defend) and block shots. I haven't seen him against a great player play great defense."

I hope it's not rude of me to point out that Goliath got his ass whooped.

But thank you, Joey Dorsey. That's one more little subplot to add to the drama tonight. Should Dorsey in fact dominate Oden tonight, and lead Memphis to a victory over Ohio State, I really hope that will comfort him when Oden still gets drafted #1 overall.

Memphis' Dorsey wrote this for Ohio State's bulletin board [CBS News]

If we are all created in the image and likeness of God, you both were most likely modeled after his taint. You are cheap little bitches on the court. I'm talking Made in Taiwan cheap, dirty smelly hooker cheap, maybe even as cheap as Zoe Oden (that's his mom for those keeping score at home). In fact, I bet that is why your parents got divorced Greg. Your dad didn't like her job. I don't mean to say that it bothered him that she is a dirty whore, just that she was only pulling down $0.75 a day doing it.

And it gets worse from there. The site's motto is "Our mission is to provide the students of Xavier University with independent, unfiltered, and uncensored perspectives while providing a forum for unrestricted student discussion." Apparently!

Ode To Oden [Free Xavier]
The Violent Side Of Greg Oden [Deadspin]

While Tennessee and Virginia look to be going down to the wire, I thought we'd take a second and look back at yesterday's man-sized non-flagrant foul by Greg Oden. He always looks like a man amongst boys out there, but yesterday, with Ohio State needing to take a quick foul, he looked like Godzilla rampaging through a Japanese fishing village.

Gerald Henderson saw that and said, "Yeah, that seems excessive." Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about injustice — Xavier probably committed a foul in there somewhere themselves, and it was nice to actually see a little physical aggressiveness out of Oden — but still, a flagrant foul is a flagrant foul. Incidents like this are why the flagrant foul exists.

Thats Jacked Up; Buckeye Greg Oden Lays the Wood [Loser With Socks]

• (7) Ohio State 82, Iowa 63. Greg Oden registered a career-high 29 points. Iowa coach Steve Alford called him a "super talent." Thad Matta said he was "tremendous." Oden deflected all the praise onto his teammates. He then walked every elderly fan home, pleasured all the young ladies in the crowd, delivered a baby, built OSU a brand new science department brick-by-brick, and got Troy Smith to smile for the first time in a couple of weeks.

• Texas Tech 69, (5) Kansas 64. Darryl Dora, he of the 5.2-point-per-game average, came out of nowhere with a big game against the 5th-ranked Jayhawks. Dora explored the studio space for 19 points, Martin Zeno had 14, and Jarious Jackson had 15, though he failed to register anything in any other statistical category except turnovers. Texas A&M is up next for Texas Tech. Speaking of which...

• (8) Texas A&M 67, (14) Oklahoma State 49. Not a bad day when you can beat the #14 team in the country by 18 points. Acie Law had 16 for the Aggies, while Antanas Kavaliauskas chipped in 14. Kavaliauskus got his nose bloodied in the first half and had a groin issue in the second half, but played through it.

Top 25 Scoreboard

You may or may not think that Knight passing Dean Smith is a big deal, but it's at least worth watching just to see Knight get more and more irritated with each question he gets about it. He says he couldn't care less about the record, but that's not going to keep him from getting asked about it endlessly. There's at least a 15% chance that he'll call someone an asshole, and that excites me.

In college basketball action from early today, Tennessee beat Texas in overtime with 35 points from Chris Lofton. UCLA did dirty and nasty things to Michgan early today, winning by a score of 92-55, and Kansas is about to put the finishing touches on their victory over Boston College.

College Basketball Scoreboard [ESPN]

Ohio State athletic department spokesman Dan Wallenberg says that the wrist is good enough, and that he'll see some time on the floor. "He is going to get some minutes ... They did some testing yesterday, they got the results late last night, they spoke with his surgeon (in Indianapolis) and he said give it a shot today with some minutes."

If you're looking for the game on TV, you're probably out of luck. At 4:00 pm, it'll be on the Cleveland feed of Fox Sports Net Ohio and on the ESPN Full Court.

Oden to make debut today [Columbus Dispatch]

It's a while, still, until Greg Oden will suit up for Ohio State, and just another year after that until he can reap the fruits of life in the NBA. Until then, however, we cordially welcome him to the world of "Careful Who's Got A Digital Camera At A Party" that awaits him in professional sport.

By the way, we don't know where he's at, but the decorating in that place ... dis-ASTER!

GregOden.com [Official Site]

(Photo by Carly Blackwell, Lawrence North.)