Deadspin
A few people out there have wondered if the entirely reasonable and in no way dramatically and insanely overstepping in the name of a somewhat noble (occasionally) cause folks at PETA have an opinion on David Stern's decision to be with leather again. Well, they do.
On behalf of the more than 1 million members and supporters of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) worldwide, I am writing with a solution to the recent drama of a few high-profile NBA players who were whining about fingertip scratches and scrapes caused by the new composite basketball adopted by the league. As excruciating as these "injuries" must be for a worldclass athlete, thousands of cows stand to suffer far worse if the NBA goes back to a leather basketball — so we'd like to suggest a compromise.
PETA would like to offer a lifetime supply of cruelty-free hand cream to any NBA siss ... excuse me, superstar who'd be willing to give the composite ball another shot. Recreational players and NCAA athletes have been using composite balls for years without experiencing scratches or scrapes — but we understand that the delicate hands of pampered NBA superstars are far more sensitive than those of your average Joe who actually has to work for a living. The hand cream comes in a variety of scents, including "Filthy Rich Organic" (perfect for any overpaid millionaire) and "Peaceful Patchouli"-Nash, we have a whole case of that set aside for you. Maybe by taking care of your own skin a bit better, you can allow cows who would otherwise meet their end in the slaughterhouse to keep theirs.
You can download their full letter right here, in PDF form. As much as we might enjoy some "Peaceful Patchuouli Nash" hand cream, we think this might be an example of fighting demons that aren't there. (That said, we're leather offenders ourselves.) The real question: What's their take on Barbaro?
We're Avoiding "With Leather" Jokes, But You May Feel Free [Deadspin]
Comments
You know, the term "Sissystar" could describe several NBA players.
Why do I have a feeling we can add PETA to the group of animal lovers who hate Deadspin?
What a bunch of Barbaro-fuckers
Anna Benson thinks she's a fugly slut.
My leather jacket says: "Fuck you, PETA, I'm perfectly happy where I am."
I am intrigued by the nubile blonde in your advertisement and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
You know, between this pic and the two of LeeAnn Tweeden and that Rocketboom lady, I have a sneaking suspicion the Fleshbot has come alive, HAL-style, and is running all Gawker sites.
Next up, Kotaku will show nerds nothing but digital women in bathing sui... oh wait, it does that everyday already.
Oh, if only one of those were Bunnicula.
Fuck Barbaro. Does this mean Pam Anderson is reading Deadspin now? MAybe we could point her the the Barbaro boards, lot of lonely old bastards over there needin' their trouser snakes taken care of.
I fucking hate PETA. Anyone else see that episode of Bullshit?
That picture is remarkably similar to the cover of my favorite porno.
Except--you know--instead or rabbits there are horses.
...
I've said too much.
I wanna do da heizman on dat ho.
They almost had me with the "people who actually work for a living" angle. But I wonder how many PETA members actually work for a living. Seems like an organization for people who don't have enough to do.
... which could also apply to Deadspin commenters, I suppose.
Methinks the placement of the the "NO FUR" line is quite suggestive.
It's too bad that PETA doesn't have any boats docked off of the New Zealand coast.
What the hell is wrong with PETA? Do they hate Earth so much that they won't let the NBA help out with removal of the worst polluters on the planet? Cows produce more CO2 than cars and planes combined. If PETA has their way we'll all be boiling in the remains of the melted ice caps.
This makes me want to buy that shirt:
People
Eating
Tasty
Animals
"If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat."
--John Cleese
I'm going to run over a dog today just to spite PETA.
I would need a frontal shot to confirm that indeed there's "no fur".
I wouldn't mind her bringing me some cream for my balls...er, hands...uh, nevermind.
Eddie Griffin is very interested in this free hand cream offer
This doesn't make any sense. These cows will already be dead for steaks and leather jackets (thanks Will!) anyway.
These cows will already be dead for steaks
Yeah, are the same cows killed for their yummy steaks skinned for their leather? Or is it different cows?
NOT eating meat is a choice; eating meat is an instinct!
-Denis Leary
Don't get me wrong, I think cruelty to animals is sick, but it's possible to have a humane slaughter process (or is that an oxymoron). But how many of these PETA fanatics NEVER use a product that is animal-based and is derived only after the animal has died. I mean, they don't own any patent leather shoes? They don't ever eat eggs (aborted baby chickens)? They don't ever use glue (sorry Bobby!)?
Imogen Bailey. Not to be confused with Imogen Heap, I guess.
Is that girl in the photo the porn star Devon? Because if so, I have seen a lot of cruelty performed on/to her kitty cat.
And if it is her, the "No Fur" line definitely applies.
Love the side boob shot, much more than the under butt.
http://abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=local&id=4842922...
And this is what people who like animals do to them?
Maybe these PETA fuckers should start, uh, policing their own, you know?
Funny you should say that 83tilinfinity...Imogen Heap played here in Lawrence last night, at the same theater where we went to For Your Consideration last night...which was good but not what I expected, in case you were wondering.
The NBA will surely give up his its cow-derived ball the very moment PETA Senior Vice President MaryBeth Sweetland gives up her sheep-derived insulin.
(I know that comparing a lifesaving medical substance to a basketball is specious at best... but, c'mon, a PETA spokesperson just called a group of professional athletes "sissy." It's a good day for hyperbole.)
You go bunny that made it to second base.
Something tells me NBA superstars are the probably the least in need of PETA's charity.
Planned Parenthood, on the other hand....
After that picture, I'm thinking of switching to synthetic balls myself.
If we didn't use leather or beef, cows would be extinct. I'm going to buy a leather basketball just to piss off PETA.
Fuck PETA and the horse they gently led in with them.
moises alou is intrigued by this notion of "hand cream" and would like to subscribe to the newsletter.
That picture reminds me, if any of you are ever in New Orleans head over to Jacques - Imo's Cafe for the paneed rabbit. It's amazing. And get a side of alligator cheesecake to go with it. There's also one in NYC.
For every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three. (tm: Maddox)
I have to say that the composite ball probably isn't that big of a deal. Nash doesn't even want them to change the ball midstream. The biggest problem with the ball is that it was hoisted on the players without their approval. Had Stern played nice, this probably wouldn't have even been an issue.
PETA is wrong on the count of NBA players hands being too senstive. Sure, I used a composite ball playing recreationally and in high school (had an NBA genuine leather ball once, and actually found it to be too slippery for my tastes) and never had finger tip problems. Then again, I never played an 82 game season plus playoffs, preaseason, and practice. That's a lot of ball handling. If the scuffs and cuts are genuinely happening, then the ball needs to go.
And really, if the PETA people want bigger fish to fry, perhaps they should go after the shoes. Leather really isn't necessary for the shoes either, but I would guess most of them are either part or all leather and that the average big time player goes through scores of shoes in a season.
"Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'"
Andy Rooney
Please, won't somebody think of the cows?
Is that a Brown Bunny?
Please, won't somebody think of the cows?
Mmm, I'm thinking of one right now, grilled medium rare on my plate with some mashed potatoes.
Man, I'm hungry.
83tilinfinity, also not to be confused with Imogen Coca.
I want a bunny.
289, you just made me drool. Jack lays that thin crispy rabbit over a bowl of creamy pasta. He's a buddy of mine and a great chef.
Speaking of food, I'll be glad to raise a glass and toast PETA when I'm at The Palm tonight tucking into a nice piece of prime beef.
eggs are not aborted baby chickens, dude.
Is a NoFurBurger like a FauxTurkey?
Please, won't somebody think of the cows?
If by "think" you mean "fantasize about ways I'd like to violate" and by "cows" you mean "the woman in the picture" then I am already all over it.
Tell Jack he rocks. I was there for a bachelor party (and Jazz Fest). I don't think that I've ever had a better meal.
I'm sure that NBA players would love free hand-cream just as long as it isn't delivered by Rodney Coronado.
Yeah PETA. Rodney Coronado.
Jack does rock. Both he and I split our time between NYC and N'awlins so I have had the pleasure of carrying him home in two different cities. Make sure you try the alligator cheesecake, and his fried chicken is amazing as well.
Hey, don't lump vegetarians in with PETA. We don't like that. (Well, I don't like that.)
I imagine this will kill Bud Selig's idea to go with composite baseball mitts next season.
stern should have never given in to those fake breasted hippies to begin with.