Soccer Player Kicks Ball Directly Into His Own Face, Wins Foul

AC Milan played Empoli to a draw in Serie A today, during which a very hilarious thing transpired that I will now relay to you. Empoli defender Mario Rui was under a little pressure, and tried to escape by popping a bouncing ball over his head. If it worked, I assure you it would've been super cool. » 2/15/15 6:38pm 2/15/15 6:38pm

Fernando Torres Set To Rejoin Boyhood Club Atlético Madrid

Just when it was looking like no one wanted to host the once great Fernando Torres's final years in the sport, the club that gave him his start, Atlético Madrid, has come in to rescue him. As the headline from Madrid sports daily AS reads, El Niño—the kid—returns as a man. » 12/26/14 11:04am 12/26/14 11:04am

Who Cares If Jérémy Ménez Was Just Fucking Around, This Goal Is Dope

"Well actually," pedantic soccer fan (but I repeat myself) begins, "Ménez had been offside for a while, so the 'goal' was"—yeah, shut the fuck up. Just look at the spin on that thing: » 12/22/14 4:30pm 12/22/14 4:30pm

Nobody Wants Fernando Torres

Fernando Torres must've thought that his two-year loan move away from Chelsea—where, instead of repaying his outrageous transfer fee with a highlight reel of goals, he became more well known for his comical, almost unbelievable ability to miss unmissable shots—to AC Milan would be the perfect opportunity to recover… » 12/12/14 3:35pm 12/12/14 3:35pm

This Jérémy Ménez Backheel Is A Front-Runner For Goal Of The Year

Wanna see something crazy? Behold AC Milan's Jérémy Ménez score the most impressive goal you'll ever see from less than a yard out. Video below: » 9/14/14 6:10pm 9/14/14 6:10pm

Ageless Wonders, Crazy Owners, And Ultras: Our 2014-2015 Serie A Preview

Italy's Serie A is a league of stories, full of characters, narratives, plots, tensions, climaxes, and clichés. Time and again, the line between fact and fiction becomes so blurred that you just have to throw your hands up and shrug. You really couldn't make a lot of this stuff up. » 8/30/14 2:21pm 8/30/14 2:21pm

British Skip Bayless Has A Strong Take On Mario Balotelli

We'll have more on this as an actual soccer move when (if?) it becomes official, but it's looking pretty near certain that AC Milan striker/international style icon Mario Balotelli will be returning to the Premier League, slotting in at Liverpool to replace Luis Suárez. Chris Bascombe over at the Telegraph has fucking » 8/21/14 11:46am 8/21/14 11:46am

Diego Costa Just Won't Stop Scoring

Spanish side Atlético Madrid are hosting AC Milan this evening in the second leg of their Champions League round of 16 tie. Madrid snuck an away 1-0 win at Milan in the first match after an 83rd-minute goal from Brazilian-born Spanish forward Diego Costa. Today, it only took him three minutes to add to his Champions… » 3/11/14 4:49pm 3/11/14 4:49pm

Mario Balotelli Kicks Ball Really Hard

Mario Balotelli dug deep in his bag, pulled out his driver, and damn-near tore the cover off the ball to score from 40 yards or so in today's AC Milan vs. Bologna match. He might not be as visible on a shitty AC Milan squad, but he's still capable of jaw-dropping moments of brilliance like this. » 2/14/14 5:20pm 2/14/14 5:20pm

Mario Balotelli Cries; Everyone Thinks It's Because Of Racist Chants

There's a story going around that Mario Balotelli was reduced to tears after being subjected to racist chants in Italy today. This would not be shocking—there is a history here—but it's not at all clear that racism was behind his tears. » 2/08/14 7:05pm 2/08/14 7:05pm

Italian TV Presenter Goes Bananas After Kaka's 100th Milan Goal

Last time we caught up with Tiziano Crudeli, the famed AC Milan homer, he was near suicidal after a particularly tough Champions League loss. Lucky he decided against taking his life, otherwise he wouldn't have seen Kaka's 100th club goal and we wouldn't have this call. » 1/06/14 3:13pm 1/06/14 3:13pm

Mario Balotelli Wears Thing

White cleats are usually a conservative choice on the pitch, so it took seeing this close-up before noticing that, like most things in his life, these too are testament to Mario Balotelli's own awesomeness. » 12/16/13 5:04pm 12/16/13 5:04pm

Mario Balotelli Dunks Thing

Did you know that Mario Balotelli can dunk a basketball? He's a 6-foot-2 professional athlete, so it shouldn't be all that surprising that he can throw it down, but this is still a rather impressive display. I think this dunk may even qualify as a rim-rattler. » 8/08/13 12:15pm 8/08/13 12:15pm

Mario Balotelli Denies Thing

According to an Italian mob informant, AC Milan striker Mario Balotelli once sold drugs to an addict "as a joke." Because that's a totally normal thing that happens all the time. » 5/31/13 10:59am 5/31/13 10:59am

Mario Balotelli Smokes Thing

On Saturday, the A.C. Milan star was caught smoking a cigarette in the toilet of a train as he and his teammates were traveling for a match against ACF Fiorentina. You'd think Italy would be the one place left on the planet where it would be OK to smoke on a train, but you would be wrong. » 4/07/13 2:45pm 4/07/13 2:45pm

Enjoy David Villa's Goal From Yesterday's Barça-Milan Game, As It Was…

Fan-made clips of big sports moments are always a raucous delight. This one, shot during yesterday's Champions League match between Barcelona and AC Milan, is no exception. Come for the high-quality camera work, stay for the screaming Spaniards. » 3/13/13 6:51pm 3/13/13 6:51pm

How The 3-4-3 Beat Milan And Rethroned Barcelona As The World's Most…

Well, this is awkward. Just two weeks ago many outlets, us sheepishly included, were shoveling dirt on top of Barça's reign as the world's best team. But following a string of terrible results—three losses in 11 days, once to Italian upstarts AC Milan and twice to bitter rivals Real Madrid—Barcelona answered. Last… » 3/13/13 4:19pm 3/13/13 4:19pm

Watch An Italian TV Presenter Lose His Mind Over Milan's Loss To…

Tiziano Crudeli is a cult figure for his demonstrative commentary, and he's also a huge AC Milan fan. So naturally, an Italian TV station had a camera on him as he watched Milan squander a two-goal aggregate lead, falling to Barcelona in the second leg of their Champions League tie yesterday. » 3/13/13 12:26pm 3/13/13 12:26pm

Putting Blackface On Your Baby To Make Him Look Like Mario Balotelli Is…

Whether or not the act of applying blackface is inherently offensive, there's a very important question the parents of Unknown Racist Internet Baby should have asked themselves first: Do you need the blackface for people to understand who he's supposed to look like? With the sponge mohawk and "Why Always Me?" onesie,… » 3/04/13 10:35am 3/04/13 10:35am