Deadspin
We return to the SHOTY Tournament, with the final two quarterfinal matchups, today and Thursday. Of all the Elite Eight matchups, we think this might end up the closest. (The first two have been runaways, though you can still vote.) First, a reminder of the bracket.
It seems strange that of the two people involved this week, Harold Reynolds is the one who doesn't work for ESPN anymore. In fact, he's suing them. And we can never figure out if Jay Mariotti would vote for himself in these tournaments; after all, it does make him more famous.
The matchup breakdown:
No. 4 Seed: Jay Mariotti
2006 Highlights
Brought together the Cubs and the White Sox.
Shrunk from Ozzie Guillen's manly challenge.
Inspired a loving fan site.
Reveled in all the fame.
Declared war on Wikipedia using the famous "whining" method.
No. 5 Seed: Harold Reynolds
2006 Highlights
Fired from ESPN for "undisclosed" reasons.
Hugged the wrong person at the wrong time.
Played awfully dumb.
Sued ESPN's ass.
So, go vote: Who is headed for the Final Four?
Comments
Fucktard rolls like the Germans through France.
we interrupt this regularly scheduled post to bring you the following Barbaro news:
You've certainly got my vote for Time's 2006 Photo of the Year! You are such a magnificent, courageous horse. Please keep up the great work sweet boy. Grow hoof, grow! I love you Barbaro. The miracle continues...
Sandra Gehri-Bergman, 46; Lynnwood, WA, United States
posted on 2006-12-12 14:48:47
apparently he can not only read, but also dabbles in photography
HI GREAT ONE-I had a guy ask me how you were doing this morning.It is almost 7 months since you were injured.Your loving spirit is everywhere.Pray for you every night. GOD BLESS.
herb lord, 64; ft.myers, FL, usa
posted on 2006-12-12 11:57:27
great one??? i know gretzky has a long face but calling him a horse is mean
I wish someone would grope me and buy me a meal at Outback Steakhouse.
Barbaro is now a lock to win the SHOTY after this message board feud, right? I mean, even over Monday and Berman?
Jesus. If we vote for Jay, it makes him more famous. If we don't vote for Jay, I think it still makes him more famous. I might have to abstain.
*jumps up and down, very Horshack* Ooh, ooh, Lizalicious, pick me, pick me!!!!
What?
After the backlash from the Barbaro Message Board, the Deadspin community needs some warmth and love. We need a hug; vote for Harold.
It may be close but it won't matter - neither of them beats Berman in the semis.
Hi Liz!
I'll buy for both of you if I can watch the groping.
This one is my favorite right now:
Happy Tuesday, feisty boy. Hope you are having a great day with tons of hugs, kisses, and carrots. Will you get to graze today? Say hello to Dr. R. Your Baton Rouge buddy, NAncy
Nancy Litton; Baton Rouge, LA,
posted on 2006-12-12 14:01:06
I hope he gets to graze today, too.
Sorry, fucktard, your run is over.
Reynolds can make the baseball levitate! Vote for him!
How does he do it?
can't we just cut the formalities and give the award to berman already? democracy is for hacks.
Barbaro, I'm patiently awaiting the 12-12-06 news update. Also comparing photos of you as you heal. Great job both to you and Dr. Richardson and congrats to him on the newest honor and award. I love you Barbaro, Carole
Carole Parker, 63; Weirsdale, FL, United States of America
posted on 2006-12-12 15:08:31
I dunno. Andie. If I'm gonna grope a fellow deadspin girl, I think I'd want to do it at, say, Red Lobster. Now that screams class.
In a game of good touch/bad touch who wins. Sure Reynolds has the Outback tickler, but didn't Marrioti almost get the rusty trombone from Ozzie Guillen. I have to go with the forced lockerroom manlove. Has to be Marriotti, I mean who hasn't tried go down in the parking lot of an Outback?
Everytime I see SHOTY, I automatically read it as Shit Head Of The Year. For this round at least, I plan to vote accordingly. Mariotti all the way.
Hi Liz,
Fancy a blooming onion?
I am now taking up a collection to watch Andie grope Liz at Outback. Contributions greater than $25 are encouraged, although you may give as little as $5 if you are currently strapped for cash. Video is included at the $50 contribution level.
$100 for the multi-angle version.
Scene: Mariotti's office
Time: Right now
Action: Hits refresh, damn..stands up, quickly paces back and forth running finger's through hair. Sits down with a thud and F9's again. An audible "FUCK!" can be heard outside as now curious observers look in through the glass to see Jay, chest heaving a bit now pacing -- then going back to his computer he clicks and "Those MUTHA FUKAAHS" as his petite wrist slams with authority on the desk cartwheeling his stack of show tune CD's to the carpeted floor.
You guys are killing me. I'm going to get yelled at...
And yes, a bloomin' onion is encouraged.
I am convinced that this whole SHOTY thing is just space filler when Will feels like taking a smoke break. Let's cut to the chase, hand the trophy to Ned and get back to making fun of the Barbaro posters.
Critic, i don't think that's what she had in mind when she agreed to a "blooming onion."
Now, for the love of God, put your pants back on.
$150 for the version with Andie and Liz on the commentary track
Hmm, I remember something like this happening in college. The girls never made out, but still made out like bandits.
The ratings are gonna suck for this matchup.
I voted for Reynolds, because fuck Mariotti.
I was going to vote for Fucktard; but then something, maybe a ghost, maybe my imagination, hugged me from behind.
Harold Reynolds, in a landslide. Tardfuck
Right, I forgot, here in the States, you call it a *sausage* in the mouth.
I'll offer a blooming onion and a 12 inch porterhouse.
Liz - you have a great sense of humor. And you aren't corny.
Critic says: ...12 inch porterhouse.
Sure it's 12 inches, sure...
Hi there hope things are better on this site today was so upsetting yesterday, you just get better thats what we all want. and thankful for all those who help you.... Love Cindy & Anthony Capurso
Cindy& Anthony Capurso, 60; Astoria New York Queens, NY,
posted on 2006-12-12 13:59:54
See what we did? We upset the Capursos!
The last person to upset the Capurso family ended up at the bottom of the Hudson wearing a cement feed bag.
BTO: Did I say inches??
Somebody got through:
Barbaro, you beacon of beauty. I've missed you big boy. quite frankly, I'm so glad your recovering well! I hope santa brings you a big bag of carrots and apples.
stephanie a. smith, 39; philly, PA, USA
posted on 2006-12-11 23:43:00
Those moderators need to catch up.
Is it wrong to get slightly aroused at the thought of Liz and Andie making out? I am just checking for my friend Harold here, that's all....
Oh, btw, I voted for Harold. Besides, fuck the fucking fucker.
Liz....How you doin'?
If they really cared about Barbaro as much as they claim to they'd be voting him SHOTY.
I was happy to see that Luis Rivas of Minneapolis, MN also got a message to Barbaro through.
Is a vote for Harold still a vote for mamms?
I voted for Reynolds. He's cute.
I've started watching this cute new show on TBS, called "My Boys", and it's about P.J., a female beatwriter for some Chicago newspaper, the name of which I can't be bothered to remember. Anyway, I'm waiting for Mariotti's cameo.
I was happy to see that Luis Rivas of Minneapolis, MN also got a message to Barbaro through.
$5 says that's the real Luis Rivas.
Sweet one; Where is that update???? I love you my adorable sweetheart..I bought the calendar from TVG for my dad..you are April's pin-up..your bday month!!!!!!!!!!! I love you. xoxo
Susie Bowie, 56; Las Vegas, NV, USA
posted on 2006-12-12 14:32:52
Okay, who's responsible for this one??
Harold would like to remind all of you that Boston Market is now serving...steak.
H is for hooray
A is for awesome
R is for really awesome
O is for Olive Garden at 5 pm.
L is for lots of breadsticks
D is for daring to hug
I got a little hungry there at the end.
Suzy Single, 47 Catsville, USA
Is it wrong to get slightly aroused at the thought of Liz and Andie making out?
If it's wrong...
KC: Us Domini-cans don't bother writing to horses.
Metschick, I've heard "My Boys" is actually pretty good. If it gets a mention by you, it must be decent. I'll have to check it out. And like Mariotti would ever deign to lower himself to that level. Hahaha, he laughs at your show on TBS.
My parents took me to Red Lobster for my 21st birthday dinner, where I ordered my first legal drink, a screwdriver. Unfortunately, though, there was nobody there worth groping.
Is it wrong to get slightly aroused at the thought of Liz and Andie making out?
If you don't know what they look like, it would at least be really confusing.