The backwards-hat-wearing world screams to the heavens: Where's Bill? Everybody's favorite couch potato/Pretend O.C. Fan/treadmill philosopher/new dad has been away from ESPN's Page 2 for nearly two weeks now as his wife (the Sports "Gal," as is the local parlance) gave birth to their first child, an as-yet-unnamed girl. But inquiring minds want to know: Where'd Bill go? Isn't his hiatus up already? Who even had the kid? Anyway, we know Bill has the book coming out in October — which certainly, no, no way, is not similar at all to the million columns he wrote on Page 2 about the Red Sox — and we know he has, uh, other stuff to do (whatever that is), so we don't mind waiting. So we'll be here. Waiting.

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