Hi A.J.

My name is Rachel Maresca and I work for Life & Style Magazine. I am reaching out because I saw your story on Joslyn James and her link to Tiger Woods. I was wondering if their was any possible way you could put me in contact with some of the people you mentioned in your story as sources. I would really appreciate it, looking forward to hearing from you!

Thanks!
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

And this is how the dirty sausage gets made.

How awful? Let us consult Twitter. First, everyone had questions:

Why is Rick Reilly doing SportsCenter?

Why is Rick Reilly doing Sportscenter highlights?

Why is Rick Reilly doing highlights on Sportscenter?

Why do I have to watch Rick Reilly run down highlights? #gaack

Ughh why is Rick Reilly anchoring SportsCenter now?

why in the hell is rick reilly hosting sports center

What the hell is Rick Reilly doing on Sportscenter?! Make it stop!

What the fuck is Rick Reilly doing anchoring SportsCenter? He is GOD awful. Please stop the insanity.

Why is Rick Reilly anchoring SportsCenter? This is horrendous.

Why is Rick Reilly doing hosting SportsCenter......this is AWEFUL!!!!!

Why is Rick Reilly hosting Sports Center? Why are you shoving him down my throat, ESPN?

Ummm...anyone wanna tell me why Rick Reilly (tm) is hosting SportsCenter?

Seriously- why the fuck IS Rick Reilly hosting Sportscenter?!

Who thought it was a good idea to let Rick Reilly anchor SC?

Who's bright idea was it to put Rick Reilly on Sportscenter?

rick reilly a sportscenter anchor? WTF?

Rick Reilly hosting @SportsCenter ? Nooooooo!!!!!

Then came the reviews. A few were understated ...

I don't like that Rick Reilly is a Sportscenter anchor now.

Rick Reilly looks real uncomfortable co-anchoring sportscenter!

Rick Reilly anchoring Sportscenter...interesting.

Rick Reilly anchoring SportsCenter. #fail

... others, less so:

Reilly sucks Linda Cohen penis! Get him off

Three took an epistolary approach:

dear twitter, please never let Rick Reilly anchor sportscenter ever again...not once, not never...hopefully, joshua

Dear #ESPN, please keep Rick #Reilly off #Sportscenter, for the love of God, the last time he wasn't awkward, he was asleep.

Dear ESPN: What can we do to keep Rick Reilly off of the SportsCenter desk? I am willing to pay something if that helps.

Some could express his awfulness only in relation to other awful things:

Rick Reilly, you are the Mark Madsen dancing of ESPN SportsCenter anchors. #espn #fail

2day..heard Joe Brown call hockey & saw Rick Reilly host SC. Could watch my dog get shot tmrw & 2day would still be my worst day of the week

Rick Reilly has to be the worst Sportscenter Anchor ever. I mean I'd rather listen to an hour of Berman than this fool.

I rather listen to the Jonas Brothers or Taylor Swift than listening to Rick Reilly...smh.

speaking of Rick Reilly anchoring SportsCenter? No worse than hiring Jonathan "The Coach" Coachman from WWE as an anchor.

Rick Reilly on SportsCenter is as brutal as me trying to play basketball.

Egad, they're letting Rick Reilly host #SportsCenter. So it's a choice between turning to a real estate infomercial or gouging my eyes out.

Rick Reilly now mailing in SportsCenter. ESPN pulling a Grady Little with him.

Rick Reilly on SportsCenter = trainwreck

Three cited famous comic idioms:

Rick Reilly on SportsCenter: 2 minutes in, two major mistakes. I expect to hear him bust out a "Sweet Sassy Molassy" any minute now...

ok can we PLEASE get Rick Reilly off the Sportscenter desk?! he is stinkin the joint up right now... boom goes the dynamite!

Rick Reilly is fast approaching boom goes the dynamite territory.

Two expressed nausea and existential dread:

Rick Reilly doing SportsCenter LA...I think I'm going to throw up

Rick Reilly hosting sportscenter is some kind of very bad sign. I may just stay inside for a few weeks.

Certain reviews addressed ESPN directly ...

Rick Reilly is AWFUL on SportsCenter. Never again ESPN.

I'm accepting ideas on appropriate punishments for ESPN for allowing Rick Reilly to host SportsCenter.

Rick Reilly should not be a sportscenter anchor. Please get him off the air

Sportscenter, please stop the Rick Reilly experiment. He's terrible and makes watching my favorite show brutally painful

Rick Reilly should not be a sportscenter anchor. Please get him off the air

Rick Reilly on ESPN @ 6am ouch! Come on guys #fail, seriously you couldn't find anyone else to fill in

DO NOT LET RICK REILLY BE A SPORTSCENTER ANCHOR EVER! Is everyone else sick??

... and others offered career advice to Reilly himself:

Rick Reilly... PLEASE don't do Sportscenter again!

Watchin rick reilly anchor sportscenter is a catastrophe...dude gotta stick to writing dis aint doin dude any justice! CMON SON!!

Words cannot describe how much I hate Rick Reilly on Sportscenter. Stick to writing self-aggrandizing and empty columns Rick!

Rick Reilly. Stop anchoring SportsCenter. And don't read the prompter on a single shot when it's a two-shot open. Stick to writing bro.

Rick Reilly is co-anchoring SportsCenter. Can't he just stay away from TV and stick to a medium where he can just re-hash articles? Ugh...

I agree about Rick Reilly, he was garbage on SportsCenter. He should stick to treacle-sweet human interest stories.

Rick Reilly is not a very good anchor on SportsCenter. Stick to writing.

Rick Reilly has no business anchoring SportsCenter or being on camera period stick with the keyboard.

Rick Reilly is anchoring SportsCenter. Note to Rick: stick to writing...circa 1980. The Tiger comm. from yesterday was completely ridiculous

why the fuck is rick reilly doing sportscenter? just stick to your shitty writing

Why is Rick Reilly anchoring SportsCenter? He is annoying and quite corny, stick to writing.

What is Rick Reilly doing on Sportscenter? Rick, you're a writer, not a broadcaster. Pick up the pen and put the mic down.

Rick Reilly should get a job with FOX News, he's got that smell about him.

A handful offered a technical critique:

Rick Reilly just suigued from one college bball game to another by saying "Now to college basketball". Dumbass.

rick reilly's hosting the 1am eastern sportscenter... right off the top, he's looking at the wrong camera. love it

Will someone PLEASE tell Rick Reilly that he needs to look at Camera 1?

Rick Reilly just did the entire opening of SportsCenter looking into the wrong camera. Made him look blind.

Rick Reilly's hosting Sportscenter LA?? And he already screwed up, looking in the wrong camera. What a douche. GTFO

Rick Reilly is doing highlights on Sportscenter right now. He is AWFUL. You can see him clearly reading the teleprompter. Way to go ESPN.

Worst sports voices #3 - Rick Reilly. Always the cadence of a vaudeville straight man setting up a punchline. Always.

Only Rick Reilly could ruin a John Wall Kentucky basketball highlight...

And, finally, someone asked "the real question":

The real question...does anyone actually like Rick Reilly? I find myself changing the channel everytime he comes on ESPN...

Why, yes, as it happens. There's this guy:

Rick Reilly co-anchoring Sportscenter? I'm all for it!

Sadly, our lone peppy voice was quickly shouted down:

you. must. be. CRAZY. rick. reilly. SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKSSS.

Twitter / Search - rick reilly [Twitter]

And today, of course, it looks downright absurd. We know now that Tiger's father, Earl, was a sly old chiseler, and that his fingerprints were all over the messianic hooey heaped onto Tiger in those days. Earl was running a terrific con, and Sports Illustrated was maybe his greatest mark. Here are the 10 most outlandish selections from the story.

He said, "Please forgive me...but sometimes I get very emotional...when I talk about my son.... My heart...fills with so...much...joy...when I realize...that this young man...is going to be able...to help so many people.... He will transcend this game...and bring to the world...a humanitarianism...which has never been known before. The world will be a better place to live in...by virtue of his existence...and his presence.... I acknowledge only a small part in that...in that I know that I was personally selected by God himself...to nurture this young man...and bring him to the point where he can make his contribution to humanity.... This is my treasure.... Please accept it...and use it wisely.... Thank you."

So let us stand amidst this audience at last month's Fred Haskins Award dinner to honor America's outstanding college golfer of 1996, and take note as Tiger and Earl Woods embrace, for a new manner of celebrity is taking form before our eyes. Regard the 64-year-old African-American father, arm upon the superstar's shoulder, right where the chip is so often found, declaring that this boy will do more good for the world than any man who ever walked it. Gaze at the 20-year-old son, with the blood of four races in his veins, not flinching an inch from the yoke of his father's prophecy but already beginning to scent the complications.

[...]

Now turn. Turn and look at us, the audience, standing in anticipation of something different, something pure. Quiet. Just below the applause, or within it, can you hear the grinding? That's the relentless chewing mechanism of fame, girding to grind the purity and the promise to dust. Not the promise of talent, but the bigger promise, the father's promise, the one that stakes everything on the boy's not becoming separated from his own humanity and from all the humanity crowding around him.

Anyone, Mr. Woods? Your son will have more impact than Nelson Mandela, more than Gandhi, more than Buddha?

"Yes, because he has a larger forum than any of them. Because he's playing a sport that's international. Because he's qualified through his ethnicity to accomplish miracles. He's the bridge between the East and the West. There is no limit because he has the guidance. I don't know yet exactly what form this will take. But he is the Chosen One. He'll have the power to impact nations. Not people. Nations. The world is just getting a taste of his power."

Surely this is lunacy. Or are we just too myopic to see? One thing is certain: We are witnessing the first volley of an epic encounter, the machine at its mightiest confronting the individual groomed all his life to conquer it and turn it to his use. The youth who has been exposed to its power since he toddled onto The Mike Douglas Show at three, the set of That's Incredible! at five, the boy who has been steeled against the silky seduction to which so many before him have succumbed.

At last, the river is un-dammed, and Earl's whole life makes sense. At last, he sees what he was searching for, a pattern. No more volunteering for missions-he has his. Not simply to be a great golfer's father. To be destiny's father. His son will change the world.

"What the hell had I been doing in public information in the Army, posted in Brooklyn?" he asks. "Why, of course, what greater training can there be than three years of dealing with the New York media to prepare me to teach Tiger the importance of public relations and how to handle the media?"

"Look at this stuff!" cries Earl. "Over and over you can see the plan being orchestrated by someone other than me because I'm not this damn good! I tried to get out of that combat assignment to Thailand. But Tida was meant to bring in the influence of the Orient, to introduce Tiger to Buddhism and inner peace, so he would have the best of two different worlds. And so he would have the knowledge that there were two people whose lives were totally committed to him."

[...]

His wife ratifies this, in her own way. She takes the boy's astrological chart to a Buddhist temple in Los Angeles and to another in Bangkok and is told by monks at both places that the child has wondrous powers. "If he becomes a politician, he will be either a president or a prime minister," she is told. "If he enters the military, he will be a general."

Tida comes to a conclusion. "Tiger has Thai, African, Chinese, American Indian and European blood," she says. "He can hold everyone together. He is the Universal Child."

Because something deeper than conventional stardom is at work here, something so spontaneous and subconscious that words have trouble going there. It's a communal craving, a public aching for a superstar free of anger and arrogance and obsession with self. It's a hollow place that chimes each time Tiger and his parents strike the theme of father and mother and child love, each time Tiger stands at a press conference and declares, "They have raised me well, and I truly believe they have taught me to accept full responsibility for all aspects of my life." During the making of a Titleist commercial in November, a makeup woman is so moved listening to Earl describe his bond with Tiger that she decides to contact her long-estranged father. "See what I mean?" cries Earl. "Did you affect someone that way today? Did anyone else there? It's destiny, man. It's something bigger than me."

See, maybe Tiger can win. He's got the touch. He's got the feel. He never writes down a word before he gives a speech. When he needs to remember a phone number, he doesn't search his memory or a little black book; he picks up a phone and watches what number his fingers go to. When he needs a 120-yard shot to go under an oak branch and over a pond, he doesn't visualize the shot, as most golfers would. He looks at the flag and pulls everything from the hole back, back, back...not back into his mind's eye, but into his hands and forearms and hips, so they'll do it by feel. Explain how he made that preposterous shot? He can't. Better you interview his knuckles and metacarpals.

"His handicap" says Earl, "is that he has such a powerful creative mind. His imagination is too vivid. If he uses visualization, the ball goes nuts. So we piped into his creative side even deeper, into his incredible sense of feel."

"I've learned to trust the subconscious," says Tiger. "My instincts have never lied to me."

"That's why I know I can handle all this," Tiger says, "no matter how big it gets. I grew up in the media's eye, but I was taught never to lose sight of where I came from. Athletes aren't as gentlemanly as they used to be. I don't like that change. I like the idea of being a role model. It's an honor. People took the time to help me as a kid, and they impacted my life. I want to do the same for kids."

"That's the difference," says Merchant, Tiger's attorney and a family friend. "Other athletes who have risen to this level just didn't have this kind of guidance. With a father and mother like Tiger's, he has to be real. It's such a rare quality in celebrities nowadays. There hasn't been a politician since John Kennedy whom people have wanted to touch. But watch Tiger. He has it. He actually listens to people when they stop him in an airport. He looks them in the eye. I can't ever envision Tiger Woods selling his autograph."

For when we swallow Tiger Woods, the yellow-black-red-white man, we swallow something much more significant than Jordan or Charles Barkley. We swallow hope in the American experiment, in the pell-mell jumbling of genes. We swallow the belief that the face of the future is not necessarily a bitter or bewildered face; that it might even, one day, be something like Tiger Woods's face: handsome and smiling and ready to kick all comers' asses.

We see a woman, 50-ish and Caucasian, well-coiffed and tailored-the woman we see at every country club-walk up to Tiger Woods before he receives the Haskins Award and say, "When I watch you taking on all those other players, Tiger, I feel like I'm watching my own son"...and we feel the quivering of the cosmic compass that occurs when human beings look into the eyes of someone of another color and see their own flesh and blood.

Bullard literally took off his headset in the middle of the Rockets-Trail Blazers game to yell at the officials for their poor performance. He didn't even wait for a TV timeout. He didn't even wait for a break in the action. He stopped doing his job, while the ball was in play, so he could yell at a ref.

Anyone who's ever had a press pass knows that cheering is not allowed on press row. (At least, that's what I've been told by those people.) But I guess heckling is totally cool ... as long as the headphones are off! Let's try to keep things professional here!

Video: Rockets Broadcaster Removes Headset, Yells at Refs [NBA Fanhouse]

Nearly every page on NFL.com can be commented on by those who have an account and that generates tens of thousands of comments every day, many of which have nothing to do with football. The top of the website's "Fans" page (presented by Sprint!) is anchored by a special scrolling box which pulls the "best" of those comments out of the haystack, giving them prominent placement in a constantly updated rotation of the common man's take on the world. It seems apparent that this process is done automatically, possibly by robots, because if a human was actually reading this garbage on a daily basis they would likely have burned down the league's internet host before blinding themselves with an ice pick.

In a short time watching the page—briefly during the Sunday night game and again this morning—the comment scroll has displayed swearing, insults directed at players and other commenters, racist and gay slurs, spam, atrocious grammar and spelling, and more poorly reasoned arguments than a freshman philosophy seminar. Some of these featured comments are nothing more than a punctuation mark or a string of nonsensical letters. It makes a typical Twitter conversation seem like a graduate seminar in linguistics. Either quality control is completely non-existent or NFL.com is so committed to raw, unfiltered commentary from every day yokels that they refuse to edit the hive mind.

I emailed NFL.com for a explanation of the process used to select or edit the comments (if there is one) and here is their response:

"You are right. Those comments are a random sample from across the site. NFL.com editors do review after posted and monitor as much as possible to make sure the comments are appropriate. As you note, they do not catch every single comment. 100k comments alone yesterday.

In terms of the comments being unintelligible, this is really just meant to show activity. If the user wants the full context, they would click through to get the entire comment and the context.

Also, they do moderate comments within the forums, and in the short time since my email was sent, someone might have started paying attention. Comments on the front page usually scroll by more than once and can be viewed again by clicking a back button, but a recent missive that had something to do with Vagisil and the Dolphins disappeared before I could finish reading it and could not be retrieved ... only to be replaced by one reader calling "feelthebrees10 a fuck*** quier" (Don't ask me why the writer censored the "ing," but not the "fuck." I wasn't on the debate team.)

Here's a compilation of some of the other gems I captured. It's a fascinating look into the internet's dark heart of inanity.

Apology accepted.
Reader Justin M. first alerted us to the freewheeling nature of NFL.com after spotting this tribute to (I think) Jason Campbell's fourth-quarter INT against the Saints. It's insightful, because it's racist!
Well said.
What? No penis pills?
I told you to just call him G-Train.
I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!
Text your mother with that mouth?
Zibg!
O M F G UR A 12-YEAR-OLD GURL!
Tell me about it.
How about that, indeed.
?!
Rah? Ram? Rat? Oh, I can get this! It's a riddle, right?
Finally! A sensible voice emerges.
Oh, I love that song Carma Roids!
It's pronounced "doosh."
I just had to include the comment from the guy who thinks the coach who just won a Super Bowl is ruining the franchise. This is why the fans need a voice!
Uhhh ... I think maybe we should actually find this guy. Does anyone know a good hostage negotiator in Panama?

To be fair to Lundquist and Danielson, they did notice and correct many of their errors yesterday—which is more than you can say for a lot of announcers—although viewers may have been left to wonder if the pair was watching the game on a fuzzy black-and-white TV in the rec room of their assisted living home. There were several bad calls, missed assignments, questionable math, a few discrepancies regarding who was actually on the field, I'm pretty sure Verne mispronounced the sideline reporter's name more than once, and Mr. Inside and Mr. Outside did, in fact, play for Army.

The turtle crack was also ill-advised, however, you have to forgive the boys for clowning on a dude who lost a football throwing competition to a girl. He kind of deserved it, didn't he?

[Video via CBS]

Reader John H. alerted us to the columns. Let's compare:

2007: When I was a sophomore in college, working on the town newspaper, a professor took me aside and said, "You need to get out of sports. You're better than sports."

2009: When I was a college sophomore and just starting to write for the Boulder sports section, my journalism professor edged me aside, looked me in the eye and said, "You're better than sports."

2007: There's no back door in. If you're Aaron Spelling's daughter and you want to act, you get to act. If you're a Trump, you get to build. But nobody in sports makes it onto the field because he caught a lucky sperm. Jose and Ozzie Canseco were identical twins. Jose played 1,887 major league games. Ozzie played 24. And sports doesn't care how you did last month, either. If you're Derek Jeter and you stop hitting, it doesn't matter how many Visa commercials you've done, you're toast. And yet Flavor Flav still puts out CDs.

2009: Sports is real. It can't be faked. If you're Henry Fonda's son and you want to act, you get to act. If you're Chelsea Clinton and want to govern, you get to govern. But just because you're Nolan Ryan's son doesn't mean you get to pitch in the Show. Money, family, looks mean diddly in sports. If Tom Brady suddenly can't throw the 30-yard out, he's benched, dimple or no dimple.

2007: Sports is a way in. One of the best e-mails I ever got was from a 25-year-old: "Thanks for writing what you did about the Red Sox. It's the first time I've been able to talk to my dad in five years."

2009: Sports is Oprah for guys. I knew a Boston dad and son who hadn't spoken in five years. Some disagreement that just grew too big to see around. But when the Red Sox won it all in 2004, the son came home. They hugged and cried and laughed, and if you think it was about baseball, you don't know men.

2007: Sports isn't an escape from life-it's woven into the fabric of it.

2009: Sports is woven deeper into American life than you know.

2007: It's black and white, there's no gray area. Every night there's a winner and there's a loser and nothing in between. There's no waiting to see the third-quarter fiscal report. It's open to zero interpretation. I've never been to a game yet where, at the end, the ref announced, "O.K., Cleveland won 14—13, but the Cleveland coach was blocking his deep-seated childhood need for validation. So, actually, Buffalo is the winner." There's a score and it's fair and clean and easy to understand. Except for figure skating, of course.

2009: Sports has no gray areas. It's black or white, win or lose, hero or goat. Nobody has to form a committee to figure it out. Not true in dance or art. Who was better, head to head, Matisse or Monet? If it were sports, we'd know. (Matisse, 13-8.)

2007: So bite me, professor. Thirty years later, I still don't think I'm better than sports. In fact it's been the other way around the whole time.

2009: So here's to you, professor. I'm glad to know I'm not better than sports. But you did show me I'm better than one thing: advice from professors.

I'd point out here that Reilly was paid a "ridonkulous" amount of money to write a weekly column, and that he is that rare columnist who can write about whatever he wants, and that with so much freedom, it's absurd that he nonetheless chooses to repurpose some two-year-old piece of hackwork — I'd say all that except that, well, we'd just be plagiarizing ourselves.

Why I love my job [ESPN]
It Isn't Just A Game [Sports Illustrated]

And also — who can resist singing Mr. Big? [Very Sic'd]:

Attached is visual confirmation of the first reader submitted comment from the Mariotti story today, Jay being all creepy at the Blue Frog, a karioke bar in Chicago....We were singing Mr. Big's "Next to be with you" at the time, and he refused to participate, which I think could have actually improved his image had he joined. But he doesn't have the reputation he does because he joins in on awesome karioke songs with random dudes to the delight of the crowd, which we should have forseen....

And then there's this anecdote, which is just cruel:

Just wanted to validate the story about the karaoke bar. These pictures were taken at Blue Frog late Saturday night by one of my friends. They show him waiting to drop the cosby kids off in a bathroom which has shower curtains as stall doors. During the next song the performer broke down with "Hey everybody, Mariotti is taking a dump in the bathroom right now!" After doing his business and most certainly washing his hands, Mariotti came out and yelled at them for "being on crack."

If any other readers do spot Jay gallivanting around town during a Windy City night, please don't pester him. The man is allowed to enjoy an evening out, just like the rest of us. In fact, do not approach him at all, unless you really, really enjoy his columns and wish to shake the man's hand. At least we know he washes them.

The AP has already retracted their initial report that stated that the three players involved in the incident had been charged with rape. They were charged with "conspiracy," which I'm sure makes a big difference in a court of law. According to the reports, one of the accused and the victim both agree that they were having consensual sex in his dorm room, when his buddies burst into the room. What happened next is where things get fuzzy.

The victim told police they got naked and assaulted her. Their lawyer says it was just some "sophomoric, college-boy antics," which is ironic because it appears they are all freshman. I don't know what Connecticut law considers to be "assault," but I have a feeling that dropping your pants in front of a naked woman pinned to a bed goes beyond "alcohol-fueled hijinks."

The girl screamed and struggled with her assailants, police said, and Triner and Travers fled the room. Sanders then asked the sobbing student if he could resume having intercourse with her, police said.

Oh my. So if I'm understanding this correctly (and these reports turn out to be true), they didn't rape her. They just made her think she was about to be raped. As a joke. And one of them somehow thought this wouldn't spoil the mood?

Given the history of lacrosse players, drunken sexual hijinks, and the media, I'm sure all future coverage of this story will be completely reasonable and free of hyperbole. So let me kick things off by saying that America's children will be the downfall of human society and this is probably a harbinger of Earth's ultimate destruction by aliens in 2012. Developing.

SHU lacrosse players charged with sexually assaulting female student [The Connecticut Post]
Sacred Heart Lacrosse Players Charged in Connection with Assault [WTIC]
STORY REMOVED: US—Lacrosse Players Charged [AP]
[Photo via]

[Sic'd] for your viewing pleasure:

•

With Jay running amok all over Chicago and your site I thought you would enjoy these two tidbits.

Last Saturday night my buddy saw jay wander in alone to a karaoke bar at 1 AM in Chicago, proceed to hit on several 20 somethings all of which shunned him close to immediately in favor of other meatheads with a shitload of gel in the hair.

Secondly, Jay Mariotti was involved in the biggest night of my life so far as he was one of the last people I saw before I popped the question and got engaged.

•

I just walked by Jay Mariotti on the street. he was talking very loud on his cell phone and the exact quote I heard was "I'm trying to get the security camera tapes so we can figure out who was twisting my arm off"

•

Would like to confirm Jay Mariotti is a Douchebag.

And I was entertained by his columns! By you gotta call a Douche a Douche.

Even when I met the guy personally to say I liked his stuff, still a douche!

Hilarious!

•

"I created a completely fake name to keep this anonymous but Marriotti was in Market Bar on Randolph in Chicago a few months ago wasted out of his mind. The funny thing is that it's owned by Kenny Williams (they hate each other) and Ozzy Guillen is frequently there during the season. Marriotti was so drunk that he was asked to leave and left his credit card at the bar and has been back since and gets black-out wasted every time. The guy is such a loser."

•

Saw your article about Marriotti starting a scuffle at Underground. He stared a fight with me at Bull and Bear a few weeks ago over standing too close to him and he started throwing out how he was a national celebrity and how I probably made $20k a year. When the bouncers came over he blamed it on me and kept asking for the manager and kept asking the bouncers if they knew who he was. The guy is a classless jerk and I would be happy to comment further about the encounter if you are interested in writing about what a jag he is. Thanks.

Another encounter:

I was at Bull and Bear a few weeks ago and the creepy Mariott was standing by our table hoping some of the girls would talk to him. Very weird dude. I think he saw me take this pic but I acted like I was texting someone.

Mariotti has told nice young ladies about his paranoia and annoyance when civilians attempt to photograph him out on the town. He's been successful so far, as we rarely receive any candid pics of Jay.

After the incident last week, it appears his aggressive no-photo policy has backfired and more and more are coming in all the time. If Mariotti wishes to continue to enjoy night club life for as long as his surgically-enhanced visage is still on "Around The Horn," he should consider wearing a disguise from now on.

PHOTO/EMAIL: Michael P.

We have internal guidelines designed to inform how we discuss the topic of sports media. These guidelines are important us, because they help maintain the credibility with which ESPN operates.

No one knows the guidelines better than Bill Simmons, and he customarily works within these standards. He also understands, as does everyone else at ESPN, that we regard these guidelines as being equally important when participating in social media.

While it's unfortunate — and sometimes painful — that not everyone outside of ESPN chooses to play by such rules, we choose to hold ourselves to higher standards. Regardless of the provocation, Bill's communication regarding WEEI fell short of those standards. So we've taken appropriate measures.

This shows ESPN employees that, even though the social media policy is still in its teething stage, this sets some clear guidelines that you cannot lash out at WEEI (an ESPN affiliate) even when provoked. This is also the same type of punishment parents give their teenage daughters for mouthing off at the dinner table.

Simmons has a much longer leash about stuff like this than many other Bristol employees who Tweet so that's why it's somewhat surprising that they enforced this meaningless little suspension upon him during the tail end of his book tour. He's banned for two weeks from Tweeting about...what exactly? The NBA? Fantasy football?

Anyway, apparently he's only allowed to Twitter about his book tour from here on out and the only stop left is his rescheduled Vegas one in early December. This is great news for the ESPN Zone in Las Vegas who will get tons of publicity as a result of this.

Bill Simmons Portland Book Tour [Oregon Live]

PHOTO: By The Beard Of Zeus

The memo, in full:

Our Workplace

Top Story 11/19/09 @ 3:33 PM - Updated: 11/20/09 @ 10:09 AM

A message from George Bodenheimer

My recent ITK message addressed a series of issues and allegations related to workplace behavior at ESPN. It reflected the pride and passion I feel for the work we do and the disappointment that follows when we fail to live up to the high standards of conduct expected of every employee. As we move ahead, we are taking numerous steps to enhance our efforts to maintain a company that shows care and respect for all employees and is free of harassment of any kind. If you have concerns, bring them forward. I assure you we will fully address any circumstance in which we are not living up to our commitment, especially those related to alleged sexual improprieties or discriminatory conduct.

Managers will be held fully accountable for reporting and acting upon inappropriate workplace behavior. Any leader who fails to act responsibly in this regard or whose leadership capability is compromised by their own conduct will not be a part of our Company's future. Our goal is simply stated: for each of us to represent ESPN every day with class, dignity and integrity.

In addition to the measures we already have in place, which can be accessed on ITK , below are some of further steps we will take:

• more frequent and prominent dissemination and discussion of our Standards of Conduct policies

• more frequent, in-person mandatory workplace behavior training at every level

• prominent publication of our employee Hotline number (where employees can anonymously report any concerns) and the list and contact numbers of our HR employee relations specialists

• a complete review of the workplace environment for all entry level positions with particular focus on studio and remote production staffing

• continued engagement of our Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) to provide on-going feedback and assistance in training, mentoring and guiding employees

These are all top-line descriptions of our efforts and HR will be following up over the next 90 days with details. I am confident that positive results will follow.

Thank you all for your support. I want to especially thank the ESPN Women ERG for its advice and counsel over these past weeks — your perspective has been tremendously helpful.

We have a great company full of hard working, kind, dedicated and generous people. Your efforts and unerring commitment are the foundation of our culture and the keys to ESPN's continuing success.

Here's the email from our tipster who witnessed what (allegedly) went down. [Sic'd]:

last night was at an Akira fashion show at Underground Bar here in Chicago (my friend was in it). After it was over, we were having a drink and I end up seeing Jay Mariotti. (odd since I saw him about 3 weeks ago as well. Tis rare to have a Mariotti sighting here). He is with these two blond girls. (not hot). so he is getting all cozy with one of them being a complete creep. Kind of grinding and shit while giving back rubs. So just casually i said to this dude, who had no clue who mariotti was, that he was a national sports writer on espn....etc. So the kid takes a picture of him with his iphone.

Mariotti sees him and flips out. He is trying to get his phone to delete the photo. The kid is not budging. Keeps telling Mariotti "get the fuck away from me....i didn't take your picture loser." Mariotti wouldn't stop. So he lunges at the kid and tries to snatch the iphone. This started a scuffle between the two. A random girl was punching Mariotti on the head while the pushing and shoving was going on. The bouncers come flying in and take down Jay to the ground. Laid out flat on the floor with a gigantic 300 pound lineman type laying on him. Mariotti then gets the bums rush while yelling and screaming about how it wasn't his fault the whole time.

it was incredible. not sure what happened next , but i thought it was a funny situation.

We emailed Mariotti. He hasn't responded. Also, a rep from Underground Bar who was at the show last night said that he saw nothing "out of the ordinary" happen but also admitted he had no idea who Jay Mariotti was.

Our initial emailer is working on getting us the (alleged) photo snapped by his buddy. We'll keep you updated.

Here's what Paige wrote:

I give my opinion, which is based on sound information, thoughtful research and observation, unlike some kid in Arizona who is a Broncos fan and writes a blog, without proper grammar or punctuation or understanding, from his mom's laundry room and think [hilariously, awesomely sic] he knows what he's talking about, and people actually pay attention.

Aside from the fact that Paige has graciously moved the locus of blogging from mom's basement to mom's laundry room (as is often the case with these jokes, the blogger sadly appears to live in a fatherless home), it's the same old gag. You know the one. Blogger, underwear, mother's house. What follows is a collection, by no means exhaustive, of the bonnest mots flung by mainstream sports media in the direction of the blogosphere over the years. Print these out. Savor them. Read them in your underwear while holding down some couch springs in your mother's basement. I thinks you'll like them.

The Loop, Pioneer Press: "The Washington Post fired reporter Michael Tunison after learning of his raunchy posts on the 'Kissing Suzy Kolber' sports blog. Tunison is expected to join the rest of the sports bloggers in their mothers' basements."

The Loop, Pioneer Press: "The NCAA reversed course and will allow bloggers in the press box to file live updates from tournament games. It's a huge victory for the bloggers, giving them yet another reason to get out of their mother's basement."

Bob Costas, NBC: "It's one thing if somebody just sets up a blog from their mother's basement in Albuquerque and they are who they are, and they're a pathetic get-a-life loser, but now that pathetic get-a-life loser can piggyback onto someone who actually has some level of professional accountability and they can be comment No. 17 on Dan Le Batard's column or Bernie Miklasz' column in St. Louis."

Dan Shaughnessy, Boston Globe, writing in the voice of a blogger: "I'm living at home, in the basement, rent free, and I've got cable and plasma TV. Domino's delivers. I guess you could say I'm living the dream."

Scott Bordow, East Valley Tribune: "[Jim] Calhoun will have his defenders, of course, Huskies' loyalists who believe the story was a media smear job; some might even take Calhoun's tack that he doesn't read blogs, as if one of the most popular Web sites in the country is run by some kid wearing pajamas and writing from his basement."

Greg Couch, Chicago Sun-Times: "Look, independent blogs are not reliable news sources. They're entertaining. I read them. Some have credibility, others might be some guy in his underwear in the basement. But we can't tell the difference."

Ed Hardin, Greensboro News & Record: "[Dustin] Long is the president of the National Motorsports Press Association, not some blogger in his parents' basement."

Geoff Baker, The Seattle Times: "And the ability to think about those things beforehand, truly, is what separates real journalists — serious ones, not Jason Blair types — from basement bloggers."

Mark Bechtel, Sports Illustrated: "Remember the good old days, when sports bloggers were potty-mouthed reprobates who fired off ill-informed rants from a couch in their parents' basement?"

David Wharton, Los Angeles Times: "Critics have portrayed [bloggers] differently: the rabid fan sitting at a computer in his parents' basement, in his pajamas, spewing opinion."

Frank Fitzpatrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer: "Assuming George Mitchell doesn't find any grounds to shut it down prematurely, the 2006 baseball season is just days away. That means that for the next six months baseball fans have a license to behave like bloggers — sitting around their dens in their underwear, staring blankly at a screen, pontificating on subjects they know nothing about."

Frank Fitzpatrick, The Philadelphia Inquirer: "An Eagles fan named Enrico Campitelli Jr. decided to do a live blog while watching the Eagles-Texans season opener on Sunday. Not sure what Campitelli's credentials are — not that blogging requires anything more than a computer and a pair of pajamas."

Phil Reisman, The Journal News: "It may be time for Minaya to go, but not for any racist reasons put forth by mouth breathers who live in their parents' basements."

Jason Lieser, Palm Beach Post: "Mike Florio defies almost every stereotype affixed to bloggers. No braces. No pimples. No sitting in his underwear tapping away in his parents' basement."

Glenn Reeves, San Mateo County Times : "Leitch rarely loses sight. After all, he has a 10-second commute every day to where he works, making up jokes and typing in his underwear."

Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times: "Web sites peek around corners like sewer rats, operated by weirdos who live in their parents' basements, pretend to be experts and break 'stories' that gullible people actually believe."

Rick Morrissey, Chicago Tribune: "I'll give Mariotti this: Whether he realizes it or not, he might have been the nation's first blogger, without actually writing one. He has led the way by not leading the way to the locker room or the clubhouse. He writes what he wants without ever talking to a soul. The only difference is he travels often to events, unlike bloggers, many of whom sit in their underwear all day and update, update, update."

Tony Kornheiser, The Tony Kornheiser Show: "In fact, in fact, if a huge dumpster landed on their mother's house (cackling), and got all the way into the basement and crushed them (more cackling), nobody would care. Nobody would miss them."

Sam Smith, Chicago Tribune: "How is it I can work for decades developing contacts around the NBA and traveling regularly around the NBA and talking with the decision makers and some guy in his basement in his underwear is writing something that has credibility?"

Pat Forde, ESPN: "Everyone wants to be Bill Simmons, but to my knowledge there's only one him. Two hundred thousand bloggers cracking wise from their living room in their underwear all want to be the next Simmons, but how many of them are being paid (handsomely) to do it?"

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "I've been doing this 31 years, for a living, I feel like I go out there, I'm in the locker rooms, I'm in the clubhouses, I'm meeting these guys, I'm hearing what they are saying, whatever. It seems to me a guy like that has a little more valued opinion than some schmo who, as I say, is holding down couch springs on his mom's basement."

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "There's some good journalism, and some really horrible crap on there from guys holding down the couch springs in their mother's basement that have never been in a lockerroom but are pining on this and that. And this gives them cache [sic], and then they're being quoted? What? This guy is in his underwear."

Rick Reilly, ESPN: "I don't really care what people holding down couch springs do or say."

Illustration by Rob Zammarchi, via The Boston Phoenix

Now, if you just cried out, "What are you talking about? Of course it's real," please leave. Now.

This is an actual lede in the Daily Telegraph, the largest paper in Sydney:

Wrestler Hulk Hogan has been badly injured after a violent bloody brawl broke out at The Hulkamania promotional press conference at Star City today.

Oh, it gets worse. The paper goes on to breathlessly report that

[t]he press conference veered violently out of control today as Hogan and ring rival Ric Flair let their animosity break into a full-scale bloody brawl.

Sydney Central's photographer Phil Rogers has his flash broken when Flair threw a table off the stage and into the press gathering before diving on photographers. See the photo of the Hulk.

Media were stunned as Hogan's head began bleeding profusely and confusion broke out when the veteran wrestling star was unable to get to his feet.

Journalists narrowly missed being struck with the table and photographers ducked and weaved as Flair took off his trouser belt and began to whip anyone within range.

Not once is there even a wink to the audience that this was anything less than a premeditated assault in broad daylight, and Flair ought to be prosecuted for it. I considered that perhaps Australian sarcasm is so finely tuned as to elude us boorish Americans, but then I read some of the comments on the story.

These guys get seriously worked up about their sport! I hope Terry "The Hulk" Hogan is OK to wrestle. Ric Flair is a goose. HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK HULK

Welcome to Sydney the lawlessness continues.

Ric Flair should be charged.

is this a gee up or is this for real

While Flair may or may not be "a goose," I'm pretty sure this was a "gee up." Ahh, Australia: same language, different planets.

Hulk Hogan Injured In Bloody Sydney Brawl With Ric Flair And Media [Daily Telegraph]