Deadspin
We feel obliged to point out that Shaq got divorced. We do not know why we feel obliged to point this out. But we are anyway.
The couple has four children together, and, because Shaq is no dummy, they have a prenup.
The two have a "Cohabitation/Prenuptial Agreement and Acknowledgment of Property Disclosure and Waiver of Further Disclosure," the petition says. A copy of their agreement "will be filed ... under seal" — if the court allows — and "contains extensive provisions providing for confidentiality and non-disclosure." Per the pre-nup, Shaunie would get primary custody and Shaq would get "liberal" visitation rights....
We take this moment to remind you of Kobe Bryant's proudest moment: Ratting out Shaquille to police, saying that Shaq, "had paid women up to $1 million to keep 'situations like this' quiet." The "this" there, of course, refers to ladies in Aspen hotel rooms, but, you know, it's a flexible demonstrative pronoun.
Shaq Getting Divorced [Jen's Free Throws]
Comments
One's fat! One's.....a rapist.
Hmmmm.....
Another policeman's marriage falls victim to the demanding nature of the job.
In a way, this is a blessing for Shaunie. It's a hard life being a cop's wife.
@ArkansasFred: Drat.
I bet it was that harlot Walter from Shaq's Big Challenge that broke up the family.
But's what is he going to do with that giant ass Superman Bed from Cribs?
4 children by the same woman? Shawn Kemp is not impressed.
And they seemed so happy on MTV Cribs.
I just wants to know who gets the royalties rights to Shaq-fu: The Return [www.amazon.com]
Shaunie = Borat Joke
Bess Martin, Girl Detective heard the other day that Shaq was pretty tall.
@bizzo5000(Scott Senay):But what is she going to do with that giant ass Superman Bed from Cribs?
Strahanized.
If These Two Kids Can't Make It, Who Can?
Heidi and Spencer?
Maybe now Shaq will have more time to put towards nationwide Cheetos attacks
Link
@Monday Morning Punter: It's Marvin. Better watch your step or she's going to be on your case.
@CharlesBronsonPinchot: neither is Travis Henry
@PopJocks: What a waste
/Screamin A Smith
I hope that prenup provides for vaginal reconstruction, or else she's going have to start liking the idea of getting fisted on a regular basis.
@HeavyPettingZoo: I will be spending the rest of the day huddled under my desk, crying.
@PopJocks: the cut punter and his father are unimpressed.
@HeavyPettingZoo:
Slaughtered vagina.
The heated court battle will hinge upon who controls the movie rights to Kazaam 2.
Who gets the boom box that held the genie in "Kazaam?"
Thierry Henry doesn't understand why Shaq didn't do it the same week he moved to the Heat.
@bizzo5000(Scott Senay):
"How do you sleep at night?"
"On a huge pile of money with many beautiful women."
Lady Andrea: you leave my father out of this...
@being sven:
+1, damn you.
@HeavyPettingZoo: Ouch. And hello, Shaq Daddy.
I don't know who made the comment, but in the original thread when ole bess was having trouble keeping up someone wrote simply: "You are a shitty detective."
Probably one of the best comments i've ever seen here.
@PopJocks:
Inmate #1: What you in for man?
Assault with a deadly snack.
@BigTenObsession: apparently, in France, when you start anew, you start completely anew.
@Suss--: Great minds think alike...about "Kazaam."
@Matt_T: Shaq could motorboat the hell out of them titties
@Monday Morning Punter: but you're not cut.......
@public enemy #1: i'm not surprised he was high on meth and eating cheetos
@HeavyPettingZoo: If you went hunting with her and got lost, you could use her for warmth like Luke Skywalker used the Tauntaun.
@Mikey Goes to Bollywood: I'm so tempted to continue that to later in the episode to the loafers because that is one of my favorite moments ever.
@PopJocks: If he doesn't leave that meth alone, he's going to be gumming those Cheetos.
@Lady Andrea: Sounds like a formula for a hit sitcom (you have to sort of sing it in your head).
@ClueHeywood:
I had a 6 foot cardboard cutout of "Kazamm" in my apartment at college.
Oh and one of Ellen DeGeneres from Mr. Wrong.
I worked in a movie theater.
/hangs head in shame.
@ClueHeywood: John Cusack.
@Weed Against Speed:
If she gets jobbed on the prenup, she could smuggle Cubans and Haitians into Miami in her birth canal.
Imagine some guy meeting her in a bar, going home with her to scrump, then realizing that not only has she had 5 kids, but she got railed by Shaq for 5 years, most likely in all three holes. She must poop bowling balls.
jeez guys can't we go one day with out mentioning a black mans giblets...
@HeavyPettingZoo: Wow!
"Did he touch you here?" "How about ...here?"
@being sven:
Oh, we do. You should what he did with the kid.
Let's see, Shaq should be retiring soon ... which means she'll actually have to spend time around him.
Shaunie will now write a tell-all book where she explains how it took Shaq half a lovemaking session to get into adequate shape to finish the deed.
@MrShiz:
That is an all around great episode, but those two quotes are timeless.
@HeavyPettingZoo: @Lizalicious: Shaq probably creates a lot of pussy shrapnel.
@Botswana Meat Commission FC: The honor goes to Camp Tiger Claw.
Was this entire thread nominated for the HOF? I'd vote for it.
[deadspin.com]
Shaunie's constant bitching about his low free-throw percentage eventually took its toll.
@Johnny LaRue: That Camp Tiger Claw is one hell of a commenter.