Now I would never get all Grumpy McOldschool and tell people how they can and can't enjoy their sports ... but these people need to stop. We all know the tale of the Happy Youngster and his hardball negotiating tactics, but he is not alone. There's Zack Hample (who you've also met before), who charges other people $500 to attend games with him and learn his ballhawking secrets. (He has 4,000+ baseballs from 46 different stadiums.) There's Tom Snyder who asked for a jersey and two signed bats in exchange for Carlos Gonzalez's first career home run and when that offer was refused, asked for the totally reasonable sum of $10,000. I don't think that's how negotiation works.

Ballhawking is now its own sport and people are flying around the country, competing with each other to nab more (and more lucrative) home run balls. It's not about catching a souvenir—it's about catching that valuable milestone that you can ransom back to a big leaguer for swag. Teams are now leery of these folks, knowing that whenever one of their players does something meaningful they have to enter into complex negotiations with some punk in the bleachers. The man who caught Ken Griffey's 600th home run sold it at auction for $42,000, but not before asking for "a few things that were out of hand," according to Griffey.

All you need to know about Hample is that he brings a hat and shirt for both the home and away teams to every game, so that he can change clothes to match whichever team happens to be taking practice. Pretending to be a fan so you can get someone to throw you a batting practice ball isn't a hobby, it's a sickness. Plus, there's a lesson to be learned in the fan who gave Adam Dunn his 300th home run ball back for free. Dunn gave him more goodies—a signed jersey, three signed balls and tickets—than anyone.

Fans Play Hardball After Snagging Even Obscure Milestone Home Runs [Wall Street Journal]

From the Cincinnati Enquirer:

It would be easy to assume, in the wake of the trade of Adam Dunn to Arizona, that the Reds are in a long-term rebuilding mode. But the team's chief executive officer, Bob Castellini, said Monday that's not the case. Asked if the team could win next season, Castellini said: "Absolutely." If that's the case, the Reds must win with a very different cast of players than the one they started with on Opening Day.

Fun facts about Adam Dunn: He's tied for first with with Ryan Howard of the Phils and Carlos Quentin of the White Sox for the major league lead in homers with 32; his 198 homers from 2004-2008 are second only to Alex Rodriguez (199); is fourth on the Reds' all-time home run list with 270, behind Johnny Bench (389), Frank Robinson (324) and Tony Perez (287). Griffey and Dunn were the two longest-tenured and highest-paid players on the Reds, and had combined for 70 home runs and 199 RBI last season.

A likely starting lineup for the Reds tonight against the Pirates will feature no player over the age of 28. That looks like rebuilding to me. Cincinnati is 2-14 since July 25, including losses in the past six straight games. They're cutting their losses and (possibly) looking toward next year. Please turn to the Florida Marlins chapter of your textbooks for further details. Well, fortunately the Reds have a strong minor league system and help should be on the ... uh oh. Um, never mind.

Meanwhile, another team with a baseball-headed mascot isn't doing very well either; specifically in the bullpen area. But we'll delve into that at another time.

Bring Me The Head Of Mr. Redlegs [Deadspin]
Power Lost: Reds Retooling [Cincinnati Enquirer]

1. Blue Jays GM J.P. Ricciardi said, “We’ve done our homework on guys like Adam Dunn and there’s a reason why we don’t want Adam Dunn."
2. Dunn responded, "I know nothing about this clown. I have no idea who he is."
3. Ricciardi apologize.

And then something strange happened.

Ricciardi said he apologized to Dunn — it was a pretty stupid thing to say in the first place — and figured the matter was dropped. But, it turns out, the guy who called Ricciardi's cellphone, claiming he was Dunn, wasn't Dunn at all.

"I'm just so sick and tired of this first and foremost, but the real truth is no, I have not talked to him," Dunn said. "Again, I'm not going to go out of my way to apologize or get an apology from a guy I don't even know. So no, it didn't happen and I hope this is the last time I have to talk about it because I'm sick and tired of it. If he said he talked to me, then it's a lie."

Ricciardi was upset when Dunn's denial was presented to him.

"All I know is the person I talked to said it was Adam Dunn," said Ricciardi, who questioned Dunn's commitment to the game in an on-air discussion with a caller. "That's quite a prank to pull."

We love the idea of some sort of sports superhero prankster, who goes around prank calling players and executives to exacerbate already raw nerves and tensions. This superhero could have a lot of fun with Kobe and Shaq right now.

Are Howard Stern's Minions Calling The Toronto Blue Jays? [The Meaningful Collateral]

I admire the voice that Dunn used for the call, and I've got a feeling he's seen Napolean Dynamite a couple dozen times. It's probably not going to get him an invite to sit down and do an interview with James Lipton, but it's inspired nonetheless. Kudos to Redleg Nation for the find.

Adam From Milwaukee (mp3)

Redleg Nation Radio, Episode 2 [Redleg Nation]