Last year, Romo's life—and that of his team—was an embarrassing and not very entertaining soap opera. He was dating an incredibly untalented tabloid star, fighting with his wide receivers (while secretly holding late-night trysts with his tight end) and the Cowboys missed the playoffs after he folded like a cheap suit during the stretch run. (Plus, there was Hard Knocks, Pacman Jones, Roy Williams, etc...) After a promising start to his career, it was looking like he might become the answer to a bar trivia question 10 years from now that would make people say, "Tony Romo? Whatever happened to that guy?"

Since then he dumped Jessica, Terrell Owens got run out of town and the Cowboys have returned to first place. Romo has found a new, less complain-y target and the giant video board is too distracting for anyone to notice his shaky footwork. Without all that drama in his life, Romo is a pretty solid quarterback. Solid enough to outsmart Andy Reid and the Eagles anyway. (Seriously, between the failed challenges and sissy field goal in the final minutes, I don't think there's any big game the Eagles can't find a way to screw up.)

Oh, there's still plenty of time for that late season collapse (despite two games against Washington and Oakland at home) and he still has a grumpy and terrible Roy Williams to deal with. Plus, you know ... Wade Phillips. But right now no one really cares about what Tony Romo is up to anymore and that should be just the way he likes it if he wants to keep winning.

Tony Romo, minus the flash, has pushed Cowboys atop of NFC East [USA Today]
Tony Romo delivers another complete performance in win over Eagles [Fort Worth Star-Telegram]

* * * * *

Here are some other big winners, who did not win quite as big:

Marmalard: That'll show those Giants for trading you for that pretty boy. Now let's get fucking druuuuunk. [Newsday]

The Indianapolis Colts: All they do is win! (*Regular Season Only) They'll be undefeated when the Patriots come to town next week. Then we'll see what's what. [Yahoo, Toronto Star]

SEC Championship Game Ticket Brokers: Another SEC game, another poor officiating job in favor of the undefeated team. They will get their Alabama vs. Florida, but not without another bit of generosity from the referees. [Mobile Press-Register, Wetzel]

Big Ten Haters: The conference's last best hope for respectability lost their quarterback and their undefeated season and now Ohio State will get yet another chance to lose the Rose Bowl. At least all our games are out of the way before Thanksgiving! (Sigh.) [Chicago Tribune, The Lantern]

Vince Young: 2-0 since taking over the reigns of the Titans. So everything's cool now, right? [Tennessean]

Finally, the Weekend Loser?: Matt Leinart: Seriously, the guy came into a no pressure, can't lose blowout and still got pulled from the game for being worse than ineffective. (One attempt, one interception.) Have you considered a career in the exciting field of electronics repair? The brochure is free!

Yes, Fortenberry's elitist shtick rubbed a few Rebels the wrong way with his rant where he twice referred to the state's occupants (and the student body) as white trash. The death threats have commenced! Fortenberry — still decked out in a bowtie — told Tuscaloosa's ABC affiliate that both he and his parents have received multiple email and phone call threats from pissed off Rebels ensuring them that if he steps foot into The Grove this weekend he will be stabbed in the nostril and have other harmful things done to him:

"I thought they would "at worst just say o.k...you're a cocky fan...we're going to be you on the field," Fortenberry says. "Never did I think they would threatenen my life...I mean legit," he goes on. By 5pm, Wednesday there were close to 20,000 responses on 'Youtube'. A few of the reactions are positive but most threatening in nature telling him not to come without "a bodyguard" and another says he wants to 'jab a knife down [Fortenberry's] nostril." Fortenberry says he did not really mean folks at Ole Miss are "white trash"..."It was a joke. The Ole Miss people know there's a thing [of class] about them," he says. Fans have also created a wanted poster using Fortenberry's photo and posted it on facebook asking if anyone sees him in the grove on Saturday to do harmful things to him. As a precaution he says he will not attend the game. "I wanted to go so bad. I had two bodyguards who I was going to pay to go with me. But, obviously that's not enough." Fortenberry says he thinks the Ole Miss people have taken it way too far.

I don't know, between Fortenberry and the disturbing "Roll Tide"-ing of Dave Gryzb, maybe a few Tide fans could use a little humble nostril-stabbing?

Both Upshaw and Kendall Gryzb were arrested after getting in a on-campus fight back in August. (She allegedly slapped him after seeing him talk to another woman and it escalated from there.) Earlier today, a judge agreed to drop the charges against both of them and expunge their records, provided they both complete anger management classes. Sounds good. But none of this would have been possible without the love and support of Kendall's father. His love and support for Alabama football, that is.

From the very beginning, Dave Grzyb told everyone who would listen that his daughter was the one to blame for the whole incident. He even made a personal call to coach Nick Saban, vouching for Upshaw's innocence and as a result, Upshaw was not disciplined by the team. Then after this morning's court hearing, according to the Tuscaloosa News, "Gryzb's father shielded her from news cameras at the Tuscaloosa County Courthouse Wednesday morning. He turned around to yell "Roll Tide!" as they left the building."

Man, if only Romeo could have run 4.4-40 just think what that might have done for the Montagues and the Capulets.

Tide's Upshaw to attend anger management [The Tuscaloosa News]
UA's Upshaw and Grzyb have filed motions to dismiss misdemeanor charges [Bama Beat]
Waive Off The Flag [Wave Off The Flag]
Previous: Father Chooses Alabama Football Player Over His Own Daughter In "Lovers' Quarrel"

Okay, maybe they aren't all SEC fans, but this kind of passion does seems to run a little deeper below the Mason-Dixon, doesn't it? This is "Ricky." He is angry. Fortunately, he has a steel chair handy so he can smash things when necessary. When he threatens to drive to Atlanta and shoot a referee in the head over a personal foul penalty—after he fucks the ref's mother, of course—I sort of believe he might do it. Oh, and there's the n-word! Racism, misogyny, and broken furniture? I think that covers everything.

I hate to imagine what would have happened if the Crimson Tide had actually lost this game. Maybe Ricky should not be allowed to watch football anymore. Even though he always dresses nattily for the occasion, I think he has some deeper issues to work out first.

Ricky's Rant [YouTube]
Ricky Is Excited About Alabama Football [EDSBS]

Campus cops apparently witnessed some sort of scuffle between Upshaw and Kendall Grzyb, a 19-year-old U of A student, so they hauled the two lovebirds in for a night in jail. But Father of the Year Dave Grzyb is operating under the assumption that his own child is the one who should be blamed.

I hate to see this guy get in too much trouble because I honestly think it was probably initiated by my daughter. I don't think he laid a hand on her. He just tried to restrain her to keep from getting hit again."

Yeah, that's probably what happened. You know how women are, right? Or maybe Upshaw "chase[d] down Grzyb" and then "grabbed [her] by the back of the neck and hair with his right hand and pushed her downward in what appeared to be an attempt to push her to the ground." Because that's what the police report says. So maybe we should go with that one?

To be fair, Grzyb did slap Upshaw first and then storm off after seeing him talking to another female. (Dames!) And she's probably stronger than a Division I linebacker—he's only second string!—so clearly he had to chase her down and defend himself. What concerned father wouldn't throw his own daughter under the bus to protect a helpless football player in that situation?

Now maybe if this had happened in March, he could have let it slide, but Papa Grzyb doesn't need this kind of distraction during two-a-days.

Father of girl involved in altercation with Tide's Courtney Upshaw: "I don't think he laid a hand on her." [Mobile Press-Register]
Police account says "Upshaw grabbed Gryzb by the back of the neck and hair" and "pushed her downward" [Mobile Press-Register]
More Details Released on Upshaw's Arrest [Roll 'Bama Roll]

Last time I checked, a onesie can serve as a binding legal contract so I believe this kid may have just given his soul to the Crimson Tide. And when the head coach of Alabama gives you his word, you know it's as strong as oak. Unless the NFL calls again. Or any other school in the country with a bigger bank account.

The good news is that Nick Saban can run 7 to 10 other football organizations in the next 18 years, and still be back at Tuscaloosa before this kids arrives on campus. It's the circle of opportunistic coaching life.

Signed,
Still Bitter In E.L.

Saban: I'd Love to Sign Your Baby [Friends of the Program]

* * * * *

Today is ... Monday? That can't be right, can it? Will this week ever end?

Five players were suspended from the team in 2007 after it was learned that they used their scholarship benefits to gain free textbooks for other students. However, since the violations allegedly started in 2005, any victory from those three seasons that those players participated in would have to be vacated. The school will also be on probation for three years and have to pay a fine. Oh well.

As we (and others) have harped on before, vacated wins mean nothing. They don't take back the booster money or season ticket packages that those wins generated. There's only one way to truly hurt an athletic department—take their scholarships—and the NCAA will not be doing that, even though Alabama is a multiple repeat offender. This particular offense is very minor and so is the punishment—even if the NCAA probably wants you to think otherwise.

NCAA to force Alabama to vacate wins, won't require future scholarship losses for football, a source said. (Updated!) [Birmingham News]
Headlinin': Welcome back to ineffectual probation, Alabama [Dr. Saturday]
Report: Alabama Crimson Tide to vacate football wins [ESPN]
Tide won't lose scholarships as part of sanctions [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Brock drove from Little Rock, Arkansas, to Knoxville in the middle of the night to reach his team in time for the game, then drove down the court and threw up a 25-footer at the horn to crush Tennessee. A week earlier, two-days after finding out that his grandmother had died, Brock scored a career-high 17 to beat Mississippi, a win that snapped Alabama's 18-game road conference losing streak. I guess it's safe to say he was inspired.

It was also a particularly galling loss for the Volunteers. A win would have given them an outright division title and an important 20th victory and now they might find themselves sweating a little bit on Selection Sunday. They could tumble to a double-digit seed—or worse—if they don't get a least a win or two in the SEC tournament. (Maybe. I mean who even knows?) But they were part of a nice heartwarming story, so that probably makes them feel better.

Alabama's Anthony Brock beats buzzer, Tennessee [Mobile Press-Register]
This One's For Anthony Brock's Grandma [Sporting Blog]

I guess that's an Alabama hat; not sure. Anyway, Nick Saban, that sly boots, has earned the nation's No. 1 recruiting class once again, as tabulated on aggregate by ESPN, Rivals and Scout.com, the nation's top three recruiting services. Rivals rated Alabama No. 1.

And to illustrate how silly the whole process has become, there is this bit of theater from Kirkpatrick yesterday, as he made his choice between Texas and Alabama.

Kirkpatrick, the nation's top cornerback, delighted the crowd in Gadsden City by setting up a Texas and Alabama hat. Then looked at the UT hat and said, "This hat right here. It don't have enough swag." So he pulled out a gym bag, asked his mom to open it up, pulled out a wrapped present, opened it, pulled out a bag, opened that, then looked out at the crowd and said, 'Y'all ready?"

"Alabama," Dre said, as cheers erupted and he put on a black, flat-brimmed Alabama hat. "I couldn't go (to Texas) when my home state got the same things to offer. They couldn't offer me nothing better than to stay home."

That should go over really well the first time he's blocked downfield by a Texas tight end.

Ohio State (Scout) and LSU (ESPN) were also touted as getting the No. 1 classes. respectively, from the other two services, while USC and Texas also ranked in the top five. Alabama impressed by getting running back Eddie Lacy, offensive lineman Brandon Moore, linebacker Tana Patrick and wide receivers Kenny Bell and Kendall Kelly on Wednesday.

Rounding out the top 10 are Florida State at No. 6, Michigan at No. 7, North Carolina at No. 8, Georgia at No. 9 and Florida at No. 10. Meanwhile, no one can figure out how linebacker Barkevious Mingo and running back Ronnie Wingo Jr. didn't end up at the same school.

Dre Kirkpatrick: This Hat Don't Have Swagger [Sporting Blog]
National Signing Day, 2009 [Sparty And Friends]
Dre Kirkpatrick: 'Y'all Ready? Alabama' [Birmingham News]
Signing Day Recruiting Wire [SI]

From WJHG-TV7:

Hartford Police Chief Ben Berry said 52-year-old Timothy Fowler had held an Alabama football party on Friday and a fight broke out during a card game. Berry said Fowler apparently swung a flashlight at another man, who then punched Fowler's face in the front yard. Berry said alcohol may have been a factor.

At least this story didn't include the term "shotgun blasts," which are always fun at a party. Rammer Jammer Cock the Hammer.

And of course who could forget this?

WETUMPKA, Ala. — Three Prattville High School students and a Montgomery teenager have been charged with murder in a fatal shooting that apparently occurred after an argument over whether Wetumpka or Prattville has a better high school football team.

Northwest Florida Corrections Officer Dead After Punch In Alabama [WJHG-TV7]
Is It Possible For Alabama Fans To Stop Murdering Others? [Fire Perno Blog]

The University of Alabama is set to honor Mobile native James M. Fail by placing his name on a prominent fixture at Bryant-Denny Stadium. A donation by Mr. Fail to the Crimson Tide Foundation will result in the visitors' locker room being officially named "The Fail Room."

Believe me, no one wants to tip their hat to Nick Saban less than I do ... but that's freakin' brilliant. Mind games: Ur doin it right.

Coming to Bryant-Denny: "The Fail Room" [Bama Beat, via Slanch Report]

Actually most English-speaking nations deemed it just short of brilliant, but you can see the evidence below and judge for yourself. An excerpt:

4:04
What was up with that call
4:09
Long pass by Tebow
4:12
FG Florida tied game
4:14
USC 7 UCLA 7
4:16
[Comment From UMeyer]
Kige, who's got your vote for Deadspin SHOTY?
4:20
Vince Young
4:26
Florida in the redzone
4:27
TD Florida

Kige Ramsey live blogging: superb.

Update: Kige informs me that he has a live chat every Tuesday at 2 p.m. CT on that site.

Behind The Scenes Of The Kige Ramsey Show [Official Site]

Dennis Smith, an LSU fan living in the heart of Alabama, called Michael Williams, an acquaintance Crimson Tide fan, for what we assume was a courtesy post-game concession phone call. Words were exchanged, Smith and wife decided to pay a visit and well ...

Soon, the Smiths arrived at Williams' home and the men wound up in a physical altercation, officers said.

Smith retrieved a pistol from his vehicle, and threatened Williams, who armed himself with a shotgun and fired two blasts, striking and killing Dennis Smith, officers said.

Donna Smith then threatened Williams, who shot and killed the woman, they said.

Say it with me now: "Alcohol was believed to have been a factor." Couldn't they have all just burned some dolls and let the rest slide?

Football dispute leaves 2 dead [Press-Register]

The info is kind of buried in this Tuscaloosa News article:

The billboards went up all around town last weekend, making them all but impossible to miss even though not one LSU player admitted to seeing them. “Welcome back Nick,” they stated, though the effigy and flames were more than a tip-off to the intended meaning.

The eight to 10 signs were an advertisement/public relations stunt for the “Burn Bama” bonfire at Tiger Manor condominiums near campus, which had been held before but failed to draw much attention. This week, the office phones hardly stopping ringing.

Tiger Manor is a luxury condo gated community (among the amenities are cherry cabinets, slab granite, breakfast bar) to which the typical LSU student would not even be admitted on a day pass, no doubt. It's actually partnered with the university through LSU Sports Properties, with signage in and around campus calling itself "The Official Condominium Complex of LSU."

Not mentioned in its list of amenities, however, is the occasional parking lot hate barbeque in which students are encouraged to roast brats, chicken and former coaches. As we know from Lord of the Flies, such unbridled revelry around the bonfire usually ends with Simon getting speared to death on the beach. Thanks for working up the natives, Tiger Manor. In the future, however, be aware that college kids don't need your help in acting like douchefucks.

Saban's Return Might Be A Hostile One [Tuscaloosa News]
Tiger Manor Condominiums [Official Site]

A fire engine, some golf carts and SUVs led a parade through a student apartment complex in Baton Rouge, with beads, stuffed tigers and "Got 3?" T-shirts — a reference to the Tigers' three national titles — thrown into the crowd.

The main event was the burning of Saban, the coach who is a villan to some LSU fans for going to Alabama after leaving the NFL. (Never mind that every time LSU fans become consumed with Saban, it's a slap in the face to their highly successful coach, Les Miles, who has "only" gone 40-8 with a national title in four seasons. Never mind that this obsession with Saban reveals insecurities about LSU's fan base.)

Look, I get it. Your head coach jumped ship and wound up at a rival school. But the man brought you a national championship and left the cupboard stocked well enough to earn another. If you're going to start a bonfire with Saban's likeness as a centerpiece, at least get the hair right.

The burning of Nick Saban [al.com]
Image via 2theadvocate

The idea that a college football coach might use foul language in front of his own players is shocking, of course, but fortunately folks in the region don't take this football thing too seriously, so you probably won't hear much discussion about it down there for the next three-and-a-half days or so. We're sure that Georgia fans will appreciate the good-natured ribbing for what it is and will welcome that nice Mr. Saban and his kids with lemonade and oatmeal cookies—and not over-sized cardboard tombstones and horrifying death masks. And certainly no swearin'

Listen very, very carefully at about the 1:00 mark and you can make your very own bulletin board to pin it on:

• Alabama Coach Says Georgia Bulldogs Are Going to a MF'ing Funeral Saturday Night [The Sporting Blog]

The Alabama-Mississippi State game took an abrupt halt as a billowy noise shook the stadium and random parts of the ceiling descended like manna. Dirty, inedible manna. And The Sporting Blog's Orsonspencer Swindlehall was in attendance:

Of the things I'd never thought would cross my mind, this thought's up there: am I going to die sitting three chairs down from Bill Raftery and Verne Lundquist? Is that Cloverfield coming to eat us all? How many of the sportswriters surrounding me can run to the bowels of the Georgia Dome without tearing an ACL? And if we're trapped here, which ones will I eat for food?

The game eventually resumed, which Mississippi State won in overtime, but it completely pushed back the Kentucky-Georgia game until this afternoon, which is being held at Georgia Tech's arena. The winner of that game has to play again tonight against Mississippi State. (Note: I once played four 8-end games of tournament curling in one day. So two basketball games in one day is doable. Babies.)

And now, video of the weather as it unfolded, via Loser With Socks:

Game Interrupted By 'Hailnado' at SEC Tournament [The Sporting Blog]

• "They low down, they dirty, they some snitches ... I just hate Tennessee."

• "I'm not a dog person."

• "Their colors are throw-up orange. Like puke inside of a pumpkin orange, and I don't like pumpkins."

• "Their stadium is like a garbage truck drivers' convention."

I also like the last line by the reporter, who claims this as the best interview he's ever done. Look out, Erin Andrews!

Eloquence Has A Thousand Forms [EDSBS]