"Officially," Bryant injured his hand swatting at the basketball in the opening minutes, but that's just him being humble. The trainer popped it back in the place and he went back out to put up 20 points and 12 assists as the Lakers rolled, 105-88. LeBron had 23 and nine rebounds, but is probably questioning his strategy of pulling four physical therapy patients out of a nearby hospital to be his teammates. Orlando now has the percentage points lead in the Eastern Conference and the Cavs probably have some work to do. [AP]

The rest of the NBA was a little more competitive with several Alcoa Fantastic Finishes:

New Orleans 103, Indiana 100: Danny Granger (30 points) hit a clutch three-pointer to tie the game, but foolishly left 2.5 seconds on the clock—just enough time for Chris Paul to drain a fall away from the parking lot and give the Hornets a buzzer-beating win. New Orleans also lost both centers when Tyson Chandler rolled his ankle and his replacement Hilton Armstong tweaked his knee. Eh, who needs big men?

Dallas 95, Philadelphia 93: Dirk Nowitzki missed 13 of his first 14 shots, but pulled a Christian Laettner, swishing a turnaround jumper to beat Philly at the horn. “I’m a shooter,” Nowitzki said. “I always think the next one is going in.” I believe those were Lee Harvey Oswald's final words.

San Antonio 86, Charlotte 84: Raymond Felton hit a game-winning shot with 2 seconds left... I'm sorry, Tim Duncan swatted that game-winner away and a desperation three by Boris Diaw bounced harmlessly off the rim. Way to ruin the theme, guys.

Houston 115, Denver 113: Denver had a potential game-winning bucket called off on a charging call, and Kenyon Martin blew a second chance to tie the game for the Nuggets when he missed two foul shots with 2.6 seconds left. Yao Ming had 31 points, none of which were scored at the buzzer.

Monday Game Highlights [NBA.com]

Delonte West was on the bench with a cast on his wrist, Zydrunas Ilgauskas was in suit, Ben Wallace could play only 15 queasy minutes, Anderson Varejao was in foul trouble, and LeBron James was stuffed up and nursing an arm injury by the end of the night. In town was a better rested team with one of the top records in the Western Conference, a team that has owned them for the last two years.

How can all that be combated? Play James at center for, oh, about 12 minutes in the second half. Have the 6-foot-2 Daniel Gibson guard the 6-9 David West in the post and have two role players have their best games of the season.

In other words, Seigfried and Roy had nothing on Mike Brown in this one.

Kobe Is Afraid Of Bees. When asked about facing the Orlando Magic last night, Bryant said they were a good team, but not intimidating. After which, he dropped this gem [From Land o' Skeets, bold added]:

My suspicions were confirmed after the reporter next to me asked another Magic related question. "Would you be intimated by the [Magic] if you saw them again in the Finals?" he asked.

"Me, intimidated?" Kobe asked quizzically as a smile began to appear on his face. "Nah, man," he continued, "Unless it's a bee I'm not intimidated by anything."

Maybe he should have been intimidated. The Magic beat the Lakers again last night, 109-103.

Mark Cuban Is J. R. Smith's BFF. After that whole elbowing thing involving the Nuggets' player that saw Cuban storming onto the court and racking up a $25,000 fine, Cuban demonstrated the benefit of having his own blog:

In the spirit of the joy of my getting fined and your not getting the tech, have the Nuggets PR folks contact the Mavs PR folks and I will donate 25k to the charity of your choice.

Unless of course your coach thinks that the wrong thing to do, or the NBA says I can’t because it would be a violation of a rule. In which case, I will find a charity that I think you would like and make the donation in your name.

bff

m

In other words, "Fuck you. I have the money."

• Atlanta 129, Chicago 117. Memo to all NBA teams: we saw last night's game in Chicago and we just wanted to verify that it's totally legal to play defense against the Atlanta Hawks and not get out-rebounded by 10. (Also, special memo to Vinny Del Negro: 42 minutes for Derrick Rose? Do you mind if he makes it to season two? Thanks.)

• San Antonio 106, Memphis 103. San Antonio is now 3-0 in double-overtime games this season, to which we must respond: is this a team that really needs more time on the floor? Isn't this what Big Shot Broger there for? Why didn't... 0 points in 31 minutes? Wow. Roger Mason, Jr. may be the butterfly that flaps its wings furiously with absolutely no effect.

• Houston 120, Utah 115. These two teams combined for 10 points in the first overtime and 33 (!) in the second additional frame. Houston shot a lousy 39% from the floor but took 20 more free throws than the home team. Utah will solicit assistance from anyone taller than 6'9" for the next month.

• New Jersey 114, Charlotte 103. We can't imagine why Charlotte would run out of steam in overtime. After all, Larry Brown used exactly one person off the bench for any decent run (and that only after a strained groinological region for Raja Bell), which is just spoiling today's athletes, really.

• Detroit 87, Milwaukee 76. On the other hand, a 10-man rotation yielded only 76 points against the Pistons for the Bucks. And here we thought shoving Tyronn Lue, Dan Gadzuric, Luke Ridnour, Malik Allen, and Joe Alexander onto the floor would be an offensive bonanza. (Seriously? An NBA team did that? We assume undocumented cases of Legionnaires' disease are at fault here.)

Also receiving votes: Washington 104, Oklahoma City 95; Orlando 118, Minnesota 94; Portland 102, Toronto 89. (Jason Kapono: 0 points in 30+ minutes, joining Roger Mason, Jr. in the Impotent Butterfly Club.)

Oh, and Allen Iverson had to fling up yet another patented AI contact-and-eject attempt at drawing a foul 15 feet from the basket that fell with zero point two for the Pistons to beat the Thunder 90-88. So let's all take another drag off the egg nog while it still tastes roughly like foodstuffs and not lose our collective excrement over the Celtics qualifying for a losing streak for the first time this season in a 99-89 loss. Yes, it's Golden State without Jamal and Corey, but has everyone forgotten that Stephen Jackson matriculated from Ballin' U with a 18.6 GPA? We love you, Punctuation Station, but deep breaths before captioning, k?

Miami 90, Chicago 77. The Bulls' star of the game was Aaron Gray with 12 and 11 on 5-7 shooting. 'Nuff said.

Utah 97, Dallas 88. We thought Rick Carlisle was supposed to be one of those disciplinarian-type shouters. Do you think he could keep one or two of his key players from shoving, slapping, or crotch-grabbing the opposition long enough to stay in games? Dirk Nowitzki took his early two-tech exit after punching Matt Harpring in the mouth totally accidentally no really he means it this time. Maybe Dirk lashed out pre-emptively after hearing about this "kissing men in Utah" thing.

Denver 105, Philadelphia 101. Sign #32409 Don Nelson George Karl has checked out: J.R. Smith flung 11 threes at the rim in the process of shooting 20 times and still played 35 minutes. Reason #1 you didn't see the sign: you're still blocking Ace of Base. Reason #2: J.R. rattled home 7 of those three-pointers.

Minnesota 120, New York 107. Sebastian Telfair scores 20, gets linked to Knicks in wild trade speculation.

Also receiving votes: Charlotte 95, New Jersey 87; New Orleans 88, Houston 79; Memphis 108, Indiana 105; Toronto 107, Sacramento 101.

We should praise the NBA for actually pulling their athletes, arena workers, and TV people away from their families on Christmas. Without the five NBA games yesterday, the sports world probably would have endured a total blackout. And what else was there yesterday? The movies out in theaters right now are fucking terrible, and it was too cold outside yesterday to commit any enjoyable felonies. So thanks, NBA, for that one night of fun. I guess we'll see you when the playoffs start in the spring.

Dallas 102, Portland 94. Brandon Roy played 42 minutes for naught, as Dirk's 30 paced a Mavericks team that only shot 48 percent from the field.

Cleveland 93, Washington 89. It took an 11-0 run in the fourth quarter for the Cavs to avoid their first loss at home in 15 games. Cleveland hit 12 threes in the game, a season high.

Lakers 92, Boston 83. I hate the Lakers' white jerseys. Imagine your level of disgust if another NBA team started wearing yellow jerseys during home games. That's how I feel about the Lakers not wearing yellow at home. And those Star of David patches that everyone wore last night didn't do much for me, either.

Orlando 88, New Orleans 68. Magic coach Stan Van Gundy chastised his team for their 23 percent shooting from the field during the second half. That's still better than getting socks for Christmas. Nothing's worse than socks.

San Antonio 91, Phoenix 90. All five starters for the Suns reached double figures in scoring, but they only got two points from their bench. Tony Parker had 27 and Tim Duncan had 25.

The Lakers' first losing streak, and Denver begins losing some of its shine.

• Nashty Nash: At one point, things were going so well for the Nuggets that coach George Karl compared his new point guard, Chauncey Billups, to Barack Obama. They've lost three in a row now. The point guard his team went up against last night, Steve Nash, had himself a hell of a game (16 points, 11 assists) and put the nail in the Nuggets' coffin in the last three minutes with his shooting. “I’ve seen him do it so many times,” George Karl said of Nash. “Nash is Nash. He’s special.”

• D-Rose for Governor: In a battle of elite point guards, it was Derrick Rose who came out on top against Deron Williams. Rose, the super rook, led the Bulls to a 106-98 win over the Jazz, leaving his counterpart no choice but to declare that Derrick is no longer a rookie, but one of the NBA's very best floor generals. Um, yeah.

• 41 up, 3 down: For the first time this season, the LA Lakers (21-5) have lost two games in a row. Unsurprisingly, both losses came on the road. The good news for the team from Hollywood - if you can call it that - is that they had a chance at the very end, but came up short. Kobe had a big game with 41 points, but it was the balanced scoring on the Orlando side (plus some clutch free throw shooting) that led the Magic to the win.

• Pwnage: Jason Kidd made his return to New Jersey, but it was the new kid in town that stole the show. Devin Harris - arguably the finest point guard in the Eastern Conference - scored 41 points and dished out 13 assists while (once again) proving that NJ got the better end of the trade, leading the Nets to a convincing victory over the visiting Mavs. The home fans, naturally, let Mark Cuban (who was sitting courtside) have it, as they serenaded him with a “Thank you Cuban!” chant as Harris walked off the floor triumphantly.

• 17 and counting: The Celtics continued their death-march through the rest of the Association last night, soundly beating the hapless Bulls. The C's are now 25-2 on the season. Just to prove how bored Boston is with the rest of the League, here's what they were most concerned with: “The conversation in the locker room was who would win a race, Bolt or Rondo,” Celtics coach Doc Rivers said. “It’s Bolt. Not even close. But Rondo, he was up for the challenge … If you put dribbling in, I think we’ve got a shot at it.”

• Thriller in the MIA: This one was (rightfully) billed as a Kobe vs. Wade matchup, and it did indeed come down to which of the two mega-stars would step up at money time. Evidently, Kobe could not, as a last-second jump shot could not save the Lakeshow from their fourth loss of the season. That's it, trade him! As for the Heat, thanks to their defense and D-Wade's 35 points, they snapped a three-game losing streak.

• Down goes Cleveland.The Atlanta Hawks, led by Mike Bibby's 24 points, defeated the Cleveland Cavaliers 97-92 despite 33-9-6 from LeBron James. Atlanta had the benefit of a balanced scoring attack, with all five starters contributing at least 12 points to snap Cleveland's 11 game winning streak. The win provides some great momentum for the Hawks who will play host to their nouveau rivals from Boston, a game that will feature a halftime performance by Ludacris (and hopefully the A-Town Dancers). That might just be enough to guarantee another sellout in A-Town.

• Holy shit, that's Jerome James! Six Knicks finished the night with double figures in the scoring column in a win over the Kings, but none of them were named Jerome James. But hey, the big fella finally saw some court time this season and managed to eek out two points and two rebounds in four glorious minutes. As for the actual contributors, Al Harrington led all scorers with 33 points while David Lee was huge with 17 points and 19 rebounds. John Salmons led Sacto with a paltry 14 in a game that was never close. The Knicks put up a ridiculous 41 point first quarter, and there was no looking back.

• They needed that one. In their first game without Mo Cheeks at the helm the 76ers were able to pick up a rare home victory, albeit over my woeful Wizards. It was the first win for front office employee-turned coach Tony DiLeo thanks in part to Elton Brand's dominating performance. The free agent acquisition scored a season-high 27 points (12-19 from the field) to go along with nine rebounds. Nobody stepped up for the Wizards, although Mike James (16 points) did see his first extended action since he was acquired in last week's three-team trade. Nick Young and Javale McGee combined to play fewer than ten minutes because Ed Tapscott clearly hates me.

Warriors can't hang with the Rockets. Houston's 119-108 win against a depleted Golden State team was never in doubt, thanks especially to a 24-10-9 performance from Tracy McGrady. Left with a pretty thin roster thanks to injuries and the Al Harrington trade the Warriors resigned themselves to a night of 22 jacked-up threes. Sadly they made just four of them. Stephen Jackson and Jamal Crawford, the team's foremost veteran scorers, combined to shoot 3-21 from the field. So yeah, Don Nelson is going to be pretty hungover this morning.

14 and counting. Boston trailed New Orleans by a point at the half, but they emerged from their home locker room intent on locking up their 14th straight win. The Hornets were held to just 35% by the stifling Celtic defense while Paul Pierce led the way on the other end with 28 points.

11 isn't bad either. Cleveland extended their own winning streak behind LeBron's 28-7-7 night at Philadelphia's expense. The Sixers out-shot and out-rebounded the Cavs, but they were done in by their 20 turnovers.

Richardson's debut. Jason Richardson was one of three Suns to score 21 points, although the two he scored on a reverse alley-oop stood out from the rest. Grant Hill added the final two for Phoenix to clinch a 113-112 win over Orlando. Dwight Howard was dominant at times, although he played just 23 minutes.

T-Mac print from Free Darko. Buy the book, it is changing lives.

• The Rockets won their fifth in as many games with a 100-95 win over Orlando. Yao Ming, my new favorite commercial star, had 22 points and 13 rebounds. Tracy McGrady and Rafter Alston each had 17 points while the Magic's Jameer Nelson led his team with 21 points and six assists. Dwight Howard spent the game in foul trouble and was not much of a factor.

• Dwayne Wade, Yao's commercial co-star, scored 38 points helping the Heat recover from 15 points down to beat the Pacers 109-100, despite feeling flu-like symptoms. Maybe it was something he ate.

• Despite playing with only seven players, the Knicks knocked off the Wizards 122-117 in an offensive battle. Quentin Richardson led the team with 34 points, with 7 three pointers. Nate Robinson contributed with 27 points, Wilson Chandler had 23, and David Lee had 22 points and 12 rebounds to hand the Wizards franchise their worst starting record in 40 years. I know he just got a contract extension, but can we fire Eddie Jordan. Please?

"He's been doing that his whole career, but I've never seen it firsthand," Harris said. "I was out there watching it just like everybody else."

Harris' performance came despite feeling a little pukey from his pre-game grilled cheese sandwich. Word on the street is that he left the game, threw up, and came back. All in attendance were glad he did it in that order.

• In other OT news, Dwight Howard had a double-double in Orlando's 100-98 win over Indiana. Howard finished with 24 points, 17 rebounds and five blocks. Unfortunately if your name is Dwight Howard, nobody is impressed. Especially teammate Jameer Nelson.

"It's not a shock to us when he has games like that anymore,'' Nelson said. "He's done it so many times in his career so far, we expect numbers like that from him. He's our guy and we expect him to do great things for us.''

Geez. Tough crowd.

• Elton Brand hit a 15 footer with less than a minute to go to give the 76ers the 89-88 win over the Clippers. This was Brand's first game against the team he jilted with no explanation after last season for an $80 million contract with Philadelphia. LA coach Mike Dunleavy is still playing the woman scorned.

"If he called me up and said, 'Coach, I know I told you I was coming back, but I think a situation came up that's better for my family, I'm going to move on,' then, hey, sorry to hear it, but I wish you the best and good luck," Dunleavy said before the game.

Yeah, right.

• I happened to be in attendance for the Wizards inspiring 103-91 loss to the Rockets. Washington held a number of leads as high as 12 points and managed to blow them all. The high point of the game was the unveiling of Gilbert Arenas' wax statue, a reminder to the fans who may have forgotten what Gilbert looks like in uniform.

• The Knicks took on the Bucks with a limited roster thanks to yesterday's trading frenzy so Stephon Marbury finally got his chance to play. He said no.

Boston 102, Milwaukee 97, OT. Andrew Bogut and Kevin Garnett got into a scuffle under the hoop at one point, earning each player a technical foul, and Bogut was ejected from the game. It was Bogut's second T of the night. Or the officiating crew had money on the Celtics. One of those. He left the game with 20 points, which led the Bucks.

Cleveland 105, Utah 93. LeBron finished with 38 points, including 16 in the 4th quarter. Former Cav Carlos Boozer led Utah with 17 points, which isn't a lot, but that's probably why they lost.

New Jersey 119, Atlanta 107. Devan Harris and Vince Carter scored 33 and 29 points, respectively, to sweep Atlanta in their home-and-home series. Shouldn't it be "home-and-away" series? How is it home and home when one game is played on the road? Am I giving this too much thought? Okay, then.

Philadelphia 110, Oklahoma City 85. The Thunder drop to 1-9 on the year, a record nearly as paltry as their logo.

Other scores:

Portland 88, Minnesota 83.
Houston 91, New Orleans 82.
Chicago 104, Indiana 91.

*not, in fact, true

After the first quarter ended last night and the Sixers found themselves with 13 points on the board to the Pacers 38, it looked like Mo Cheeks should spend half time working on his resume. The play of the Sixers in the second half leads you to believe Mo opted to preach some defense instead. It's not really a secret anymore but Thaddeus Young is going to be a baller in the NBA. ThadYo scored a career high 25 points and helped lead the Sixers come back from as many as 26 points down.

Detroit 106, Los Angeles 95 - Motor City had their way in Hollywood last night as Allen Iverson and the Pistons looked like a championship-caliber team, handing the Lakers their first loss of the season. From playing solid defense keeping Kobe Bryant in check to lights out shooting, the Pistons were simply on all night. Avery Johnson last night on SportsCenter said he believes this match up is likely a preview of this year's NBA Finals. Wonder what Boston has to say about that?

Denver 94, Boston 85 - The Chauncey Billups trade seems to be working for everyone as the Nuggets hand the C's their first home loss of the season.

NOLA 87, Portland 82 - Grandpa Oden reached double digits for the first time in his young NBA career. Despite nice bench contributions from Oden and everyone's favorite Spaniard, Rudy Fernandez, the Blazers couldn't hang with the Hornets. Chris Paul had a solid stat line of 17, 9, 6, and 4 in the win.

Miami 97, Washington 77 - I find that any team from DC is fairly easy to dislike, especially when they're without Agent Zero. The Wade-Beasley duo led the way with 24 and 19, respectively.

Full NBA Scoreboard for Friday

• Good thing Boston didn't keep that Posey guy; he's useless: The Hornets' big free-agent acquisition from this past summer shut down LeBron James at crunch time, and hit an enormous three to seal the victory for New Orleans. Posey's teammate, Chris Paul, had a typically brilliant game - 24 points, 15 assists - to help the Hornets maintain an unblemished record.

• Melo Got a Haircut: Carmelo's new 'do didn't help his game much, as he shot atrociously in his season debut. The Lakers continued their domination of the Nuggets, with Kobe leading the way by scoring 33 - including all the big buckets down the stretch, as he is wont to do.

• Hurry Back, Old Man: Portland could sure have used Greg Oden's size under the basket against Phoenix last night. Amare Stoudemire (23 and 13) and Shaquille O'Neal (16 and 8) toyed with the big men that the Blazers trotted out, and used a decisive third quarter to snuff the life out of Portland.

• Pacers Play Dragon-Slayers: The Celtics suffered their first loss of the young season, and it came courtesy of the young Pacers. Indy gave the home folks a reason to smile, as they romped the defending champs. Danny Granger, who signed a long-term extension with the team on Friday night, showed the team that he's willing to work extra-hard for the money. “It was a hell of a hustle play,” coach Jim O’Brien said. “He pressured up on Pierce, got a deflection, dove face first. I went out to say, ‘great job,’ he smiled at me and he didn’t have any teeth.”

• Joe Johnson for Mayor: Johnson sunk the Sixers with a ridiculously long three late in the fourth quarter, giving the Hawks their second win of the year. The bomb capped a 23-point comeback for the Hawks, who at 2-0, are enjoying their best start in a decade.

Complete and utter destruction. There's no other way to describe last night's 131-92 obliteration of the Los Angeles Lakers. The Boston Celtics didn't just earn their 17th banner, they wrapped it around the Lakers' collective neck and choked them with it. The 39-point bulge set an NBA Finals record for the largest margin in a deciding game. Boston pounded L.A. on the boards (48-29), bogarted the ball at every opportunity (a Finals record 18 steals) and put up a defensive wall the likes of which none of the Lakers — including regular season MVP Kobe Bryant — had ever seen.

"They were definitely the best defense I've seen the entire playoffs. I've seen some pretty stiff ones and this was right up there with them." The entire playoffs? How about his entire career? To my knowledge, no team has ever done such a good job of containing and/or flat-out stopping the Mamba over eight games — twice during the regular season and six times during the finals — than these Celtics. And I'm not talking about the skittish rookie who was tossing up airballs against the Jazz in 1997. I'm talking about Kobe at the height of his powers during his MVP season. Tom Thibodeaux, none of us are worthy.

The Celtic roster was filled with heroes. Paul Pierce, playing on his famously (or infamously) injured knee, finished with 17 points, 10 assists and 1 Finals MVP award. Kevin Garnett, who described his performance in Game 5 as "trash" and "garbage," had 26 points, 14 rebounds, 4 assists, and three steals. Ray Allen, who almost got his eye gouged out, hit seven three-pointers and scored 26 points. Rajon Rondo, who was left for dead by everybody outside of the Boston locker room, scored 21 points (on 20 shots) to go along with 7 rebounds, 8 assists and 6 steals. James Posey was 3-for-3 from beyond the arc. And the rest of the lineup did what they had to do.

Meanwhile, the Laker roster was filled with goats. Kobe, after opening the game with 11 points on 4-for-5 shooting, missed seven shots in a row and finished with 22 points (7-for-22), 3 rebounds, 1 assist and 4 turnovers. Lamar Odom had a double-double (14 points, 10 rebounds) but shot 2-for-8 and missed five free throws. Pau Gasol (11 points, 8 boards) played small and coughed up the ball five times. Vladimir Radmanovic took some awful threes and barely finished with more points (6) than fouls (5). And...well, you get the picture.

The only downside of the amazing turnaround from 24 wins to an NBA title — at the expense of the hated Lakers no less — is the fact that Red Auerbach didn't live long enough to see it happen. But I have to assume that Red passed the Celtic matrix of leadership on to Danny Ainge, Optimus Prime-style. Because, let's face it, last summer Ainge put together a championship team faster than I can make a grilled cheese sandwich. (Damn my hook hands!)

And Paul Pierce, who (unlike some superstars) spent years and years playing (for the most part) selflessly for bad teams, has finally carved out his own spot in Celtic lore. Said the Truth: "It means so much more because these are the guys, the Havliceks, the Bill Russells, the Cousys. These guys started what's going on with those banners. They don't hang up any other banners but championship ones. And now I'm part of it."

And so is Kevin Garnett, who was bursting apart at the seams after the win, dropping to his knees and kissing the Celtic leprechaun before embracing his hero/father figure Bill Russell and saying: "I got my own! I got my own!"

Said Russell: "You sure did."

Ubuntu.s

And David Stern sighs in relief. Ever wonder why the NBA Finals — unlike any other playoff series in league History — uses a 2-3-2 format? Well, this is why. Had Game 5 been played in Boston with the Celtics holding a 3-1 lead, the series would probably be over. Instead, the Lakers' 103-98 victory ensures at least one more game, which means more primetime TV, which means more commercials sold, which means more $$ for the league ... you get the idea. But hey, who doesn't want more Lakers-Celtics, right? Uh, right? Anybody? Okay. Never mind, then.

Game 5 started out like a replay of Game 4, with L.A. taking a 17-point lead after one quarter (39-22) and Boston storming back. But like any not-quite-as-good sequel, there were some minor changes to the script. This time, for added viewing pleasure, Kobe Bryant went off for 15 first-quarter points on the strength of four three-pointers. And instead of waiting until the third quarter to mount their comeback, the Celtics outscored the Lakers 30-16 in the second — thanks to a point explosion by Paul Pierce — to cut the L.A. lead to three.

Pierce shredded the Laker "defense" all night, finishing with 38 points, 6 rebounds, 8 assists and 19 [!!] free throw attempts. But he also had a team-high 5 turnovers, the last of which was poked away by Kobe (25 points, 7 rebounds, 4 assists, 5 steals, 6 turnovers) and converted into a game-breaking dunk with 37.4 seconds left.

Said Mamba: "I was just kind of reading the play and I was able to get my hands on the ball and get out and get a dunk." If by "read" he meant "totally gambled" and by "the ball" he meant "Pierce's arm and chest," he's exactly right.

Lamar Odom lived up to his Robin role by contributing 20 points, 11 rebounds, 4 blocked shots, and several slightly maniacal grins. The Spanish Marshmallow Pau Gasol, in addition to screaming in faux agony every time he took a shot inside, scored 19, grabbed 13 and dished 6. Derek Fisher added 15 points, Jordan Farmar scored 11 off the bench, and Sasha Douchachick improved on his 1-for-9 performance in Game 4 by shooting 2-for-10.

On the flipside, Pierce didn't get a lot of help from the rest of Boston's ménage à trois. Ray Allen scored 16 points on 4-for-13 shooting before fouling out. Meanwhile, Kevin Garnett finished with a double-double (13 points, 14 rebounds), but he had 4 turnovers (to zero assists), was limited to only 33 minutes because of foul trouble, and missed a kinda-sorta easy put back with 26 seconds left that would have cut the L.A. lead to two.

If one of those guys had played just a teensy bit better, there might have been some champagne popping in the Celtics locker room last night. As it is, the Lakers now have a sliver of hope. And Phil Jackson thinks it might be enough: "A lot of things can happen. We're young enough and dumb enough to be able to do this."

I guess we'll find out just how dumb they are on Tuesday night in Boston.

That'll teach me to go to the bathroom. So it's the third quarter, and the Celtics are down by a jillion. Lamar Odom is smiling like a baby with bad gas and Pau Gasol is doing his crazy mountain man thing. I was annoyed. Disgusted even. Shrugging my shoulders, I grabbed a magazine and decided to go free the chocolate hostages. What was the point of watching, right? The Lakers were dismantling the Green Machine and Kobe, at the time, had like one field goal. I honest-to-goodness figured it was over.

Good call, huh?

I returned from a thoroughly unsatisfying dump — yeah, I know, probably TMI — to find Boston trailing by only two points. I seriously would not have been any more surprised if Santa Claus and Bigfoot had been in my living room watching the game. L.A. was leading by 24 points in the first quarter, which I believe was the largest first-quarter lead in NBA Finals history. The Lakers were still up by 18 at halftime, thanks to a crazy, running three-pointer by Jordan Farmar that banked in at the buzzer. And Kobe Bryant was a complete non-factor during all of this. I mean, there couldn't have been a bigger sign that the Celtics were toast.

Nobody told them that, though. Boston outscored L.A. 31-15 in the third, thanks in part to a 10-1 run to end the quarter. The Celtics then used a 21-3 run in the final five minutes to finish off what may be the greatest Finals comeback ever. How in the world?! How'd Phil Jackson — Mr. Lord of the Rings, Hall of Fame Coach himself — get out-thunk by Doc "Everybody thought I was a retard last year" Rivers? Maybe it was genius, or maybe his hand was forced by injuries (to Rajon Rondo and Kendrick Perkins), but Doc went to a small lineup full of bombers — KG, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, James Posey and Eddie House — and it worked. Big time. And Jackson had no answer for it.

Paul Pierce had 20 points, 7 assists, and did a better-than-you-woulda-believed job of guarding Kobe in the second half. Ray Allen played every single second of the game and finished with 19 points and 9 rebounds, plus he walked calmly around Sasha Vujacic's slap-happy defense and hit a game-clenching reverse layup. Kevin Garnett added 16 and 11, and (as promised) he made a concerted effort to take the ball inside instead of bailing out and shooting jumpers.

But damn, the real heroes of the game were James Posey (18 points, 4-for-8 from distance) and Eddie House (11 points, two huge fourth-quarter threes). They brought energy off the bench and the spread the Laker defense so thin that Stephen Hawking could have wheelchaired in for a layup. Assuming he hasn't already transferred his amazing brain into an unstoppable robot body.

Kobe Bryant finished with 17 points on 19 shots after not scoring a point in the first half. He is the MVP and — as Mike Breen bleated out about 20 times last night — the best closer in the game. But he couldn't close last night. Said Mamba: "They were determined not to let me beat them tonight. I saw three, four bodies every time I touched the ball." Which is pretty standard defense against a superstar, right? Look as great as Kobe is — and he is great — can we all just go ahead and agree that he's not Michael Jordan?

Anyway, Lamar Odom led the Lakers with 19 points (15 of which came in the first half) and 10 rebounds. Pau Gasol also had a double-double with 17 points and 10 boards. Derek Fisher scored 13 points. And Sasha Vujacic shot 1-for-9 and had himself a little temper tantrum on the bench...

Phil Jackson isn't worried. Or claims not to be. Said the Zen Master: "Some turnaround in that game. The air went out of the building. Well, it's not over. This is not over. The series it not over." If you say so. Game 5 is on Sunday in L.A.

Well, that wasn't pretty. Quick, somebody call Habitat for Humanity. Game 3 of the NBA Finals generated enough bricks to build a house for every homeless person on this planet ... and any other. (Sorry. Couldn't help it after all the times the camera panned to Bill Walton last night.) As Phil Jackson put it, "It was not a beautiful ballgame." L.A. shot a chilling 43 percent from the field, which actually seemed positively blistering compared to Boston's 35 percent rate of "accuracy." But the Lakers had two things that the Celtics did not: Kobe Bryant and Sasha Vujacic. (Okay, three things if you count the incredibly lame halftime show.)

Mamba scored 36 and grabbed 7 rebounds, and the Machine fabricated 20 points on 7-for-10 shooting, which included a trio of three-pointers that couldn't have been any bigger if you duct-taped Gheorghe Muresan to them. Now, you'd think that Boston's Ménage à Trois could have overcome L.A.'s Titanic Twosome — or should I say Wonderful One-and-a-half? — but that would have required all three of those guys to actually show up. Ray Allen scored 25 (8-for-13, 5-for-7 from distance), but Kevin Garnett spent most of the game jackin' it up from a little too far outside (hence the 6-for-21 shooting) and Paul Pierce was...well, let's just hope his knee was really hurting him. At least that would explain the 6 points on 2-for-14 from the field.

Still, despite all that — and despite the fact that Rajon Rondo sprained his ankle and had to limp back to the locker room for a while — the Celtics kept it close and actually had a five-point lead in the fourth quarter. But anybody who didn't think the Lakers would come storming back probably doesn't think Sylvester Stallone's face has been pumped full of Botox, either. L.A. had cut the lead to two when Boston somehow inexplicably left Kobe alone at the top of the arc long enough for him to measure a three, mentally go over the grocery list, and solve the Riddle of the Sphinx before ripping a three-pointer that gave the Lakers the lead back. And that was the gamebreaker. Seriously, I think the Celtics lost four points after Kobe hit that shot. It sure felt like it, anyway.

But despite Kobe's 36 points, the huge three, and his 18 free throw attempts, Doc Rivers knew what really beat his team. "Kobe was fantastic but I thought Sasha Vujacic was the key to the game. I said before we are going to have to win a game when Kobe Bryant plays well. We know that. But when that happens, we have to shut off the other avenues."

That didn't happen in Game 3. We'll see if it happens in Game 4. Which is Thursday in Los Angeles, by the way.

Well, that was bleeping ridiculous. With 7:55 left to go in Game 2, the Celtics were up 95-71. And they obviously figured — as did most people watching the game, I'm guessing — that a 24-point fourth-quarter lead was pretty safe. The Boston bench was all grins and giggles. Paul Pierce broke out in a huge smile after getting called for traveling. It was good times, good times ... for everybody except the Lakers. So, naturally, the Mamba slithered into the team huddle and bared his fangs.

After the game, this is how Kobe described the Matt Foley-esque motivational speech he gave his teammates. "Get our bleep in gear. Play bleep harder, a bunch of other bleeps. It's beep, beep, beep, beep. 'Eddie Murphy Raw' times 10."

And the Lakers bleeping responded. From that point on, L.A. went on a 31-9 run — thanks to an NBA finals record-tying seven three-pointers — to make it 104-102 with 38.4 ticks left on the clock. And the Celtics must have been been ready to bleeping pee themselves. But Paul Pierce drew a foul, connected on two free throws, and smacked Sasha Vujacic's hand blocked Sasha Vujacic's three-point attempt to put a bleeping stop to L.A.'s near-miracle comeback. James Posey then sealed the deal by hitting a pair of foul shots with 12.6 seconds left.

Said Boston coach Doc Rivers: "We've got to play for 48 minutes, and I didn't think we did that. I thought we got cute when we got the lead." Well, no bleeping bleep, Doc. Thanks for that expert analysis. Hey, I've got a question: Who's job is it to keep the Celtics from getting all cutesy-pie when they're up by a jillion? Oh. Right. It's yours. I sort of forgot. And so did you, apparently.

Pierce, gimpy knee and all, powered the Celtics with 28 points (9-for-16), 4 rebounds and 8 assists. Kevin Garnett had 17 points and 14 rebounds. Ray Allen added 17 points. Rajon Rondo had a personal playoff-best 16 assists. Leon Ka-Powe surprised the Lakers and the world by going off for 21 points in only 15 minutes. Boston shot a blistering 53 percent and had 31 assists on 36 baskets. Oh, and they had a wee little advantage at the line. Like, a 38-10 advantage.

To put that into perspective, Powe out-free throwed the Lakers by himself (13-10). And that fact wasn't lost on Phil Jackson, who was bleeping pissed about it. "I've never seen a game like that in all these years I've coached in the finals. Unbelievable." (Note: It may not have happened in the finals, but he's seen a game like this. Oh yes, he most certainly has...)

Kobe led the Lakers in points (30), shots (23), misses (12), assists (8) and bleeps (47). L.A. also got double-doubles out of Pau Gasol (17 points, 10 rebounds) and Vladimir Radmanovic (13 points, 10 rebounds). Lamar Odom chipped in with 10 points and 8 boards. And Vujacic and Jordan Farmar came off the bench to hit 5-for-7 from three-point range.

And how to the Celtics feel about building a 2-0 series lead despite almost choking away a 24-point lead? Said Pierce: "We're happy because we won, but we definitely learned a lesson." I bleeping hope so.

Game 3 is Tuesday night in L.A.

Sorry, Mr. former Vice President. With all due respect to Al Gore and his Antarctic ice core samples, I think Game 1 of this year's NBA Finals disproved his theory about the dangers of greenhouse gases and their effect on the world's climate. The real source of the global warming menace? Paul Pierce. That is the motherfucking Truth. And that Truth got shoved down the Lakers' throats last night — despite a few freaky-scary moments in the third quarter — and the Celtics took a 1-0 series lead thanks to a very Truthful 98-88 win.

Pierce scored 22 points on 7-for-10 shooting, but his biggest contribution to the Boston cause was his Willis Reed-like return from a sprained knee in the third quarter. The injury took place with 6:49 left in the period when teammate Kendrick Perkins bumped into him from behind. Pierce dropped like he'd just been hit by a photon torpedo or something, and he spent several minutes writhing in agony on the Garden floor.

Said Pierce: "I thought I tore something; that's the way I felt at the time. Usually when I go down, I'm getting right back up, but it was an instance where I turned my knee and it popped, and I was just in pain where I couldn't move."

Let me tell you, watching Brian Scalabrine and Tony Allen literally carry Pierce off the court made me think three things: First, "Oh my God, this series is over." Second, "That's really the best way to take an injured player back to the locker room? Seriously?!" And third, "That may be the only time we get to see Brian Scalabrine during the Finals."

But hey, it turned out the Celtics and their fans didn't have anything to worry about. Pierce came bobbing and weaving out of the locker room just a few minutes later, and it was without question the most chilling moment in the Garden since Larry Bird came back from smashing his face on the parquet floor back in 1991. The crowd surged to its feet, Kevin Garnett clenched his fist and let out a "Yes!" and Pierce — who officially checked back in at the 5:04 mark — immediately hit two three-pointers from the exact same spot to give the Celtics a 75-71 lead.

The stuff of legends, right? Or maybe it was the work of the divine. That's sort of what Pierce thought. "I think God send an angel down and said, 'Hey you're going to be all right. You need to get back out there.'" Huh. Maybe our Lord had money on the game or something.

But believe it or not, it wasn't all Paul Pierce. KG scored 24 points (despite going 3-for-13 in the second half) to go along with 13 rebounds, Ray Allen had 19 points, 8 rebounds, and 5 assists, and Rajon Rondo added 15 points and 7 dimes. Moreover, the Celtics controlled the boards (46-33) and held the Lakers to 41 percent shooting (33-for-77).

It sure helped that Kobe played very, uh, non-MVP-like. He scored 24 points and dished out 6 assists, but he also committed 4 turnovers and shot an Iverson-esque 9-for-26 (although Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy freaked the hell out about every single one of those nine makes). Pau Gasol (15 points, 8 rebounds, 4 assists), Derek Fisher (15 points, 6 assists) and Lamar Odom (14 points, 6 rebounds) helped keep the Lakers close, but L.A. still lives and dies by what the Mamba does or doesn't do.

Make no mistake, though: Kobe's poor Game 1 performance will only serve to motivate him. "I had some good looks, they just didn't go down for me. I just missed some bunnies. I'll be thinking about those a little bit."

Mull it over, Mamba. You have until Sunday.