Mihailov was dating Nikoleta Lozanova—who it is surprisingly difficult to find a SFW photo of—but she traded up to local godfather Georgi "The Head" Stoilov. Mihailov moved on, finding his own new lady friend (also a Bulgarian Playmate! How convenient) that he compared very favorably to his old squeeze. That was a big mistake.

Mihailov allegedly joked to local media that if his new girlfriend was a Ferrari, Nikoleta must be a broken down Trabant from the old East Germany.

The next day, Mihailov woke to find that his Ferrari had suffered £17,000 worth of damage following an acid attack that had destroyed the car's paintwork.

Hmmm. That's probably just a coincidence, huh? (At least it was an actual Ferrari and not the new girlfriend that was covered in acid.) Mihailov, who is the son of Bulgaria's greatest soccer "legend", is now in hiding, presumably to avoid ending up like Harvey Dent.

Remember, kids, when a Bulgarian mob boss steals your girlfriend ... just let it go.

Liverpool's Nikolay Mihailov has run-in with mafia godfather over ex-girlfriend jibe [Telegraph]
Liverpool keeper is in hiding [Dirty Tackle]

Yes, we are all proud of "our boys" for almost beating Brazil, but if it was any other sport—i.e., one that Americans understood a little better—wouldn't we be lambasting the men's national team for blowing a 2-0 halftime lead in a championship game? I guess this wasn't another "game that changes everything." As long as losing to Brazil is met with shrugs of "Well, they are Brazil" then America is probably going to remain a second-class soccer citizen.

That is just fine, by the way, because according to the American Enterprise Institute, soccer is a socialist sport that rewards undeserving lazy teams, instead of good democratic ones. You see, Gary Schmitt—one of the founders of neoconservative outfit Project for the New American Century—has determined through a rigorous examination of his kids' pee-wee games that better, more dominant teams always lose in soccer, which is why Latin Americans and Europeans (a.k.a., people on welfare) love it so much. The U.S. stinks at soccer because our players don't believe in the redistribution of wins. I feel better already.

The Not-so-beautiful Game [The Enterprise Blog]
US takes big strides at Confederations Cup [USA Today]
South Africa passes World Cup test [BBC]
Confederations Cup: The Excitement Is Unbelieveable! [Goal]

*Actually, the next international match is this weekend in the first round of the CONCACAF Gold Cup (that's the "confederation" the U.S. won in 2007 to get into the Confederations Cup), but the roster will be completely different than the one from Sunday. So we'll see if Saturday's game against Grenada leads SportsCenter that evening.

The ploy didn't work for South Africa, but still, a few rolls of Charmin might come in handy. You never know.

*****

Thanks for your continued support on Deadspin, especially on summer Saturdays. Barry Petchesky's on board tomorrow, so look forward to that. Now go outside while the sun's still out.

Whenever it knocks off a highly-regarded opponent, the United States tends to draw hyperbolic responses from the press. Every major win — hell, even a notable tie — is greeted with an almost unparalleled optimism for the future of the game. This one will impact the country's appreciation of soccer, aficionados claim, citing all the same reasons. You just watch.

And yes, maybe the Yanks' win over Spain will be The One, especially if they couple it with another Greatest Win Ever against Brazil tomorrow. But if history is any indication, then this unbridled glee will disappear soon, at least until the U.S. returns to South Africa next year. And then, if it advances past the round robin stage, we'll hear the same echoes of hope, just as we have in the past:

1994 World Cup: U.S. 2, Colombia 1

"This game is going to have a permanent effect" on soccer in America, said Alan Rothenberg, president of the United States Soccer Federation. "It's the biggest so far in history."

1995 Copa America: U.S. 3, Argentina 0

The United States defeated Argentina, 3-0, in the Copa America tournament tonight, and in the process engineered one of the most significant victories in American soccer history. For Argentina — a two-time World Cup champion and the two-time defending champion of this South American tournament — the game was supposed to be a warmup for the quarterfinals, as it already had clinched a berth. The United States, however, refused to play the role of sparring partner and scored two goals in the first half to quickly knock out one of the best teams in the world.

"I think this is the first step . . . to become a major soccer power," said midfielder Cobi Jones, who played brilliantly.

1998 Gold Cup: U.S. 1, Brazil 0

"It states we can play with anyone in the world, and on occasion, beat the best in the world," U.S. coach Steve Sampson said. "I think a lot of people are going to pay a lot more respect to the United States. ... We've made enormous strides. Is it like winning a Super Bowl? No, not yet. It's just not that way in this country. But we hope the sport will continue to grow."

2002 World Cup: U.S. 3, Portugal 2

There is little question there is a significant appetite for top-level soccer in the United States. The 1994 World Cup and 1999 Women's World Cups were successes, and World Cup qualifiers and marquee foreign opposition continue to draw fans in the tens of thousands. The problem that still plagues MLS, however, is convincing those fans that its product is worth sampling on a regular basis.

"What you saw today was the beginning of the emergence of our league. It establishes our credibility within the soccer audience that exists in this country," Gazidis said.

But if the U.S. shocks Brazil tomorrow? Forget I even mentioned this. We'll be too busy celebrating in the streets with vuvuzelas.

Remember the Miracle On Ice? [NYT]
Biggest U.S. win ever? [Fox Sports]
Not America's Game [NYT]

While this story about a certain soccer team's late-night exploits has sparked media attention in recent days, it has been all but ignored in Egypt, where the Ministry of Information controls all editorial content. One Deadspin reader speaks "passable Arabic" — don't we all? — and scoured one of the top Egyptian dailies, Al-Ahram, to read its dispatches from South Africa. The Arabic edition of the newspaper chose not to feature its soccer team's allegedly scandalous behavior, burying it below other eye-grabbing headlines like: "Outside the circle of light" and "News read soon: a contract extension Hassan Shehata." (Thanks, Mr. Google!)

Aforementioned dear reader was kind enough to put his Arabic skills to work and serve as Deadspin's official translator/liaison to Egyptian media matters:

The Egyptian embassy in South Africa is closely following the event of the robbery of members of the National team during their participation in the Confederation Cup.

The announcement was made by Mona Amr Mussad, foreign minister for African affairs, who said:

The government of South Africa desires to contain this incident and not to intensify it, and to maintain relations between Egypt and South Africa. In addition, the foreign ministry has been sent a number of cables from the South African embassy in Cairo praising the performance and behavior of the national team during the tournament, and wishing them well for their participation in the 2010 World Cup.

Mini Amr said: The lawsuit against the paper that published the story that some of the national team players were accompanied by girls will occur after the completion of the investigation into the events of the theft, and he also said:

It is preferable that the newspaper apologizes in the appropriate manner, and that the apology is preferred to initiating judicial proceedings, which are not beneficial to relations between the two countries. The ministry has indicated that it has accompanied the national team in several encounters with African countries, and noticed disciplined and positive behavior from all the players. What happened in South Africa is irresponsible conduct from an irresponsible newspaper and this matter should not be seen as something larger than it really is.

It's different take from "Allah is punishing them for consorting with prostitutes," but I suppose that's the beauty of the free press. We're all entitled to our own facts.

?????? [Al-Ahram]
Foreign Affairs is closely watching South Africa pays tribute to team discipline [Google Translated Al-Ahram]
Earlier: The Egyptian Soccer Whore Debate Rages On [Deadspin]

Tested the brains of Spain with the corner kick, and despite its sweet intent of the centers, not the thing came out. Picó smart ball over the heads Yanquis (m. 21) and the goal was announced in limbo for over a misuse of Riera. Xavi proposed from a strewn with obstacles, but who arranged Altidore. His goal (m. 27) cracked the water line in Spain. The team is currently in the pinned Xavi, which claimed more weight in the party. Of his left foot twice, neither Torres or Villa advantage.

— Xavi became entangled in the web, ABC.es

For its part, in 'The New York Post' the news of the victory the U.S. shares the stage with devaneos lovers Lindsay Lohan.

— The 'soccer' comes into the U.S. headlines, El Mundo

MADRID .- Spain Everything is gone in Bloemfontein, 'fountain of flowers' in Dutch, the largest source of displeasure that recalls the European Champion, powerless in the most unexpected moment, a star on the wall of a perfect selection in U.S. defense, large style. Yes, Spain bitten the dust after 35 games invicta (2-0) and must conform to share their record with Brazil.

Nobody, not even the most ashen could predict a similar outcome, with a rival ranked carambola, which had only signs of life in Egypt before the last day. But is that the Americans signed the most of its history, with self-assurance of the elect. Bossy and poise to the top then the firm innkeepers in their area and a little luck of addition.

— United States overthrew the legend of Spain, El Mundo

Once again, football was not clear that anyone who respects their codes, which strictly does not meet its unwritten rules, it pays. Spaniards may complain of bad luck from the referee, a lawn in poor condition and even the icy cold, but no excuses worth. Although Iniesta is missing and the team came to South Africa to the limit, you can never lose a shock like that. Del Bosque, flawless so far, will begin to be questioned. The shadow Luis Aragones, the memory of the Championship, are now more present than ever.

— Surprise given the United States and Spain to APEA of Confederations Cup, ABC.es

Previously: El mejor Malestar En La Historia de los deportes (esta semana) [El Deadspin]

Pretty much everyone agreed that the Americans has no business even being in this match after getting lambasted by Brazil and Italy, before a miracle six-goal swing gave them a pass out of the preliminaries on goal-differential. Spain was all over goalie Tim Howard in the second-half, peppering him with shots, but they could not break the seal. The U.S. got two big chances, took advantage of both and sent a message to the entire world. We are not incompetent at soccer!

They'll play in the Confederations Cup final on Sunday against either Brazil (very talented!) or South Africa (very loud!)

The sound is from the vuvuzela, South Africa's answer to the Thunderstick. By itself, it's just a small plastic trumpet that probably cost less than a dollar to make and creates no known musical notes. But when thousands of people toot them simultaneously, you get a loud, incessant hum that makes the entire stadium sound like it's being attacked by angry bees. It's a staple at any South African soccer match and ... surprise! Everyone hates it!

FIFA president Sepp Blatter revealed this week that broadcasters want the instrument banned at next year's World Cup.

But to his eternal credit, the Fifa chief also sprang to the defence of the humble trumpet, saying people must accept that it is part and parcel of football in South Africa.

"That is what African and South Africa football is all about - noise, excitement, dancing, shouting and enjoyment," said the most powerful man in world football.

European fans, both at the tournament and at home, have been complaining about the non-stop trumpeting from the riff raff in the upper deck. Even some of the players would like to see a ban on the plastic toys that stadiums give out for free. (They can't concentrate!) Fortunately, there's very little racial or political tension between the Dark Continent and its former European oppressors, so I'm sure that when millions of Northern Hemisphere-type folks flood the country next summer for the biggest sporting event in history they will be totally tolerant of this charming, yet insanely annoying, local custom.

Why can't South Africans enjoy soccer like normal folks—with racist songs and flare guns!

Vuvuzelas set to take World Cup by storm [AFP]
In defence of the vuvuzela [BBC]
Mute button not an option for the punters [Brisbane Times]
No Racism Allowed in Football - Blatter [All Africa]
Money will talk louder than any vuvuzela [Reuters]
Africa responding to noise of the vuvuzela [ESPN]

In an A1 story, The Wall Street Journal offers a postcard from a soccer match in the eight-team Myanmar National League, where more than 10,000 fans sometimes congregate to stick it to the secret policemen in the military intelligence. Yangon is a far way from the Bronx — where it's technically legal to attend a Yankees game, even though the seats are empty — but tickets still go for 10 times their face value of $1. (For their part, the police only enforce the five-person limit law selectively.)

The sport has long been stitched into the country's fabric — former team names include "Central Supply and Transport Depot" and "Forestry," which is only slightly more illogical than "Coal Bears." The league's new slogan, "For The League, For The Nation," represents the essential truth about soccer in Mynamar, where, in this case, it really is more than just a game. It's an expression of freedom.

Speaking of, to whom can we attribute this reporting? An unnamed WSJ staff reporter whose actual byline was withheld because revealing the reporter's name would have put him at undue risk, the newspaper confirmed to us. Indeed, in the last year, the Journal has run five anonymous dispatches, all from Myanmar. Someone tell the next hack who files a soccer gamer from the country formerly known as Burma that he's entitled to that protection, too.

And for the record, I've got Magway FC in the office pool. Chalk. If Yangon United comes from behind to shock the league, maybe I'll let Daulerio bash me in the face with a cookie sheet.

PHOTO: Wall Street Journal, duh.

Amid Myanmar's Gloom, Pro Soccer Gives Locals A Chance To Cheer [WSJ]

The robbery report was initially a black eye to South Africa, which desperately needs to convince the rest of the planet that they can come to the World Cup next year and not get ravaged by thugs, charlatans, and grifters on their way in from the airport. Then came rumors that it wasn't South Africa's lawless wild west show that plagued the Egyptians, but the "ladies of the evening" that they invited into their own hotel rooms to celebrate last Thursday's 1-0 victory over Italy in the Confederations Cup. The players originally cried that it must have been hotel staff who "ransacked" their rooms while they were out, losing about $2,400 in cash.

But police in JoBurg (that's Johannesburg to you Yanks) say they have video of "scantily clad women moving in and out of rooms at what looked like a party" and none of the rooms' electronic safes were opened. The Egypytians are shocked—shocked—at these accusations and ask that you please don't tell their wives about it, although the South Africans might try just about any ruse imaginable to make the world's soccer fans believe that their state is not, and I quote, "a crime hellhole."

Unless you love hookers, obviously, in which case the sky's the limit.

Carousing Egyptians caught with pants down [Sunday Independent]
Egyptian players' version of theft a ruse? [Independent Online]
Reported Burglary of Egyptian Players Turns Tawdry [NY Times]
South African Media: Egypt Players Were Robbed By Prostitutes, Not Burglars [Goal]
No sex, we're Egyptian, says soccer team [Independent Online]

However, a few of the players found a way to send their thoughts back to their countrymen, by wearing green wristbands out on the pitch. This incredibly subtle form of protest works because green is pretty much the only color allowed in their country and you can't use your hands in soccer in anyway. After halftime, though, only captain Mehdi Mahdavikia still had his on, which I'm sure had nothing to do with the crazy dictators running their country.

"Soccer Team official: green wristband were due to religious tradition, we removed to deny any speculation and misunderstanding."

That could be true, I guess. It could also be true that they were ordered to take them off, because both the players and team officials knew the game would be on state television back home and many of the anti-government protesters have been wearing similar attire in support of robbed presidential Mir Hossein Mousavi. What the TV watchers probably didn't see, however, were the Iranian fans in the stadium in Seoul waving flags that read "Free Iran" and "Go to hell dictator." That might have sent some kind of message too.

By the way, Iran gave up the game-tying goal in the 81st minute and now needs North Korea to beat Saudi Arabia in order to stay alive for the 2010 World Cup. (Come on, Axis of Evil!) So I guess the whole country is having a rough week.

Iranian soccer players wear green protest bands [Fox News]
Iran Soccer Players Behind Mousavi? [CBS News]
Iran Updates: Live-Blogging The Uprising [Huffington Post]
Soccer Protest: Iran Players Show Support for Mousavi [Time]
Iran players don protest colours [Iran Focus]

Imagine if the Washington Nationals, née Expos, reached the playoffs. (A stretch, but stay with me here.) Now imagine Montreal getting invaded, bombed, and torn asunder by terrorism and American troops. Imagine Miss South Carolina mentioning Montreal during a pageant. Okay, then you might have a comparative situation on your hands. That's roughly what the Iraq soccer team — who won the Asian Cup two years ago, making them eligible to play in the 2009 Confederations Cup — went through. They practiced outside of the country, while terrorists were plotting against them.

"A lot of the players were under threat of kidnap or assassination," explained [British journalist James] Montague. "On the one hand, you had players who played abroad in Qatar, so they were worth money to their families, and they became targets of criminals and extortion.

"Terrorist groups would also target players because their victory was a nationalistic symbol; it was a unifying force, which both al-Qaeda and more separatist Shia elements and Kurdish elements were against."

Their head coach has taken five other countries to the World Cup, including the United States. Four of those teams advanced beyond pool play. This team — a mix of Shia, Sunni, and Kurdish players — has no chance of qualifying for the 2010 World Cup, sadly, so they're playing for pride, respect, and perhaps a Disney movie.

They are a hundred-to-one shot, doc, to win the tournament. Only New Zealand has steeper odds. And whaddya know, Iraq is in the same pool with the Kiwis, along with Spain (yikes) and South Africa, whom they play against in their first match tomorrow. At least I think it's tomorrow. Because it's hosted in South Africa, it may have already happened this morning.

The US troops may have given them democracy, but if they also gave them soccer advice, expect Iraq's time in the tournament to be brief.

Iraqi team a beacon of hope and possibility [CBC]
Milutinovic, Soccer's Happy Nomad, Has Deadly Serious Job in Iraq [New York Times]

* * * * *

This has been a Deadspin Saturday production, sponsored by Colon Blow. Be courteous to your editor tomorrow.

How about a disagreement between a player and a coach? Well, yes, that might liven things up. There they are, head-to-head, expressing their opposing viewpoints quite brilliantly, and there's the contact ... oh, my. That was a brilliant finish.

I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that one. Did each of them apply nonlethal doses of Valium to their foreheads?

Afterwards, two free throws were awarded to LeBron James.

Double Headbutt TKO [FanDome]

This news may come as a mild shock to Man U fans since their manager, Alex Ferguson is on record saying ... and I quote ... "I wouldn't sell that mob a virus." Also, unlike A.C. Milan, the Red Devils are not exactly hurting for cash. (Or maybe they are?) They've been repeatedly listed as the most valuable franchise in any sport, anywhere in the world. But this is what is known as "an offer you can't refuse." United paid about $20 million for Ronaldo in 2003, so it safe to say they made a good investment.

On a related note, if you're having trouble paying your bills in this depressed economy, might I suggest moving to Spain? In the span of three days, Madrid has plunked down approximately $225 million for two players and that's not even counting the money that they have to pay the two men to actually play soccer. Both could earn in the neighborhood of $10 million a year. Plus, they get siestas over there!

The good news for any remaining English fans who might have been biting their tongues as long as the Portuguese Devil was playing in the Premiership, is that they are now free to hate Ronaldo with clear, rage-filled consciences. Judging by the reaction on the BBC, the Man U faithful aren't exactly broken up about this breakup. Sure, he was a great player who scored a ton of goals and helped us win titles ... but fuck that whinging, dive-happy S.O.B.

Plus, as one fan pointed out, if someone would just loan them another $10 million they could buy Newcastle.

Man Utd accept £80m Ronaldo bid [BBC]
Manchester United accept Real Madrid's £80m bid for Ronaldo [ESPN]

The video itself, while not visually arresting (get it?), is fascinating and slightly creepy. Van Loo collapses at the 7-second mark. As he lays on the ground, he legs begin shaking as the defibrillator automatically shocks his heart. Then at the 21-second mark, he sits up. Life-threatening heart problem solved!

Van Loo was diagnosed with a heart condition last year and was only allowed back in the sport because of the implanted machine that—thanks to this successful test—we now know works as advertised. Hooray, science! Personally, I wouldn't risk another chance to die on the pitch, but maybe Van Loo could turn it into his signature goal celebration or something.

Belgian Soccer: It's Electrifying!

Belgian player has heart attack, sits up seconds later [Off The Post]
Wanna see something scary? [Unprofessional Foul]
Belgian player has heart attack on pitch but is shocked back to life! [Who At All The Pies]

Madrid's transfer payment for Brazilian superstar Kaka (yes, I know) is believed to be a world record and one that will keep Milan in business for at least a little while longer. The gist of the story seems to be that Milan—which is owned by Italy's billionaire prime minister—is hurting financially, so Kaka humbly agreed to take a large contract with a free-spending club to help his previous team. What a trouper. I guess even billionaire prime ministers have bad decades.

Meanwhile, Madrid can apparently afford to spend money like a drunken sailor. Their new president, Florentino Perez, is actually the old one who built Madrid into a powerhouse in the early aughts by buying the world's best talent. If they're ever going to catch Barcelona, trying that strategy again seems as good a plan as any.

Perhaps someone with a more secure grasp of international sports could explain why U.S. sports don't try this transfer fee stuff. When teams like Milwaukee and Oakland and Minnesota watch their best players waltz away for big bucks contracts (or maybe get pennies on the dollar in a trade), would it help if Boston and New York had to dump big piles of cash on their old desks to take the talent? Or would it just give the small teams even more incentive to hoard money and stay terrible? The agents would certainly love to get in on that action. What's one little illegally restricted labor market between friends?

Kaká Ends Soap Opera and Moves to Real [NY Times]
Spanish Inquisition: Can Kaka Really Be The New Zidane At Real Madrid? [Goal]
Cristiano Ronaldo next on Real Madrid's shopping list [ESPN]

Actually, if the NBA had an outdoor game, I'm fairly certain we would. In fact, it might happen at an indoor game before we know it.

After all, it's the rage in Greece.

Friday Night Lights [Section 8 Chicago]

*****

A Jon Miller rant, Weezy beat and scheduling screwup later, we made it through another Saturday. Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin, and enjoy the action tonight. The boss is back tomorrow, and that's all right with me.

Luana Belletti holds the deadly combination of being of Italian ancestry and Brazilian birth, a mixture that typically renders men incapable of resisting her charms. (Translation: "She's a babe.") Since she could have any man in the world, she naturally chose the most famous man in her brother's chosen field, who also happens to work for his organization's hated league rival. At least the boys will have something to talk about on the field next season!

Incredibly, one version of the story claims Juliano fixed the two up—the all speak Portuguese, you know—which means the guy is either immune to jeering insults about his sister's virtue, or she's a spy planning to lure Ronaldo into a daze of lover's bliss and then dump his heartsick ass the day before the next Chelsea tilt at Old Trafford. Hey, I've seen Footballer's Wives.

And thus concludes your daily WAG update. Was it good for you too?

Cristiano Ronaldo's latest WAG is a Chelsea player's sister! [The Spoiler]
CRISTIANO RONALDO DIVES IN TO SISTER OF CHELSEA STAR [People.uk]

Use this section of the website to discuss any and all athletic events of interest to you, plus the intimate details of your sordid personal lives which make many people uncomfortable yet you continue to over-share anyway. This is your time to shine, you lonely fucked up diamonds.

*****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Here's a a little number for Brian Belichick.

How big is this game? The man you see in the picture here is the referee for tonight's match. He got to meet the Pope. The freakin' ref gets an audience with the Pope. That's how big.

(Also, there have been at least two stabbings in Rome today because of this game; one of the victims being an American who was mistaken for being British. Man, U.S. citizens just can't catch a break over there.)

Man U is the defending champion, has a 25-game league unbeaten streak, and the FIFA Player of the Year in Cristiano Ronaldo. Barcelona has two titles of their own, are reigning Spanish champs, and have the FIFA Player of the Year runner-up in Lionel Messi. Imagine if Kobe Bryant and LeBron James were on teams that were good enough to actually reach the pinnacle of their sport and it would still be nothing like this.

And that pretty much exhausts my knowledge of international soccer, but it's still exciting because I will watch any competition as long as it's on TV, especially when there's a chance that players, fans, coaches, announcers, and possibly a monarch or two will completely lose their shit at the outcome. (Just ask Chelsea.) So rejoice, hooligans! The comments belong to you now.

Gamecast: Barcelona vs Manchester United [ESPN GameCast]
Manchester United supporter stabbed in Rome [Guardian]
Champions League final one for the ages [The Roar]

Apparently, this emerged because Halil İbrahim Dinçdağ's homosexuality had been noted on, get this, a medical report. According to the Turkish newspaper Hürriyet:

Dinçdağ was forced to leave his job because he had been excused from his compulsory military service on account of his homosexuality, which was documented in a medical report. According to the sport's regulations, anyone who fails to complete his military service for health reasons is unfit to perform as a referee.

"Now a really difficult period has started for my family, but it has always been difficult for me," said Dinçdağ, 33, who appealed to colleagues who have been discriminated against as he was.

"Please stand tall against the unfairness against you, whenever something wrong is happening," he said. "Say that it is wrong. Say what is right for you."

OK, so he's not exactly Harvey Milk on a stage in the Castro, but Turkey, where yelling "ibne hakem" ("gay referee") is apparently a taunt on the order of "you're blind, ref," is far from a bastion of enlightened thought. This is particularly rich when you consider the Turkish Republic's founder — Atatürk, the handsome man pictured here — may have been, shall we say, a wee bit light in the ayakkabı.

Gay referee to continue legal battle [Hürriyet, via Unprofessional Foul]
Gay Atatürk Victim of Belgian "Enlightenment" [The Brussels Journal]

Draw helps Man U clinch third Premier League title in a row [SI]

The team doesn't even seem that upset about the 93rd minute game-tying goal from Andres Iniesta—although that definitely had to sting. (A tie equals a win for Barca thanks to the "away goal" rule. We're learning so much about soccer!) It's mostly the feeling from Blues players and fans that the DutchNorwegian referee, Tom Ovrebo, was in the tank for the Spanish team. The ref in question also had a feeling that he might be murdered by hooligans after the match and had to smuggled out of the country like a fresh pound of Amsterdam'sOslo's finest.

Chelsea's coach says there were at least four non-penalty calls that went against his team, including two in-the-box handballs. Michael Ballack nearly lost his mind after one (I could watch this all day) and Didier Drogba got carded after the match was over, when he came back from the locker room to challenge Ovrebo. Then he got caught shouting, "It's a fucking disgrace" at live TV cameras, a crass, unprofessional move that teammates support 100%. Defender José Bosingwa was even quoted after the game as saying "This referee was bought. I do not know if he is a referee or a thief." Of course, that was translated from his native Portuguese by British tabloids, so that may not be entirely accurate.

On the other hand ... it's difficult for Chelsea to cry about officiating when they were the beneficiaries of the worst call of the match—a red card on Barcelona's Éric Abidal for standing too close to Nicolas Anelka as he tripped over his own feet. That gave them a 25-minute power play that they failed to capitalize on and you can't blame a referee for that. However, the idea that UEFA would mess with Chelsea just to avoid a second-straight all-England final is still completely reasonable because fuck those guys, right? David Stern would be proud.

Chelsea backing for Didier Drogba's foul-mouthed rant [ESPN Soccernet]
Angry Chelsea Goes a Finger Too Far [NY Times]
Blues condemn death threats [Sport Box]
Andres Iniesta - The Most Deserving Barcelona Hero [Goal.com]
Hiddink screams Blue murder [The Sun]

A soccer field in Germany was hit by lightning last weekend, injuring 26 players who were warming up for a match. One of them, 17-year-old Rolf Baader, was technically dead due to complications from "heart stoppage," but paramedics were able to reanimate him after they gave him the "kiss of life." I think I saw that in a video game once.

Yes, they actually used the word "reanimate," which is cute in a Frankenstein's monster kind of way. Not as cute as a "WAG of Frankenstein" joke would have been, but still amusing. Besides this kind of thing apparently happens in Germany all the time. The lightning strikes, not the reanimation.

Lightning Strike Injures 26 Soccer Players In Germany, Temporarily Killing One [Sports Rubbish]
Lightning strike on football field [YouTube]

Apparently, Kenyans take English soccer very seriously. Twenty-nine-year-old Suleiman Omondi was found hanging in his home in Nairobi, just hours after watching Arsenal's 3-1 defeat in the Champions League semis. Gunners manager Arsene Wenger called it one of the most disappointing nights of his career, but I guess Omondi took it a little more personally than that. Or he placed his bet with the wrong bookie.

He took some drinks and broke down in tears within the final minutes of the match," a fellow bar patron, who asked not to be named, told Reuters....

Bar attendants said they had to intervene after Omondi lunged at a man who suggested Arsenal would not recover from conceding two early goals. They also lost the first leg 1-0.

So from one sports fan to many others I say ... um ... don't do that.

Kenyan Arsenal fan hangs himself after Man Utd defeat [Reuters]
Kenyan Fan Commits Suicide After Arsenal's Champions League Defeat [Goal.com]

The length of the ban will be determined over the course of the next three days, according to the South American governing body CSF, who informed Eurosport, "At around the 90th minute of the aforementioned game, Reynoso, following an incident in the game, reacted by spitting at Everton player Sebastian Penco and then releasing nasal secretions at the face of the player.

Ahh, the deadly but effective snot rocket. My favorite part of the story is that Guadalajara players were upset because Everton (from Chile) players were taunting them for their pork diseases and because they were "publicly mocked by shoppers" when they were out on the town.

Look fellas—it's sport. Your opponents will always find something to mock you about; whether it's swine flu, your horrifically violent drug gangs, your comically large hats, or the way you individually wrap all of your cheese slices. Hey, wait a second ...

Guadalajara Defender Hector Reynoso Banned For 'Trying' To Pass On Swine Flu [Goal.com]

The best action of the day will be going down at Bernabeu in Madrid. A win for the home side would pull them within a point of their arch-rivals in La Liga. Real has played like a new team under Juande Ramos, and if they want to make their title run official they'll need a win today.

Arjen Robben will return to Ramos' starting lineup despite a leg injury that was expected to keep him out. On the other side Barca will be without central defender Rafael Marquez who tore up his knee in the mid-week Champions League semifinal leg against Chelsea. The good news for the visitors is that Carlos Puyol will be back in the starting lineup in Marquez's spot, although he won't be available for the second leg against Chelsea thanks to a suspension. It's a shame, really. The game can be seen stateside on GolTV at 2 pm EST.

Meanwhile, in England, the Premier League features five televised matches. Unfortunately the most important one(s) will kickoff before most of us are awake. Regardless of that fact, I feel pretty confident writing that Manchester United has succeeded in burying Middlesbrough deeper into relegation hell. If it turns out that they pulled the massive upset then that's just something I'll have to live with. Chelsea takes on Fulham in the day's second match, kicking off at 9:40 on Setanta. Expect to see plenty of Chelsea's bench in that one as they'll certainly be holding something back in advance of their showdown with Barca.

For the rest of the weekend's televised matches check out Ives' breakdown. Stick around to discuss all of today's matches in the comment section.

Santilli's team was losing 1-0 on Sunday when he ran out on to the field to retrieve a loose ball, but as he returned to the sideline he decided to lower his shoulder into a player for the opposing team for no reason whatsoever. (Because he was brushed on the shoulder by a 60-year-old man, the player naturally made it look like he'd been shot in the kneecaps.) After he was ejected for being a lunatic, Santilli went back on to the field to politely discuss the matter with the referee—before punching the official in the face. I think he got his point across.

Gee, with rock-solid leadership like that, it's hard to believe his team was relegated after the game.

Soccer coach punches referee after ejection [AP]

This Argentine squad arrived at their home airport after a rough 2-0 defeat to a Mexican team that knocked them out of a major international tournament, a loss so crushing that their manager resigned after the game. It was such a tough road environment that fans at the game in Mexico were chanting death threats at the San Lorenzo players—their own fans. So you can imagine how the homecoming reception went.

The team arrived to angry shouts and jeers, but managed to make it to the team bus at the airport ... when their police escort mysteriously disappeared. That's how the shoe throwing usually starts. If any of these guys know a Scott Boras-like agent who can get them traded out of town, I would call that guy like ... right now.

San Lorenzo Warmly Welcomed Home with Violent Anger [Dirty Tackle]