Madrid's transfer payment for Brazilian superstar Kaka (yes, I know) is believed to be a world record and one that will keep Milan in business for at least a little while longer. The gist of the story seems to be that Milan—which is owned by Italy's billionaire prime minister—is hurting financially, so Kaka humbly agreed to take a large contract with a free-spending club to help his previous team. What a trouper. I guess even billionaire prime ministers have bad decades.

Meanwhile, Madrid can apparently afford to spend money like a drunken sailor. Their new president, Florentino Perez, is actually the old one who built Madrid into a powerhouse in the early aughts by buying the world's best talent. If they're ever going to catch Barcelona, trying that strategy again seems as good a plan as any.

Perhaps someone with a more secure grasp of international sports could explain why U.S. sports don't try this transfer fee stuff. When teams like Milwaukee and Oakland and Minnesota watch their best players waltz away for big bucks contracts (or maybe get pennies on the dollar in a trade), would it help if Boston and New York had to dump big piles of cash on their old desks to take the talent? Or would it just give the small teams even more incentive to hoard money and stay terrible? The agents would certainly love to get in on that action. What's one little illegally restricted labor market between friends?

Kaká Ends Soap Opera and Moves to Real [NY Times]
Spanish Inquisition: Can Kaka Really Be The New Zidane At Real Madrid? [Goal]
Cristiano Ronaldo next on Real Madrid's shopping list [ESPN]

Our soccer hero is currently playing for A.C. Milan in Italy where it's safe, but while in Los Angeles last month, he supposedly ordered his bodyguards to rough up photographer Emicles Da Mata at a stoplight. Above we see said bodyguards gently explaining the situation to Mr. De Mata, who shook off the entire incident by smiling and remarking to the police "I'm going to sue his ass."

And indeed, TMZ found the lawsuit filed in L.A. County Superior Court, in which Da Mata claims "on December 7, 2008, he had stopped his car on a Beverly Hills street when Beckham reached through the driver's window and grabbed his camera and attempted to wrestle it from him. Da Mata was holding the camera at the time."

The lawsuit claims Beckham's bodyguard — also a defendant — then beat him repeatedly, grabbed the camera and threw it in a trash can. The picture (above) shows two of Beckham's bodyguards on top of Da Mata. Da Mata says he was injured and is suing for assault and battery, as well as emotional distress. He's seeking unspecified damages.

It seems extreme, but I'm telling you, for guys like Beckham and me these photographers are a curse.

Meanwhile, we have this. Don't know what that has to do with the case, actually. Sorry.

It also seems that A.C. Milan is renting Beckham with an option to buy.

Beckham Sued; Accused Of Beating Photog [TMZ]
David Beckham: My Bodyguard [Josh Q. Public]
AC Milan Wants To Take Beckham From Galaxy [NBCSports]

What's a keck? Probably gibberish: I fully believe that they make up words over there just so they'll get a rhyme. But the story pertains to AC Milan striker Marco Borriello, who says that he can't wait for David Beckham to arrive with the team after Christmas, where he is on loan through March from the Los Angeles Galaxy. And I mean he really can't wait.

Borriello, in The Sun:

"I must admit I have a dressing room curiosity over Beckham. I want to see if he is equipped as he is in the Armani underwear adverts."

Boriello, of course, is Italian. Not that there's anything wrong with that. As Woody Allen said in Love and Death, some men are heterosexual and some men are bisexual and some men don't think about sex at all, you know ... they become lawyers.

David Beckham Receives Some Worrying News [The Spoiler]

• The Citizens takeover of the EPL might take a while. Manchester City's new ownership added some fancy new pieces at the close of the transfer window, but they have a lot of work to do before moving up in the world. The Citizens suffered their second defeat of the weak to lesser opposition, this time falling to Wigan in by a score of 2-1. Antonio Valencia opened the scoring at JBB Stadium with a long-range missile, and was joined on his side of the score sheet when Amir Zaki converted a penalty in the 34nd minute.

• That must have felt good. Portsmouth was in need of a victory after being drubbed by a combined 10-0 in their past to matches. Fortunately they had a date with Tottenham this morning. Pompey secured a 2-0 victory over the embattled Spurs with goals from Defoe (penalty) and Crouch (rarity).

All hail AC Milan, which bested Liverpool 2-1 on Wednesday in the Champions League final behind two goals by Filippo Inzaghi. We don't know what Christ's stance on match-fixing would have been, but we're sure it would have been lenient, just as it was for the Milanese. Besides, Jesus was probably too busy coaching his various youth sports teams to even worry about it.

Just Pray These Aren't Already Sold Out [Deadspin]
The Red Phoenix Fail To Rise Again [The Daily Mail]

It's been kind of a slow day (other than the hockey, which has been awesome ... so I'm told), so why not end things with a picture of a French guy who looks like he's about to go down on his AC Milan teammate. The official caption:

AC Milan's French midfielder Yoann Gourcuff (C DOWN) jubilates with captain defender Alessandro Costacurta after scoring a goal against Udinese, during their Italian serie A football match at Udine's Friuli stadium, 19 May 2007. AFP PHOTO/ANDREAS SOLAROSOLARO (Photo credit should read ANDREAS SOLARO/AFP/Getty Images)

Jubilating? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Well, you just jubilate the hell out of that thing, Mr. Gourcuff. And don't be afraid to lift your shirt up and get those nipples involved.

Photo [Yahoo! Sports]

Unable to make the transition to a lesser league as smoothly as Ricky Williams, a lot of players on these clubs are going to want out, which means we're probably about to see a flurry of big-name transfers. Among the studs available will likely be Alessandro Nesta, David Trezeguet, Mauro Camoranesi, Gianluca Zambrotta, Pavel Nedved, Patrick Viera, Lilian Thuram, Luca Toni and World Cup stud goalie Gianluigi Buffon. The BBC Sport site has put together a handly little list of what players are rumored to be heading where. In summary, the rich clubs of the English Premiership (the season's just over a month away) are about to get a hell of a lot richer.

Juventus president Cobolli Gigli plans to appeal the verdict, calling it "unheard of." Unfortunately for him, also unheard of is the depth of the cheating in which Juventus participated. Fans are taking to the streets, too, gathering in protests that have been (somewhat shockingly) peaceful. I've got to think that if they didn't know, at least on some subconscious level, that they deserved their punishments, they'd be turning over cars and setting things on fire.

English clubs prepare Italy swoop [BBC Sport]
Angry fans take to the streets after verdicts [Soccernet]
Shamed Serie A clubs to appeal scandal verdict [Soccernet]