Well, if you call collecting $187 on a $50 bet big, that is. It was just before the seventh race, and my call to Daulerio went something like this:

Me: "I'm picking a Deadspin horse of the Breeders' Cup. We're going with Midnight Lute."

A.J.: "Who?"

Me: "Midnight Lute. He hasn't won a race in a year, has started only once in the past 11 months, and has a crack in one hoof. No way can he win. Are you in for $10?"

A.J.: "Put me down for $20."

Another factor against Midnight Lute: The horse is named after recently retired Arizona basketball coach Lute Olson. That clinched it: A horse named after someone who decided at the last minute that he wanted to quit sounded like the perfect Official Deadspin Horse. So I was in for $20, as was the former editor of Oddjack. But we needed one more to make this a real consortium. Surely Joe Pesci, star of Casino, could be counted on for a foolhardy wager.

But it was not to be. Pesci had a very enormous bodyguard who went by the name of Rupert, making my attempt to get to Pesci look like that famous photo of the guy and the tank in Tienanmen Square. I tried to ask this guy to go in with us, being that he had the longest, most luxurious pony tail/mullet I have ever witnessed in person. But he was too fast, and I lost him somewhere in the mezzanine section.

Defeated, I was making my way to the betting windows when I came upon this scene:

Joe Torre being bothered by Al Michaels; something you don't often see in the wild. After one of Al's long, pointless stories, I was sure that Torre was in no mood for my betting proposition. Time to move on ... but wait. Who is that man just above and to the right of Torre? The theme from High Anxiety ran through my head and I immediately recognized The Great One. Who better than the man who bet it all on Robin Hood, Men In Tights to go in on our doomed wager? I made my way up to the aisle, and approached Mel Brooks' box just as he was standing up.

Me: "Mr. Brooks, I'm a great admirer of yours. OK if I get a picture?"

Mel Brooks: "Are you a paparazzi?"

Me: "With this camera?" (Holding up small Lumix Vario).

Mel Brooks: "Sure." (He takes off his sunglasses).

Me: "Thanks. I have a tip for you. Midnight Lute in the seventh."

Mel Brooks: "Put me down for ten dollars."

A perfectly understandable reply from a man worth millions. Especially considering that I saw him later at the "$500 minimum" betting window, not once but twice during a five-minute span. But anyway, I now had our consortium; realizing fully well that Brooks may have been kidding, but me nonetheless perfectly willing to seek him out following the race and demanding my ten-spot. I approached the betting window and slapped down a debit card. "We don't take those," said the bemused teller (not sure what they actually call these people). After a quick trip to the ATM, I returned and gently presented three twenties; possibly the smallest bet she had seen all day. "Fifty dollars to win on number 4."

It certainly would make for a humorous post if the Official Deadspin Horse of the Breeders' Cup finished dead last; and if we were lucky, he might even trample Mary Kate Olson. But then a much funnier thing happened:

Midnight Lute started true to form, in last place. But he crept up, and before I knew it, the freakin' horse had won by more than a length. We're rich! I made my way to Brooks' box, but he was gone; probably demanding to security that something be done about me. So instead I went and thanked Breeders' Cup promotions guru Chip Tuttle, who had suggested Midnight Lute in the first place. Tuttle is headquartered in Boston, so never will another disparaging remark about that region come from these fingertips.

I partied that night as far as one can with $187 (sorry A,J., I spent your cut on valet parking), and then turned in early. Oh, here's our hero of the hour, jockey Garrett Gomez, who rode Midnight Lute to victory and also evidently has a pretty OK looking wife (jockeys get all the chicks). Frankly I could never get used to remembering to bring a stepladder on dates — I have enough trouble remembering my wallet — but to each his own.

Next year's Breeders' Cup is Nov. 5-6, and I am so there. This man hopes to see you there too!

Michaels, to us, has always seemed like the epitome of a middle-aged wealthy Los Angeleno; if Woody Allen made a movie about him, he'd be played by Tony Roberts. And lest we forget the great moment in Michaels' career. No, no, not the Miracle On Ice. The time he informed Peter Jennings that a Howard Stern prankster was on the phone during the OJ Simpson Bronco chase.

Also: He was traded for Oswald the lucky rabbit.

Anyway, do you like the Al Michaels? Do you not like the Al Michaels?

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In fact, we think we love the fact that Berman — who, in most of these videos, was making one of his first appearances on basic network TV — would have an imaginary rivalry with Al, who will always be slicker, smoother and more Hollywood. You have to love the relish with which Berman sneers "Alllll," quietly aware that Joe Montana, no matter how many songs he yells with Huey Lewis, will always like Al more. No respect, we tell you: No respect.

Berman YouTuber Shares Some Insight [Deadspin]

As you know, Michaels was released from his ESPN/ABC contract and allowed to move to NBC in part because the latter network agreed to fork over the rights to Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, a Walt Disney creation from the 1920s (when Disney was forced to sell off Oswald, he just shortened the character's ears and created Mickey Mouse). So why would Disney want Oswald back? Was it simply, as Disney CEO Bob Iger claimed, so that a "beloved character could return home?" If you believe that, we have some swamp property in Adventure Land we'd like to sell you. Here's what really happened, according to Jim Hill Media (found via the Tony Isabella message board):

The story that I've heard from a number of Disney insiders is that it was actually an article that ran on Jerry Beck & Amid Amidi's excellent Cartoon Brew website back in January 2005 that reportedly put Oswald the Lucky Rabbit on Iger's radar. You see, Jerry & Amid had just done a story about how Oswald merchandise was (for some inexplicable reason) suddenly selling like hotcakes in Japan. And Bob — while doing his standard every morning routine of trolling-around-the-Internet-while-strolling-on-his-treadmill — [saw it and] allegedly just filed this factoid away.

Iger, say the insiders, started making inquiries about Oswald and found that whoever owned the licensing rights would be sitting on a potential gold mine. After discovering that Universal still owned the rights, Iger just kicked back and waited for the right moment to strike — which happened as soon as ESPN/ABC/Disney had something that NBC/Universal wanted: Michaels. More from Jim Hill Media:

As for Oswald's first gig as a newly reacquired Disney character ... Well, this lucky rabbit is about to go hi-tech. Given that Oswald-related merchandise is still very popular in Japan, Disney's reportedly looking into creating some brand-new animation of this classic cartoon character as he appeared back in the 1920s. So that this lucky rabbit can then make appearances on cellular phones and/or on other handheld devices.

You see, this is why some people make the big bucks. From now on whenever we see Al Michaels, we'll remember the day that NBC got outsmarted by a cartoon bunny.

A Special "Lucky Rabbit" Edition Of Why For [Jim Hill Media]

No, seriously. As pointed out by Dave's Sports Views, the rights to have Michaels broadcast for NBC next year were given to NBC in exchange for:

• Rights to broadcast Friday coverage of the next four Ryder Cups.
• "Increased usage of Olympic highlights."
• The rights to cartoon character Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, who appeared in silent Disney cartoons back in the late 1920s.

No, we're not kidding; this was an actual requirement of the deal. Oswald the Lucky Rabbit, according to Wikipedia, Oswald was an original prototype for Mickey Mouse. He hasn't appeared in a cartoon for more than 50 years. And he just was traded for Al Michaels.

Just to rub his face in it, ESPN content head John Skipper essentially calls Michaels a liar on the way out the door. Tell us again how beloved Michaels supposedly was?

Michaels Jumps To NBC [SI.com] (via Dave's Sports Views)
Michaels Trades Monday Night For NBC Sunday Game [ESPN]

(A complete history of Oswald can be found here. No word on whether he carries Michaels' similar affection for tans.)

(UPDATE: True to form, ESPN has taken John Skipper's comments about Michaels off their site. Here's what he said:

"Al was not comfortable and let us know he was not comfortable with our vision of where we are going. Back in November he said it was the greatest job ever invented. So sometime between the last couple of weeks and November apparently he had a change of heart.")

We have many Al Michaels memories — and it's not like he's dying; expect to see him all over NBC next year — but our favorite, like we suspect yours is, will always be the O.J. Simpson Blanca Bronco chase in 1994. In case you've forgotten, a Howard Stern fan called ABC during the chase and pretended he was in Brentwood watching O.J.. He of course yelled "Baba Booey" at the end of the call, and Michaels had to inform a befuddled Peter Jennings that it was a prank call.

"Do you believe in miracles?" Too many years ago for us; that will always be Michaels' signature moment.

FTVLive.com
"I See O.J." [Phony Phone Calls]

You can do a lot with $25,000. You can provide food for starving Africans before Sally Struthers eats them first. You can buy 1,518 copies of Bill Simmons new book (not counting shipping, which is probably a bitch). You can even join 2,500,000 of those record clubs where you get 11 CDs for a penny.

You can also hire ESPN anchor Stuart Scott to come speak at your corporate function. The site HireSportsSpeakers.com allows you to bring your favorite ESPN personalities to come talk to you and your fellow corporate drones about leadership, teamwork or, you know, just how to read off a Teleprompter. The site serves as a broker between corporations and sports personalities, negotiating their fees and putting together their schedules.

One would think that paying Stuart Scott $25,000 plus "travel is almost always on top of the fees, usually something like first class for two, ground transportation and hotel" to do anything other than promise never to use the terms "pillow," "cool," "boo" or "yah" again would be somewhat excessive. But Scott isn t even the most expensive anchor on his own network. In fact, he s not even close.

Full list of top ESPN anchors/sports personalities and their speakers fees after the jump. Start saving those pennies for Tom Tolbert now!

The appearance fees for major "sports personalities."

$15,000 and below
Mitch Gaylord - $10,000
Greg Gumbel - $15,000
Ron Jaworski - $10,000
Tony Kornheiser - $15,000
Tom Tolbert - $15,000

For a guy who has a sitcom based on his life — albeit a pretty unwatchable one — we think that's a pretty good price. Well, relatively speaking. By the way ... Mitch Gaylord! Still alive, we guess. Good for him.

$20,000-$30,000
James Brown - $30,000
Rich Eisen - $25,000
Roy Firestone - $22,000
Marion Jones - $20,000
Jim Nantz - $25,000
Dan Patrick - $30,000
Rick Reilly - $25,000
Stuart Scott — $25,000

We don't know how much Dan Patrick made for his Hair Care For Men ads, or, for that matter, how much Rick Reilly got for encouraging his readers to become drunken idiots, but it couldn't have been too far from this amount. By the way, Reilly's amount is probably around the starting salary for entry-level print journalists in this country, if you were wondering what that collective "pounding-head-against-desk" sound was.

$40,000-$50,000
Mitch Albom - $40,000
Chris Berman - $50,000
Jim Rome - $40,000

You know, we wonder if Mitch Albom actually has to be there giving the speech to collect his cash, or if he can just say he was there.

$50,000 and above
Bob Costas - $60,500
Al Michaels - $75,000

For an extra 10 grand, Bob Costas will promise not to lecture you about your lack of class and decorum. Don't worry, though; he brings his own stepstool for the podium.

Just For Fun
Leslie Nielsen - $70,000

Enrico! Pallazzo! Enrico! Pallazzo!

HireSportsSpeakers.com [Official Site]

Another Shaq-Kobe Christmas Matchup [Miami Herald]