We Need To Talk About Your TPS Reports

What's coming up in the world of minor league baseball ... we proudly give you Rick Chandler's Minor Enterprise!

See, the thing is Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's just that I don't care. So you know what? I'm going to go ahead and ask you to move along, because I'm going to head out to the game now. Yep, the Bowie Baysox (Double-A Eastern League) are having Office Space Night on Monday, and you're invited. What? You're not familiar with this, one of the greatest movies of all time? OK, I've brought a clip, as they say on the talk shows. And now you can relive the glory of the Mike Judge classic throughout the Baysox game with the Reading Phillies, fittingly scheduled for Monday, May 7, at 7:30 p.m. Among the activities will be a flair contest, and our favorite, the opportunity to smash office stuff.

There will be a "Smash Technology For Charity" event outside the stadium main gates prior to the game. For just $1, fans can take a swing, with a baseball bat, and smash up some of the office equipment that frustrates you in cubical land every day — including printers, scanners, and fax machines. Proceeds from the event will go to Families of Virginia Tech victims.

If they're also giving out red Swingline staplers, I am so there.

So, yeeahhh ... if you could just go ahead and come in on Monday, that would be greeeaaat.

Other promotions this week:

• Cinema At The Ballpark. Saturday, May 5, Colorado Springs Sky Sox (Triple-A Pacific Coast League). Not to be outdone, the Sky Sox are showing the movie The Sandlot at Security Service Field, with gates opening at 7:30 p.m. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with Benny Rodriguez! No, there's no game; the actual team is in Portland. So anyone who wants to be a can't-hack-it pantywaist who wears their mama's bra, don't show up.

• Erik Estrada Night. Saturday, May 5, Altoona Curve (Double-A Eastern League). The Curve's Retro Celebrity Series gets off to a rousing start when Ponch arrives to sign autographs, kick some ass and take some names for Cinco de Mayo. Gather 'round kids, but don't touch the bike. Or the truss. [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]

• Spider-Man Appearance. Saturday, May 5, Birmingham Barons (Double-A Southern League). Or, as the Barons spell it, "Spiderman Appearance," making his name look like he's an accountant from Queens. Anyway, someone in red-and-blue tights will be signing autographs all day at Regions Park.

• Mascot of the Week. Muddy, Carolina Mudcats, Double-A Southern League. Hey, is Muddy ... yes, I believe if you look closely, you can see he's giving the finger! "Fuck you, cops! You'll never catch me!" Screeeee! "Kiss my negatively buoyant ass!"

• Headline of the Week. Braves' Burrus Burns Biscuits.

• Bobblehead Of The Moment. Bulletin! Bulletin! The Clearwater Threshers (Single-A, Florida State League) have announced that Chase Utley Bobblehead Night has been switched with Cole Hamels Bobblehead Night! We're sorry to be the ones to have to break the news like this. The Hammel bobblehead will now be given out on Friday, May 11, while the Utley bobblehead giveaway moves to Friday, July 27. Details are sketchy as to what happened ... some sort of kiln accident, we heard. Please adjust your schedules accordingly.

We want your minor league tips! Send info on upcoming events, photos, or poems about Larry Wilcox to RickChand@gmail.com. And thanks!

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