Deadspin
We're not sure if this says more about the significance of today, or simply a statement about us, but just about every email we've gotten today has included the words "Happy Mitchell Report Day." Hype is fun. Particularly now that Roger Clemens is attending the party.
We're about three-and-a-half hours away from the release of the Mitchell Report — or as we prefer to call it, "Whose Career Can We Ruin, And By "Ruin" We Mean, "Hurt The Reputation Of While Still Paying Him Millions" — and there's not much time left for guessing games. Because the Internet was invented for unfettered and unsubstantiated speculation, we encourage you to make your last-second guesses now. Then you can take a bunch of credit in three hours if you're right.
We repeat: The only real purpose of this report is for everyone to scream "Gotcha!" for the poor souls unable to avoid its pages. So we might as well all play along.
As you know by now, "Mike and Mike" reported this morning that Brian McNamee, personal trainer for Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte, told Mitchell report investigators he gave Clemens steroids prior to joining the team and while he was a Yankee. So you'll see him. Maybe. Here we go.
We'll be live-blogging Mitchell's press conference today at 2 p.m., so, you know, in case you don't have a TV.
Comments
But what about the garbage truck?
Good fucking riddance I say. Let the schmuck retire in shame. And let the filing of the libel lawsuits commence!
they are coming for you Eckstein
GARGABE DAY!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say Brady Anderson.
Also, he will be included on the MLB's Gayest Players list.
Will this report get me blacklisted at Hop Sing's?
I'd say Andruw Jones, Randy Johnson, Craig Biggio, and Jeff Bagwell.
or garbage day, for the non on their 7th coffee this Morning.
Ah. The first of many names that will elicit a "No shit" coupled with a sarcastic head slapping gesture.
Audrey Huff's gotta be on something...
Shoulda been you, Kevin Brown.
please be schilling please be schilling please be schilling
Anybody got ken caminiti on the list?
Mitchell!
rick ankiel
You know what name would amuse me endlessly? Shawn Green.
Otis Nixon's name will definitely be on the list.
They're not testing for cocaine?
Wait, what?
Give me Tejada, Kevin Brown, Brady Anderson, Dante Bichette, and the entire 1993 Phillies roster.
Happy Bret Boone HR Anomaly Day to everyone, and to all, a good night!
Rocco Baldelli, Miguel Tejeda, Pudge, and Kerry Wood.
@Carlton_Whitfield: Only if you named names.
Nolan Ryan. Advil my ass.
Farve.
Brian McNamee can McName as many McNames as he wants but it'll be a cold day in hell before Jeter's name comes up on that list. He's too dreamy!
Do you really want to know the horrifying truth? Or do you want to see (me) knock a few dingers!?
Oh, and Brad Fullmer gets my vote.
Norby!
Barbaro has to be on the list. The "L" notation in the Racing Form is a dead giveaway.
" ... so, you know, in case you don't have a TV."
I'm thinking anyone who doesn't have a TV probably hasn't heard of the internet. Oh... you mean access to a tv.
/anal retentive rant
Say it ain't so, Maddux. Seriously, that would break my heart.
andres galarraga
@44 in a Row: The Hebrew Hammer does not juice goddamnit.
I want to live blog reading this article
Andruw Jones, David Wells, Greg Maddux, Pudge
Any reports on Texas Gal? Is there a Ladies... vigil/suicide-watch planned?
@J-No:
Mine too.
@Pepper Leach: Come on man, have you ever seen the 93 Phillies? None of them even took vitamins much less steroids.
@Stay Away From Oprah: Mark Prior, Kevin Mitchell, and Frank Thomas also.
My guess is no Red Sox.
@JoeyT:
Brotha had cancer. That's not fair.
Now if roids = thin air at Coors, then yes.
Skeets, Suss, and Camp Tiger Claw. They've been doing way too well.
@Mensch Warmer:
Word.
Don't make me call Abe Foxman, 44.
@J-No: Yeah, Cal and Maddux are the only two I am worried about. If either one shows up on the list I'm going to curl up in the fetal position.
I won't guess about other teams, but for the Braves I wouldn't be surprised if I heard any of the following: Klesko, Rocker (you know it to be true!), Furcal, Sheffield, Giles, or Javy Lopez.
I just hope Chipper isn't on it, because if he is then I may have to hurt someone.
Sidd Finch.
If Nick Punto is on this list, I'll cry myself to sleep tonight...
And let's hope Terry Tiffee isn't either. Otherwise his 1 career home run will be tainted in the eyes of HOF voters...
No doubt this report will crush the pristine legacy of Ismael Valdez.
I got names, how about these names: Yankees, Red Sox, Twins, Brewers, Mets, Phillies, Orioles, Nationals (nee Expos), Braves, Marlins, Rays (nee Devil Rays), Royals, Cubs, White Sox, Rockies, Reds, Indians, Pirates, Astros, Rangers, Angels, D'Backs (nee Diamondbacks), Padres, Giants, A's, Dodgers, Mariners, Blue Jays, Tigers, Cardinals, and MLB. Oh, and Bud Selig for being such fucking idiot. Better wash u ass Selig.
I'm thinking anyone who doesn't have a TV probably hasn't heard of the internet. Oh... you mean access to a tv.
For the record, there are four attorneys I work with who don't own TVs. They're young, recently out of law school, making $160k+ a year, and just haven't gotten around to buying a TV y et.
Also, Piazza.
Even though they are saying "several" prominent Yankees will be named we can rest assured Jeter and A-rod won't be on that list. They are injecting something else in their asses entirely different.
@Mensch Warmer: Who even mentioned Ryan Braun?
... Wait, what? He's non-observant??
Shanda!
Mo Vaughn.
You said cheeseburgers, right?
Pitcher for the New York Mets, Former catcher for the New York Mets, Outfielder for the Boston Red Sox, Complete Douche for the San Francesco Giants and ESPN morning radio personality.