'that's how we do things in the sexy business' is the best line ever.

sub in the pancakes

Quit'cher daydreamin' melonhead!

Eli Manning is the Steve Spurrier to my 1976-Buccaneers fantasy team.

My friend was telling me earlier this season how he was the third best QB in the NFC, behind Donovan and 'Beck. Now, I'd still put Donovan in front of him.

I went to watch the game yesterday at a bar here in Chicago, and the bar I was at was serving "Rextacy Bombs." I offered to buy the Bears fans with me one every time Rex turned it over.

If they would have taken me up on it, I don't think they would have been standing by the end of the game; and I likely would have been out of money.

You know your offense is in trouble when your best pass play is "let's throw it up and hope for pass interference."

It's Lorenzen Time!

Bring in the Pillsbury Throwboy

Eli Manning & Michael Vick

for

LaDainian Tomlinson, Drew Brees, Philip Rivers, Shawne Merriman, Nate Kaeding, Reche Caldwell, Tim Dwight & Tay Cody

I shouldn't have included Brees in there. I'm an idiot.

I'd like to point out that the headline on ESPN.com right now is "That's So Raven-ous".

ESPN has decided to tie in the Ravens' brutal defense with a fellow Disney
property that appeals to little girls. Makes perfect sense.

BBD that whole post is priceless. I like the idea of Rex Grossman constantly paying himself compliments. I really hope he strolls into huddles--all self-serious like hes the next Joe Montana--and changes the play-calls, saying to his receivers, backs, and tight ends, "You know what? Fuck it. Go deep."

Ahhh... had not heard "Pillsbury Throwboy" in some time. Good times.

If he is 285, then Deadspin is the Overground.

J-Load must make an appearence. One drawback is that he would have to report as an eligible receiver for each play since he is the same size as the offensive tackle.

We should have seen this coming the way he misplayed the eggs, his heart just isn't into the family activities...football included. Do you think he wishes he was really Cooper?

Rub some dirt on it, Eli.

What are the odds that Rex Grossman just bought a shotgun and an Asante Samuel Fathead.

In response to Kid Canada, this is one Vick's Wikipedia page right now:

In 2001, the Atlanta Falcons traded receiver Tim Dwight and several draft picks to the San Diego Chargers for their number one selection spot in the NFL draft. With their downgraded spot (the 5th overall), the Chargers selected Texas Christian running back LaDainian Tomlinson, ironic because Tomlinson would be the better passer of the two. The Falcons selected Michael Vick as the first overall pick.

Eli makes me die inside just a little bit every time he throws the ball. I leave for my soccer game, we're winning 21-0. I come home, and Eli pooped the bed.

+1 to the KSK Gay Mafia. Very good reads this morning.

Rex Grossman and Alan Ekian from "Summer School": separated at birth.

That game left me banging my head in frustration against my leather couch ...

Also, the front page seems to have morphed into the bastard child of the old front page and the Gawker 2.0 look. I assume that means we'll be getting a new look shortly.

Eli fumbled the Deadspin front page.

If the throwboy and Jacobs are on the field at the same time would that be the largest backfield in history? I think they would outweigh the Fridge + MchMahon.

At least Eli is playing in the right city for looking like he doesn't give a damn. It's not like he was sunbathing in central park or something.

You know what would help the Bears out right now....Jeff George.

No, I'm not Jason Whitlock, why do you ask?

Eli just needs a decade or two to come around. Give him some time.

It's a sad statement that I would prefer Cocktail Collins or the Bachelor back there throwing passes to Plax/Shockey

"You gotta unleash the dragon."

Amazing work.

overheard at the manning house this past weekend:
"mommy, daddy and peyton are making fun of me for throwing all those picks."

At this point I'd even take Dave Brown or Danny Kannell. Seriously, I wouldn't mind seeing what The Round Mound of Touchdown aka Big Fat Quaterback aka Jello does back there.

I remember when he was in college it used to take 2-3 guys to sack him.

I'm actually glad for a change that I didn't see the game - seeing the score made me sick enough as it is.

i prefer to think of grossman opening up his hand and saying 'all right, this is what we're going to do' and then drawing straight lines from left to right then saying, 'got it?!'

Imagine how Eli's firstborn son is going to feel. Imagine that first "birds-and-bees" talk about football:

"Son, I know you hate football. I know that fat kid just gave you a big owie on your tummy when he sacked you. I know you want to quit. But you can't quit, because Grandpa and Uncle Peyton will call you a pussy for the rest of your life.

I know because I once told them that my dream in life was to become a world-famous quiche chef. They slapped pads on me and hauled me out to the practice field so fast my head spun. And every time I got hit, it was all, 'What's the matter Eli? Does daddy's little girl want to cry? Do you want to GO HOME and HIDE under MOMMY'S DRESS? DO YOU, ELI? YOU GONNA GROW A PAIR OF TITS OR A PAIR OF BALLS, ELI?'....

Sorry, son. But you have to play football. It's stitched onto the back of your jersey. But don't worry. Me, your mom and your therapist will always be there for you."

Start warming the engines on the Battleship Lorenzen.

Who knows, he could become the most successful Kentucky quarterback in the NFL since Tim Couch!

(Admittedly, that wouldn't take a whole hell of a lot.)

Umm, hate to swim against the Eli-bashing current, but if one dude tackles until the whistle, isn't the story a little different today? Manning was 18/28, including what occurred after what would have been the game-ender.

Just sayin'

Byebyebirdie is correct. If Mathias Kiwinukacouldntacklehim makes that play the deal is done. But like any good Boston College alum he doesn't finish the play. Worst tackle all year.

*peers into the barrel holding all of the justified sympathy for Eli Manning*

Nope, not a god damn thing in there.

All year? That was the worst tackle I have ever seen. And I went to a DIII school with a bad football team.

I'm guessing Critic wasn't smart enough to get into BC, just like our pal Bill Simmons.

I cried...no, seriously, I cried when fucktard Mathias Kiwinukacouldntacklehim let go of Young and allowed him to run for what was basically game winning yards. Oh, look at that...I'm still crying.

Before everyone goes throwing Brother Eli under the bus, may I remind you that more than a few Giants on both sides of the ball decided that yesterday wasn't quite a tackling day or a catching day. This is really not in Eli's control - Plax deserves a lot of blame for letting two slightly-off incomplete passes turn into picks. He seems content with ignoring the path of the ball if it's not aimed directly at his jersey numbers. So, he should go fuck himself.

Also, even though I believe that Eli is NOT living up to expectations in New York, I believe that there is unmet potential in Eli because his coaches suck. Let me repeat: Coughlin and his staff are sucking and sucking hard right now in almost every possible way. For every problem that Eli has, there is a way that he can be coached out of it. For every problem on the Giants not involving Eli, each one of them is a coaching problem except for the injuries. Don't think this is going unnoticed. Coughlin was specifically hired to solve these exact same problems that Fassel was having with the team, and he's doing a shit job of it. Fassel, for all his problems, got the Giants to the big game - Coughlin and his bumbling staff have turned a few years of talented Giants teams into November turkeys. This is a much bigger problem than Eli's passer rating right now.

The smart money is on Coughlin being shown the door before his next and final contract year. Accorsi is retiring and probably won't be the one to do it, but the incoming GM will have something to prove and a better coaching staff is probably the path of least resistance to team improvement. Plax will get one more year to prove his worth. Jacobs will be a servicable running back, but the team will expect more out of its receivers. Eli will get a couple more chances too, as he should, but he needs better coaching to overcome his shaky play. Otherwise, who's stopping these guys from ruling the NFC East other than the improbable Tony Romo?

The boy does have an awfully cute butt, though.

^ truth

No interest in football but I'd hit it, every day and twice on Sundays.