Leave the fucking cheese there, all right? We love fuckin' cheese at our feet! We stick motherfuckin' provolone in our socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning.

She's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

You don't listen to the president? We're gonna mop the floor with the whole fuckin' world. The whole world's gonna be under our control. So what are you worked up about?

If you're got so many federal marshals up my ass you can taste Brylcreem, you're ready to be a Deadspin advertiser. Click here to find out how.

• Casio
• Cazadores Tequila
• Verizon
• Converse
• Mandalay Bay

Contact information for this author is not available.