Today's nominee is Vanderbilt guard, John Jenkins, and his stunning essay about...meat? Women? Women who don't eat meat? It manages to be both sexist and anthropological and pro-meat.

Mr. Billie AKA "T.Billie" has received multiple nominations thanks to the unfortunate "e-portfolio" he created when he was a student. It's a masterpiece.

Although this isn't technically what we're looking for, it's still pretty great to revisit Redick's batch of "poetry" which Sports Illustrated wisely published in earnest. The boy likes to rhyme.

From a reader named Mark: This is an essay from a former University of Wisconsin-Parkside wrestler for an intro to writing class.

This essay titled "Happy days at Johnny's" was submitted multiple times by Duke fans who claim this ridiculous ode to Johnny Rockets burger joint was penned by former Maryland guard Steve Blake. Embrace the happiness.

From a reader: This was written by a basketball student in my freshman business class at North Carolina State University. The assignment was to write about two events that we were required to attend to meet a global learning requirement.

"This was a webpage one of our basketball players had to make for a computer science course. Not an essay exactly, but definitely an excellent depiction of our student-athlete intelligence level." (Other students claim this is a fake, btw.)

We all know that many of today's student-athletes at universities across the country do very little work inside the classroom. This series will showcase how ridiculously bare the bare minimum can be.