• cultural oddsmaker

    What Will Roger Goodell Do Next?

    AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think.

    If the last year didn't already prove it, the NFL is turning into the Eastside High School of professional sports. Roger Goodell's latest smackdown on the Patriots proves he's in Crazy Joe Clark-mode permanently. But after inheriting a league in dire need of an image makeover, there needed to be a new HNIC to get things straightened out.

    His first order of duty? Clean up the riff-raff.

    "I want all of you to take a good look at these people on the risers behind me...(Pac Man, Odell, Tank, Michael)..."

    And since none of them were going to graduate anyway, they've all been expurgated. If Pac-Man tries sniveling back again, begging for a second chance because his mom's gonna kill him, he'll need to get marched up to the rooftop of Goodell's office for a proper reality check." You smoke crack doncha? Jump. Gaw head, jump!"

    With the latest scandal, Bill Belichick plays the role of the mouthy music teacher, only concerned with getting his kids to the national chorus championships every year, rolling his eyes at all this rah-rah discipline. Well, a $500,000 fine and an executed draft pick(s) later should keep him on point. The undermining of authority will not be tolerated. Now, go wash your hoodie and stop spying.

    Is this punishment excessive? Possibly. However, it manages to keep Goodell's message: No more shenanigans! (As does, you know, dispatching NFL security to make house calls because some idiot decides to ask questions about dog fighting to the wrong PR flack.)

    This is a new league, and here's Roger Goodell with a megaphone and a baseball bat. We're only one more character smudge away from him having to put chains on the inside of the doors.

    So, this week, I'm dressing up like Kid Ray, impregnating Kaneesha and placing odds on the next heavy-handed discipline Roger Goodell will hand down.

    Let's help him carry on, after this MORE. More »

    3:15 PM on Fri Sep 14 2007
    By DAULERIO
    5,857 views, 67 comments

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