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I Was There: "It Was The First Time I Actually Saw Women Making Out With Cars"

I Was There: "It Was The First Time I Actually Saw Women Making Out With Cars" #iwasthere #superbowlxliv

Peyton Manning: Yep, Still A Choker

Peyton Manning: Yep, Still A Choker #superbowlxliv #peytonmanning

Your Inaugural A*HOLE BOSS DIGEST

Your Inaugural A*HOLE BOSS DIGEST #ballsdeep #assholebossdigest

The Lone Wolf Goes To China

The Lone Wolf Goes To China #stephonmarbury #chinesebasketballa

The One Where A Former NFL Assistant Coach Lets Us Know He's Not, In Fact, This Scantily Clad Woman

The One Where A Former NFL Assistant Coach Lets Us Know He's Not, In Fact, This Scantily Clad Woman #deletedscenes #deadspindeletedsce

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Bad Beats: It's Only Teenage Wasteland #gambling #badbeats

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TRAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!

The NBA Closer is written by me. I only kept this awkward italicized intro here so I could link to The Basketball Jones podcast. What? Those hits put food on the table, man. Enjoy!

• A Million Mohammed's Couldn't Stop Dwight Anyway. The Bobcats traded center Primoz Brezec and sexy forward Walter Herrmann to Detroit on Friday for Pistons' big man Nazr Mohammed. Unfortunately, the deal was pulled off a little too late. Minus the services of all three, Dwight Howard posted 33 points and 18 rebounds as the Magic beat the undermanned and ESPN-darlings-for-a-day Bobcats 103-87 to snap a three-game slide.

• Early Game Of The Season Candidate. I suggest you get your eyeballs on some cathode ray tubes to watch the highlights from this Lakers-Warriors tilt. (All-Star) Baron Davis nailed a monster 3-pointer with 16.8 seconds to play as Golden State roared from behind in the final minutes to snap a nine-game losing streak to LA with the 108-106 W. See: there is a method to the GS madness.

• Snapped / Still Going. The Kings finally won a road game with a 109-99 victory over the 76ers last night. Brad Miller had 25 points and 10 rebounds and Mikki Moore tied his career-high with 24 for the Kings, who entered the game with nine straight road losses to open a season. And on the opposite end of the spectrum, Paul Pierce scored a season-high 32 points as the Celtics overcame Jesus' absence to beat the Bucks 104-82 and match a franchise record with their 12-0 start at home.

• Kap Bust A Cap In Yo Ass. Jason Kapono made 6 of 7 3-pointers — all in the second half! — finishing with a career-high 29 as the Raps beat the Pacers 104-93. "It feels great," Kapono said post-game. "You want to take about 40 shots. I kept yelling 'Hey, pass me the ball.' They say, 'You're standing 45 feet outside of the 3-point arc.' I'm saying 'Hey, pass me the ball, still.' Jason Kapono: cold-blooded shooter; great comedic timing.


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