PIT 12, BUF 0
I hope you fantasy team's not playing against Josh — er, Jeff — Reed today: he's got four field goals. And hey, what the hell is up with those Steelers' uniforms? I thought the Bills were playing the Hamilton Tiger Cats for a second.

HOU 17, CAR 14
What's with every wide receiver catching two TDs today? Steve Smith has a double, as does Andre Johnson.

CLE 27, CIN 21
I'm getting really fucking tired of Chad Johnson's all talk-no walk TD celebrations. He scored a touchdown, but bitched out of jumping in the Dawg Pound. Instead he just stood around lookin' like a confused freshman at his first day of high school.

IND 16, TEN 6
Bironas can't do it all by himself, damn it! C'mon, Titans.

TB 21, NO 0
If I were any good with MS Paint I would draw a picture of me scratching my head. Joey Galloway has two TDs for the Pirates.

STL 13, SF 7
Stephen Jackson has 43 yards, but still no trips to the end zone. Thank God he slipped to the eight round in my grandfather's fantasy league.

NYG 10, GB 7
Elisha has thrown 143 yards and a touchdown to Plaxico. You try doing that with a tampon in.

ATL 7, JAX 3
At one point today, Joey Harrington was your weekly NFL passing leader. The end is near.