Well, being the new son of God has clearly done wonders with the knee rehab.

Tiger Woods birdies 18 to beat Jesus [Dogs That Chase Cars]

Moye is partners with former Expos and Cubs pitcher Scott Sanderson, who retired from the majors in 1996. UmpBump found this article, in which Sanderson explained how his faith has driven his career.

It wasn't until his freshman year at Vanderbilt that he trusted in Christ for salvation. When two of his senior teammates invited him to attend a Fellowship of Christian Athletes meeting, he jumped at the chance. "I'm the youngest of five children. I'm not impulsive," he said. "I don't react quickly to things I don't investigate. I did some investigative journalism and found out that the claims Jesus Christ made were correct. Shortly thereafter, I asked Christ to come into my life."

Because you can't just take someone's word for something, even if it's the Son of God. You have to check his file down at the Department of Records.

Also, do you really want a devout Christian agent to be renegotiating your Major League Baseball contract? Seems unwise to me. I would want the most devious, heartless, widow-swindling, puppy-kicking, Girl-Scout-cookie-stealing bastard I could find.

What Would Jesus Do? Switch Agents [UmpBump]
Former Big Leaguer Sanderson Now Models Christ As Player Agent [BP Sports]

How do I know that her latest is destined to be a classic? Because the word "rainbow" is mentioned no less than seven times; a record. Also there are five angels, and even Jesus himself makes an appearance. So sit back and cuddle a loved one or your favorite alcoholic beverage, and enjoy "Music In Rainbows."

"Music In Rainbows"

From God's Loving Heart
The Most Beautiful Rainbow Barbaro
His Wings Of Love
Eight Belles Glowing Angel
The Heart Of The Rainbow
Barbaro's So, So So Beautiful Angels Here
Musical Notes In The Sky
In Halos
Churchill Sounds Singing
Barbaro's Halo Is Glowing So, So Beautifully So
All The Colors Of The Rainbow
The Circle Of Love
In Hearts
In Roses
In Halos
The Circle Of Angels
Angel Mothers
Caring Hearts
Reaching Another
Inspiring
The Rainbow Of Music
So, So Beautiful Songs
The Words That Mean A Lot
Joy.........

Posted by: Dee Mirich at May 10, 2008 7:37 PM

Alex Brown Horseracing Message Board
There's Something About Mirich [Deadspin]

The Red Devils won the other monster match of the day between the big four by a score of 3-0. Liverpool is blowing opportunities all over the place blew an opportunity to lock up the fourth spot. Instead, Everton remains a threat to their hopes for European competition.

ON TO BASKETBALL!

Following are a few more of my favorite mascot fights, including the Coast Carolina Chicken getting in a cheap shot on Duke the Dog of James Madison, and of course the famous Oregon Duck beatdown of the Washington State Cougar.

UPDATE: After further review, it was Duke the Dog who delivered the cheap shot; a kick from behind that sent the Coastal Carolina Chicken into a rage.

Another Mascot Fight: Jawz The Jaguar Vs. Eli The Eagle [We Are The Postmen]

If you missed the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game last night, it's probably because you have a life. Here's a quick recap:

Master P: Fat.
Chris Tucker: Unfunny, fat.
Deion Sanders: Still afraid of contact.
Alyssa Milano: Stubbornly giving me boners.
Stephen A. Smith: Yelling on his cell phone while the team he was coaching was trailing in the waning moments.
Antawn Jamison: Very country, enjoys his skrimps and fatback.
Ronald McDonald: Stabbed a jogger and stole the tracksuit.

Ultimately, Terrell Owens showed up and, being the only one with any discernible athletic ability, stole the show with 18 points and won MVP. Did you mention that you won as a team, T.O.?

Thanks to Awful Announcing for the pic.

Tebow, who beat contenders Darren McFadden, Colt Brennan, and Chase Daniel for the award to become the first sophomore to win the trophy, said he plans on entering the clergy now that his career as an athlete is done.

"I'll follow the example of my boyhood hero Danny Wuerffel and help those less fortunate by preaching the word and working in the community. It would also really help if I didn't have to throw anything ever again, since I couldn't toss a sandwich wrapper into a wastebasket with any accuracy now. I would also appreciate not being jostled or bumped."

Yeah, it's mornings like this that make me happy that Jesus created Every Day Should Be Saturday. Be sure to check out the rest of the brilliance, especially all of the advice Tebow received from past winners.

The loser in the situation (aside from the Chargers defense) is Cleveland's Jamal Lewis who saw his old record fall by the wayside. The convicted felon responded brilliantly with four huge touchdowns in the Browns overtime win against Seattle. Lewis might have lost a record, at least he'll have something to talk about if he ever bumps in to Al Bundy.

If you're looking for some Purple Jesus apparel 289 has you covered. We would make a kickass PJ shirt for KSK, but we're lazy and inept.

FanIQ has the video highlights of PJ's day, check it out before the NFL pulls the plug.

About Last Night should be up shortly...I hope.

The Rockies rode a wave a wave of pitching that has led them to an other-worldly—dare I say, heaven-sent— string of victories over the past few weeks. Last night the unheralded Ubaldo Jimenez pitched 6.1 innings while allowing just seven runners to reach base. The lone run that the Phillies were able to put on the scoreboard came from a Shane Victorino solo shot on what would be Jimenez's final pitch of the evening. The home run gave brief life to the woebegone Phillies, but the 1-1 tie would not last long.

The Rockies took the lead back in bottom of the eighth inning when Garrett Atkins driven in by Jeff Baker's pinch-hit flare to right field. From there it was left to Manny Corpas who came through to pick up his third save in as many games.

We were in attendance for the Washington-Ohio State game on Saturday, and even though the Huskies fell apart in the second half, you could still see Washington coach Ty Willingham's smile from 200 feet in the air. (Which is where our seats were. We really miss some great big-time college football living in New York.) He has to be ecstatic to be out of there.

Some are blaming Weis for the disaster, which is probably inevitable, but the hardcore Irish bloggers are just looking for someone who can play this damned game.

WANTED: Large people who get in the way of other large people: No offensive line experience needed! If you have played o-line at any level - including touch football once a year on Thanksgiving- you are already overqualified. Applicants need to only be able to see a person in front of them and delay that person's movement in your direction from anywhere to a half-second to as long as possible. Current employees practice the "falling down" technique, which is not advisable, but allowed.

If applicants have no offensive line experience, then we ask that they be familiar with the awkward situation in a hallway or store aisle where you and a person walking the other way both accidentally step in the same direction trying to get around one another. Even if you do this on purpose as a method of flirting with an attractive co-customer, we assure you, your footwork is probably better than our current employees.

That team's gonna lose at least eight games this year; an empathetic nation mourns, totally.

Formerly Prestigious College Football Team Accepting Applicants At Many Positions! Apply Now! [Rakes Of Mallow]
Is Charlie Weis Just The Wizard Of Oz? [Foul Balls]

The unlucky paramour? Defensive lineman Derrell Hand. Don't expect him to be tutoring Rudy anytime soon.

The South Bend Tribune reports that Hand was arrested and jailed last Thursday afternoon after allegedly propositioning a female police officer who was posing as a prostitute. It was all part of a sting operation by South Bend police, and Hand and three other men fell for it. The 6-foot-3, 287-pound lineman, who is entering his junior season, was released from jail after posting a $250 bond.

In real life, it's embarrassing to be caught trying to pay for sex. But when you're an athlete? And you're still paying for sex? Jeez, if you still have to pay for sex, seriously, what's the point of being an athlete? We really can't emphasize this enough.

Irish Player Faces Prostitution Charge [The Wizard Of Odds]

And yes, it would have been in Spanish. From a reader:

I don't know if anyone has sent this in yet, but Spanish soccer team Getafe are doing an advertising campaign where Jesus pledges his allegiance to the club.

I would have figured Christ to be a Chelsea man. Hmm.

Among Becali's new rules for the team are "fines for sad faces". Players will be forced to pay between 5,000 and 30,000 euros ($40,600) if they appear upset after being substituted or dropped. "All my players must be happy," Becali said.

It should come as no surprise that Becali is also running for President of Romania ... vying to fill the opening left by Billy Donovan, who lasted only three days. Ha, ZING!

* = Deadspin Understatement of the Day brought to you by Gorton's Fish Sticks.

Steaua Owner Pits Hymns Against Hooligans [Guardian Unlimited]

You know, we mocked the Barbaro message boarders when they claimed that Big Boss Horse was appearing to them from the afterlife. Yeah, we had a good laugh over that. But then a reader got to looking closely at our Jesus bowling post from last week, and made a startling discovery. Just look at the image above, without clicking on it, and tell us that you don't see Christ morphing into the ghostly head and neck of everyone's favorite three-legged racehorse (complete with mane).

Jesus, Barbaro and bowling. God's trifecta. (Actually we think it more resembles this than anything).

And now we have this news. Clearly Jesus-Barbaro has shown up for a purpose.

Spare Me, Oh Lord [Deadspin]
Think You Can Avoid The Legend Of Barbaro? Go Ahead, Try [Deadspin]
Area Bowlers Busted For Illegal Steroids [SooEveningNews]
Barbaro Lives On Through Snack Food (But Not In The Way You're Thinking) [Deadspin]

To be absolutely truthful, this video really confuses us. Why is everyone laughing? Why would anyone think that Jesus would throw anything but a strike? Religion generally confuses us, but one thing we're pretty sure of: The Son of God has his own equipment ... Jesus does not rent bowling shoes. We'd also be quite surprised to see Him carrying around his beer with his index finger stuck in the mouth of the bottle.

Also, you should probably try to get on his bowling team. The shirts are quite nice.

Well, some elementary school or junior high was lucky enough to land Jesus as its soccer coach, although by the looks of this handsome mural, He has his work cut out for him. Ah well, the first day of practice is usually a feeling-out process for everyone, we're told. We'd also like to thank young Darren for wearing his father's old Stanford football uniform. Christ is not amused.

Jesus: "Then AC Milan got into a bidding war with Real Madrid for my services. That's not a brag, by the way; I was just that good."

Well, at least the Son of God now has something to occupy His time, so that he's not bothering people on the links.

Sports Mural [Andrea's Murals]

Jesus was, in fact, a brown belt, as we can see in this historical photo.

But can martial arts — which has its roots in Eastern philosophy — coexist with Christianity?

"They can work together," said Michael Rhodes, director of the Blue Ridge Karate Club. "We try to show [that] Christians don't have to be a humble doormat for people." Eight-year-old Tristan "Termite" Taylor delighted Saturday in using a cardboard paper-towel roll he found in the bathroom to practice sword moves. "I've been looking forward to making new friends," he said.

Karate And Christianity Make For An Unusal Pair [The Roanoke Times]
Karate For Christ
And The Lord Said, 'Matches Shall Be Two Out Of Three Falls, And No Gouging' [Deadspin]

Our favorite is the one on the bottom right, in which Jesus explains to Jimmy why Sally must be allowed to play in their youth baseball league. Who better than Christ to detail the ramifications of Title IX?

These sculptured wonders are all pretty swell, as far as they go. But we thought we'd throw in our own entry, based on recent troubling events:

No, not even divine intervention could save the Cowboys on Saturday (Christ seems to be saying "I give up"). This is just a prototype, but if Catholic Shopper gets a move-on, they could be ready in time for the 2007 holidays. And what better present for the Cowboys fan on your Christmas or Hannukah list? We mean, besides poison or a noose?

Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues [Catholic Shopper.com]

Unfortunately, the scriptures do not address this specifically. The closest we have is in Timothy 1, Chapter 4, Verse 13, which reads: Till I come, all field goals attempted and missed from beyond the 20-yard line will result in the defensive team taking possession of the ball at the spot of the kick..

So it is left to team officials themselves to look into their hearts and divine the right solution. And thankfully these are Christian schools, where this should be no problem. Sacred Heart assistant coach Matt Moran: "These are faith-based schools. (King's Academy) should do the right thing (and forfeit)." King's Academy principal Bob Kellogg: ``We refuse to take anything away from our kids. They deserved to win this game."

What would Christ advise, had He been at the game? Answer: No way Jesus is at a high school football game in California with the Thrashers playing at the Capitals that same night.

Two Christian Schools In A Schism Over Kick [San Jose Mercury News]

(UPDATE: Here's video of the play in question.)

And although we had to go to a different site, we even found something for Cubs fans. Yes, if Steve Bartman had been clutching a Holy Bear instead of trying to catch a foul popup, the curse may have been lifted two years ago.

And remember, as it was written numerous times in Second Corinthians: Returns of $250 or more are subject to a 20% restocking fee.

John Three 16 Hockey Jersey [Christian Throwback Jersey.com]
Baseball Holy Bear [Catholic Supply.com]

Then the LORD said, "Rise and anoint him with the cream and the clear; he is the one."

Actually, we're pretty sure this is a scene is from the Passion of the Christ director's cut.

Next On Bush's Agenda: Steroids In Christianity [Jesus Of The Week 2006]

"We don't want you to leave here and say you saw a great wrestling show, we want you to say you met a great and awesome God at a wrestling show."

We're a little unclear on some Bible passages, by the way; such as the one in which the guy in the black t-shirt and sunglasses pummels the Prince of Peace, while the guy with the goatee looks on. In which book of scripture is that again? Well, Revelation, maybe.

We also wonder what Raiders' offensive tackle Robert Gallery has to say about all of this.

Faith First: Wrestling For Jesus [NBC 26 News]
Dare To Be Different [Wrestling For Jesus]