That is an actual thing that happened today. No sensational headlines or tricks. Today, Doug Gottlieb had a train of thought the nuts and bolts of which went something like: "Hey, Tony Gonzalez finally won a playoff game. Wonder if it felt better to him than A.C. Green rubbing genitals with his wife for the first time?…

If you, too, are "down with the honeys" and "the s-word," then consider heeding their early-90s call.

When you need a non-lethal defense system, don't settle for anything less than the non-lethal defense system that A.C. Green gives to the women in his life. For lethal defense, you should still talk to Delonte West. [YouTube]

Long before John Rocker offered him his thoughts on New York City transit, SI.com columnist Jeff Pearlman was a rosy-cheeked collegian who was more than happy to share his sexual habits with the world.