That same border is used for the "Jeff's Garage: Keep Out!!" sign he's got at the track.

Even more over the top, the swaddling cloth for the child was checkered.

Any word on who the father is?

"Sofia? Is that French?"

-99% of NASCAR fans

I wonder if Elijah Dukes' baby mama will let us know what activities he'll be up to the week after the birth.

The pit crew was able to deliver in under 15 seconds.

Ella Sofia? I'm surprised he didn't go with Pepsi DuPont Gordon.

Rolls off the tongue.

Cakes and Babies = SFW porn for women. Especially the cakes.

Wait, you want people to know you had a kid?

- Shawn Kemp

The pit crew couldn't get any work done last week with all the crying. Oh, that wasn't the baby crying.

Only 72 hours until you can buy shitty Ella Sofia Gordon commemorative merchandise in gas stations around the country!

Is it true the stroller only makes left hand turns?

I wonder if his car seat will have a head harness.

It's going to be funny when the baby starts to crawl and it only goes in circles.

Are the people at Talledega gonna throw beer at the baby too?

One of my favourite ads from the past few months is the one for NASCAR on TSN with this dipshit saying the following:

"Hi, I'm Jeff Gordon! Growing up, when other kids were learning to read, I was learning to race!"

It explains a whole lot, really.

Any word on whether Ingrid wanted to name the baby either "Dr. Quinn" or "Medicine Woman"?

For good luck, Jeff Gordon is going to use the placenta as a restrictor plate in his next race.

Will Dale, Sr. fans make Baby Ella Sofia do her Lindburgh Baby impersonation?

@Weed Against Speed: Actually, he sold it to Tom Cruise, and lets just say he wont be making reservations for dinner tonight...

Yuck

I was hoping for a son named Flash, wait somebody already did that...damn.

Jeff would also like to thank DuPont for the $50 savings bond.

@SlickBomb: Speak for yourself there buddy. Porn is porn for all of us.

(Guilty pleasure is [trashthedress.com] )

Ew, that announcement (particularly the background) makes my teeth hurt.

Just like many of Jeff Gordon's fans, his child will grow up in a trailer as well.

Five diapers off, five diapers on.

@MayDay Malone:
Do prisons allow blogs? That'd be fun.

7:00 A.M.: Went to job in laundry, got paid .16 cents/hour

12:00 P.M.: At lunch, had to give my fruit cup to guy named Bubba.

1:00 P.M.: Had to protect my cornhole from anal rapists in the yard.

3:00 P.M.: Saw Pac-Man. He was making it rain cigarettes for transvestite cellmate who put on a show for him.

7:00 P.M.: Watched American Idol.

10:00 P.M.: Lights out.

@MayDay Malone:
Uh...which one? I know there is one "confirmed" but it's been a few hours since he's been heard from.

"Gunnar, put your leg brace on! We may have found you's a wife!"

@TheStarterWife: TrashTheDress is far and away the worst website I've ever seen. I'm not even sure this one is close.

The Gordons: Home of the 4.92 second diaper change.

"Will the car-seat have a head harness?... Does the stroller only makes left-hand turns?"

Hey, it's like being in the Catskills.

Folks, Jeff Gordon's wife gave birth to a baby girl this week. (Applause, applause) Larry Birkhead claims to be the father. When the baby came out, the doctors drenched her in Gatorade. The kid's first words were 'I want to thank my crew and sponsors'. Gordon cried so much during the birth the doctor slapped him.

Hey...is this thing on?

"Jeff Gordon is a racecar driver? I just thought he was a cereal box model."

His first wife was way hotter.