Deadspin
It's a sad day here at Deadspin World Headquarters, as the Talking Dennis Miller action figure was found hanged to death early this morning by the cleaning crew. Suicide is suspected, although I blame the cat. His last words were thought to have included a snarky insult of some sort, followed by an arcane reference to the Crimean War. Such a tragic waste of $22.95. Talking Dennis Miller will be interred in my backyard, alongside the Tomb of the Unknown GI Joe.
If it were suicide, who can blame him? How could one not be overcome with remorse after allowing Bill O'Reilly to appear on one's new Versus sports show? How kind of Miller's Fox News overlords to wait until Week 3 of Unfiltered with Dennis Miller to force him to trot out Billo, who lumbered out from underneath the bridge he was guarding to appear in a taped segment during the ever-popular "Ask Dennis" portion of the show. O'Reilly's question had something to do with Ricky Williams and hemp and was embarrassing even to Miller himself. Listen O'Reilly, if I want to gaze at your enormous, freakish head I'll log on to Google Earth like everyone else.
The vital statistics:
• Mistake of the Week. Referred to the Kansas City Chiefs head coach as "Norm Edwards."
• Number of times said the word "cat" in reference to a person: Seven.
• Event of the Week: The Stub Hub Legends Classic (a real event, actually, I think).
• Unfortunate Simile of the Week: "He was more stoned than a Syrian adulteress."
• Guests: Jose Canseco, Bruce Pearl, Warren Sapp.
• Best line:. (By Sapp) "I've played for 13 years, and that takes a toll. If I'm going to continue, I'm going to have to go see Jose ..."
• Other references. CEC (Chronic Expansion Committee) ... Sean Combs' rec room ... Leon Lett ... The Jackie Gleason Show ... himself wearing a sports bra.
OK, I'll admit it: I didn't see the entire show. I apologize. I'm supposed to be watching this thing so that you don't have to, but it's likely to go the standard 12 episodes before cancellation and I'm not made of metal. I'd rather watch The Vagina Monologues while dressed as Princess Margaret, drinking warm beer in a basement in Falluja than watch one more minute of this. I never thought I'd say this, but save me, Frank TV!
Sports Unfiltered With Dennis Miller [Versus]
Comments
Is the Ankiel action figure safe ?
I suspect fowl play
/Thanksgiving-Hokie humor
Did you count the mention of Yusuf Islam as one of the seven 'cat' references?
Is the Rick Ankiel doll (er, action figure) safe?
The Week in Miller < SSW
I suspect Talky Tina
@Upstate Underdog: That's what I get for trying to make sure I spelled Ankiel right.
Dennis Miller wouldn't choose hanging; it's not obscure enough
@GunsDontKillPeopleIDo: Dennis Miller < SSW
/fixed
Looks like someone's action figure has been bobbing for apples in wet concrete again.
@Upstate Underdog: He tried to jump off of a building but he missed the ground.
@LingeringBursitis: Not so fast, Hutchence.
...alongside the Tomb of the Unknown GI Joe.
+1
Nice blinds. Was that picture taken in Kige's basement?
The real question...did the doll shit itself?
@Gourmet Spud: Every week, apparently.
@Upstate Underdog: That doll is clearly the perp, gone astray in a HGH-induced rage.
The StubHub Legends Classic is being held at the Prudential Center, which you may also know as the location for the Newark Pants Party.
Suddenly, I have a craving for falafel.
I haven't seen a hanging this graphic since the Ed Ruscha gallery at the San Fransisco MoMA.
Once again Canadian cable companies come to the rescue to protect us from horrible american television. We have OLN Canada, different from the American OLN or "VS" as some may call it. Basically it's less bullfighting, more fishing and no hockey.
Rick, your acerbic wit should not be wasted on this steaming pile of shit. Even Donny Deutsch thinks this show sucks.
@Gourmet Spud: The Ankiel doll only shits itself in the playoffs.
This is great. Between these and the Ankiel stories I have quite the collage of pictures of the Deadspin HQ. It looks exactly as it does through my binoculars.
Are we sure this wasn't a case of Erotic asphyxiation can wrong?
They can't afford wall decorations at Deadspin HQ. It was either that or health insurance.
That's what happens when you get your Dennis Miller doll to play with your Rush Limbaugh doll in your made up "NeoConvention 2007" party.
That hanging Dennis Miller doll is more depressing than a Tibetan budget surplus, cha-cha.
@UkraineNotWeak: Nor Swiffer dusters.
"They can't afford wall decorations at Deadspin HQ. It was either that or health insurance."
You should see the Mike Cooper light switch.
@G Voll the Mole: But where is the Chris Benoit doll?
@-S-u-s-s--> Surprisingly, it's a dimmer.
@Suss: It only works if you flick it back and forth rapidly, and then it's out of commission for half an hour.
@PQ Crash:
In Rick's doll-house's weight room.
@TheStarterWife: If I want to hear the Mom voice, I'll go home for Thanksgiving.
That was funny.
We keep my brother Bilo in a cage and my wife spread her legs like this and say, "You will never get this, you will never get this" Ah la la lalala. Until one day, Bilo, he get it. yes.
Suicide is suspected because that's how I wanted it to look.
@Tuffy: I also believe it is one of those left-handed lightswitches.
They said Dennis Miller was hung. And they was right.
@Unsilent Majority: +1
Fox News overlords?
Vs. is owned by NBC Universal. Just sayin'. Not that GE's any better than News Corp.
@PeteJäyhawk™: has Greenzo taught you nothing?
When did Dennis Miller look like John Larroquette's character from Night Court?
@OhTheHugeManatee: When he was banging Markie Post?
@PQ Crash: Sleeping soundly near the Bowflex.
@PeteJäyhawk™: I thought vs. was owned by a completely different set of greedy overlords, namely, Comcast.
You blame the cat, I blame the dog with shifty eyes.
@LingeringBursitis: No way, he'd go with the ritualistic seppuku, no way this cat is going out like Del Shannon or Neil Aggett.
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