Stableford: Djokovic's A Kitten, Federer's A Cougar

Dylan Stableford writes occasionally about tennis for Deadspin. Sometimes we're tempted to call his column "Droppin' A Deuce With Dylan Stableford." We are not sure why.

The U.S. Open drew to its expected, entirely prosaic, drama-free close last night in Flushing. Roger Federer proved yet again he bleeds only carbon, putting a Swiss spanking on his 20-year-old Serbian impersonator, No. 3 Novak Djokovic, 7-6, 7-6, 6-4, saving five first set points and two in the second ("My next book is going to be called, '7 Set Points,'" Djokovic said after the match), to win his fourth consecutive U.S. Open while earning the equivalent of Serbia's gross national product, $2.4 million, in the process.

It wasn't all bad for Djokovic, though; he made plenty of YouTube fans for his locker-room imitations of Andy Roddick, Rafael Nadal and Maria Sharapova, who sat among the crazy Serbs - and Robert Fucking DeNiro? — in his box during the final.

Federer, on court after the match, displayed the cool, take-no-prisoners heartlessness of past tennis champions. "He deserved better than that," Federer said.

On Saturday, No. 1 Justine Henin dismantled Svetlana Kuznetsova 6-1, 6-3 for her second title, a night after knocking out Venus Williams, who, as is apparently the case for any Williams sister, honored Althea Gibson's legacy and claimed partial injury (dizziness) after the 7-6, 6-4 loss. "I'm not sure what's wrong with me," Williams said. Lucky for Henin.

In the U.S. Open men's doubles final, No. 9 seeds Lukas Dlouhy and Pavel Vizner defeated Simon Aspelin and ... oh, who really gives a shit? They won, alright?

And Esther Vergeer of the Netherlands, who hasn't lost a singles match in four years, rolled (sorry) to yet another U.S. Open title in the wheelchair division.

The Open's only true surprise: no rain for two weeks - a dry fortnight that'll last until the next Grand Slam, the Australia Open, in January.

But fear not, Deadspin tennis fans. The Davis Cup is only two weeks away.

Bonus, if gay, video: Djokovic's impersonations in the U.S. Open men's locker room. It's like a tennis snuff film!:

11:10 AM on Mon Sep 10 2007
By Leitch
3,943 views
27 comments

Comments

Unsilent Majority at 11:15 AM on 09/10/07
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The Davis Cup is only two weeks away.

oh crap
ArmansCopyOfSwank at 11:17 AM on 09/10/07
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So is this one of those "Tonight Show" things where Johnny, er, Will brings in a guest host any time he needs to play golf with Bob Hope or go through a painful divorce?

Will, if you ever let Jay Leno guest host DS, I will cut you.
Suss-- at 11:22 AM on 09/10/07
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"while earning the equivalent of Serbia's gross national product"

It may be a struggling economy, but there's no need to make fun of its smell. That's just juvenile.
Rob Iracane at 11:23 AM on 09/10/07
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Djokovic treated that water bottle like the Steelers treated Charlie Frye.
Camp Tiger Claw at 11:23 AM on 09/10/07
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Justine Henin dismantled Svetlana Kunetsova.

And then returned it to IKEA in the original box.
Rob Iracane at 11:23 AM on 09/10/07
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@Suss--: Sauerkraut and hookers?
Weed Against Speed at 11:24 AM on 09/10/07
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@ArmansCopyOfSwank: Next up: The Joan Rivers Fantasy Football post.

"Oh oh oh ohhh Gawd! Can you believe I started Joey Harrington!"
Suss-- at 11:27 AM on 09/10/07
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Camp Tiger Claw: Monday Morning Punner
theslacker at 11:27 AM on 09/10/07
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No, the 40-something blondes at the bar on Sunday afternoon are cougars.
Proverbial at 11:29 AM on 09/10/07
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When exactly did Justine Henin pull the Jan Levinson-Gould and drop the "Hardenne'?
AwfulAnnouncing at 11:30 AM on 09/10/07
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Random question.....How many people write for Deadspin now? I'm putting the O/U at 13.
Unregular at 11:31 AM on 09/10/07
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I lost $20 on Novak - that was a stupid bet.
Camp Tiger Claw at 11:32 AM on 09/10/07
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@Suss--: Gimme a weekly column!
UkraineNotWeak at 11:34 AM on 09/10/07
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Will Leitch is actually a composite of 12 different writers. There is actually no person known as Will Leitch.
Glossina Glossinidae at 11:36 AM on 09/10/07
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Federer was good but not great yesterday. Imo he got lucky that jokvic was a kid because federer could have easily been down 2 sets.

federer messed up a lot. more than usual.

if this was Tiger versus Mickelson, Mickleson would have won because. instead it was sergio garcia on the other side of the court choking more than federer.

i hate that federer has no nemisis to equal him. at least tiger gets challenged now and then by mickelson.

no connors to a mcenroe. no sampras to a aggasi.

sucks.
AwfulAnnouncing at 11:37 AM on 09/10/07
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@UkraineNotWeak: He's like Voltron. Sweet.
The 12 Inch Pianist at 11:38 AM on 09/10/07
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Is Novak gonna have to Djokovic?!?
SonnyHooper at 11:38 AM on 09/10/07
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@Proverbial: When she decided to divorce Mr. Harden.
The 12 Inch Pianist at 11:40 AM on 09/10/07
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@AwfulAnnouncing: Actually Will is more like Michael Keaton in "Multiplicity".
AwfulAnnouncing at 11:43 AM on 09/10/07
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@The 12 Inch Pianist: Touche'....I'm still upset over the death of Andie MacDowell
UkraineNotWeak at 11:48 AM on 09/10/07
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@AwfulAnnouncing:

More like the character George Kaplan in North by Northwest. Just a character invented to throw the tWWL off the trail of the real underground revolution.
TheStarterWife at 11:49 AM on 09/10/07
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That YouTube video is great. One step closer to what we really need; the "Locker Cam" brought you by Mennen.

@AwfulAnnouncing: I put the line at the same number that write for AA.com
AwfulAnnouncing at 11:59 AM on 09/10/07
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@TheStarterWife: Ahhh the irony is too much!!!

@UkraineNotWeak: Another great pull. I was thinking the special needs guy in "Identity", but that movie sucked.
SA at 12:24 PM on 09/10/07
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Will Lloyd Carr be snapping Djokovic's neck this week?
highlifer at 12:49 PM on 09/10/07
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I am thinking impure thoughts about these videos, especially the 2nd one where he fondles the sausage.

[www.youtube.com]
[www.youtube.com]
Botswana Meat... at 01:02 PM on 09/10/07
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"Dylan Stableford" is actually Sen. Larry Craig.
Vermafia at 11:04 PM on 09/11/07
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Sen. Larry Craig? That's ridiculous ... or, I oppose that bill, Senator Botswana Meat Commission! Although, come to think of it, I do utilize a wide stance from time to time ...