You might have thought Joey Porter punching guys in a Vegas hotel would be bad for his team. (Or calling opposing players "fags." Or attacking you with his dogs. Or pretty much anything else Joey Porter does.)

But, alas, no! He's just making the Dolphins a tougher team, according to Greg Cote in The Miami Herald.

The Dolphins are paying Porter big money, nearly starting-quarterback money — $32 million over five years, most of it guaranteed — to do more than make tackles and sacks from his outside linebacker spot. They are buying a player with attitude. A badass. They are buying an athlete who — by association, maybe by osmosis — might inspire teammates to be more emotional on the volatile side, and make the entire Dolphins brand perceived as tougher, scarier. On Sunday night, they began getting their money's worth.

We are absolutely behind this idea; it is perfectly reasonable that, in the future, NFL players will receive performance bonuses for off-the-field attacks. It's a logical extension of what's already happening. No wonder the Bengals were over the salary cap!

Joey Being Joey [Chicks Dig The Long Ball]
We'd Recommend Not Playing Blackjack With Joey Porter [Deadspin]

1:15 PM on Wed Mar 21 2007
By Leitch
1,667 views
37 comments

Comments

Chicago Jones at 12:21 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

What about kissing men? Tony Dungy wants an answer.
MDT at 12:23 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

I'd empty my wallet into an envelope and send it to him if he could just knock Brady out of a game this year
44 in a Row at 12:23 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 235

They are buying an athlete who -- by association, maybe by osmosis -- might inspire teammates to be more emotional on the volatile side, and make the entire Dolphins brand perceived as tougher, scarier.

I'm not clear on what signing Joey Porter does that, say, moving their practice facility to the Orange Bowl doesn't.
PatrickEwingsGuarantee at 12:23 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Every time a stripper gets one-half of a double dong, Fred Smoot's team scores a touchdown.
Weed Against Speed at 12:25 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 402

I heard the Dolphins are brokering Rae Carruth's release from prison.
LingeringBursitis at 12:25 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

so basically the league needs more unhinged, physically-imposing yet emotionally fragile and immature players?

Hard to believe there's not plenty of them going around already.
JebusHChrist at 12:26 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Didn't he get shot in the ass a couple years ago?
Snitches may get stitches but cowards get shot in the ass.
Sarge at 12:27 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@JebusHChrist: Exactly what TD's against!
Weed Against Speed at 12:29 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 402

Upon checking out the Miami Herald website, I discovered Greg Cote writes a column entitled Random Evidence of a Cluttered Mind.

Cluttered indeed.
Dirk Calloway at 12:30 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Tony Dungy is clearly a far worse person than Joey Porter.
Moletran at 12:32 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Joey Porter will bitch slap Greg Cote for accusing him of osmosis.
Frinklin at 12:32 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Badassses with attitude is totally what comes to mind when one mentions grown men called "Dolphins" who wear teal and orange.
Flαmεtown at 12:34 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Wow. Pacman Jones is really working for that 20 mil bonus!
Pam Ward needs no... at 12:36 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

I so want to see Joey Porter in a cage with a lion, one-on-one. No doubt in my mind Porter's walking out alive, a little worse for the wear, but alive.
Midwesterner in NYC at 12:40 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

make the entire Dolphins brand perceived as tougher, scarier.

Well they had to do something, their quarterback last year was named "Joey".
CDNMoose at 12:47 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

This would make perfect sense if the NFL moves ahead with it's (somewhat controversial) plan to play games inside of casinos without equipment or footballs.

If they go ahead with that, I totally want Joey Porter wearing my favourite team's laundry.
Civil Negligence at 12:48 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 138

For each attempted suicide, T.O.'s contract stipulates that he gets to sleep through another meeting.
SantaBarbaraWahoo at 12:50 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

My only question is; why didn't the XFL think of this during its short existence?
THEGINOCIMOLICONSPIRACY at 12:53 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Can anyone tell me what round I should pick Pac Man Jones in my Fantasy Felon Draft?
CatHairSweater at 12:53 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@Civil Negligence:

Here's to hoping he doesn't make one meeting all year.
Jen P at 12:54 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 70

There are quite a few scary, volatile football players in Miami. It's just that they all play for the Hurricanes.
PurduePaul at 12:55 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Joey Porter doesn't need counseling, he needs to McMahon the sex cannon next year. If this happens, I'll be the happiest Bears fan ever.
thesepretzels at 12:55 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@I_Am_Eaten_By_Wolves: It depends on the scoring in your league. Are the points weighted for sentences for past offenses, or for new arrests?
Roy Hobbs at 12:59 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

But where does Ned fit into all of this?
ltwinslow at 01:03 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 204

Since when is it "badass" to get charged with battery?

he does have a point. on the spectrum of badassedness, it is far more badass to give someone a beat down and never be arrested or charged, but, whatever.
CatHairSweater at 01:09 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@lieutenant winslow:

Taking it to another level of badassedness, it is far more badass to give someone a beat down and never be arrested or charged, as long as it is a woman.

-Ron Artest
CatHairSweater at 01:10 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@lieutenant winslow:

Taking it to the next level, it is far more badass to give someone a beat down and never be arrested or charged, as long as that someone is a woman.

-Ron Artest
Wingman at 01:10 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Knocing a dude from an opposing team out doesn't equal shooting a bouncer; if this had been in the 1950s Porter would have gotten a bonus for it. Apples to oranges comparing this to Pacman.

Joey Porter is exactly who we thought he was.
Bad Barbecue at 01:17 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Fighting nerd with laptop at Denny's with your "posse": not badass.

Hitting meter maid with car: not badass.

Fighting strippers: not badass.

Getting into a fight with another pro football player outside of the game: badass

I'm on the Porter's side.
Mr. Mangold at 01:18 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@G-Force: Now their badass linebacker is named "joey"
Midwesterner in NYC at 01:23 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@Mr. Mangold: Im glad you picked up on the irony.........
Gage at 01:23 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

I'm on board with this logic. Now, what can I do to make the entire Deadspin brand be percieved as tougher?
HeavyPettingZoo at 01:25 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@G-Force:

Daunte, Joey, and Cleo sounds like the cast of a movie Dungy would not approve of.
BunnyColvinSecurity at 01:26 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

That should be "diffusion," not "osmosis." It's the one thing I remember from High School Biology.
Moonshine Mike at 01:28 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

@Mr. Mangold: is "joey" porter badass like "joey" harrington is badass?
BigTenObsession at 01:31 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*
Connectedness Index: 451

@BunnyColvinSecurity:

It's osmosis if Joey is touching all those other players, so it's a good thing he didn't get picked up by the Colts.
Wilf at 04:17 PM on 03/21/07
Reply by Email
*

Joey Porter's going to have a monster year. And that's even before training camp.