If the All-Star Game was held today, Tracy McGrady would be a starting guard for the West. He's number two in the voting with 281,545 ballots cast, behind only Kobe but ahead of more deserving players like [Ed Note: Rather than list the more deserving players, here is a link to the list of the 86 Western Conference guards who have actually played this year.]

Yes, McGrady could make his season debut at the All-Star Game. The culprit, as always: China.

You see, the Chinese really like Yao Ming. And because of this, they really like the Rockets. So they're punching their ballots in force for anyone who wears a Rocket jersey.

To wit: Trevor Ariza is sixth in the voting at forward, despite having the second worst FG% in the NBA. Luis Scola is eighth in the voting. And Aaron Brooks is ahead of Brandon Roy, Deron Williams and Chauncey Billups at guard.

This is normally where I'd leave you with Kent Brockman's line about democracy simply not working, but...you know...China.

But you don't get off so easily, Americans. You can't blame the Chinese for Vince Carter currently holding down a starting slot in the East, and Allen Iverson just a few hundred thousand votes behind him. Unless we're all trying to recreate the 99-00 All Star Game and I just didn't get the memo. If that's the case, I just cast a write-in vote for Allan Houston.

Kobe In West, D-Wade In East Take Lead In All-Star Voting [NBA.com]

And not just any white folk, mind you. White Americans, a "group that's never been smaller" in the NBA. (You may leave the room now, Steve Nash.) Outside the Lines seems to think the lack of white American ballplayers is a matter of profound concern for the NBA, which is a league by and large run by white Americans, coached by white Americans and marketed to white Americans, and whose white American commissioner once hired a white American political consultant named Matthew Dowd in a transparent effort to win back fans in Middle America — which is to say, white Americans.

You can watch a teaser for the video here, but you'll probably get an idea of what we're dealing with when I tell you that the piece opens with some B-roll of Kyle McAlarney — self-described "consummate backup point guard" — working very hard in a lonely, echoing gym. There's a pretty bar graph or two. There's Mark Schwartz making his Concerned Face and firing some heat at poor Wayne Embry, who bumbles into saying that the NBA's legalization of the zone was a sop to the white kids. And then there's someone, I can't recall who, suggesting that white players like McAlarney don't get a shot because they're unfairly stereotyped as bad defensive players, which, if you're like me, is roughly the point where you threw the remote at the television.

The implication here is that Kyle McAlarney would be in the NBA if it weren't for the pernicious stereotype about white players and defense. There are several problems with this, the most obvious of which is that the stereotype doesn't exist (slow and unathletic, maybe, but that's not the same thing), and even if it did, well, it would shrink in comparison to the enormous pile of happy code words invariably ascribed to white guys: scrappy, gym rat, team player, hard worker, fundamentally sound, plays the right way, etc. I don't pretend to know why there aren't more white Americans in the NBA, and I don't particularly care. This isn't a Serious Thing. (Baseball, with its dwindling population of black Americans, has a Serious Thing, if only because it spent half a century doing everything it could to earn black Americans' indifference.) For OTL to go rummaging around the dark recesses of the league's psyche for some sinister explanation to a piece of demographic trivia isn't just wrongheaded; it's a rite borrowed from the Church of the Aggrieved White Male (Bishop Glenn Beck presiding). The story reaches its absurd apex with McAlarney saying, in all seriousness (I quote from memory):

I'm trying to pave a way for myself ... and for guys like me.

Kyle McAlarney: the Jackie Robinson of white American basketball players. At last check, he was playing for the Fort Wayne Mad Ants of the NBA's D-League, scoring 9.3 points per game.

OTL Promo: Kyle McAlarney [ESPN]

The Kings performance this season has been fine, but their attendance to date has been, shall we say, sub-par. The last thing they want is for ESPN viewers to see thousands of empty seats during such a monumental game. (What would Joe M. of Middlebury, CT, think if he saw that?) So they're breaking out the one sure-fire standby that never fails to put butts in the seats. One-dollar beers for all the fans 21-and-over in attendance. And lo, bankruptcy was averted. There is no possible downside to this.

The promotion only lasts until halftime though, so hit the concession stands early and often. I want to see happy faces when those ESPN cameras catch you making an awkward pass at your friend's wife during the t-shirt launches.

Kings-Wizards Game on Dec. 16 Will Feature Dollar Beer Night at ARCO Arena [NBA.com]
The Sacramento Kings Have a Foolproof Way of Putting (Drunk) Asses in the Seats [The Last Angry Fan]
Kings-Wizards game to feature 'Dollar Beer Night' at ARCO [Ball Don't Lie]
[Photo via]

Out celebrating a 1-point win over Phoenix (athletes' social lives are generally more boring than we've been led to assume), Thomas and a group of friends entered the Denny's in Highland Park. We'll let the gripping police report take over here. (Thomas is "the accomplice," which would make a great basketball nickname.)

A local radio reporter has the brawl land literally on his table — in his All-American Slam — and says that only Thomas's companions were involved in the brawl, and that Thomas didn't utter the immortal "f——- b—— a— n——" line. Mavs GM Donnie Nelson and owner Mark Cuban also say Thomas wasn't a part of the fight. I must remind you that all three men have vested interests in Thomas's continued freedom.

But my favorite detail of this story is the woman who was struck by a chair in the melee. She was there with her family —at Denny's, at 3 in the morning — celebrating her 65th birthday. Ladies and gentlemen, Dallas!

Mavericks' Thomas A Figure In Eatery Fight [USA Today]

A lot of people wrote in about this, and like vandalism, whippits, and underage drinking, it's all a by-product of some bored kids looking to have a good time. For starters, Comcast wants it known that they are not responsible for providing the descriptions themselves. The data for their on-screen guide is compiled by a company called Rovi, formerly Macrovision, which is a remnant of the listings division of the old TV Guide. (They still own the trademark, which is why you see the TV Guide logo on Comcast and other cable systems.) In some instances, all the program data is submitted by the channel itself, but the rest is compiled and edited by Rovi's schedulers and editors. Editors who must do something make their lives meaningful.

I just spoke to a secret Rovi employee who confirmed what I suspected all along—boredom. The editors who write game descriptions are constrained by a stylebook and a character limit (it has to fit on the cable system's screen, after all) and the fact there are only so many ways you can say, "The Clippers are playing the Warriors tonight." You would go slightly mad, too, if you had to do that for 40 hours a week.

Just for the record, we're not criticizing them for their choices. It's actually quite amusing and we'd would like to see them take their writing to greater heights. (And we'd still like to hear from an actual editor.) Try to work a plus/minus reference in there, will ya? (Also, they're hiring! Scheduling reporters don't get to write the descriptions, but it's a foot in the door!)

Finally, while a Comcast employee wanted to make it perfectly clear that they don't write the descriptions for NBA games, the Rovi employee wanted to make it perfectly clear that they don't write the descriptions for the cable company's On Demand service, because ... whoo-boy ... those are pretty bad.

Matt Barnes did lodge seven rebounds in 25 minutes (and 0-6 shooting), but was not that pivotal in the Magic's win over the Clippers. However, one might argue that Anthony Parker did more harm than good against the Grizzlies last night. (2 points, -11.) If only there were someone else in Cleveland's starting roster that might have drawn in more viewers....

By the way, if anyone reading this works for Comcast or knows someone who might be responsible for writing these magical blurbs, please contact us. We want to party with you, cowboy.

[Thanks to Joe, James and all the others who sent screengrabs.]

Bullard literally took off his headset in the middle of the Rockets-Trail Blazers game to yell at the officials for their poor performance. He didn't even wait for a TV timeout. He didn't even wait for a break in the action. He stopped doing his job, while the ball was in play, so he could yell at a ref.

Anyone who's ever had a press pass knows that cheering is not allowed on press row. (At least, that's what I've been told by those people.) But I guess heckling is totally cool ... as long as the headphones are off! Let's try to keep things professional here!

Video: Rockets Broadcaster Removes Headset, Yells at Refs [NBA Fanhouse]

Anderson, you may recall, was the NBA D-League owner who offered $100,000 to Jordan and Bryon Russell if they would agree to play one-on-one at halftime of a Flash game. Naturally, the $100,000 was a bit of a lark, because the money was for charity, it would only go to the winner, and everyone knew there was no way in the hell Jordan would ever accept. But since he never technically said "no," Anderson figured he's just pretend that Jordan was coming anyway, because what difference would make as long as fans bought the tickets?

So the Flash hired a Jordan look-alike to walk around Provo yesterday—and even uploaded a YouTube video of him eating at a local restaurant—to generate fake Jordan sightings and build some buzz in the community. And Russell even went along with it, because what else does he have going on in his life? Halftime came, the hoax was revealed and the previously gullible crowd was not amused.

Anderson later apologized, by saying "Sorry ... no refunds!"

"We wanted to test the strength and effectiveness of viral media by putting him out in Provo with bodyguards, and some hype," [Anderson] said. "I always assumed it would be uncovered very quickly that it was a hoax."

What he tested was the strength and effectiveness of P.T. Barnum's old adage, and it passed with flying colors. There's a shameless liar born every minute.

Owner sorry for Michael Jordan-Bryon Russell 1-on-1 hoax [ESPN]
Jordan-Russell Showdown A Hoax! [The Score]

Honorable Mention: Philadelphia. It's 2000 all over again! (Without the winning.)

David Stern insists with robotic regularity that his ballers are the "best athletes in the world". (Sometimes, when he's feeling particularly saucy, he goes with "most extraordinarily gifted".)

Apparently he's been doing this for awhile:

"Messrs. Jordan, Johnson, Bird, et al., made it clear that the NBA really does have — as Commissioner David Stern so often claims — "the best athletes in the world."

That, in an article about the original Dream Team. Written in 1992. Jesus, at least the man's on message!

In the past few weeks alone, though, several players have gotten this idea implanted a little too deeply in their minds. First Big Baby Davis informed the world that upon reaching NBA All-Star status he would like to return to football, although he did not "have a specific position in mind in the NFL."

Then LeBron James, a All-Ohio wide receiver in his youth, mused that "If I put all my time and commitment into it, if I dedicated myself to the game of football, I could be really good, no matter what team I was on."

NFL players were skeptical. As Jeremy Shockey made the case on his Twitter :

If anyone was up to the task, I guess, it would be LeBron, modern marvel of mankind. No less an authority than former Cleveland Brown coach Eric Mangini even invited him to "come on down" before undermining that "he'd probably be good at baseball or soccer or swimming." Hmm. Two out of three ain't bad! And he's got this going for him, which is nice:

As for Rondo, this isn't the first time he has demonstrated a high regard for his speed. Last year he needled noted fast person Usain Bolt, informing him that the two would meet in 2012. This time, he set his sights slightly lower: Chris Johnson ran a 4.24 forty at the NFL Combine, the fastest recorded combine time ever.

So does Rondo have a chance to win the $2k purse? Probably not. The Sporting News' Bethlehem Shoals broke down the duel and, using complicated math equations, concluded that Rondo's forty time would clock in at something like a 5.15. That wouldn't even beat LeBron!

But with Johnson's recent counter that he could beat Rondo in a game of one-on-one, this is shaping up to be the most exciting competitive cross-pollination since Shaquille O'Neal challenged luminaries like Misty May-Treanor and Oscar de la Hoya in their native sports.

Stern can't be too happy: so far Shaq is 0-5.

This is Katie Baker, btw.

Video of the argument, and the dancing that precipitated it, is here and there on the Web:

The moves James was throwing down on the sideline of the Q — which, a LeBron scholar of my acquaintance tells me, can be partially blamed on the bad influence of teammate Danny Green, "known for dancing horribly at UNC" — bear more than a striking resemblance to the recently notorious dance craze known as "jerking." Urban Dictionary notes that it looks pretty much like "what happens when a bboying move, kickstep, goes completely wrong, mutated, dysfunctional, and looks utterly like shit." It even has its own theme song, courtesy of the California duo the New Boyz!

If the PA types at the United Center don't serenade James with this track come March 19, I will have lost maybe a little bit of faith in sporting arenas' musical-cue honchos everywhere.

This is Maura, btw.

LeBron James and Joakim Noah fight about dancing [Sun-Times]

Stern fired his first shot back in February, when he used the old "AIG is failing, you better sleep with me tonight baby" line. When that didn't get any traction, Stern agreed to a little sitdown where he waxed feminist. The money shot is pretty tepid — Thomsen asked Stern about the possibility of women playing in the NBA within the decade, and Stern answered "I think we might... I don't want to get into all kinds of arguments with players and coaches about the likelihood. But I really think it's a good possibility." You have to admire the double-edged possibility — an entire league of lady scabs, or simply leveraging the old canard that women make only 70 cents on the dollar for the same work as men. (Is this where I'm supposed to work in a joke about babes playing on the rag?)

Apparently the NBA Players' Association isn't going get too exercised about this until Stern starts talking about the athletic prowess of the Mexicans who do his lawn. ("Ten years?" LeBron James said of Stern's prediction. "That's, like, right around the corner. [In] 10 years, I'll be 34. I'll still be in the NBA. I think 10 years is pushing it, honestly.") That or they are consumed by the labor needed to rehabilitate Ron Artest's image (and I mean full time — look at that URL).

This is 99, btw.

Weekly Countdown: A woman's place could soon be in the NBA [SI]

Brook Lopez had 31 points; Courtney Lee had 27. Newark Star-Ledger columnist Dave D'Allesandro called the Nets' triumph the end of "our national nightmare," which one hopes isn't some sneaky sign that the Garden State is about to start a sports-related secession movement. Anyway. The people manning Deadspin's reins on this fine Saturday, which has been dubbed No Tiger Saturday by forces beyond our control, are the people behind hieroglyphic-inspired Young Manhattanite. We will attempt to deliver you timely but most likely outdated sports content in the fashion of Larry King's USA Today column. We'll skip the credentials, you won't care anyway, but do know we are not New York-centric assholes. Hailing from the proud lands of Maryland, New Jersey, the State of Long Island, Ohio and Las Vegas, you'll see we're Real America Assholes. One of us is paying off a four-year-old debt to Deadspin editor AJ Daulerio and that's why we're here. We won't convince you otherwise.


Please send all tips to the tip tagline. And in order to provide at least a little continuity, here's another video from Faith No More. It's thematically appropriate and everything!

Faith No More - A Small Victory [Dailymotion]
[Photo: AP]

Believe me, I understand the temptation to reach for a story angle—the former Pistons combined for 13 points, all by Rasheed—especially when you've written your 16,000th blurb about regular season NBA basketball and are desperate to avoid repeating yourself. But after seeing the Duke lovefest last week, I no longer think it's about biased alumni pumping up their favorite college players. I think Comcast employees are having a contest to find to see who can write the best game summary that won't actually summarize what you are about to see. Whoever can create the most obscure connection between the two least important players on the floor wins.

So your mission now, dear readers, is to find these efforts and send them in. Be on the lookout for ludicrous game descriptions (Comcast or otherwise) and email the evidence. And if there's any Comcast Guide writers out there reading this, don't give up now. Your crazy shenanigans can only help seal your takeover of NBC. FCC regulators love a good prank.

Comcast-NBC Universal deal faces regulatory hurdle [Guardian]

[Thanks to reader Ben K. for the image.]

I know, it can be emotional going from riding the bench for a 7-12 team to riding the bench for a 5-14 team. At least that's what I think Iverson was choking out between sobs.

Let's watch.

But, Philly fans, don't get so attached to the notion that playing for the Sixers is so powerful as to move an ordinarily stoic man. Here's Iverson breaking down while giving a motivational speech to students in his scholarship program:

Teary Return For Iverson [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Well, they're both Spanish, for one. And that's all I've got. But for whatever reason, they make L.A.'s unlikeliest couple since O.J. and Nicole Carter and Lee Shaq and Kobe Khloe and Lamar.

When Gasol was traded from Memphis, Domingo pushed the L.A. Opera company to reach out to the big man and make him feel welcome. Now Domingo regularly attends Laker games, and Gasol goes to the opera (even when Domingo isn't performing).

I admire him a lot for his devotion and the passion that he dedicates," Gasol said of Domingo, adding that the tenor has put a positive face on Spain and is now doing the same for Los Angeles.

Domingo, for his part, suggested a parallel between his and Gasol's chosen vocations.

"A team like the Lakers, all the team plays hard, because they know they are the best, at this moment, they are the champions, no?" he said. "The same comparison is that when you are in an important position within the world of music, well, all the world hopes for the best. That is to say, the people don't come if they are not content. It's the same level. When you have the responsibility, at this height, you have to work very hard to give it."

I'm still waiting for the Times' story on Ron Artest's friendship with the late Wesley Willis.

The Lakers' Pau Gasol Gets An Opera Assist From Placido Domingo [LA Times]

A warning: I may not have the heart to give this the attention it doesn't deserve. But I'll try my best in solidarity with my brothers across the Hudson.

9:51: And we have 0-18. That'll be it for this miserable live blog. "An imperfect storm," says Ian Eagle, perhaps misunderstanding the meaning of imperfect. What's the opposite of undefeated? "Defeated?" Yeah, that sounds about right.

9:50: 30 seconds left, and a pretty substantial cascade of boos comes down from the crowd. Not being facetious when I say "at least they care."

9:48: And we've reached the point of the game where the commentators are going over their lists of past broadcast partners they enjoyed working with more than each other.

9:47: Jason Kidd hits the bench with 16 points, 8 rebounds, 10 assists, and 5 steals. I know all other things aren't equal, but Devin Harris's corresponding numbers are 17, 1, 3 and 2.

9:45: It's an 18-point game with 3:10 left. At this point I'm just praying that Jersey doesn't make it close enough to make it worth fouling.

9:41: My will is flagging. Nets fans, is it like this every night? It's one thing to be bad, but something else entirely to be boring. The pieces look like they're there, and in a few years with a few good moves this franchise could be right back at the top, but right now, this is torture to watch.

9:38: I've never seen a team miss so consistently those just-for-fun shots after play stops.

9:35: Nets close the lead to 16, and their fan goes wild.

9:25: It occurs to me that the Nets have a very winnable game against the Bobcats on Friday, and could break their streak by moving to 1-18; the inverse of the greatest streak breaker in history.

9:21: It's 105-78 at the end of the third quarter. If we ignore that whole 49-point outburst in the second, these two teams look evenly matched. And if we ignore the previous 17 games, New Jersey is undefeated this year.

9:15: Sean Williams goaltends by hanging on the rim when Dirk was shooting, for some reason. Next time down the court, the Nets fail to get a shot off in their 24 seconds.

9:12:The Nets are making a run! They're within 20. Highly disappointed with this development, Rick Carlisle calls a timeout to make his players think about what they've done.

9:11: The Nets are averaging 86 points a game. Dallas scored 88 with 7:26 left in the third quarter.

9:08: Some astounding numbers from midway through the third: the Mavs are shooting 72% from the floor, and slightly better from beyond the arc.

9:05: Announcer: "Kiki Vandeweghe probably is the best shooter associated with the Nets." Honestly, put him in! If you're going to fail, at least sell tickets while you do it.

9:03: Erick Dampier goes for a put-back, lands, sets himself, and jumps again to tip in his own shot, all while three Nets defenders stand by and watch.

8:55: Oh no! Noelle is being kicked off So You Think You Can Dance! Also, probably the Nets are doing something poorly, why not.

8:53: And, we're back. Dirk hits an unguarded 25-footer. Lovely.

8:50: Let's see what's going on with the Knicks...oh, down 21. When's baseball season again?

8:48Jason Kidd and Kenyon Martin both ripped Bruce Ratner this week for caring more about real estate than the Nets. It's hard to blame him; the difference is, people expect the real estate market to rebound eventually.

8:43: Poor Nancy Newman doing the around-the-NBA highlights at the half can't keep a tinge of jealousy out of her voice every time some other team goes something good. Sad, really.

8:37: And it's halftime, with the Mavs up 77-50. It's a pattern; NJ was down 25 at the half to the Lakers on Sunday when they had a chance to avoid tying the record. "Did they give up already?" asks one non-sports-fan friend. "Maybe they just get tired easily," opines the girlfriend. I opt for all of the above.

8:33: The Muppets are singing at the Rockefeller Center tree lighting. Best sixth man: Bobby Simmons, or Rizzo the Rat?

8:30: I look up, and it's a 20-point game. When did this happen?

8:27: Spectacular ball movement by the Nets had the Mavs totally off balance, culminating in a missed 7-footer. Dirk promptly nails a three-pointer on the other end. Story of the season.

8:21: Dallas is up 48-39. It's like a child torturing a spider, pulling out the legs one at a time. The damn thing keeps wiggling, but you're just waiting for the moment when the child gets tired of the game and squishes it.

8:17: My girlfriend has put on "So You Think You Can Dance." I barely brought myself to care enough to ask her to turn it back.

8:13: The Nets' highest paid player, Bobby Simmons, has a name that makes him sound like a fat, older white guy who works at your office. He's also averaging less than 20 minutes per game.

8:07: And after a quarter, we're tied up at 28. It's the most points the Nets have scored in the first quarter all year. If these teams stay on the same pace...they'll be forever tied and we'll have infinite overtimes.

8:04: Terrence Williams with a monster dunk on a breakaway. This team has a good amount of talent, or at least not an 0-17 lack of talent. But, much like my fantasy football team, barely falling short time after time will still count as a string of losses. I'm not bitter.

8:01: The mic picks up that same damn kid, screaming "airball" at the top of his lungs. Urge to kill...rising.

7:57: Nets on an 8-0 run to tie the game at 19. I know it's early, but if the Nets pull this out, where does this rank with the greatest wins of all time? Higher than the Miracle on Ice? Upset beating Man O'War?

7:51: 6:25 left in the 1st, Mavs up 17-9. Hollinger says statistically, the T-Wolves are worse than the Nets, but as a liveblog is rapidly teaching me, sometimes you have to watch the games to see how hapless a team is.

7:48: The announcers stumble over Rodrigue Beaubois's name, leading to some French jokes culminating with "Do you like croissants?" Not sure how that's any less offensive than the Hamed Haddadi jokes.

7:46: As Kidd shoots a pair of free throws, the crowd mic picks up a child booing at the top of his lungs. Darn kids, no sense of their team's storied history.

7:42: And Jason Kidd hits the three. Told you.

7:42: Nets win the tip! And score on the first possession! This will likely be the only win, and only lead tonight.

7:39: To a man, the Nets say the record's not important. Then why is every question asked about the record?

7:35: Poor Tom Barrise. Kiki Vandeweghe takes over as coach tomorrow, so Barrise's only two games as an NBA coach are record-tying and -setting losses.

7:30: Nice little package to start the YES Network broadcast, complete with dramatic music. We're a part of history here, folks.

7:25: They're going with the same lineup tonight. Got to dance with the one what brought you, I suppose.

Bosh expressed his frustration at the lack of support displayed by his fellow Raptors after the incident, telling Toronto Star reporter Dave Feschuk (via FanHouse):

"Yeah, I'd like to see the team more passionate. I look at their bench and they're all up standing at half-court, and nobody from their team was down on the floor. I think we would react better to just be out there for one another and just stay together."

Clearly, Bosh feels that his team lacks toughness and he is sick and tired of no one doing anything about it:

"I'm tired of talking about toughness. We talk about it too much. We talk about everything too much. We've got to stop talking about it and just do it."

Antoine Wright appeared to be the only Raptors player other than Bosh to articulate his disappointment at how things went down, saying after the game that the Raptors "just got punked."

Sitting at 7-10, it probably isn't time yet to push the panic button in Toronto, but the Raptors did fall to 2-8 on the road, a statistic that backs up Bosh's assessment that his team lacks the requisite toughness needed to play well in opposing arenas.

But more than anything, I bet Bosh simply hopes that his teammates will allow him to take an extra long soak in the ice tub today. Ouch.

Bosh Gets Pounded, Wonders Why His Teammates Don't Care [Fanhouse]
Feschuk: Raptors bow down meekly to Celtics 116-103 [Toronto Star]
Paul Pierce Not a Big Fan of Chris Bosh's Junk [Last Angry Fan]

Head coach Lawrence Frank went so far as say that the Nets "cheated the game" in the first half, but guard Devin Harris displayed the quiet, cool confidence after the game that one would expect out of player on a team that has lost 16 straight games.

"It doesn't matter who we have from here on out. We have to come out with the same type of intensity we had in the second half no matter if it's the Lakers or the Knicks. We have to treat everybody the same and come out with a decent effort. Yeah they're the defending champions, but they can be beat. If we give the effort we need to, we'll keep ourselves in the game."

Notice that Harris doesn't claim that the Nets can beat the Lakers, just that the Lakers can be beat - by somebody - probably not the Nets. But Harris believes if the Nets give a good effort, the Nets can stay in the game, which is good, I guess.

Either way, things are not looking good for Lawrence Frank. Some believe that he could be out of a job as soon as Sunday if the Nets lose to the Lakers and tie the record. Obviously, these people were not swayed by the barely-positive attitude displayed by Harris. That guy should be giving motivational speeches.

Winless Nets lose 16th straight, 109-96 to Kings [Yahoo!/AP]
Nets now 0-16, Lawrence Frank could be headed for unemployment line [New York Daily News]

As you can probably imagine, Stephen A. Smith is partially responsible for this double dealing on ESPN's website. (They still haven't changed it, btw.) He was the first to publish the report that Iverson would retire after his attempt to sign with the Knicks fell through. A report that no one wants to believe. Even SAS admits that Iverson doesn't really want to quit, and John Thompson says he won't allow it to happen, and sooner or later someone is going to need a point guard, so really ... he's not retired.

But he still could be! So until then ... dual contradicting headlines will do just fine. Now who needs another turkey sandwich?

Report: Allen Iverson planning to retire from the NBA [ESPN - thanks JB!]

* * * * *

If you're at work today, I'm sorry about that. I really have no idea what's going on here, but we'll be posting some stuff about something until we aren't anymore. Stick around or don't, but withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy.

In his interviews with Gumbel, Battista seemed open to discussing anything from his cocaine habit to the best way to covertly take bets from a working NBA official. But when pressed on the issue of Donaghy fixing games, he becomes oddly cagey. To be fair, it is difficult to say "Tim fixed games" without actually saying that he fixed games.

Battista went to high school with Donaghy, lost touch when he became a full-time professional gambler, but then hooked up with him again after learning that Donaghy had a gambling problem. See, the thing is, everyone is in universal agreement that Donaghy was terrible at picking games ... unless they happened to be the games that he was working. Battista set up an amazing arrangement where he would serve as Donaghy's bookie, but Donaghy never had to pay out on losses—he was only rewarded for his wins. That seems like a guy who is pretty confident that his wins will win big. Which they did, about 80% of the time.

Battista's whole story is kind of convoluted and Swiss-cheese like (look for the re-runs to see the whole thing), so who really knows what the full truth is. But Battista is definitely trying to say something, if we could only decode what he's really getting at.

WINK!

Oh, and in a "interesting, if true" postscript—a "source" tells a local Boston TV station that Battista says he had 13 NBA referees in his stable and will soon write a tell-all book exposing the whole charade. Should I start holding my breath now or should we wait for fourth-party confirmation from the mailman?

HBO: Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel - The Insider [HBO]
Ex-Referee Donaghy's Accomplice Says They Bet on Many Games [NY Times]
Source: Gambler claims 13 referees involved in NBA betting scandal [WHDH]

Golden State only dressed eight players last night, because injuries and illness had taken down everyone else, and coach Don Nelson isn't even traveling with the team because he has pneumonia. So once they got rid of that dead weight, they actually played like a real professional basketball team. Three players—Monta Ellis, Vladimir Radmanovic, and Anthony Morrow—played all 48 minutes, but still had enough in the tank to end the Mavericks' five-game winning streak. It was the first time since 1952 that an NBA team won a regular season game with only six players.

So why didn't fill-in coach Keith Smart use his remaining two bench players? Well, one was D-Leaguer Chris Hunter (Go Mat Ants!) who they had to sign just to get to the league minimum of eight bodies. And I guess Smart assumed the other guy was a ball boy or something. He's new at this.

Honorable mention: Alberto Poo-Holes. Why does his bat have a lighting bolt carved into it? [MLB]

Update: Apparently, Time Warner also promoted yesterday's Celtics/Knicks matchup as a Chris Duhon and Shelden Williams reunion. If you see anymore evidence of pro-Duke bias from your TV's program guide, please forward because that's really weird.

As time expired in the first quarter, the Knicks inbounded the ball with half a second left. Nate Robinson, rather than quietly hand the ball to an official, or even chuck a desperation heave 80 feet down the court, decided to show what a good three-point shot he's got when no one is guarding him, and there's nothing at stake. Let's watch.

Though the clock had barely expired, Mike D'Antoni was furious. As you'd expect from a coach whose grease board in the locker room reads "Be terrible, just don't be stupid." No, actually, what the board reads after back-to-back victories over Indy and New Jersey, is "Winning Streak." Seriously.

While D'Antoni said after the game he and Nate were cool, it must be noted that Robinson only got three more minutes of game time after this ill-advised shot.

And, on a brighter note, the Knicks finally have more wins in November, three, than the Yankees. And they're three wins ahead of the Giants and Jets.

From what I can decipher, there is some Japanese video game series called The King of Fighters, which I assume must be something like Mortal Kombat, just more Japanese-ey-ey. And since it is a Japanese product, there is a set of gaming cards associated with this particular video game. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if there were Hentai Tentacle Porn gaming cards.

This is where some photoshopping wisenheimer comes in, photoshops the faces of NBA players on them and uploads them to a Flickr account. And I must say, he or she did a bang-up job. Here is but a sampling:

Sometimes, it's the little things that make you laugh. That reminds me, there hasn't been an amusing story about midgets in way too long.

SUPER!BASKETBALL!FIGHTING!EXCITEMENT!BATTLE! [Hardwood Paroxysm]
The Weirdest/Coolest Japanese Themed NBA Cards You Will Ever See [Last Angry Fan]

All the way back in April 2004, Williams was originally acquitted of aggravated manslaughter, assault and other weapons charges after he accidentally killed his limo driver with a shotgun during a party in his home. However, he was convicted on four charges related to his attempts to cover up the shooting and the jury deadlocked on a lesser charger of reckless manslaughter. His sentencing on the cover-up was postponed until there could be a retrial on the reckless manslaughter case, but due to various procedural maneuvers, that trial never happened. He's basically been out on bail for five years.

The retrial was finally slated to resume next January, but sources says that Williams will go to court tomorrow and plead guilty to aggravated assault, ending all the legal challenges. (He settled a civil suit in 2003.) He will face up to three years in prison, but will get a minimum of 18 months because the crime involved a gun. Plus, he could have faced as many 13 years for the charges from the original trial, but those have likely been negotiated down with the plea bargain.

So basically, it's been nearly eight years, but Williams may finally now be punished for trying to impress his idiot friends with a loaded shotgun. If you don't count his failed life, total destruction of his reputation, and possible loss of sanity as punishment. (That's a start, but after all, he did kill a guy.)

Jayson Williams is expected to serve 18 months in prison for 2002 death [Newark Star-Ledger]
Jayson Williams taking deal in shooting [AP]
Jayson Williams to take plea deal in shooting case [ESPN]

The card, a 1986-87 Fleer, is one of only two of its kind to receive a perfect "10 Pristine" rating from Beckett Grading Services and is now owned by Georgia investor Sean Storms. (Yeah, right. Like we're supposed to believe that name isn't made up.) Storms is now desperate to find the second card so that he can pair them together like a set of red kings—and then never let anyone look at them again.

"It won't see the light of day for at least 10 years, maybe 15," he said. "I'm very excited to have the card."

Wow, that's ... fun? My baseball card collection is also excitedly collecting dust, yet somehow my 16 Tim Pyznarski "Future Stars" cards are still completely worthless.

Perfect Michael Jordan Rookie Card sells for $200,000 [The Beckett Blog]

This photo doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but it makes a nice palate cleanser to start your day, I think. Come on, it's Greg Oden in a bunny suit. That's .... cute? How did Spike Jonze make a movie about furry overgrown children and forget to cast the least child-like man-child ever? Or did Oden just drop out with an ankle injury?

Seriously, though. Nice costume.

Greg Oden's Pre-Halloween and Season Celebration [Blaze of Love]

* * * * * *

Monday. Here we go.

The Massachusetts DMV (or "RMV," for some reason) produces all kinds of specialty plates, at 40 bucks a pop, with $28 of that going to charity. The catch is that 1500 people need to pre-order the plates before they'll physically start making them.

The plates went on offer in late 2006, and officials expected them to be a quick seller. After all, the Red Sox and Patriots plates had no trouble reaching the benchmark, and even the Bruins got it done in five months.

But the Kevin Garnett trade came and went, and no dice. The 2008 championship came and went, and still nothing. Finally last month the 1500th Celtics fan made themselves known, and the license plates can now officially be produced.

Not good news for bragging rights for Bostonians. If you ask an Angeleno, adorning your car is the best and only way to prove fandom
.
For Celtics Fans, Waiting Was Plate Of Frustration [Boston Globe]

Because I've had my fill of hate mail recently, and because OKC fans have already made their feelings known when I dared to suggest that the wind is the defining feature of their city, I'm going to refrain from pointing out that if KD played in New York or L.A., there are actually clubs and bars that are open on Thursdays.

But I will say there's a certain segment of our audience, perhaps from a certain Pacific Northwest city, that's not exactly rooting against the Thunder's franchise player going down with a career-ending slap-related injury.

I Guess This Is How You Pass The Time On An Off Day [Daily Thunder]