Deadspin
It's only a matter of time before the Stanford Tree is apprehended following a high-speed vehicle chase, with a hatchet and a bottle of PineSol found in the back seat of its SUV. Until then, here are the facts as we know them: The NCAA on Friday sanctioned the Stanford mascot, and fined the university an undisclosed amount, for a series of incidents that included drunken cavorting at the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament in March (just look at the accompanying photo; that is one shit-faced tree). The Tree is banned from the tournament next year, as the university mulls its future as the Stanford Band's official mascot.
The Tree (played by junior Tommy Leep), however, would not be hauled off without a departing salvo:
"I thought this was all settled back in March," Leep said Friday night. "I sort of look at the NCAA like an ex-girlfriend trying to come and take the boom box back or something."
Will Stanford dump its tree mascot? If so, what will replace it? A bush? The letter S? A squirrel? What, we ask? What?
Tree Ruled Over The Top [SFGate]
The Dangerous Rebel With The Fresh Pine Scent [Deadspin]
Can One Costumed Beer Keg Mascot Make A Difference? Yes, He Can. [Deadspin]
Comments
Take the boom box back? Don't forget all the cassette tapes too
Why can't a tree get his Goose on?
I'll never forget sitting courtside to watch my old friend Salim and his Hawks buddies take on the Wiz. Josh Childress was clearly rattled by the third quarter after hearing me call him a tree for two straight hours.
I found out through an acquaintance that Josh was still somewhat confused at dinner that night.
That tree is four leaves to the wind.
This one time at band camp, I did it with a drunk tree.
Fuck that, I made those mix tapes...She can't have them!
I like how the tree costume's mouth is right at cock-and-balls level.
If the Tree gets really shitfaced, you can get a ton of syrup out of him.
One of the questions at trivia at the bar last week was Stanford's mascot, which inexplicably is the Cardinal; while I got it right, I really, really wanted to put "shitfaced tree".
NCAA: "Make like a tree and get outta here."
Why dont you make like a tree and get the hell outta here!
Damn!
Woodsy is such an enabler.
Poor sap.
You complete me.
If so, what will replace it?
Since most Stanford students are Asian, may I suggest a long bamboo rod?
BDD - to make them feel inferior, or at home?
In rod we trust.
Those crazy Stanford kids, their only means of social expresion are either "getting drunk in public whilst wearing a tree costume" or "awkward high-fives and fist pumps."
For shizzle.
Giant chainsaw. Not only is it more intimidating, but also the logical next step up from a tree.
You've got quite the high speed chase motif going on this morning.
Ahhh, they were gonna show a close up of the rod!
Vodka + photosynthesis = hilarity!
Photosynthesis + vodka = hilarity!
Falco, I think we are all aware of the commutative property here.
Nice Suss.
I for one think that if the NCAA is going to ban the tree, Stanford should replace it with a Native American warrior character. I bet the kids would really go for that kind of thing.
Falco proves the commutative property of hilarity.
Note to self: refresh before posting.
Hilarity! - vodka = work
Deadspin + Monday morning = no work
f'(hilarity) = vodka
I was informed there would be no math.
Won't someone think of the saplings?
The Stanford Shrub? That sounds pretty tough.
people have games at your bar diddly? not just "how many can i pound before i vomit" type games?
fricking ivy leagers.
n
â hilarity = hilarity² + 3*hilarity
i=hilarity
Nuts to gum, the sigma character didn't show up.
Fuck the Furd.
Go Bears.
(Watch out for those Aggies you cardinal bitches!)
Hilarity â Sobriety
man, that a looking thing I wrote would have been much more awesome if it was what I had actually intended to put. Screw these math jokes.
are math jokes the new haiku?
I think the lesson here is that too much vodka makes mathematical symbols actually look like âÂÂÂ
Îvodka/Ît = hung over on a Monday
Again with the no symbols! Thos were supposed to be deltas.
Denton must have something against Greek letters. Most likely pantsed during rush week.
Great, thanks Deadspin for ending my successful run of proving to my high school math teachers that I will never, ever, under any condition need to know what that crap all stands for.
I'm just thinking about how emotionally scarring it would be to have a tree projectile vomit on you.
That or he's British.
This is the band mascot. Band mascot. Band. Mascot.
No matter how many times I say it, it does not make any sense to me.
The fact that I was excited to use a Riemann sum in a post today probably says a lot about my place in the social ladder.
For some reason, I find the idea of a tree getting drunk off PineSol incredibly funny.
anyone else unsure as to why the Stanford Cardinal mascot isn't, oh, I don't know, a fucking cardinal?
These are the kinds of mixups that happen when you get shitfaced every day of your life
If a tree gets drunk on gin, is that considered cannibalism?
If so, what will replace it? A bush?
Screw it, just make it a furburger and get it over with.
Muggsy- In Stanford's case, "Cardinal" doesn't refer to the bird, but rather the color cardinal, which is known in the Crayola world as "pretentious red." Stanford used to be known as the Indians until the 70s when it was deemed offensive to American Indians.
Without the Indian mascot, it was been up to the tree (which is not an official mascot) to carry on the tradition of drunkeness throughout the campus.
Honestly all I did was screw up while posting but if a few kids walk away today with an unintended math lesson then I guess it was worth it.
Their mascot should obviously be a Cardinal, and by that I mean a high ranking official in the Catholic church who hates women and loves altar boys.
I'd like to punch that tree right in the mouth.