Chris Mortensen reports that Arizona Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt will announce the gray-stubbled Kurt Warner as the Cardinals' starting quarterback for Week 1. Warner hasn't dominantly out-played Leinart this pre-season, but Leinart's uninspired quarterbacking and Saturday's dreadful three interception performance against the Raiders didn't help his cause.

Whisenhunt made sure to say that this season isn't a "make or break one" for Leinart and still thinks he could someday be a "good quarterback" in the league. This is only his third full-season and his time on the field has been limited due to injuries (mostly) and inconsistency. But The questions about Leinart's leadership abilities and maturity level will be on full display during this stage of his career. Whisenhunt said he hopes this latest setback makes Leinart "tougher" and benefits him in the long run. So far, however, Leinart seems poised to become the poster boy for NFL mediocrity disguised as greatness; he's a brilliant marketing tool with a handsome face and harem of women who helped the Arizona Cardinals shed some of their nerdiness and gave them gossipy coverage in the national media. But the "good" part, well, that will once again have to wait.

Source: Cardinals Set To Name QB Warner As Starter [ESPN]
Best Player Will Play In Season Opener [Scout]

Lest we forget, by the way, that back before the photos, Leinart actually had sex with Paris Hilton. That's about a million times worse than a beer bong and some coeds. But hey: He loves puppies.

And remember: The Buzzsaw have been asking Leinart to cool it for a while now. I see no reason he can't continue down both paths; insane alcohol exploits AND a Super Bowl title. He'd make a better Joe Namath than that other guy.

But is he a Hall of Famer? Seventy five percent is the threshold for induction. Vote below: Polls will be open until next Monday afternoon. Vote like the wind.

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Yep, Mr. "I'll Be Up In My Room Masturbating" has become an unofficial Leinart advisor. At least in a PR sense.

"As quarterbacks, we're kind of in our own little fraternity, and he was probably the greatest one to ever play," Leinart said of Montana. "So if I have questions on this or that, or plays, or how to deal with the pressure or anything - on the field or off the field - I know he definitely is there to help me out."

As the lone Buzzsaw booster, we are hopeful than Joe Montana can rub off on Matt Leinart; the man could use someone positive rubbing off on him.

Wait, perhaps that was poor phrasing.

Oh, and we can only assume part of Montana's advise is not to get married.

Leinart Has Golden Shoulder To Lean On [Arizona Republic]

Or, does it mean that somebody on Jeopardy!'s staff lives in Scottsdale and just reads the Dirty.com all the time? It appears this world of ours is becoming smaller and smaller everyday.

(UPDATE: Now With Video!)

Matt Leinart Hot Tub Photos On Jeopardy [AOL Fanhouse]
The Dirty! On Jeopardy [TheDirty.com]

Not so fast, Golden. There's an expert out there named John Grohol, with a seemingly made-up title "editorial board member of the Journal of Online Behavior and CyberPsychology & Behavior," who disagrees with The Dirty's business model.

"You could put up 100 photos of 100 random people who are hanging out with 19-year-old girls and nobody will care until the minute you put up a celebrity's photo," this glorified "expert" tells ABC.

He makes a good point. If said 19-year-old girls are getting their faces eaten by, oh, 49ers quarterback Alex Smith, the site becomes a little more entertaining to scroll through.

Honestly, if I were a professional athlete, I'd be absolutely terrified of this site.

Reality Blogging: No Celebs Allowed [ABC News]
Another "Face" Of The Franchise — 49ers Alex Smith [TheDirty.com]

And, hey, is that David Weathers in the back there?

Christ.

Just when thought it couldn't get any worse [The Dirty]

He is a starting quarterback in the NFL and the face of an entire franchise. He should not be in the same vicinity as a beer bong, much less holding one for a young girl.

The NFL is for men. Beer bongs are for drunk, stupid college kids.

Granted Bickely does have a point, and Leinart hasn't done anything thus far in his short NFL career to prove he's not destined to host celebrity golf tournaments or Hooters hula hoop contests in two years. But has Bickley considered the fact that maybe Leinart is blessed with more self-awareness than most dumber-than-dirt athletes? Perhaps, Leinart knows that his NFL lifespan will be a short, unremarkable one, and he should enjoy it to its fullest extent while he's still there.

2008 will probably be the year that all of those questions are answered. But the Cardinals' marketing department should really embrace this aspect of their quarterback and consider putting out a Buzzsaw Bong prior to the start of the new season. Everyone should enjoy the sunset.

Hey, Matt, It's Time To Grow Up [Arizona Republic]
Matt Leinart Is Taking His Off-Season Film Work Quite Seriously [Deadspin]
(Tip: Brooks)

Yes: This man is the future of the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. Clearly evolving into the team leader we've all been waiting for. Sheesh.

Looking sharp, though!

Matt Leinart And Nick Lachey [The Dirty]

Leinart Shows Off CPR Skills [Arizona Republic]

Yep, the Heisman Trophy candidate is also just taking one class this year: Billiards.

As with Leinart, we don't see anything wrong with this: The reason Dixon is only taking one class is because he's already set to graduate with a degree in sociology. (Because, of course, the only reason to play college football is to get a degree.) The only downside is that, unlike Leinart, Dixon is unlikely to sleep with his class partners. Which might be for the best, actually.

Oregon QB Has A Lot Of Balls [Sports By Brooks]

Everybody's got a no-no drink in their arsenal. Some people take a whiff of tequila and start gagging. Others can have one sip of gin and start fending off imaginary crocodiles with a bar stool. For me? It's scotch. Every time I've attempted to take part in "grown-up drinking," it's ended with me urinating in my pants. Literally. The three times in my life I've drank scotch, I've completely pissed myself. This is not while I'm sleeping, mind you. It's usually on the walk home from the bar. For whatever reason, scotch disrupts the brain-to-bladder communication mechanism, and I usually end up in a frantic sprint to either find a dark alley or get to the bathroom before I explode. Three times, I've lost and ended up taking a miserable walk home with a crotch area that resembled a Rorshach Test.

For Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart, "sauvignon blanc" appears to be his no-no drink. Hopefully, it took more than one glass for him to open up to Yahoo football writer Michael Silver and bitch about his split-time quarterback situation. But what does Matt Leinart's admission that he wants be front-seat driver really tell us? It's more telling that Mr. Leinart is obviously not that much of a drinker. If I were a beat-reporter covering the Cardinals, I'd make sure to sign Leinart up for a booze of the month club ASAP. And when that happens, he shall spill.

So this week, I'm putting on my drinking pants, bad-touching a sommelier in the desert and placing odds on the other drinks that'll make Arizona's crestfallen quarterback say stupid shit.

Let's go pound some sediment, after this more.

Woo Woo Shots: 2/1

Lucky for Michael Silver, Leinart wasn't drinking this toxic combination of vodka, peach schnapps and cranberry juice, or "Fightin Lightnin," as some regular hardcore imbibers call them. After two Woo Woos, Leinart would most likely become very chesty and aggressive, pawing at women and challenging the stoutest of men to Indian-wrestling competitions. Ken Whisenhunt should make sure Leinart isn't spiking his water bottle a couple drops of "The Woo," or else he could find himself seeing a darker, angrier side of his part-time franchise quarterback.

Appletinis: 1/1

These green menaces have been the downfall of many a virile man's evening. But it's not the two fingers of vodka that usually have a negative affect, but rather the Apple Pucker Schnapps that causes the problem. This mysterious green liquor has been the catalyst for many a night of irrational couple's arguments, inappropriate confessions to best friend's parents and an overwhelming urge to fall asleep to "August and Everything After."

Limoncello: 3/1

Belisimo! Here's a tasty liquor that is very popular with T.J. Maxx-shopping mommies and Hollywood dwarves. The problem with these sickly sweet little numbers is that you can never gauge how many it'll take before it'll get ugly.

Mimosas: 1/4

This high octane mixture of orange juice and champagne is the elixir of choice for many a peacocking debutante. It tends to make most women more garrulous, giggly and orgasmic. Pump a chick full of enough mimosas before 1 p.m., and you'll be beav-chomping in no time. Same thing goes for California-bred quarterbacks, who are also prone to whipping out their own vaginas at the first caress of a champagne flute.

Check out the guest list of Phooson!, an Arizona event at the Pinal County Fairgrounds next Friday.

Starring Enrique Iglesias, Jonas Brothers, Lloyd, American Idol Winner Jordin Sparks, Arizona Cardinals Quarterback Matt Leinart and more....

Matt! Come on! Warner wouldn't even show up to that. Jordin Sparks? Really?

Phooson! [Official Site]

He simply said, "I don't remember."

Leinart engaged in some damage control, telling a handful of reporters that some of his comments were "taken out of context" and that he didn't remember "ever saying any of those things to anyone.

In other words: Leinart had a little too much Sauvignon Blanc and blacked out. If you're gonna black out and say things you don't remember, Matt, christ, get to that point from something other than a damned Sauvignon Blanc. Putz.

Leinart Backs Off Comments [Arizona Republic]
Please, Please Be Quiet Matt [Deadspin]

We joke, but certainly, Silver's night out with Leinart revealed more than just "we're happy to be winning" athlete platitudes.

"I just want them to ride or die with me," Leinart said softly of 2-2 Arizona. "If I'm the franchise quarterback, play me and let me stumble, because I'll fight through it, and that will help me and our team in the long run. I know coaches want to win now, and I guess they have their reasons. But I don't understand it, and this switching back and forth is almost worse than getting benched."

We remember when our anonymous Buzzsaw fan in Arizona said "the rising sentiment here is that the guy is kind of a douche." And after the team's biggest win in a decade, when the stadium has been louder than it's ever been, he's in some karaoke bar bitching to a reporter about not playing as much as he'd like. Sigh. Freaking Leinart.

Oh, and Matt: Everyone knows you should have a medium or heavy red wine with steak, not a Sauvignon Blanc.

Leinart's Limbo [Yahoo! Sports]
NFL Season Preview: Arizona Cardinals [Deadspin]

"I've spoken to Tom and Matt and they both understand that their conduct has been unacceptable," Goodell said. "These two are the handsomest quarterbacks this league has and we can't have them out there planting their seed all over town. Our female fan base wants to think they have a chance with these two hunks and running around having illegitimate children with hot chicks is not helping foster those illusions."

We can't imagine how long Travis Henry would be suspended for.

Brady, Leinart Suspended For Having Babies Out of Wedlock [Pray For Mojo]

Actually, it's a story that apparently shows that not all lefthanded quarterbacks like to electrocute puppies.

The magazine asked Leinart what breed of dog would make the perfect woman. "It can't be a poodle because those dogs look too high maintenance," he said, shooting down all those Paris Hilton rumors once again. "It would have to be a golden retriever. They're pretty easy to get along with."

Plus, you know, their litters are smaller.

Dog PR Time: Athletes Love Their Dogs [Jen's Free Throws]

How do we know? Well, he already has Super Bowl plans: He's hosting a party with John Travolta.

Vertical Sports will be staging two of the week's higher-profile fetes at Galleria Corporate Center in downtown Scottsdale. [John] Travolta and Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart team up to host Saturday Night Spectacular, while [Carmen] Electra and other beauties will welcome guests at the fifth annual Leather & Laces party. Both are charity events.

Now, obviously, our Buzzsaw isn't going to make the Super Bowl this year. (But you never know!) But it might be nice to, you know, pretend. By the way, Robin Williams ... John Travolta ... Leinart sure is in hip with the young Hollywood elite, isn't he?

Matt Leinart's Party Buddy [Shakedown Sports]

"Regardless of the allegations made, I have gone to great lengths to increase my custodial time with Cole," he says. "This includes seeking intervention from the family law court."

"I don't know if Cole's mother is motivated by anger or by financial gain," he said, "but it is my sincere hope that one day we will be able to effectively co-parent our son who we both love very much."

Well, he might not have said Cameron's name, but at least he got Cole's right. It is Cole, yes?

Leinart Disputes Mother's Claim [Ventura County Star]
Wait, So Whose Diapers Is He Changing Then? [Deadspin]

Well, that frustration all broke through this weekend, as Cameron herself exploded on Matt, essentially calling him a deadbeat dad.

"It's kind of hard for me as the mom — I'm with Cole [the baby] probably 99.9 percent of the time — to open a magazine or read a newspaper article with Matt saying, Oh, I love being a dad. I love changing diapers. I love doing this. I'm like, Wait, what?' " said Cameron, who added, "I don't know how to word how he is about this, but it's been hard when I'm doing all the work, but he gets all the credit for it.
Matt comes and goes whenever he wants," Cameron said. [...] "I don't want to sit here and bad-mouth his lifestyle, but it is hard because we are different people. He likes that Hollywood stuff and I don't like that and raising a kid together, you have to work together as parents, but we're so different. It's hard, but I have to raise Cole to be a strong, secure kid so he knows what's right and wrong, what's good and bad and what really matters in life, which isn't what's going on in Hollywood or who's dating who. That's not what it's all about, and I think he'll know that being raised by me."

This has to be a complete shock to Cameron, who surely thought Leinart — through his friendship with Nick Lachey and Puritanical behavior at USC — would be the stay at home dad type. We are extremely eager, as always, to eavesdrop on Kurt Warner's advice to the young QB come training camp.

When reached for comment, Leinart, sadly, did not say, "I have a kid?"

Matt Leinart: A Dead Beat Dad? [Bruins Nation]
Cameron Family Just Pleased As Punch With Matt Leinart Right Now [Deadspin]

The main reason Leinart rejected the representation superpower is he was enraged that Peyton Manning, also a CAA client and repped by Condon, got to host "Saturday Night Live" before he did. Seriously.

We think it's awfully presumptuous that Leinart would think he'd get the spot above the guy who had just won a Super Bowl ... but, frankly, matters haven't quite been right for Matty since the Rose Bowl his senior year. As Buzzsaw boosters, we are concerned. Fortunately, he continues to have his family life to calm him and bring him peace.

Jealousy Of Peyton Led To Leinart's CAA Departure [Sports By Brooks]
Peyton Manning Much Funnier Than Anyone Could Have Guessed [Deadspin]
Cameron Family Just Pleased As Punch With Matt Leinart Right Now [Deadspin]

An eyewitness reports that Spears appeared not to be wearing underwear Friday night while she partied—and made out with—football star Matt Leinart at the Jackrabbit Lounge in Scottsdale, Arizona. "When she was bending over I saw her white butt," the eyewitness tells me.

Whether or not Leinart noticed her bare bottom is unknown, but he seemed to take a liking to at least one other. "Matt grabbed a woman's butt prior to making out with Britney," my eyewitness says. "He walked by her, grabbed her butt and winked at her."

Ah, the joys of becoming a new father.

Is Underwear Still Not Fun to Wear for Britney Spears [PlanetGossip]

At last: The first round is over, and we have our eight winners. For all the talk of potential upsets and the supposed mis-seeding of certain competitors, there was only one first round "upset": Stephen A. Smith took down Ozzie Guillen, and that was a shaky seed in the first place.

But now we're to the final eight, the Elite Eight, if you will, and it's gonna get tight. The updated bracket, from the great Jim Cooke:

So, time for the nitty-gritty. The final eight commences, with Chris Berman, who cruised past Farney in the first round, against Matt Leinart, who had little trouble with Rick Sutcliffe, who was unable to solve that thing. The tale of the tape.

No. 1 Seed: Chris Berman
2006 Highlights
Changed the way you thought about pickup lines.
United Tony Kornheiser, Keith Olbermann, TRL, prime-time NBC programs and an awesome teenager who's "stupid, just stupid."
Spawned the first piece of Deadspin clothing.

No. 8 Seed: Matt Leinart
2006 Highlights
Drafted by The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals.
Consumated sexual relationship with Paris Hilton.
Impregnated USC basketball player.
Discovered what life with the Buzzsaw is really like.

So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?

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So you'll forgive us, we hope, as we type this with shaky hands and a cold sweat: Now that he has lost the starting job in Denver, presumably for good, Jake Plummer says he's open to returning to Buzzsaw land and finishing his career holding Matt Leinart's clipboard.

We know that, as far as backup quarterbacks go, Plummer is a reasonable choice, one who has starting experience and obviously knows the area. But you have to remember what Plummer's tenure in Buzzsaw Country was like. Imagine the way Plummer has been the last few years, except with no running game and coached by Vince Tobin. Oh, and somehow more impetuous. The guy likes to throw the ball backwards and with his left hand.

Though we do cherish the conversations he and Leinart might have.

Plummer: 'Sup dude.
Leinart: 'Sup dawg.

And they'd just go from there.

Jake Plummer To Return To AZ In '07? [The Fanhouse]

Since Sports Illustrated is making its unveiling of the 2006 Sportsman Of The Year award into a two-month enterprise, we figured we could do the same thing. Therefore, we are introducing the Deadspin Sportshuman Of The Year tournament, where 16 nominees will compete for the sainted title. We've put together the seeding, and you'll vote every Tuesday and Thursday to narrow the field down to one winner at the end of the year.

We'll have a fun bracket for you on Tuesday, filling in all the seeds, but we thought we'd start you off with an 8-9 seed battle. Only one can be crowned. Enjoy.

No. 8 Seed: Matt Leinart
2006 Highlights
Drafted by The Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals.
Consumated sexual relationship with Paris Hilton.
Impregnated USC basketball player.
Discovered what life with the Buzzsaw is really like.

No. 9 Seed: Rick Sutcliffe
2006 Highlights
Partied with Bill Murray and then made the unfortunate decision to go live on the air. (Sadly, the video has been eradicated from the Internets, as far as we can tell.)
Suspended for going out there and trying to solve that thing.

So, go vote: Who advances to the Elite Eight?

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Leinart is expected to be back at practice today, where his Buzzsaw will face the Packers on Sunday. We can't wait for the practice conversations tomorrow.

Kurt Warner: Welcome back, Matt. Congratulations on your bundle of blessings! Children are just the most sacred, delicate gift.
Matt Leinart: Stuff it, old man.

Interestingly enough, within three seconds of Cole Leinart's birth, he was sacked.

Leinart Misses Practice For Birth Of Child [East Valley Tribune]
Cameron Family Just Pleased As Punch With Matt Leinart Right Now [Deadspin]

Though tonight could also be called Pretty Boy Gets Killed By Large Angry Men, or even The Urlacher-Leinart Paris Hilton Faceoff. The best answer, though, is that's going to be a bloodbath for our Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals in their first MNF appearance in seven years. (Steve Young's last game, actually.) Unfortunately, they have a dome, and they're in Arizona, and it's football, so we won't be so fortunate to have a rainout.

We had been hoping to avoid this game. Drats.

(Oh, if you want some MNF live-blogging, you can find it here.)

(UPDATE: Yep: The game has officially been postponed until tomorrow. )

This news segues nicely with the apparent decision to start Matt Leinart next week — which hasn't been confirmed by Dennis Green — after Kurt Warner's impersonation of a baking sheet last week. The real question for Leinart now is: Does the University of Phoenix offer courses in ballroom dancing?

Report: Leinart Will Get Start [East Valley Tribune]
Cards Sell Naming Rights To New Stadium [Arizona Republic]

(UPDATE: Well, looks like Butterbrain is back now.)

The family of Brynn Cameron, the 20-year-old USC basketball player who will take a year off from the team to have the baby, is doing everything it can to keep a positive spin on matters.

"It might not be the best timing in the world, but we are obviously very happy to have a new baby in the family," Stan Cameron said. "Brynn just found out about a month ago and told the team on Monday." ... "Brynn does not want to get married. She wants to finish school and let Matt do his thing and then figure it out. ... I know Brynn will make a great mom. Things will be fine. It will be fun."

Yes ... it was much better than "Cats" ....

We kid the Camerons; we're sure learning that their lovely, talented and successful 20-year-old daughter had been knocked up by her Hollywood playboy ex-boyfriend who dumped her and ended up dating Paris freaking Hilton while his child grew in their daughter's womb just across town, right before he took off for the NFL millions without a wedding ring was nothing but a 100 percent joyous occasion across the board.

Cameron, Leinart Expecting Baby Boy [Ventura County Star]
Football's Matt Leinart To Be A Father [People]
Matt Leinart Has Himself Some Swimmers [Deadspin]

Here's another thing about him: He's a bit of a ladies man. He hangs out with Nick Lachey, he parties at fancy New York nightclubs, he even apparently — agh — dates Paris Hilton. He's a hotshot Hollywood kid ... ladies love him, guys wanna be him ... you know, all that stuff.

And ... well, it looks like he's going to be a father.

Heisman Trophy winning quarterback Matt Leinart and USC women's basketball player Brynn Cameron of Newbury Park are expecting a baby boy in November, according to sources. ... Neither Leinart nor Cameron could be reached for comment.

Well then. Doing the math here ... Leinart was spotted leaving Hilton's house very early in the morning last May ... it's now September ... oh, dear.

Sources Say Leinart To Be A Father [Long Beach Press-Telegram]
Stop Snooping Into Leinart's Life [Deadspin]

But to start cockblocking your own quarterback? That's just being mean. From Jeannette Walls' MSNBC "Scoop" column:

Paris Hilton's new sweetie has been warned to do something that might be difficult: stay out of the spotlight. New Arizona Cardinal quarterback and former USC star Matt Leinart was warned by his team that if he's serious about football, he shouldn't be photographed out late at night dancing and drinking with his partying heiress girlfriend, according to the Star. "Matt took it very seriously," a source told the tab, "almost to the point of tears."

As disturbing as we might it that the Supposed Buzzsaw Savior would be so easily reduced to weeping goo, we realize that we should not be surprised by the Buzzsaw's intervention. The team has a long history of stepping into its quarterbacks' private lives. Who can forget the famous "Neil, we have a serious problem" talk with Neil Lomax, back in 1987, when it was rumored he had been out gallavanting with "Falcon Crest"'s Ana Alicia.** They've laid down the law before, and they're not afraid to do it again. It's all about football out here in the desert. Always has been, always will.

Leinart Chastened By Team? [MSNBC]

**Not True.

Matt Leinart was snapped exiting Paris Hilton's Hollywood Hills house Wednesday morning with his jeans and shirt rolled up in his hand after partying with the heiress the night before.

As The Big Lead pointed out, this came the very same day that Leinart's ESPN "Draft Diary" blasted the media for caring about his private life. (Of course, it's not really Leinart writing; it's teenage "journalist" Graham Bensinger, continuing to "act like Morley Safer" — as Steve Rushin put it — by ghostwriting a star player's complaints about all this media attention.)

All that said, we feel Leinart's pain: A guy just wants to go out and have sex with Paris Hilton. Since when does she have anything to do with publicity? It's like a guy can't bang a media whore in private anymore.

Leinart's Walk Of Shame [The Big Lead]
A Quarterback Sneak [TMZ]

We know it goes. You've worked a late night, and your editor — who told this job had all kinds of writing possibilities, that it was Sports Illustrated, before you realized the job was just writing taglines and editing Jenn Sterger's copy — is on your case to do one last photo gallery. You're bleary. You're tired. You just want to go home.

So you come across a photo of Matt Leinart and Nick Lachey that you're supposed to file in the database. God, you just can't ... do ... one ... more. You save the photo ... but you can't help yourself ... so you name it "douche.jpg."

It's a small protest, but still: It's yours. Besides ... no one will ever find out.

Oddball Photos Of The Year [SI.com] (Just right click on the picture and go to properties, then read the picture title ... until they change it, anyway.)

(UPDATE: They just changed it to "lachey.jpg." Darn. Here's what it looked like, though, in case you don't believe us. Plus, you can find it here.)

Matt Leinart: Yo, Tom, what's up, it's Matt.
Tom Condon, CAA: Matt! My negro! Arizona, baby! Who loves Arizona? Woo!
Leinart: Yeah, about that ... I was talking to Jimmy Kimmel last night, and he says the Cardinals aren't very good.
Condon: Naw, baby, they're like the Clips! You're a Clip, dawg!
Leinart: Anyway, some lady just showed up here. I'm supposed to walk into the mall past the cameras across the street? Is that how this works?
Condon: Yeah, she's just a paid escort. Name is "Paris," heh. They all use fake names.
Leinart: And why are we doing this again?
Condon: It's publicity, baby! Arizona is dead, dawg, dead dead dead. We gotta get you back in the world, baby, get people talking about Matt. Matt F—-ing Leinart. Who's Matt Leinart? YOU'RE Matt Leinart, bitch, YOU'RE Matt Leinart.
Leinart: Hang on a sec. (muffled sounds) Shit, Tom, she's making me carry her dog.
Condon: Hey, you get what you pay for, Matt.
Leinart: I'm gonna get some oral sex out of this at least, right?
Condon: Totally, dawg, totally. Remember, the cameras are on the south side of the street. Make sure they get your right side.

Playing The Field With Paris [ohnotheydidnt]

Leinart will tell anyone who's listening that he's excited for a fresh start in Arizona. But you know, and we know, there was a point, probably around pick No. 5, when Leinart looked up from some cleavage and said, "Oh. Crap. Buzzsaw."

"I'm so happy to be out of L.A., you do not even understand it," said Leinart, a native of Orange County. "I've dealt with everything you possibly can in that city. I love it there. But I'm definitely ready. It's time to move on."

We know that we should be excited, that the guy we think is the best quarterback in the draft for a couple of years now, is heading toward the Buzzsaw. And we want to believe. But once the initial euphoria receded, muscle memory kicked in. Timm Rosenbach. J.J. Arrington. Jake ... oh, Jake Plummer, how you made us believe! We have been degraded and humiliated for so long that excitement is always tempered by brutal experience.

So welcome, Matt. Welcome to the land of draft position watching at Week 8, one-quarter filled stadiums, all home games blacked out, people continually calling you "St. Louis" or "Phoenix." This is the life you now live. Heisman Trophy? Half the Alpha Phis? Pshaw. Turning around the Buzzsaw? Now that's an accomplishment. Your eyes tell us you suspect what you're in for.

Leinart Looking Forward To Life As A Cardinal [Arizona Republic]

MDS, make it happen:

10. Buzzsaw: Matt Leinart, QB, USC
If Leinart had entered last year's draft, he probably would have been the first overall pick and received a contract with about $24 million in guarantees. As the 10th pick this year, he's likely to get a contract with about $12 million in guarantees. So his senior year of college cost him around $12 million. I'd guess, all things considered, my senior year of college cost me somewhere in the neighborhood of $20,000. Score one for me. Of course, I think Matt Leinart probably had a little more, um, fun during his senior year than I did.

Unfortunately, he's chosen to treat it like a 2nd grade "What I Did Last Summer" essay, as opposed to the Penthouse Letter that it probably could be. Imagine the draft diary that Matt Leinart could put together if he was interested in being completely forthcoming. The partying, the drinking, the ladies... instead, we get gems like:

"I've been at my parents' house in Orange County. It's so nice."

"I like getting up and relaxing all day."

"I just wanted to get a chance to meet [general manager] Floyd Reese. I liked Mr. Reese a lot."

"I went to a Billy Joel concert at the Staples Center on Wednesday. Billy Joel was rockin'. I went with my family and had a great time. I'm a huge fan. We were all waiting for "Piano Man." It was his last song. He saved the best for last."

Thanks for nothing, Matt Leinart.

That's curious, of course, because, uh, if they were to repeat their performance of last year, they, er, wouldn't win the title. Which is a strange goal to shoot for. Boi From Troy postulates what the poster might look like in the photo there. That sounds about right, though we might have used an old photo of Matt Leinart, just for fun.

USC Football Poster Says "Hook 'Em!" [Boi From Troy]
Matt Leinart's Big Post-Heisman NYC Adventure [Deadspin]

Leinart appeared in a commercial for ESPN in violation of NCAA rules — honestly, the NCAA is the worst; sometimes we think they kick athletes they see on the street in the groin just for the thrill — and he was suspended for the big game. After reporting the incident, USC petitioned the NCAA for reinstatement, and once they realized how much money they could personally make off Leinart's appearance, they let him come back. (But not before letting Leinart know they could have kept him out, if they wanted to, just because they can.)

None of this process came out until now, Palmiero-esque. It's good to see that rogues like Leinart are kept in line by Big Brother NCAA. Otherwise, matters would be double-plus-ungood.

Leinart Ruled Ineligible; Reinstated For Rose Bowl [Fanblogs]
Matt Leinart's Big Post-Heisman Adventure [Deadspin]

Well, Leinart has addressed the accusation and the evening, and he says it never happened. (The accusation, that is; the evening happened.)

"She didn't slap me," said Leinart in an exclusive interview. "And I didn't grope her."

His story is corroborated by Sports Illustrated writer Arash Markazi, a recent USC grad who was with Leinart all evening. Though it's important to note that Markazi isn't exactly Gary Smith — in fact, his SI archive reveals him dangerously close to a Leinart sycophancy; let's just say a search brings up a lot, and at the very least Leinart is Markazi's binkie — he points out that Leinart was mobbed by fans and that if he had been slapped, there would have been a larger commotion than there was. Which seems believable. "I just laugh at this," Leinart told insideusc.com. "I mean, come on, I have a girlfriend I love." Which, uh, doesn't seem believable.

But no matter: We want to believe it all, so we probably will. After all, this is the Matt Leinart of the "we might want to step over there a few feet." He seems like a likable guy, so, as far as we're concerned, he is.

And we still think USC is gonna kick Texas' ass. Sorry.

Matt Leinart's Big Post-Heisman NYC Adventure [Deadspin]
Athlete Run-In: Matt Leinart's Surprise [Deadspin]

(It's worth noting, by the way, that even though we might cast a little doubt on Leinart's and Markazi's stories, they're certainly more reliable sources than the random dude who emailed the pictures to everyone yesterday. Definitely worth noting.)