If you think this video's blurry, how do you think that asshole that got his helmet blown off feels? That's what I thought, sucka.

'Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water' and 'The end of the Miami/UNC game was Oregonstateesque' - Andre Ware had been waiting all game to bust those out.-Ahp9

Just saw the first ever 9 point swing on 1 play. A 97-yard touchdown throw for Indiana called back for holding in the endzone, which was a safety for Michigan State.—Chilltown [Ed: wouldn't that be an 8-point swing?]

I just saw two miami backup QBs give a synchronized hand motion play call.  I must be on more drugs than the hurricane secondary. —Zombie Jesus X [Ed: Just saw three QBs do it for Indiana against Michigan State, and "only one of those was the real call." Wonder which one?]

• Heisman winner Tim Tebow is coming off of a busy off season of hookers and blow spreading the word of God to underprivileged children. Look for beams of light from the heavens with each touchdown pass.

• Miami quarterback Robert Marve will be making his debut tonight after injuries kept him sidelined last year and a suspension held him back last week. Marve broke many of Tebow's high school records so this could be an interesting head-to-head.

• Also making his season debut is Florida star receiver Percy Harvin. Harvin had heel surgery in the spring, so we'll see how it holds up.

• Florida hasn't beaten Miami in this match-up in 23 years. Look for that streak to end tonight.

Consider this your DUAN/Open thread for the evening. I'll be back in the morning to re-cap the game and take you through a most glorious day of NFL football. Get your Tostadas ready. It's going to be an exciting ride.

Football Sports Information Director Rick Korch was fired — but not yet charged — after a routine sweep of his work computer brought up several instances of child pornography. And he was the one who asked for the sweep.

Korch made a request of university technicians that his computer be checked because it was running slowly. Korch provided his user name and password to university technician Alberto Perez, who discovered files in the computer of sexually explicit material, according to the search warrant. Included in the files was a video of a man having sex with a "prepubescent female" and images revealing "scantily clad females who appeared to be between the ages of 10 and 15 years old in sexual type poses."

Under a folder titled "Season Recaps," university technicians found other images of children engaged in sexual conduct. According to police, one child was estimated to be between 6 and 8 years old.

Blech. At least now they know why his computer was running slowly. Yipes.

Hurricanes Employee Fired Over Child Porn On His Computer [Sports By Brooks]

#10 Davidson 82, #7 Gonzaga 76. Stephen Curry scored 40 on 8-11 three-point shooting in Raleigh, but it was the timely rebounding of Andrew Lovedale (13 boards to go with 12 points) that saved the Wildcats' bacon. Adam Morrison was in attendance, looking like the lead singer of a goth tribute band. No word yet on whether he cried. Oh, who are we kidding, of course he did. Davidson advances to face the Georgetown/UMBC winner.

#12 Western Kentucky 101, Drake 99 (OT). Western Kentucky had the ball in a tie game at the end of regulation, but Academic All-American Adam Emmenecker stepped in to draw a controversial charge that allowed the game to go to OT. Another questionable call in the extra frame didn't change the outcome, however, as the Hilltoppers' Ty Rogers hit the clutch three over two defenders to win the game. WKU will face the UConn/San Diego winner. Pretty freaking wild shot that everyone in America saw, except for the people who work and/or don't care about baskeball.

#2 Tennessee 72, #15 American 57. Let there be no doubt about this - American could have won this game. They showed no fear, and led several times in the game, but Tennessee put on a run in the second half and put them away behind a balanced scoring effort that featured three players in double figures (two Smiths and a Chism, if you're keeping score). Tennessee advances to face the Butler/South Alabama winner.

#7 Miami 78, #10 St. Mary's 64. Jack McClinton's 38 would be the story today, if Stephen Curry hadn't knocked down a couple of clutch free throws. St. Mary's led early in this one, but couldn't maintain in the second half, as the three-bid WCC is down to San Diego if they hope to advance to the second round. If Texas advances in the later game, Haith will be facing his former boss. Miami faces the Texas/Austin Peay winner.

MIAMI HURRICANES

1. The Saving Grace of South Florida Sports. South Florida is not exactly considered a college hoops hotbed. The Canes have long been an afterthought even for their own students and the community. But with every team associated with the Miami area deciding to suck all at once, the Canes basketball team has emerged from relative anonymity at the start of the season to be the saving grace of South Florida sports in 2008. The Canes' 22 wins this season are more than the Hurricanes football team, Dolphins and Heat combined. It will also most likely rival the number of wins the Marlins pick up this season.

2. In Frank We Trust. How Frank Haith wasn't named ACC Coach of the Year remains a mystery. Picked to finish dead last in the ACC preseason poll, Haith officially stamped his mark on the program with a 96-95 won victory over Duke on February 20. Haith, a well traveled coach with previous assistant gigs at Wake Forest, Texas, Texas A&M and Penn State, has done a remarkable job in rebuilding the Canes while competing in the best conference in America. Don't be surprised to hear his name swirling when big name vacancies start popping up in few weeks.

3. Jack in the Box. Jack McClinton's shooting range begins once he crosses mid-court. The leading scorer for the Canes (17.0 ppg) has the sweetest shot in college basketball that no one knows about. The first team All-ACC selection struggled throughout the conference tournament (just 24 points in two games) and Miami will need him to heat up soon if they are to have any shot of winning a game in the Dance. — Storming The Floor

ST. MARY'S GAELS

1. That Confusing Nickname. Saint Mary's, out of the West Coast Conference (aka Gonzaga's Conference) cannot be found on a map by many (or any?) but is 20 miles from Oakland and San Francisco in the hills of the East Bay. They may suffer from having the most confusing name in college basketball. To Clarify, a Gael is not a bird, nor a storm, nor wizard, it is a Scottish or Irish knight who fought on foot.

2. Mate! A big part of the Gaels' success and media recognition this year can be accredited to the country that has given us Mel Gibson, Marion Jones' Olympic platform, Andrew Bogut and Corey Delany Washington. That's right, the Land Down Under continues to impact the American landscape. Patrick Mills, a freshman Aussie Aboriginal point guard has attracted a lot of attention this year, not only for being second native Australian (after his uncle) to play for his country's Olympic team but for ROASTING Oregon for 37 points early in the year. He was named All-Conference, All-Freshman, All-Around popular kid. He's been supplemented by big impact from backup point, Carlin Hughes, and athletic forward Lucas Walker, both Aussie transfers from Montana St. Billings. Redshirting is Indiana transfer Ben Allen. Next year the Gaels will run 4 Aussies at once at times. (Be afraid Gonzaga, be very afraid.) And true to stereotype, they are a people that like to have fun. (Be afraid Campus Police, be very afraid.) Regardless of what you may have heard (in the previous paragraph), they have more than Men from the Land DownUnder. Local talent Diamon Simpson, a junior, was named first team All-Conference this week. He's only 6-7 but is so long...7 footer's wingspan. He works extremely hard on the glass, blocks shots, and usually can out-quick his matchup on the block. Omar Samhan, 6-10 center and Honorable Mention All-Conference, is another local product; he has a great touch around the rim and also works extremely hard underneath. What he doesn't have is athleticism so if the Gaels face a team with some athleticism and size to match, he's pretty ineffective.

3. Problems Around. For those you looking here for insider bracket help — you're better off picking based on mascots if you're turning here for insider analysis — a few criticisms that might be helpful: St. Mary's really prefers a faster paced game where they can spread the floor and get early shots, they really struggle when the game slows down (76.3 pts/game average yet scoring 61.2 pts/game in loses). Also, no statistics to back it up, but teams that bang on the perimeter are terrible match-ups for Gaels (i.e. Southern Illinois, Kent State losses). Lastly, and not to be a dick, but they don't make in-game adjustments. — Matt O'Leary

2. In Frank We Trust. How Frank Haith wasn't named ACC Coach of the Year remains a mystery. Picked to finish dead last in the ACC preseason poll, Haith officially stamped his mark on the program with a 96-95 won victory over Duke on February 20. Haith, a well traveled coach with previous assistant gigs at Wake Forest, Texas, Texas A&M and Penn State, has done a remarkable job in rebuilding the Canes while competing in the best conference in America. Don't be surprised to hear his name swirling when big name vacancies start popping up in few weeks.

3. Jack in the Box. Jack McClinton's shooting range begins once he crosses mid-court. The leading scorer for the Canes (17.0 ppg) has the sweetest shot in college basketball that no one knows about. The first team All-ACC selection struggled throughout the conference tournament (just 24 points in two games) and Miami will need him to heat up soon if they are to have any shot of winning a game in the Dance. — Storming The Floor

Expect the concrete tears to flow for the 70-year-old facility. It's historic past includes hosting three of the U's five national titles, five Super Bowls, Olympic soccer games and Bill Simmons. And tonight: Jon Secada! (The Miami grad is set to sing the national anthem.)

To commemorate the occasion and history, Miami has invited all former players back to form the pregame tunnel for players to run through as they emerge from the locker room. That could look pretty cool. A special halftime ceremony is also planned, and there'll be postgame events as well. And dude ... Jon Secada!

So enjoy the moment, and goodbye, sweet Orange Bowl. May stadium heaven be filled with nothing but warm weather and less drunks who piss on you.

On the FIU campus yesterday, they held some sort of pep rally for the Golden Panthers, and a Deadspin reader attended. Here's his report:

As a student of FIU, there is no game we looked forward to last year more than the UM game. It obviously didn't disappoint anyone in attendance last year. It was right up there with the Marlins World Series games as the greatest sports games I ever attended.

He ended up being there along with some defensive players and the back up kicker, who, when we asked a bookstore employee why he was there, said he had heard about the signing and was hanging out there pathetically, and the coach felt bad, so told him to sign things.

Well, whatever ... look, there's Ned! We hope he runs for 300 yards and pulls off the upset.

It's on!

Florida International faces The U on Saturday in a rematch of the famous "hell 2 da nah" brawl from last year. Lamar Thomas, having been fired for last year's debacle, sadly won't be there, but Ned will be ... he's actually the Golden Panthers' starting running back. (The crutches, sadly, are also gone.)

They say there's not going to be a fight this time. We can only hope and pray that they are wrong.

UM, FIU Coaches Step Up To Ensure Brawl Won't Occur Again [Orlando Sentinel]
Deadspin Hall Of Fame: Ned [Deadspin]

Florida International is sharing the Orange Bowl with the Hurricanes this year — and would could possibly go wrong there? — and since this is the last year for the Orange Bowl (sorry, Winslow), that means FIU will be playing North Texas in the Orange Bowl's final game. So now, officially, Lamar, FIU owns your house. You'd know this if, you know, you hadn't have been fired.

FIU Will Come Into The Orange Bowl And Do Whatever They Want [Just Call Me Juice]

Log's Blog has a full wrapup for us, and some of them are doing right well for themselves.

Brandon Meriweather- aka "Hollaman"
Famous Lyrics: "I fucked this bitch on the beach last night, This bitch was talking 'bout how her pussy was hurtin;' Bitch, I don't give a fuck, let that shit burn, bitch I still want to hit that ass"

Where is he now? Judging by the lyrics, you can already tell that Meriweather is one of the classier members of the group. He doesn't give a shit if you have a sandy vagina, or even an STD. He can't possibly know what that bitch's burn is, but it's a risk he's willing to take. His risk-taking nature with vagina has translated well to the gridiron and also the parking lot. In 2006 when his teammate Willie Cooper (aka Dub-C [see below]) was shot in the ass, Meriweather returned fire. He wasn't charged with a crime in this incident because, shockingly, his gun was owned legally. Also in 2006, he was a major part of the Miami/Florida International brawl; he was the one stomping on FIU players on the ground. In 2007, he was drafted by the New England Patriots with the 24th pick. The Patriots are confident they can reform him into a "Belichick guy," they even brought in Randy Moss to speed up that process.

We'll know our man Zook is recruiting effectively when the Illini have their own ISR Floor 8 Crew.

Meanwhile: What's our name? Will Dawg. What you do? Play Lego Star Wars! How you do it? Using the Space Bar to fire! True, true!

Seventh Floor Crew: Where Are They Now? [Log's Blog]
Seventh Floor Crew [MySpace]

Anyway, it looks like Miami is welcoming Luther back after years of exile.

apper Luther Campbell says he appreciates how Randy Shannon has welcomed him back to the UM family. 'Randy called the first recruiting day and said, `Luke, I want you to come down here.' And I said, 'You sure?' He said, 'Yeah.' Whatever I can do to help him out, I'm here for.'' Campbell runs an Optimist club in Liberty City, and some of those players could end up Canes. Shannon invited him to bring 8,000 kids to the Georgia Tech game.

Campbell, aware UM had tried to distance itself from him, said, ''I understand they were trying to clean up their image, but I wasn't part of the problem. All I ever did was tell Jerome Brown, Melvin Bratton, Darrell Fullington to go in the right direction.'' But Campbell won't ask for a sideline pass: ``It's too hot.''

True, Campbell once paid Hurricanes for big plays, but that was a long time ago. Besides, if Miami gets in trouble, there's one man who can stand bravely against them.

A Man Who Doesn't Spend Time With His Family Can Never Be A Real Man [Lt. Winslow]

A friend who's a big Star Wars dork — you're shocked that we have such friends, we're sure — forwards us this creative concoction put together by an inventive (and, certainly, lonely) Star Wars aficionado and college football watcher.

Larry Coker might be gone from Miami, but that compassion for you will be his undoing. He will come to you, and then you will bring him before Larry Coker.

Miami Ex Head Coach Larry Coker [Rebel Scum]

He had some clear skills in the land of lyrical flow.

"(Whats your name?) G-Reg. (What you do?) Get head. (How you do it?) Drop my drawers, let her see my third leg. Chillin' on the 7th floor, I gotta let these chickens know Big Greg is in the house, and I'm gonna to make these hoes choke. On my balls, on my dick then I bust a nut quick. On her face, on her chest, stick my dick between her breasts. Come on fellas, let's get weird. Stick your dick up in her ear. While I'm laughin at these guys, a second nut all in her eyes. (Wait a minute...in her eyes?) In her eyes."

We've always loved the Seventh Floor Crew — "Multiply that bitch up and you get my dick size!" — and are pleased one member is taking his skillz to the land of the Super Bowl Shuffle.

(What's your name?) Will Dawg! (What you do?) Clock hos! Or something!

Greg Olsen Is A Great Rapper [Tremendous Upside Potential]
The Chick-Fil-A Bowl Shuffle [Deadspin]
Seventh Floor Crew [MySpace]

Randy Shannon has issued a straightforward warning to his University of Miami football players: Get caught carrying a firearm and your days as a Hurricane are over. After two shooting incidents involving UM players last year, Shannon plans to enforce a "zero-tolerance'' policy regarding weapons.

"You get caught with a firearm, you're dismissed from the football team," UM's coach said Monday. "They're gone. They know the rules. It's not hard rules. It's to protect them."

You know, this rule is exactly why Brigham Young has struggled in recent years. We are extremely happy to live in a world in which the head coach of a major college football program starts off the spring by saying, "No, seriously, this time I MEAN IT! No guns! Seriously, guys: No more AKs, all right?" Note to Miami players: Please ignore this rule. Hell, you play Florida International again this year; you're gonna need 'em.

Shannon: Firearms Will Not Be Tolerated [Palm Beach Post]

A front office member of an Arena League team forwarded us the following fax, from Edwin Pierre-Pata, brother of slain Miami football player Bryan Pata. (Spelling errors are as they appeared on the fax.)

"BRIAN PATA'S BROTHER (EX U.M PLAYER) EDWIN PIERRE-PATA IS DRAFT-ELLIGIBLE FOR THE 2007 DRAFT"

Edwin Pata has indicated to me that he is interested in playing for an Arena ONE team and is willing to listen to offers. 6/11/1982, Tight End/Defensive End FIU 2 years: 2002-2003 Florida State University: 2005-2006 6.41/2 tall (?) 260 lbs 40 speed 4.56

Athlete is in great condition."

Again, we don't want to overstep our bounds here, but we'd think that if you're trading off your late brother's name to earn a spot on an Arena League team ... you'd at least have the good sense to make sure that name was spelled correctly.

Heck, you can't give tickets away to that game. No, really, you can't. According to Michael Rand of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, the University of Miami is giving away free tickets to all students who want to go. So, let's see here: Watching a disappointing team play Nevada in Idaho on New Years Eve ... or, you know, spending your New Years in, say, Miami. Hmm. Decisions, decisions.

New Years Eve In Idaho? [Randball]

UM athletic director Paul Dee said early [yesterday] that UM and FIU have decided to play next year's game — scheduled for Oct. 6 in the Orange Bowl. ''We have a game that's scheduled and we're going to play it,'' Dee said. "We have good people, and I think everyone understands what happened can't happen again. The game will be played."

Yes, yes, it can't happen again, right, right, totally, Paul. So, who has the Pay-Per-View rights? Is there any way we can get Lamar Thomas and Mike Tyson to broadcast?

UM, FIU To Play Football Next Season [Miami Herald]
The Legend Of Ned Grows [Deadspin]

Apparently, the next candidate is going to have to bring vast philosophical changes to the Canes:

We are looking for an experienced and successful coach of the highest integrity who understands and loves the Miami tradition of success and football family. He must be a great recruiter, of high character, committed to winning championships, academic success, and to the University community.

Our primary responsibility is to our student-athletes. We believe they deserve the best coaching in the country. We believe and have demonstrated at Miami that it is possible to have the finest program, play by the rules, and have high graduation rates.

Dialogue: November 24, 2006 [Miami.edu]

Of all the stories to come out of the fight, we've always felt that Ned's story has been undersold. The loyalty to his teammates to rush out onto the field in their defense during a fight despite his obvious disadvantages was what college football, frankly, is all about.

FIU's Ned Returns To Practice [Miami Herald]
Also, We're Pretty Sure That's A Facemask Penalty [Deadspin]

From all accounts, Pata seemed to be an upstanding member of society, and not just by University of Miami standards. Other players considered him a leader and are devastated by his loss. If you didn't know Pata as anything more than just another Miami guy who might go in the NFL draft, until they take it down, you can look at his MySpace page. As tends to happen with those who die with a MySpace page still active, there are countless testimonials to Pata, which we always find both bizarre and, strangely, touching.

Brian Pata MySpace [MySpace]
Pata Shot And Killed [Rapid City Journal]

That was Miami Hurricane player Anthony Reddick apologizing for his helmet-swinging role in the brawl against FIU. I'm pretty sure someone wrote that for him... and they must've just scribbled it really quickly and illegibly, because he seemed to be struggling with it. For some reason.

I hope he's just really bad at speaking in front of people, and that the educational system hasn't failed him quite as badly as it appears. I also hope he's really good at football, otherwise, upon the completion of his college football career, he might have to settle for some kind of a job where they'll hire anyone... like, oh, I don't know... Miami Hurricanes football TV analyst.

Back To You In The Booth, Lamar [Deadspin]

But while Russ Hodges' radio call is readily available, Thomas' soon, probably, won't be. Comcast Southeast has already cut it from its pay-per-view rebroadcast of the game, and Thomas hasn't been heard from since. At least in person. We wouldn't be surprised if the YouTube version disappeared soon as well, as their Google overlords continue to prepare earth for colonization. Soon it will be as if Thomas was erased from the landscape, his very existence merely a rumor. From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

After his NFL career, Thomas reportedly did apply for an assistant's job with the Hurricanes earlier this year. Thomas may have been a superstar in his new broadcasting career if he had used words such as, 'This is what a lot of 'Canes are thinking right now,' as a preface to Saturday's remarks. Instead, we got a certain 'Canes mind-set unfiltered, and Thomas got himself fired. That came Monday, after the fight with the Thomas soundtrack became an instant YouTube.com classic. These words from Thomas, on the telecast as the fight continued, will linger longer than anything (University of Miami president Donna) Shalala says.

Meanwhile, happier news. After Lou Piniella came to his defense on Tuesday, Steve Lyons is getting a portion of his job back. Fired by Fox for, well, we're not sure what during game 3 of the ALCS, FSN Prime Ticket says that he will return as the part-time TV announcer for the Dodgers. In a statement, Fox said: "And that's what we're talkin' about. You don't come into the Fox booth, baby. We've had a couple of down years, but you don't come in here talkin' smack."

UM Feeling Media Backlash [Miami Herald]
1951 National League Playoff [MLB.com]
Brawl Will Finish Off Miami's Coker [Philadelphia Inquirer]
Lamar Thomas Speaks [Kind Of] [Deadspin]
Piniellla Say Lyons Was Just Kidding [Yahoo! News]

We have the text below. But we thought it would be more interesting — and informative — to have Mr. Subliminal actually read Shalala's statement.

"I believe that the young men we have recruited to our football team are young men of great character (sealed records), but they did a very bad thing (sixteen felonies). And it's time for me to say to the community (midnight curfew) and those who have been sending me e-mails (Trekkies), that this university will be firm, and punish people who do bad things (Axis of Evil).

"But we will not throw any student under the bus for instant restoration of our image or our reputation (no chance in hell anyway). I will not hang them in the public square (dunking chair), I will not eliminate their participation at the university (food court), I will not take away their scholarships. It's time for the feeding frenzy to stop (Tony Siragusa). These young men made a stupid, horrible, terrible mistake (Kelly Clarkson), and they are being punished. We are an educational institution, and we will act like an educational institution (Sports Spectating 101). Not like a PR machine that tries to spin and restore its image (Al Gore)."

Hyde: UM Sounds Like A Broken Record [Florida Sun-Sentinel]

Here is his supposed response:

first of all anyone who has ever met me knows my passion for the program. The University of Miami made me the person that i am today. I have NEVER shied away from speaking my opinion. Yesterday I saw a struggling miami football group become a TEAM. This is my second year working for Comcast Sports Southeast, and I really enjoy it. Recently this year I was pulled aside and told I needed to be more pro UM, because i was being to hard on the KIDS. Yesterday I watched our KIDS play a team that came into the OB for one reason, to make a name for its program. FIU WAS NOT GOING TO GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT. AT first they were very physical,and that was to be expected because 90 percent of FIU's KIDS had dreams of being a Cane. But then their frustration set in, after James Bryant turned up the heat with his physical play. Cheap shots then pursued. I WAS PROUD OF THOSE KIDS FOR STANDING UP FOR THEIR BROTHERS. I do not agree with the swinging of the helmets. Nor the media only pointing out our KIDS. But if you know anything about this program, WE ARE THE TEAM THAT EVERYONE HATES. ON to what i said, I was so hyped in the booth I let my emotions take over. Do I have to apologize for sayin what I said? HELL 2 DA NAW ! Im going to make this simple, FIU tried to push us around and we fought back. From that point on for first time this year, WE look like A team trying to Destroy the opposition. I said i wanted to get on the elevator and go down to the field. LOL, I'm 36 years old what hell would i have accomplished. I did say you cant come into our house and try to slap us and not get slapped back. which is true so............. I'm not a coach ! My job is to talk. For our broadcasts which are made for U of M fans, I'm supposed to add insight. And by golly I gave it, because if that was during my tenure we would have invited FIU to Tamiami Park to get it on(FRIENDLY GAME OF SANDLOT FOOTBALL,OF COURSE) LOL. As you notice, I've called them KIDS. Lets not forget that. For most of these KIDS, The U is their FAMILY. Some people spoke of my lack of professionalism, but this wasnt ESPN, ABC, TBS or PBS. Im not supposed to be neutral. Folks that watch this want to hear about the U, past and present. Listen If You wanna say I wouldnt Be a good coach because of my passion, Go ahead, thats your opinion. Maybe later on in life i will finally send in my resume. But right now I'm having too much fun running my mouth. OH yea I also enjoy chatting with our True fans. And for the ones who love to be very critical of me and the team. so be it . KEEP ON KEEPIN ON ITS YOUR OPINION. GOD BLESS AMERICA ITS ALL THE ABOUT U, BABY!I LOVE TO TALK YA!

If you can make it through that, you get a cookie. And nope: Not PBS.

Could just be made-up message board stuff ... but we don't think so, honestly.

HELL 2 DA NAW! [Scout.com]

Meanwhile, over at FIU, Chris Smith (tackled and punched Miami holder Matt Perrelli) and Marshall McDuffie Jr. (kicked Perrelli in the head) were both thrown off the team by their school (they get to keep their scholarships). In addition, FIU upgraded 16 of their one-game suspensions to indefinite suspensions. And further sanctions could be issued by Miami administrators as well. If all of this sounds a bit double-secret-probationish to you, you're not alone. What is an indeifnite suspension? Depends on how long it takes for the public outrage to subside, we suppose.

No word yet on Ned and his Crutches of Destruction.

Miami head coach Larry Coker (who regained his senses on Sunday and finally began being contrite) and his FIU counterpart, Don Strock (just, you know, kind of clueless), appear to be in no danger of being fired. But broadcaster Lamar Thomas, the former Hurricanes wide reciever and television "color analyst" who enjoyed the fight just a little too much, was officially canned on Monday by Comcast Sports Southeast. The network has edited out his comments from the broadcast, and we're pretty sure they also burned his house, hauled off the debris and salted the earth where it stood. So, that's three bodies so far. Are you not entertained?

In most cases like these, however, it's really the children who suffer. Witness the "Join a Team, Not a Gang" page on the Hurricanes athletic site, which a reader pointed us to today. Let's just say it's ironic, in the worst sense of that word. The post includes the chilling caption: "The Miami Dade Police Department will bring about 700 children to the Miami vs. FIU football game as part of the program." Oops.

"So you see kid, when they come to the OB talkin' noise from across the ocean over there, don't forget to stop by the sideline and get an extra helmet. One for wearing, and one for swinging. Get it?"

Join A Team Not A Gang [University of Miami Athletics]
Fallout From Miami-FIU Reverberates [Sun-Sentinel]
Ex-Hurricane Taken Off The Air [Miami Herald]
Judgment Day [Miami Herald]
Back To You In The Booth, Lamar [Deadspin]

So it may not come as a surprise to anyone that more suspensions have come down following the steel cage match between the University of Miami and Florida International football teams on Saturday. A total of 31 players have been dinged — and must sit out their respective games this weekend — 18 from FIU, and 13 from Miami. You've likely seen the video, witnessing the carnage yourself. (Why is everyone pounding on the Miami placekick holder?) But were you paying attention to the audio portion of the proceedings?

As the fight unfolded, color analyst Lamar Thomas seemed to be as fired up as the players, at one point exclaiming "I feel like taking the elevator down to the field and getting involved myself!" Thomas went on: "You don't come into our house talking smack!" And so forth. Because that's what a play-by-play commentator wants from his partner, to be able to look down on the field and see him brawling with the players.

Anyway, we got a couple of e-mails asking the musical question: "Is that the same Lamar Thomas who played for the Hurricanes and the Dolphins?" Yep. And he wasn't exactly a solid citizen. Thomas' rap sheet includes:

• Arrested and jailed for aggravated battery for attacking his pregnant fiancee with a deadly weapon.

• Arrested for violating probation.

• Detained for brandishing a handgun and threatening suicide, prompting authorities to check him in to a mental institution.

• Did jail time for again violating probation related to the battery charges, when he was arrested for choking
his fiancee. His six-month old son was present at the scene.

But don't forget that it was also Thomas who was the victim of "The Strip," shown in the video above, in which Alabama's George Teague ran him down and took the ball just as Thomas was about to score a touchdown for Miami in the 1993 Sugar Bowl. Perhaps this is the source of the pent-up rage?

Well, at least Thomas didn't make a joke about Lou Piniella stealing his wallet. Now that would have been serious.

School Officials Suspend 31 Miami, FIU Players [MSNBC]
The Only Thing Dumber Than Swinging A Helmet Is Not Wearing One [Deadspin]

(UPDATE: Thomas is going to be "disciplined," and they're not sure what that means yet.)

(SECOND UPDATE: Thomas has been fired. And we'll see how long that YouTube video lasts, for that matter.)

First and foremost, Cooper's OK. He was walking immediately afterwards, and he was treated and released from South Miami hospital. Which is why I think it's OK to find the rest of the story kind of amusing. At about 6:30 in the morning, Cooper and Meriweather noticed a suspicious vehicle outside of their house. They went outside to check it out, and someone then got out of the car and then hid by the side of their house. Cooper and Meriweather yelled at the guy, and that's when the guy shot Cooper in the ass. That's when Meriweather opened fire with his University-issued .380 semi-automatic.

Okay, it probably wasn't actually University-issued. But it is legally registered and owned, and police said he used it legally. Maybe we all shouldn't have been so quick to laugh at Kellen Winslow's assertion that he's a soldier.

Miami safety Cooper shot, teammate returns fire [ESPN.com]
Kellen Winslow, Soldier (In Pads, And With Free School And A Big Contract And Little Chance Of Actually, You Know, Being Killed) [Deadspin]

So we'd never actually seen this old video of Kellen Winslow Jr., after a Miami game against Tennessee. He is answering a question about whether or not a player he leveled with a devastating block was hurt. And we get confirmation that Kellen Winslow, tight end for an Ohio football team, is a soldier.

Interestingly, this was the exact same take Winslow's motorcycle had after his accident, about him.

Alright, from here on out, it's football. And DAMMIT, Paul Maguire.

If you don't remember, blogger Kyle Munzenrieder at Miamity.com was the first to find the infamous "Seventh Floor Crew" rap from current and former Miami Hurricanes football players. After he posted about it, and we linked to it, ESPN's Pat Forde wrote a curious column about it that, inexplicably, let every Miami student know precisely which dorm (and floor) Munzenrieder lived in. Shortly thereafter, he was kicked out of campus housing, ostensibly for his own "safety" and "well-being." (Munzenrieder described this process much better than us here, here and here.)

Well, after much headache (and same fun nights in seedy hotels), Munzenrieder has been allowed back in campus housing after the New Year, saying that the "administration was a bit overwhelmed by the amount of email they had received on my behalf." So he's back next year. Here's one for the rights of bloggers ... and here's one for Tavares Gooden and the rest of the seventh floor crew. You thought was just their number, then you realized you multiply the bitch up then you get their dick size.

And Now The Conclusion To The Thrilling Seventh Floor Crew Saga [Miamity]
University Of Miami: Complete Assheads [Deadspin]

Some blogger we've never heard of but will be checking out from now on named "Zembla" has combined two of our favorite stories of the year — the Vikings sex boat and the Miami Hurricanes' scary dorm rap — and created a mashup, wondering what the Seventh Floor Crew would be like if Vikings were involved.

Bryant McKinnie: "Big Nick" (who "slings dick"). Bryant McKinnie is 6'8, 343 pounds, so he's got the "big" part covered. Despite the myriad of sex acts detailed by the Seventh Floor Crew, Big Nick is the only one to discuss cunnilingus. As McKinnie is the only Viking accused of picking up a naked woman, placing her on the bar, and performing oral sex on her, this seems like the perfect match.

We appreciate any Baseball Prospectus-esque discussion of sex boat/dorm gangbang shenanigans, so we're pretty big fans.

Lake Minnetonka And The Seventh Floor Crew [Zembla]

We're not sure what much more we can say here except that the University of Miami should be ashamed of itself. We encourage all Deadspin readers to flood the zone with letters and phone calls to whomever will listen over there. And Kyle ... hang in there, man.

Wait, look: Here's the email for the Dean Of Students: wsandler@miami.edu. Go to it!

Blogger Kicked Off Campus Housing [Miami Herald]
Miamity.com
Rock Me Like An Extreme Weather Pattern [Deadspin]
Ask UM [Miami.edu]

(Update: Kyle sends us an email:

It's not really accomplishing anything either. I'll probably have to spend the remaining three weeks sleeping on various couches or at hooker motels.")

That's little recourse, of course, for poor Kyle at Miamity, who had a nice little funny blog that today turned against him. People are posting his number on the Web, making threats of violence and, worse of all, telling him to transfer to the University of Florida. His attitude about this has been pretty healthy, we think, considering he just made a funny post and watched as the whole thing just mushroomed; he even has a mock (we assume) suicide note on his site now. Hang in there, Kyle, seriously; we and the boys are pulling for you down at the station.

By the way, Tavares Gooden has little, to no, flow. Rest of the song is good, though.

I've Decided To Take My Own Life [Miamity]
7th Floor Crew [PutFile]
Sexy Rap Music Controversy! [SportsMediaWatch]
Rock Me Like An Extreme Weather Pattern [Deadspin]

(By the way, that guy in the picture: Not one of the rapping players. So you know.)

(UPDATE: Miamity has changed its front page into a picture of a cute kitten. We approve this message.)

We'll ignore that coincidence of this story "breaking" the day after we posted it and instead focus on poor Kyle Munzenrieder, the Miami student who runs the Miamity.com blog. He ran the original item on his site and, as one might expect, he's now getting hammered for it on campus. His original post is now a blatant plea to avoid an ass-kicking, and the AP story, just to be mean, quotes him at the very bottom of the story, including not just his name, but which dorm he lives in (and which floor). Hang in there, Kyle. Double-lock the door. And maybe leave for Thanksgiving early. Just in case.

Plz Dont Kick My Ass Kthx [Miamity]
The Chic-fil-A Peach Bowl Shuffle [Deadspin]
'Demeaning' Recording Credited To Miami Athletes [ESPN]

(By the way, if you're not seeing the fun that The Mighty MJD is having with this story, you're only cheating yourself.)

(UPDATE: The kid is lashing out at ESPN.com and Pat Forde for making this into a bigger story than it is. He's on firm footing until he says that Forde would be a better journalist if he had attended Miami's journalism school. Umm ...)

Though Moss was not part of the song, sadly, it is good to know the song has circulated throughout the team. We still like to imagine coach Larry Coker jamming to it.

The Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl Shuffle [Deadspin]

Today's great piece of Miami-related potpourri revolves around a rap song (we dorky white people call them "rap songs;" we still, deep down, think everything stopped and ended with Springsteen. If we claim otherwise, we're lying to you) called "The Seventh Floor Crew," put together by several Hurricanes last season. It's extremely charming; imagine Matthew Sweet meets Jim Nabors meets whatever the opposite of Kenny Chesney is.

We've yet to confirm the identities of all the players involved, save for linebacker Tavares Gooden, who drops this:

"and he brought in all his 7th floor friends
She found it was [unintelligible] the Miami Football Team
It s also the 7th floor king ding-a-lings
She thought Five Two was just my number then she realized
you multiply the bitch up then you get my dick size."

You can listen to it right here. Personally, we think the BYU version dropped much phatter beats.

Don't Let Your Ho Go To The Seventh Floor [Miamity]
Seventh Floor Crew [PutFile] (AUDIO)

The smartest team in football? Would you believe the St. Louis Rams? Yep, apparently some teams have players who are smarter than their coach. (Sorry, Football Outsiders.) The next smartest teams are the Oakland Raiders (!), Tennessee Titans and Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The dumbest? The Green Bay Packers, and, of course, the Arizona Cardinals.

It's even more fun when you rank the Wonderlic scores of college teams. You can probably guess here: The smartest is Stanford, and the worst, obviously, is Miami (Fla.)

The NFL's Smartest Team [WSJ]
NFL Teams Wonderlic Scores [WSJ] (PDF)
College Teams Wonderlic Scores [WSJ] (PDF)