"Did anyone ever tell you you look like a penis with a little hat on?"

I do so love it when the home plate mic catches a player cursing, or I can read a guy's lips and figure out what he said.

Makes me so fuckin' happy.

Best one that didn't make the list: Kiss my dick, you bootstrap-sucking venereal matter

PiniellaTailOnTheDonkey: MOTHERFUCKING GRANDFATHERED IN BITCHES

Cocksucker.

Did they have problems with the phrase "Superman a ho?"

My league does

"You cocksucking motherfucking assraping dogbanging Devil Ray!"

"Whoa whoa... we're just Rays now."

And that's how Mordecai "Three Finger" Brown got banned from ESPN the Telegraph.

Baseball in 1898: Telling umps to suck your ass.

Baseball in 2007: Injecting steroids in your own ass.

The more things change...

Well, Marge Schott was still alive back then.

Also banned : "#### my ####in' ###, you #### piece of ####!"

Did they allow beating off over webcam?

Earl Weaver approves.

The "Sounds of the Game" feature would have been far more entertaining back then.

Boy cock! Girl cock! E-I-E-I-O!

Also banned:

"I'd love to lick ur ****** making them nice and ****…yeh babe, teasing ur ****."

and

"I wanna have my **** between ur **** and u ****ing the top of my ****."

This is all very odd, because every time I watch old baseball film from the turn of the century, there's never any sound.

/ha cha-cha-cha-cha-cha

@GlenAndersonLikesBoys: Eh, Nap Lajoie made quite the raunchy daguerrotype.

Billy Martin was clearly born in the wrong century

@Christmas Ape: On the other hand, there weren't any Nazis yet and Negros were allowed de facto to play for another year or so. That would've been enough to make her kick a player. (Not her dogs. That was back in the days of Schottzie I.)

Supermike was nonplussed.

@GunsDontKillPeopleIDo: Fortunately, you can still say all of that in the Premier League.

"I once gave Charlie Chaplin a hand job."
"Was he silent?"

Cy Young threatened to put a baseball up my asshole. I don't get it.
-IrishH8r23434

"you could tell an umpire, "I'll make you suck my ass."

- no wonder Dave Pallone was such a horrible umpire. He was trying to bait an invitation from managers.

Dan Dority is trying to read the FUCKIN' BOX SCORES.

Before he was born again, Julio Franco had quite the mouth on him.

I saw Lou Piniella call Ryan Dempster a prick-eating bastard on the mound this year against the Reds. It was magical.

@Theodore_Donald_Kerabatsos: The last remaining league of real men...

Go blow a Honus.

Am I the only that is a little sad to see that our depraved language has improved so little over the course of a century? What have we been doing for all this time that was so much more important than inventing new infamous and indecent curses?

Elijah Dukes's "You dead, dawg" < Doc Cochrane's "When you giggle, you leak piss."

Yet Ty Cobb was still allowed to run amok, I don't get it.

-KMLandis21

@ClownForPound: Nowadays he'd be Mordecai "the Shocker" Brown

Saying that Babe Ruth's father is a dog is clearly a disservice to the dog. A dog could do better than Mrs. Ruth

or some other indecent and infamous invention of depravity

Hey, buddy, you leave me outta this.

-Ty Cobb

@Unleash the Dragon: That's a Natural Shocker. Rare, but oh, so nice.

@Unleash the Dragon: Maybe The Dugout would call him that. ESPN would call him "M-Brow".

"I ʃay, your ʃportʃmanʃhip lackʃ profeʃʃional taʃte"

NOT ALLOWED: "Kiss my ass, you son of a bitch!"
ALLOWED: "You look like a penis with a hat on."

I'm pretty sure most of these are still in Bobby Knight's repetoire, including "you cunt-lapping dog!"

I will use that one myself at my next opportunity.

@jose reyes.the roof: @Unleash the Dragon:

How dare you forget Urban Shocker!

[www.baseball-reference.com]

"First, I love the fact that in 1897, you could tell an umpire "I'll make you suck my ass!" with complete impunity. "

Somewhere, John Amechi wishes he was playing baseball in 1897....

I figured the worst thing you could call somebody in 1897 was "a turtleneck-wearing Irishman."

"Shwingin, Cock-sucker!"

-Ichiro

Hep C was a major problem back in 1897. But you know what... You can suck my ass.

@Dave Ryan: & it appears his surname as birth is pronounced the same as Tupac's.

Indeed, greatest baseball player &/or rock band, ever.

Jeepers, I'm sure not in Kansas anymore.
--Levis107

Can I get an 1897 ruling on the following?

-- Damnable Papist!

-- Buck-fucking fuckburger of the fuck persuasion!

-- Princetonian!

-- Frenchy McFrenchenstein Froggy Chickenfucker!

-- Belichick!

@Dave Ryan:

"Damnable Papist" is definitely in.
- Buck-Fucking, etc." Sadly out.
-Note: Buck-Futter is in, however.
-Princetonian is in... but just barely.
-Neither McFrenchenstein nor Froggy Chickenburger is in.
-Belichik is actually out, as back in the 19th century it meant a greedy whore who get fucking you until it became unpleasant.

I wonder if Ty Cobb ever sent a woman a picture of a musket by carrier pigeon.

Fuck you you car wash cunt!

/curbed

Fortunately, you were still allowed to say things like:
"I'm sorry, I thought William Howard Taft was batting...but it turns out it was just your ass!" and "I reckon your mother spends much time eating the pricks of lowly tradesmen!"

The third line of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" was actually: Bite on my penis and ass-crack, Jack.

Hellfire and Damnation to the negative!

YOU ARE THE ONES WHO ARE THE BALL-LICKERS

"I say, Phineas, I had quite the row with a fellow in the steamroom. Gave him a cauliflower ear."

"Bully!"

@tpstoner:

Born again Christian or just reincarnation?

This just in over the telegraph... Jim Eisenreich suspended 50 baseball matches for violation of the League's Gentlemanly Language Policy.

"I'll make you suck my ass"

Isn't that what Pedro said to Don Zimmer when he tossed him by the skull? He is such a throwback.

The Winnipeg Falcons once forfeited a game because somebody on the bench told Victoria defenseman Mordecai Bellows to "get off the ice, ya titfucker!"

Just realized -- where's the link to Conan's footage of an Olde Tyme Base Ball Game?