Deadspin
For years — OK, a couple of days — Slate writer Robert Weintraub has been tinkering with a concept called The SSW, short for "The Sean Salisbury Wisdom," which tracks the consensus of the football punditocracy to ensure those triumphant declarations from Friday aren't flushed down the memory hole on Monday. Here's this week's SSW.
PREVIOUS SSW
Pittsburgh holds the inside lane for the #2 seed and the right to be obliterated in the AFC title game by New England.
NEW SSW
This is the high point of Kellen Clemens' career—too bad the team plays again on Thursday.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
The Jets laid a physical beating on the Steelers like few teams have in recent memory. Forget the ManGenius—let's see more of this ManGNC.
PREVIOUS SSW
Fired-up Buffalo crowd peacock-flexed into drinking hot wing frappes mixed with vodka all day will allow overmatched Bills to give Pats a test.
NEW SSW
Desperate media to continue search for any sliver of hope that Pats will play a game that isn't over by halftime.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
Just imagine the difference in this season if Moss was dealt to Green Bay, as almost happened, instead of to Foxborough. Perhaps the Pack would be unbeaten, and the media group grope of Favre would be so nauseating that we would all be longing for some character-free rival (Marinelli has the requisite "asked to kill for his country once too often" look) to steal their signals and whip them.
PREVIOUS SSW
League is so godawful that the Falcons still have a fairly legit shot at the division title.
NEW SSW
Vick overheard asking judge to let hours spent watching Sunday's game count as time served when he is sentenced.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
GADome fans were screaming hard for Joey to enter the game. Joey! Obviously, their brains have been seared by the Atlanta-area drought. Meanwhile, most area residents so turned off by Falcons they plan to stay with their families on Thanksgiving Day, instead of getting the hell out of the house and down to the Dome for the Colts game.
PREVIOUS SSW
In a league lousy with lousy QBs, the worst of them all is, sadly, the once proud and mighty McNair. And he still keeps Boller on the bench.
NEW SSW
New winning tactic—get player prayer circle going, pray for divine intervention, await miracle.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
This ending reminds me of the Dwayne Rudd game, for some reason, if only because that was one where fate treated the Brownies like the franchise just stole its woman. Remember that one, when Rudd ripped his helmet off in celebration, thinking the game was done, when in fact there were a few ticks left, and the ensuing penalty yardage gave the Chiefs the game-winning field goal? Those are things that used to happen to Cleveland before the Brady Quinn era began.
PREVIOUS SSW
Mike Martz's ignore the run style a strategic crown of thorns for the Jesus Bunch.
NEW SSW
Never rile a gap-toothed media hound playing for a contract when coming off an expensive divorce.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
Giants fell apart last season after Tennessee game, which felt similar to this one, except that this time, the G-Men managed to make a game-sealing defensive play, rather than choke away a big lead. This team just might be destined to...lose a first round playoff game.
PREVIOUS SSW
"Is he a real QB?" versus "Plug in any RB for a thousand yard season." Two utterly uninteresting and overplayed media memes collide—tonight at Invesco!
NEW SSW
Broncos have their noses in front of Bolts for AFC West, though SD destroyed Denver once and should do it again in Week 16.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
Mile High fans don't get to chant "In-Com-Plete" at Vince as much as hoped for—actually, VY played a strong game. But the Titans without Haynesworth just couldn't slow Cutler, who was so Elwayesque, he sold a dozen cars at halftime.
Comments
Why do I keep clicking on this article? whyyyy?
I am giving thanks this Thursday for the SSW.
ManGNC? Really? You chose to write that?
0 views
New SSW:
I will do my part not to change this.
Damn. Plastic-Man thinks that's a reach.
The weekly SSW Dogpile! It's a like a pyramid of dogs!
My My My.
I really try to give this a chance every week, having accepted that for some reason Will refuses to kill this article. This is by far one of the worst ones yet.
PREVIOUS SSW
The SSW:Deadspin::Dennis Miller:Accessibility
NEW SSW
Same as it ever was, despite the SSW's ability to bleed for 5 days and not die.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
My eyes... they're burning...
"This ending reminds me of the Dwayne Rudd game, for some reason, if only because that was one where fate treated the Brownies like the franchise just stole its woman."
huh? It kind of reminded me of that game too, except that it was nothing like it at all.
Robert Weintraub's pictures of Leitch must involve a goat, KY Jelly and enough penetration to make Jenna Jameson shudder.
RABBLE SSW RABBLE RABBLE BAD
Maybe this is like the WWE, where Will is like Vince McMahon, who thinks that any reaction by the fans, whether it's a cheer or a boo, is good.
PREVIOUS SSW
Weintraub doesn't read the comments.
NEW SSW
Weintraub is a masochist, shocking his balls as we type.
The hacky Bengals homer leads with Steelers bashing? Quelle surprise!
@Gourmet Spud:
+ 1
PREVIOUS SSW
Ron Mexico enjoying his final days playing xbox 360 viva` pina`ta
NEW SSW
Ookie decides he wants to get a jump start on his 12-18 month sentence and spend the holidays behind bars
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
Mexico runs prison guard fighting ring and tries on his newly xmas gift from Al Davis #7 Silver and Black.
I leave for a couple weeks, I come back, and it's still here. So I read it, and it's still no better. Someday, I will learn.
@youstayclassy: Thanks for that lovely mental snapshot. I'm sending the therapy bills to you. That's worse than the SSW.
How can anything this bad come from a Slate writer?
Oh, right.
Juxtaposed against the SSW, Frank TV will be hilarious tonight.
@JohnDavidBootyShorts: I think you've just uncovered the long awaited sequel of the Longest Yard.
I just figured it out. The SSW is deadspins answer to the 10yr old espn kid, except a 10 yr old could write better than this hack.
PREVIOUS SSW
Randy Moss is good.
NEW SSW
Randy Moss is God.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
Originality, considering the discussion of Moss-to-the-Packers we had yesterday.
@Jen P: Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a person insane.
KIGE>WEINTRAUB
@ghostsoftheSCupcountry:
Well, by definition it has to be worse, doesn't it?.. I had to think of something more grotesque than just canceling the column. That's all I've got.
@Sarcastro: Don't you get it? Mangini kinda sounds like ManGNC.
Wait, I've got one for you Weintraub: Billick sounds like BalLick. See, I've got clever puns too.
@youstayclassy: Which one is "driving"?
Weintraub is a German surname meaning "grape".
Thank you, Wikipedia.
@Stay Away From Oprah: They sink up like The Dark Side of Oz
But wait, there's less.
Truer words have never been written.
why can't Weintraub strike? no more Prison Break but plenty of SSW, yeah that is fair...
/hatesprisonbreak
@Brazil Thrill: Let me try one ...
"The Deadspin commentariat laid a psychological beating on the SSW like few blog commenters have in recent memory. Forget the Weintraub--let's see no more of this crap."
Does that work right?
Anyone else read the comments on the preceding Jezebel cross-linked article? They're, um, a very different crowd than the commenters here.
@BigTenObsession:
It comes from the latin root weinie which mean to suck at writing, not be original, and not be funny.
at least he gets paid per page view, so sooner or later, this is going to become unprofitable
@youstayclassy: My only question, and I ask only out of morbid curiosity, is who's doing the penetrating?
BUT WAIT, THERE'S LESS
Liar!
@ILovePaleHoseandPaleHos:
You could not possibly underestimate how little I care about finding that out..
@Get Him A Body Bag, Yeah!: Yeah, the last time I got involved in a Jezebel cross-post, I had to leave because it quickly became clear that nobody reads other comments OR understands sarcasm.
JIMMY ROLLINS!!
/it's not a threadjack if no one cares about the thread
Less SSW, more SHOTY. kthxbye.
Coming into this thread gives me the same feeling as watching an "erotic thriller" rerun.
(Psst, Will, I'm getting the impression that this feature is unpopular with Deadspin readership.)
This reads as if it were written by Sean Salisbury.
@SteveJeltzFan: Unconfirmed by 610, it is J-Roll. Sweeeet!
Robert Weintraub: "Will's got to put me on Deadspin. I've got so much (stuff) on him and he knows it. He thinks he can (get) me. But I'll (get) him first. You have no idea what I know."
MVP!!
/much needed threadjack
Jimmy Rollins is MVP!
[mlb.mlb.com]
/much needed threadjack
I only visit this weekly feature to read the comments. Says a lot about the quality of the feature, doesn't it?
DO NOT WANT
Can we please get a daily recap of sports from Kige on Deadspin. PLEASE?????
@Roxanne Put on the Red Light Racicot: @Civil Negligence: @SteveJeltzFan:
YES YES YES YES!!!!! [high fives] I can hear people on my street honking their horns with joy!!!
I'm opening a bottle of wine to celebrate.