Tim McClelland—who has been a Major League Umpire for 26 years—admitted after last night's ALCS game the he botched two calls. The most egregious one was the should've-been double play, where Robinson Cano and Jorge Posada were both caught stranded off third base, but only Posada was ruled out. McClelland came to the press room afterward to explain himself and said that he was expecting both players to tag the base and he thought Cano was touching third when he was tagged. Oops.

His explanation for the earlier gaffe is a little less solid. McClelland said that "in his heart" he believed Nick Swisher left third base early on a sacrifice fly and called him out on appeal. Even though replays appeared to show that he was wrong, McClelland said "I'm not sure I believe the replay of the first one." I think more umps and referees should use that excuse: The heart wants what it wants! And his heart wants Nick Swisher to be out. How you gonna argue with that?

By the way, McClelland's Wikipedia page was locked late last night so don't bother trying to convince people he's a known goat fucker or anything. (Sadly, the line about him being a Michigan State grad is not vandalism.)

Bill Klem Would Be Ashamed [ESPN]
Umpire Tim McClelland makes the worst call of all time [Big League Stew]
October 20 - Tim M cClelland [ASAP Sports]

Hi. Haven't spoken to you guys in a while because I've been inexplicably land-locked out of Gawker's publishing system for most of the day, but I should be back and fully operational tomorrow. Ah, progress at Gawker media. It's awesome!. Or, sorry, #itsawesome!

And now, the Phillies are on and Ryan Howard is an unstoppable force. I might be posting throughout the evening to catch up on all the stuff I've neglected since bouncing around Las Vegas and dicking around with Melissa Lima. (Not a euphemism. Sadly.)

Anyway, talk soonish. Enjoy the games.

Thanks to Mike From NOLA for one of these photos. He would like the floor:

I'd just like everybody to know that New Orleans is ready for bachelor parties again. Come help us out!

Yeah, that.

Although according to The New York Times baseball blog Bats, the game is still on.

As of 2:45 P.M., Major League Baseball said it was still hopeful of starting tonight's Yankees-Angels game on time. Although rain is in the forecast for Game 2 of the American League Championship Series, Pat Courtney, a spokesman for baseball, said the latest forecasts showed that the rain would be light. Of course, that forecast could change.

Given that 2:45 ET was some time ago and being the intrepid reporter that I am (Gary Gnu was my childhood hero), I went and checked out the current forecast on TheWeatherChannel.com, and its battalion of meteorologists have this as the current forecast for the evening:

Rain likely. Low 42F. Winds NNE at 15 to 25 mph. Chance of rain 90%. Rainfall near a half an inch.

90% chance of rain? Yowsers. So that means it is as likely it will rain tonight in the Bronx as it is this Crystal Skull-shaped bottle of vodka will be finished before I'm done writing today. Interesting.

One person who doesn't want to hear about the inclement weather is Times' columnist William C. Rhoden. And he believes that the weather isn't the only problem.

Major League Baseball faces two fundamental problems: weather and umpire accountability.

The weather is just part of the game, but umpiring has become an increasingly disturbing part of the game.

...

Welcome to winter ball in the fall, a result of too many days off in the postseason and the power of the networks, which have devised a schedule that will have major leaguers playing baseball in November.

But baseball's larger problem is the umpires. Their performance may be the same as it has always been, but the scrutiny is much greater.

Of course Rhoden isn't as worried about the weather as he is the umpiring. It's not like he's going to be at Yankee Stadium for the game. Rhoden and his wife already have movie tickets to go see Where The Wild Things Are tonight.

But don't worry. He'll still write a semi-competent column about the game anyway.

The Game Is On, for Now [Bats]
Weather May Affect Game, but Bad Calls Shouldn't [The New York Times]
(previously on Deadspin) William Rhoden's Wimbledon Coverage Didn't Garner Him Any New Fans

Dickie V: Shameless To The Very End [Rush The Court]
As If You Needed Another Reason ... [Somewhat Opinionated]

* * *

Top 9th

1 3

11:46 — Now Sager can go back and finish his fireside chat with LaMar. But he'll settle for David Price. Not asked: "how do you throw that fast?" and "what weighs more: the entire team jumping on you, or YOUR MOM?"

M'kay. I'm done. Look at this website when the Rays-Phillies [shiver] ratchets up Wednesday night. And whether you're a Tampa native or a Bostonian, we can all agree that the nation wins because Frank TV ads have kicked the proverbial bucket. Good night, Internet!

11:44 — B.J. Upton gets interviewed by Craig Sager while wearing a championship hat in the least fashionable way possible.

11:40 — Jed Lowrie finished the ALDS with a ground ball to the right side. He finishes the ALCS off almost the same way, but the opposite. The ball gets snurfed up by Iwamura, who handles the forceout himself. Ballgame over. Red Sox season over. So I've been meaning to ask this question for all of four seconds now: why is the team that signed Greg Vaughn all those years ago going to the World Series? I may never get over that.

11:38 — Jason Varitek does what the other guy did, which is strike out. And maybe he no longer plays for Boston because the rumors will be too much for him that he'll accidentally sign with Kansas City. Good luck!

11:36 — I always wondered if a spider knows that an apartment dweller notices him for about five minutes before he gets squished. On a related note, David Price demolishes Mark Kotsay on a 2-2 fastball on the outside hemisphere of the strike zone.

11:34 — Leadoff walks are good, right? Well, Jason Bay has himself one.

11:31 — Price remains pitching, and his first one to Jason Bay? Down the middle, 95 mph. Kwalité beginning. Two pitches later he puts Bay to the dirt with an inside fastball. God loves a fast wild-throwing rookie pitcher who doesn't know just how big this moment is for him. Or maybe that's just sportswriters. I get the two confused, what with Bill Plaschke's heavenly celestial stubble.

Commercial Break

October Gonzo reminds us AT THIS POINT IN THE GAME that this month is very important to the sport of baseball. Good information!

Bottom 8th

1 3

11:28 — All the interesting things happened in the other part of the inning. Hope you're fine with Tampa Bay going down submissively in this part of the inning to the arm of Hideki Okajima. Thank you in advance for understanding. But it looks like David Price will remain chucking ninetysomethings to the catcher to aim for the four-out save.

11:24 — Ahhh, that was fun. Oh, wait, there's still a game going on?

Back To the 8th

11:19 — Sweet buttery fuck. You can just hear Dioner Navarro channeling his inner Jake Taylor after those first two blazin' strikes. "Well, shit, all these pitches choose from. Maybe we'll try somethin' different this time." J.D. Drew leaves the men on base with a rather emasculating strikeout.

11:18 — The Tampan response to Joba Chamberlain (but without the booze), David Price, will try and get the second out.

Commercial Break

There's not at all a racial element to this Axe commercial with the chocolate man being adored and smooched by all those pretty girls. But one thing's for sure. Ken Rosenthal thinks he won't sign with Boston anytime soon.

Top 8th

11:15 — After digging out of a 3-0 hole, Bradford's riseball lands inside for the walk to load the bases. Now Bradford's done.

11:14 — Everything's inside for a ball, Chad. Might want to try standing juuust a couple inches to the left. Alternate suggestion: throw the damn ball like a man.

11:12 — Chad Bradford will stand on the mound instead of Howell now.

11:09 — After the baseball equivalent of a Catholic wedding, Ortiz stops fouling off pitches and just grounds into a forceout. It would've been bases loaded and one out had Crisp actually slid toward the bag, instead of an arbitrary point on the side of the infield where a hallucinatory candy bar was lying. Damn those Floridians and their magic Whatchamacalit holograms!

11:04 — If any doctors are watching this game in HD, please note the curious-shaped wart on the left side of Joe Maddon's neck. There's money to be had in that co-pay.

11:03 — J.P. Howell, known to his wife as Thurston, will be the lefty to face David Ortiz.

11:02 — If you wanted to see more of Wheeler's pitching shenanigans, you'll have to wait until either Wednesday or next April.

11:01 — Remember that basement? Well, Pedroia's fly ball would have bore a hole in the ceiling, gone through his dad's Persian rug, his mom's leather purse, his dog's water dish, and really caused some chaos in the Pedroia household. He'd have been grounded. But now he's a big boy, and he just makes an out without advancing any runners.

10:59 — Mmm. Crispy. Coco's single begins the rally. But don't worry, Rays fans! All you have coming up next are Pedroia, Ortiz, and Bay! None of them are known for their hitting accolades!

10:57 — Wheeler enjoys shaking his mitt like he's at the craps table. Which, if we get the Game 5 Wheeler, will be exactly what he does in the crucial 8th.

10:55 — Dan Wheeler is now on the mound. Ron Darling asks if we'll see the Dan Wheeler from Game 2, or the one from Game 5? He recklessly rules out the Wheeler from Captain Planet.

10:52 — Cora's ground ball in-dispenses between Jason Bartlett's legs. That'll end Garza's night of settling.

10:51 — Garza's at 116 pitches, and he's still in there firing away. So, I guess we won't be seeing him pitching in the World Series regardless.

10:51 — Gabe Gross, please replace Rocco Baldelli in right fi... oh, you already did. Well then.

Bottom 7th

1 3

10:48 — Bartlett flies out to center, so I think we can stop talking about the seventh now. It's over. Stop livin' in the past.

10:46 — Baldelli runs away from the mess he made at home plate by striking out, but they force him out regardless. Another suspect off the basepaths.

10:44 — Navarro helps Lester settle back into ... into, um, something, with a flyout to right.

10:39 — Lester has a lot of settlin' in to do. Oh, just kidding ... Willy Aybar borrowed Matt Stairs' mythical fat dude power for one solo home run to left field. Hey, Chip, do you think he hit that so far it went to Tampa? [snort]

Seventh Inning Stretch Entertainment

As is the case with any Weebl's video production, watching their Flash video on a loop (when you're drunk/stoned/lonely) is the most effective method.

Top 7th

10:35 — We got a great big cowbell ♬ ain't she a beautiful sight? (Actually, it's quite annoying. Stop that.) Captain Varitek affects the game by stranding two batters on a strikeout.

10:33 — All Kotsay could do was move Drew up one (1) base with a sac fly to right. Attractive wife is satiated.

10:31 — Joe Maddon came out to tell Matt Garza that Dick Vitale is in the stands, so not to worry, because even if you blow it, he'll still think you're a superb P-T-P pitcher with the E-R-A that's A-O-K in his book, baby.

10:28 — This is probably the opposite of being settled in. A walk to Drew and a hit by Bay quickly demotes Garza from "Settled In" to "Slightly Jittery But Still Within Arms Reach Of Settled." (Note: These are all technical baseball terms, which is why most of you have not heard of them.)

10:26 — Garza will try and increase from Very Settled In all the way to Diamond VIP Übersettled In, and Youkilis pops up. That'll help.

Bottom 6th

1 2

10:22 — Crawford's fly ball ends the inning, and ratches up the "settling of in." Dick Vitale's mood has been downgraded from Cocaine Metamucil to Caffeinated Fixodent.

10:20 — In response to Garza's settling in, Jon Lester will try and raise the bar to SuperDouble Settled In. Speedy outs by Peña and Longoria help him reach his goal.

Commercial Break

If Brooke Shields' parents hadn't wanted to by a Volkswagen car, we might have have avoided this series of mind-numbing Routan commercials.

Top 6th

10:14 — The line between David Ortiz and Mo Vaughn is starting to blur in this game. Ortiz feels the gaseous wrath of a high fastball, and Pedroia's aortic energy can't outrun Navarro's throw to second on the stolen base. Good thing I don't place bets on a whim, else I'd have been out money thinking that Boston was going to tie it up in this inning. Seriously, when Tampa had a one-run deficit, you didn't see them climbing that hill. But a one-run lead in this game for Boston, you expect it to be equalized the moment someone reaches base. I have no idea where this feeling is coming from. But just to be sure, have Craig Sager stay the hell away from Chuck LaMar.

10:12 — What a circulatory performance. Maybe Pedroia should be the grant marshal for next year's Boston Heart Walk.

10:10 — Pedroia keeps lunging at these pitches with all his widdle might, fighting them off like Rudy getting his ass tackled by bigger, stronger, more capable men. In summary: heart.

10:08 — So when Fox uses a blue comet to track a hockey puck, it's frowned upon. When TBS uses it to replay a pitch in relation to their computerized strike zone, it's lauded as brilliant TV. Good to know for when I launch my 24-hour curling cable news network and have to make important executive decisions on bluecometry.

10:05 — Coco Crisp just got underhand throw'ned.

10:03 — Driving the point home, Garza has indeed settled in. The game is no longer baseball. It's a settle-off. You know the rules.

Bottom 5th

1 2

9:59 — Footage of Upton's home run off Lester in Game 3! Bring us back to now, when Upton hits a home run if he was in a petting zoo, and only a really underfunded one at that. The liner falls harmlessly into Cora's glove, and Lester escapes with just one run added to his stat column.

9:57 — Iwamura's ground ball travels about 2.18 Pedroias in length, but that's just as good as a bunt, and with two men in scoring position there's a two-out RBI chance for B.J. Upton.

9:56 — "Momentum" may have "shifted," as Chip Caray notes, but if this is ALL the Rays get this inning, it's a pendulum that goes back to Boston's dugout. Bartlett indispensably goes down on strikes.

9:53 — Rocco Baldelli gets a base hit almost where Navarro's infieldt hit was, only it squeaks through. Aybar rounds and scores. Camera spot on Dick Vitale having either a seizure or celebrating the Rays 2-1 lead. It's really a toss-up at this point, but weigh better odds on the latter if someone told Vitale that the Rays are being guest-managed by Mike Krzyzewski.

9:51 — It's an infield hit by a catcher. Which is just as good as an intentional walk. Or an intentional hit by pitch. Or a dropsied pop fly. They're all acceptable.

9:47 — Willy Aybar digs out a double with his magic stick of wood. He also pulled out a plum, but tossed it aside since nursery rhyme allusions don't help win ball games. But the leadoff double helped.

Top 5th

9:42 — Now Matt Garza is "settled in," not to be confused with how I've been settled into my couch for the last three days doing absolutely jack shit. Because it might seem like Garza and I have the same levels of athletic talent. Garza gets through the inning untouched. HE HAS A PERFECT GAME THROUGH SINCE THE LAST TIME HE LET SOMEONE GET ON BASE.

Commercial Break

When the Venetians arrive to this planet, in 2018, go back in time, and look at the commercials aired during the ALCS, they'll think that all baseball fans can't get natural erections or piss properly on their own. They'll also think that Frank Caliendo is this generation's Jack Benny, once they are informed by our ambassador who that was.

Bottom 4th

1 1

9:35 — Crawford won't be running to first after all. A leisurely walk back to the dugout to retrieve his mitt will suffice.

9:34 — It was nice of Youkilis to test the green wall's consistency in foul territory by sliding into it, but unfortunately the great diving play was thwarted by the fact that the ball didn't land anywhere near him.

9:32 — When Longoria gets an RBI, the Rays tend to win. PRESSURE ON THE ROOKIE. But the pressure worked, as Longoria's double scoots down into the right field corner and Carlos Peña does his best Sid Bream impression seven innings too early, tying up the game.

9:29 — The shoulda-had-a-V8 ground ball isn't strong enough to start a double play, but Iwamura gets punched out at second.

9:28 — Chip notes how "there would be bedlam in St. Pete" if Peña were to hit a home run here. Isn't the problem the last 2½ games that they keep trying to hit home runs instead of just trying to reach base?

9:26 — Upton can forget about breaking up another no-hitter. He'll just strike out instead.

9:24 — Eye of newt! That's what the jinx was missing. The final ingredient finally dropped into the stew, and Iwamura's single breaks the perfect no-hitter.

9:23 — We now return you to Jon Lester's potential perfect game, already in progress, starring TBS's Chip, Ron, and Buck as the three witches from Hocus Pocus.

Top 4th

9:20 — Garza strikes out Bay, and saunters back to the dugout like he just won a Golden Tee tournament at the local bar.

9:18 — JD Drew, popping up to somewhere besides second base? Forget it!

9:17 — Longoria tried his darndest to errantly throw to first, but Peña quashes the effort with the scoop, getting Youkilis the hell out of there.

Bottom 3rd

1 0

9:11 — He's still mentioning it after every at bat. Bartlett pops up, and that's ... NINE IN A ROW!

9:10 — Rocco Baldelli v. Jon Lester. It's a disease-off. Remission Showdown. Winner gets to turn their story into a Lifetime movie. And the winner ... Lester, who strikes Baldelli out looking.

9:09 — Dioner Navarro doesn't come close to that fastball. He's settled in. He's retired seven straight. Chip Caray is throwing every morsel of jinxdom and hexdom he can find in the press box down to the pitcher's mound. Nothing's working.

9:06 — It's the first time any pitcher has gone perfect through two innings this series. Watch your back, Don Larsen!

Top 3rd

9:03 — Garza won't let a little thing like Pedroia stealing second, a move which anthropologists agree helped advance ancient groundhog societies by 53 percent, stop him from striking out David Ortiz, which apparently you can do again this postseason.

8:59 — Pedroia gets plunked right on his heart. Because he wears it on his sleeve, you see. That's the joke. He's not even going to show that he's hurt. He's lying about his pain. THAT'S WHY HE'S A GREAT PLAYER. (Or, hey, maybe it stung just as much as any other fastball to the delts.)

8:59 — Dustin Pedroia's maternal grandfather was a groundhog, right?

8:57 — Crisp was left out in the pantry, became all stale and mushy, and struck out.

8:54 — Nice try, Alex Cora. A Sarah-Plain-And-Tall fly ball to left is all the No. 9 hitter could muster.

Bottom 2nd

1 0

8:49 — HE STILL HAS A PERFECT GAME!! Lester causes Willy Aybar to ground to Youkilis.

8:48 — Eh, I wasn't interested in Carl Crawford making contact anyway.

8:46 — Tampa's not happy with a high 3-0 pitch ruled a strike, and Evan Longoria responds in protest by grounding out to short. That'll show 'em!

Commercial Break

The BlackBerry Storm. Brought to you by David Chase.

Top 2nd

8:42 — IMPACT strikeout.

8:41 — Jason Varitek's free agency rumors? Why, let's square that one down.

8:39 — As noted by Buck Martinez and Jason Varitek, the catcher can go hitless (phew!) and still make an impact. Maybe I should have gone into the business as a catching shortstop.

8:37 — That's why they pay Jason Bartlett the big ... uh, er, patonthebacks. Mark Kotsay's scorching line-drive/ground ball hybrid up the middle gets snarfed up by Bartlett.

8:36 — Jason Bay gets a lot of two-out RBI. So with one out and nobody on base, surely that means that he'll do absolutely nothing. Well, he did barely swing at strike three. I guess that counts. Garza's earplugs are finally out, which means he can finally hear Ron Darling talk about him.

Commercial Break

It's bad enough we have to endure these political ads. But we also have to endure local political ads, causing me to ask the obvious question: "wait, which one's the incumbent?"

Bottom 1st

1 0

8:31 — There was a time when the Tigers acquired Carlos Peña and Jeremy Bonderman in the same trade. Aren't we glad they kept the right one! Hahaha! [stabs wall with butter knife] Jon Lester keeps the perfect game intact by striking him out.

8:26 — BJ Upton is one home run shy of the single-postseason record of eight, held by Barry Bonds and Carlos Beltran. They share the record every other week, because, well, it's not like they have any rings to admire. Upton now has 7½ home runs this postseason, because his opposite field shot lands safely in the glove of JD Drew.

8:24 — Akinori Iwamura? Cut. DOWN.

8:23 — Here's Lester's TBS© scouting report: "Extra Days Rest," "Cut Fastball," "Game 7." Based on that, he's pitching tonight and he throws at least one kind of pitch. Use at your own discretion, Willy Aybar!

Top 1st

8:19 — JD Drew and I have something in common. He struck out while everyone was looking, then tried to run away from it crying. What?

8:16 — There appears to be an entire clan of second baseman living in Kevin Youkilis's beard. That's why he was so late on that swing, but it almost landed in the right field warning dirt. Rocco Baldelli jettisoned enough of that "mysterious illness" to catch the slicing fly ball, and Ortiz "runs" back to first to avoid the double-up.

8:15 — David Ortiz, inspired by Dustin Pedroia's combination of heart and pancreas, takes a ball four.

8:11 — Dustin Pedroia practiced hitting home runs in his basement, where the ceiling was ten feet high. That's why the home run never went above that threshold, and Boston takes the quick lead.

8:10 — Garza's rocking the earplugs for the game. Good thing he doesn't play a sport in which communication was inspired by mimes and vaudeville. Coco Crisp's leadoff bunt sacrificed the Shadow Man on first to second. One out.

Pregame

8:08 — And the Sager coat watch has been decreased to: striped gray. Weak, weak, weak selection.

8:07 — Matt Garza's scouting report is limited to three words per bullet point. Fun fact: The Orioles actually use the TV scouting reports and nothing else to prepare for baseball games.

8:03 — Sign in Tampa: RAYS + TROP = VICTORY. Home record in the ALCS: 1-2. Which equals negative one. Divide by pi.

Pre-Game Babble

Much like the Phillies' unblemished record in official Deadspin-sanctioned live blogs, the Boston Red Sox haven't lost-a one either. They're 3-0, dating back to the 2007 World Series. If you wanted other probabilities, Tom Verducci notes that it's a 50-50 shot, and AccuScore will trump the human predictor, saying Boston's a 51-49 favorite. No supercomputers have honed down the prediction to the nearest thousandth of a percentage point yet, mostly because they've all been repossessed due to scientists not making their payments, and repo-men are using them to predict if they'll get laid tonight.

Boston's starting lineup:

1. CF Coco "Riboflavin" Crisp
2. 2B Dustin "Groundhog" Pedroia
3. DH David "Poppyseed" Ortiz
4. 3B Kevin "I Stole Julio Franco's Batting Stance" Youkilis
5. RF J.D. "Clutch Three Games A Year" Drew
6. LF Jason "Being" Bay
7. 1B Mark "How's Your Wife" Kotsay
8. C Jason "Sweet, Not Ninth Anymore" Varitek
9. SS Alex "Sojo" Cora

Tampa Bay's lineup:

1. 2B Akinori "最初の野球選手" Iwamura
2. CF B.J. "Bounces Over His Head" Upton
3. 1B Carlos "The Lesser Tilde" Peña
4. 3B Evan "Quick, Throw It To First" Longoria
5. LF Carl "I'm Not Leadoff Anymore?" Crawford
6. DH Willy "Which One Am I Again" Aybar
7. C Dioner "Geovany" Navarro
8. RF Rocco "I Got Better" Baldelli
9. SS Jason "Sandlot Slugger" Bartlett

Bingo hall's lineup:

They say that there's nothing better than a Game Seven in sports. I'm not exactly sure who "they" are, but whoever they may be, they're some wise bastards. Even the most jaded sports fan can't help but get excited about the ultimate elimination game.

Behind the left-handed arm of one Jon Lester, the Red Sox will be looking to put the finishing touches on their second miraculous ALCS comeback in the last half-decade. They have all of the momentum on their side, and even the burning hatred of most baseball fans outside of Massachusetts doesn't appear to be fazing them one bit.

Matt Garza will attempt to right the ship for Rays, who appear as though they're resigned to this seemingly inevitable fate of theirs.

As the Rays walked down the tunnel to their clubhouse following the loss, heads hung, a teammate tapped shortstop Jason Bartlett on the shoulder, leaned in and said: “It had to be this way.”

So it is.

(Certainly a different tone from the Rays than the one they had earlier in the series, when they were not only kicking Boston's ass, but also sleeping with their women!)

Assuming that TBS has gotten their act together, the battle to face Philly in the World Series will appear on your television screens in a little over half an hour. But don't go anywhere; World Champion live-blogger Matt Sussman will be here shortly to guide you through the festivities. Do enjoy.

ALCS is taken to the limit [Yahoo!]

The Curse of Evan Longoria's Alleged Overconfidence and Debauchery [The Sporting Blog]

As millions of baseball enthusiasts tuned in last night hoping to see Game Six of the American League Championship Series, a surprise awaited them: They weren't greeted by Josh Beckett's steely gaze, instead they were met by Steve Harvey's toothy smile.

Virtually anyone watching in the U.S. had to wade through about 20 minutes of a rerun of the Steve Harvey Show, and missed BJ Upton's solo homerun in the bottom of the first inning. It was not a great moment for TBS. And here's the official explanation as to what caused the delay:

"Two circuit breakers in our Atlanta transmission operations tripped causing the master router and its backup — which are necessary to transmit any incoming feed outbound — to shut down. This impacted our live feed from being distributed to any of the other networks in the Turner portfolio and caused the delay in our coverage. Both our primary and backup routers were impacted by this problem. We apologize to baseball fans for this mishap that caused a delay in our coverage."

The first pitch of Game Seven is penciled in for about 8:15 tonight. Does anybody know when Frank TV usually comes on?

Game 6 TV broadcast interrupted [MLB.com]

Top 10 'difficulties' TBS had with start of ALCS broadcast [Big League Stew]

Things started off well for the Rays in Game Six; a little too well in fact. BJ Upton tied an AL record with his seventh long ball as he took Josh Beckett deep in the first inning, and it appeared for a moment as though Beckett's oblique injury might be Beantown's undoing. Not so.

(Of course, most of us didn't see much of this, as TBS inexplicably showed the Steve Harvey Show instead of the game for much of the first inning. That was kind of awesome.)

Beckett of course recovered from the Upton shot, and he settled in and threw five strong innings, only allowing one more run - a homer by Jason Bartlett. From there, the Sox cruised. Kevin Youkilis got the party started in the second inning with a solo drive (adding another RBI the following inning), and Jason Varitek and Big Papi took care of the remaining offensive load in the sixth inning.

The three-headed bullpen monster of Hideki Okajima, Justin Masterson and Jonathan Papelbon then took over from Beckett in the sixth, and effectively snuffed the life out of Tampa Bay.

A few days ago, the Red Sox were seven outs away from elimination. They were dead for all intents and purposes. All but buried. But now, improbably, we'll have a Game Seven in Tampa tomorrow night with the Rays' chances of playing in the World Series suddenly looking like the ones in need of life support. Who woulda thunk it?

Prior to Game Five, the easy joke was that with Boston about to be extinguished by those plucky Rays, television executives were preparing to take their own lives instead of facing the prospect of the ratings disaster otherwise known as a Philly vs. Tampa World Series (in fact, I just yawned while typing that.)

Thanks to the miracle at Fenway on Thursday night, however, suicide will have to wait. Instead, TBS gets to broadcast one more tension-filled night of baseball. Good times for all.

Of course, the only people giving Tampa any kind of chance tonight are themselves. Everyone else is arguing that they're too young; too inexperienced against a big-game pitcher like Josh Beckett; too black!

The Sox meanwhile, to the chagrin of most, appear as though they're about to reprise that now all-too-familiar role of destiny's child (you guys can decide who gets to be Beyonce.)

In any case, whatever happens tonight, the Phillies are likely sitting around somewhere hoping Game Six lasts a minimum of 19 innings.

But Melanson's very fat heroics weren't the only factor on this night. There were other happenings behind the scenes that just may have helped turn the tide for Boston:

• Reverse The Hawk. According to Red Sox Monster, it may just have been the Reverse Mohawk, the hairstyle adopted by some Red Sox fans recently to counter Tampa's popular Rayhawk, that precipitated Boston's comeback.

• Oh You Nasty Boy. Rays superfan Brian "Nasty Boy" Knobbs was ejected from the stadium for rowdy behavior in the eighth inning. This is also seen as a major turning point, as Knobbs had been present in all of Tampa Bays' previous victories in the series. Knobbs, a former pro wrestler, is known as the Rays' official 10th Man. Red Sox fans of course were quite respectful as Nasty Boy was being led out of the stadium by Fenway security. UPDATE: Here's some video courtesy of Home Run Derby.

• Revenge Of The Condo Gods. While Raleigh, N.C. Red Sox fan Sean Bunn was out watching the game with friends on Tuesday night, someone broke into his condominium and vandalized it, spray painting the New York Yankees logo and pinstripes all over it. Whoever broke in even painted uniform numbers, the 13 worn by Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter's No. 2, on the backs of Bunn's dress shirts. (He is considering auctioning the shirts to raise money for the Jimmy Fund, the charitable arm of the Red Sox Foundation.) The Red Sox had lost that night, 13-4, but perhaps angered by Bunn's shabby treatment, the Baseball Gods deemed to turn the tide in dramatic fashion.

Time To 'Reverse The Hawk,' Sox Fans [Red Sox Monster]

To get a sense of how deflated the Nation and Fenway were at one point, let's check out Extra Bases live blog entry after the top of the 7th:

That's It, That's All

After a double steal, Upton launched a 3-2 fastball off of Papelbon high to left, a blast that nearly scraped the Monster and bounded off the top of the scoreboard. Earlier in the at-bat, Papelbon tried to reclaim the inside part of the plate that Red Sox pitchers so readily yielded all series. Ultimately, nothing works against these Rays. That two-run double ought to be your ballgame.

WRONG.

Anyway: Saturday. St. Petersburg. Game Six. Rayhawk Landing Strip Country Club versus Stampeding Bald Eagles of Boston.

Game 5 [Extra Bases]

PHOTO: Boston Globe

It's amazing just how far Boston has come in the last few years. Even on the brink of getting snuffed out from the World Series (again), they still have enough confidence and an overactive sense of entitlement to piss all over the other team's manager. This is what winners do.

Obviously this is your designated area to yell about the Scott Kazmir versus the Dice-K in tonight's pivotal game 5 of the ALCS. Over/under on the pitch count between both starters after five innings is 342.

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Out on the SKEETS there was violence....

Joe Maddon's Logic Inviting [BH]

Rays' DH Jonny Gomes read about Zachary and arranged for him to meet most of the Rays players on Saturday, including Carlos Pena, who offered to write his principal a note. Zachary also got an autographed bat.

"The kid got punished for being a Rays fan," Gomes said. "What's wrong with that? Hopefully, we've got a Rays fan for life — a Jonny Gomes fan for life. To make the kid's day — maybe make the kid's year — is awesome."

So the pattern is clear, I think: Befriend a kid, advance straight to World Series. Expect Joe Torre to adopt three babies and, for good measure, a stray puppy, just before game time today.

ESPN Takes Notice Of Bay Area Boys' Rayhawk [Tampa Bay Online]

But all negativity aside, I still can't see the Rays completely dismantling them in two games. But we'll know soon enough if the young Rays are totally spooked by Wakefield's bloopy balls this time around. For the record, I don't want to see the Rays in the World Series this year. Their cute story ended with me a long time ago. As much as I despise this year's Red Sox with their overflowing Phi Kappa Sigma-ness, I'm not yet ready to embrace some cuddly upstarts from Tampa, much less watch them for another two weeks. It's too much fun to hate in sports. Hate is good for sports. Let's keep the hate.

*****

Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. And just like Ice Cube, please keep jackin 'for SKEETS.

Q: Who on this team should not have gotten a Mohawk, no matter how much a team guy he wanted to be?

EL: Well, he still doesn't have one. Carlos [Pena]. And I told him not to. He asked me multiple times if he should get one. I just don't think he'll look good with it. He's the clean-cut Latin guy on our team. I guess it's debatable if he's Latin or not. He is Dominican. I told him not to.

Q: Has he been in the United States "too long" to be considered Latino anymore?

EL: I don't even look at him as Dominican, and that's nothing against Dominicans, but he's been in the States for so long — he went to high school and college here — in the States. He's very well educated and it's tough for me to look at him and think he came from the Dominican.

So, not exactly a Joe Biden-like gaffe, but apparently it was enough of an unintentional slight to infuriate the Dominican population and result in an apology from Longoria which was run on ESPNDeportes:

"Pido excusas a todos los dominicanos de todo corazón. Me excuso con los latinos si los hice sentir mal" Longoria said, which loosely translated means " I wholeheartedly apologize to all Dominicans if I made them feel bad." That photo of Longoria and Carlos Pena ran in the accompanying story, just to show that there are no hard feelings between the two. But in order for the apology to carry more weight, shouldn't the photo show Longoria embracing a dirtier looking, less educated Latino? What about Willy Aybar?

Evan Longoria apologized before he even had to [Shysterball]

* * *

Bottom 9th

2 0

12:05 — New Fanhouse Dugout screenname, and approved by 4chan: DionerFire. Navarro strikes out on the ball in the dirt, meaning Boston demoralizes the plucky Rays in Game 1. All done. Boston remains undefeated in Deadspin livebloggery. Game 2 is tomorrow, but folks, you're on your own on that one. We'll try this again on a night in which the live blog actually fucking updates. Goodnight, funnymen!

12:02 — Cliff Floyd pops a dainty pop. Two out.

11:59 — Carl Crawford was nowhere near anything resembling contact on three swings. One out.

11:56 — Say what you will about Jonathan Papelbon, but his mouth? It turns into a nice, tight sphincter when the pressure's on. No two ways about it.

Still the Top 9th

11:53 — There's that one third of an inning we were looking for.

11:52 — David Price needs just 1/3 of an inning, and he can let his team get eaten up by Papelbon.

Commercial Break

So this Chase credit card commercial. New stereotype. Bald black guys with goatees are either bouncers, Boston Public principals, or in the case of this and many other ads, electronics store floor employees.

Top 9th

11:49 — After two effective outs in the ninth, Balfour is yanked by Joe Maddon — not by the ear, unfortunately — and the pinch-pitcher

Bottom 8th

2 0

11:42 — Evan Longoria IS the next Alex Rodriguez, in every way. A double play wrap up this inning into a new little red-colored package.

11:40 — Pitcher version 3.0 will be Justin Masterson, who if you recall did jack nil in Game 4 of the ALDS. And there's only one out still for Evan Longoria.

11:37 — Stupid Chip Caray and his "voice" beating me to thoughts I had. Peña is given Tilde Mindmeld power to swing at a 3-0 pitch, resulting in a shoestring catch in right field.

11:35 — EVERYBODY LOOK DOWN. Hideki Okajima will relieve the no-no-hitter-pitcher.

11:32 — Kevin Youkilis blocks a hot shot down the left field line, but he can't throw out Upton. The MIke Lowell injury is brought up, because there's no way Lowell would have bungled or bobbled the Upton dopple. Iwamura stays on second, and strangely enough the wild pitch doesn't hurt. Cowbell mambo ensues.

11:31 — A wild and crazy pitch makes it to the calm, inviting backstop, and Iwamura trotskies up to second.

11:30 — Aki Aki joy joy. Aki Aki joy joy. Aki Aki joy joy. Aki Aki joy joy. Aki Aki joy joy. Aki Aki joy joy. Aki Aki joy joy joy. A single for Iwamura.

Top 8th

11:25 — Exiting the eighth with all those guys on all those bases, Balfour forces Mark Kotsay to just hit that shit straight up and back down into Longoria's glove. Let's keep going.

11:23 — Conversely, Jason Bay gets hit by nothing, and hits nothing. Deux outs.

11:19 — JD Drew steps in and ... whoa, high and in! Bases loaded.

11:17 — Grant Balfour cums on to pitch and feel the noize. Girls, rock your boys.

11:12 — Maybe Youkilis's beard is a tribute to Richard Karn. Does anybody know what time it is? Time for Carl Crawford to misread a line drive which gets by him and Pedroia scores and Ortiz hobbles to third. And here he is, Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor!

11:10 — David Ortiz milks and dekes Howell's pitches and strolls to first.

11:08 — Pedroia steals second by burrowing a hole in the ground, and when Bartlett tried to apply the tag Pedroia's bunny ears went around the glove. Now he's in scoring position.

11:07 — J.P. Howell, who was Jim Backus's greatest character, is Thurston for a quick inning.

11:05 — Hi folks, Joe Maddon here. What we're gonna do here is take this pitcher off the mound RIGHTHERE HEHHEH and replace him with the guy over here [circles] and bring him here [draws sloppy arrow]

11:04 — JINX JINX JI... oh, never mind. Pedroia dings one up the middle.

11:02 — James Shields is turning this into an old fashioned goddamn pitchers duel. He'll continue pitching, and both pitchers will go at least 7+. That's what I like to see.

Bottom 7th

1 0

10:56 — Ew, Gross. A strikeout leaves the inning up to Tampa's favoritest player ever, Jason Bartlett. Any chance Bartlett can drive in a run just by making a good diving stop in the batters box? No? Well, how about a groundout to the position he normally roves? No? Okay then. Inning over.

10:51 — Dioner Navarro's Dugout screenname: IJustDionerArmsTonight. The sac fly isn't fly-y enough, so Crawford has to dawdle around third.

10:49 — Wuh-oh. double double jinx and trouble. Clifford Floyd gaps the ball into left center and Crawford races to third. But hey! No triples! He still has a no-tripler!

10:47 — Carl Crawford steps up, swings, and ... !!!

Seventh Inning No-Hitter Jinx Entertainment

No-hitter? How about ... NO SPRINGS!!!

Top 7th

10:42 — Pitching visit of the Roger Dorn variety. And he pops this Variteker out. Rally killed.

10:40 — Whoa canine. Timmy McClellan sure likes the late strike three call, but that's what Jed Lowrie will have to suffer, giving Tampa a big second out.

10:37 — Not so much a base hit that time from Mark Q. Kotsay, because Iwamura had to go and fade back and catch that shallow fly. Speaking of shallow flies, did you hear the one about the mosquito who only dates blondes?

10:35 — While Tampa Bay may not be hitting ANY BASE HITS BECAUSE THERE'S A NO-HITTER IN PLAY, Boston's getting them everywhere. Drew and Bay consecutively find open slots through the infield.

Bottom 6th

1 0

10:30 — Evan Longoria, well, hey, he doesn't strike out. But he still KEEPS THE NO HITTER INTACT BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT MATSUZAKA HAS SO FAR.

10:28 — Peña falls victim to the False Tilde Shift for another out. AND HE STILL HASN'T LET ANYONE GET A BASE HIT.

10:26 — Remember the last pitcher to have a no-hitter through five innings in the ALCS? It was Mike Mussina, TBS reminds. AND IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. JINX JINX JINXITY JINX. Justin Upton pops out.

Top 6th

10:23 — Nothing else is happening.

10:21 — There's quite a "Youuuuk" following even in Tampa. Are we sure this isn't a 2007 regular season game?

10:18 — The Red Sox have almost a .500 winning percentage when they don't homer. Which has nothing to do at all with, oh I don't know, their pitchers somehow throwing no-hitters halfway through games while walking the entire cast of Scrubs.

Bottom 5th

1 0

10:14 — Three more outs and ... ah, there we are. "A no-no through five." IT'S AWN. Sidebar: four walks and an error.

10:09 — A semi-jinx from Chip Caray. "The Rays are looking for their first hit" is a safer, more roundabout way of saying "Matsuzaka hasn't allowed a run," but the intent is the same.

Top 5th

10:06 — Another run? Jason Bartlett's not having it. The very-good-and-reliable-yet-somehow-team MVP makes an over-the-body catch, suffocating Kotsay at third.

10:04 — An example of how not to get in a run: smash a ground ball right to a drawn-in second baseman. Iwamura knocks it down and keeps Kotsay at third base, getting the second out.

10:01 — With a chance for runs, Lowrie has runners at second and third, and just about everything will get in a run. Unless he hits the catwalk on the pitcher's mound. That's a ground rule single. But he misses that catwalk and instead pulls a sac fly to right field, bringing in Jason Bay.

10:00 — Mark Kotsay doubles on a I-didn't-do-it swing and Jason Bay goes to third after walking.

9:59 — Purple People Sager reports that cowbells are annoying. We agree.

Bottom 4th

0 0

9:55 — Youkilis is under a foul ball, but Lowrie keys in on it DONTCRASH DONTCRASH DONTCRASH phew, they didn't hit each other, and Matsuzaka got through probably his quickest inning of the night. Enjoy it while it lasts.

9:54 — Matsuzaka's strikeout of Carl Crawford and Cliff Floyd put his K total at seven. He'd be dominating this game if it didn't take so goddamn long for him to complete even an easy inning.

Top 4th

9:48 — A hefty double play thanks to JayDeeDrew kills the inning. Camera spotlights on a kid rockin' the Travis Lee jersey. I'm sure there's a whole stack of them in a warehouse in Dunedin.

9:47 — Youkilis is just gonna hit himself onto first again, if'n that's okay with everyone.

9:45 — Silly Ortiz. RIGHT INTO THE SHIFT. Exactly as they planned. Now, please stroke your Jafar beard in delight.

Commercial Break

Know what'd make a better Viagra ad? Enough of these borderline fourtysomething couples who look like their kids just went off to college. I want grandparents about to fuck. There's your commercial. If it can make Harold and Gertrude perform the beast with two backs, it's potent enough for EVERYONE.

Bottom 3rd

0 0

9:42 — Peña walks, and Longoria whiffs. Pattern!

9:41 — God. If Matsuzaka is this boring to watch, imagine the defense behind him. Exactly how do they stay awake? Smelling salts? Some kind of electroshock monitoring? I'm going with Red Bull IVs between innings.

9:36 — Jonny Gomes getting into a fight with Shelley Duncan apparently set the tone for the Rays that getting into trivial fights is a catalyst for a dream season. So if I push over the lady from accounting for borrowing my three-hole punch and not getting it back in a timely manner, I'll finally be in the running for Employee Of The Year?

Top 3rd

9:32 — There were so many bingo points scored this inning, a nation barely noticed Shields getting through the inning so quickly.

9:30 — Scheisst. Fish in a barrel. "The fight" is also now bean-counted.

9:29 — The glitteriest Rayhawik in the world makes TBS, and makes another bingo square bite the dust.

Bottom 2nd

0 0

9:26 — Oh, and Matsuzaka gets through the inning 1-2-3. But much slower and much, I guess, craftier.

9:25 — Buck Martinez brings the useful commentary. Jason Varitek lost a ball in the whitey white lights, and Martinez talked about when he was catching, how his dugout yelled a number based on which way the ball went. See, that's actually interesting. Please replace Tim McCarver for the World Series.

9:23 — Mets fans, did you feel tightness in that that stigmata scar tissue as soon as they mentioned Victor Zambrano and Scott Kazmir?

9:22 — Oh, now they announce the umpires. I had so many beefs with the men in black, and I had to swear at nameless entities. It's gotta be a sweet gig to umpire in the outfields. Every once in a while, one makes a fair or foul call, and beyond that it's just getting batteries and discarded chicken bones thrown at you from the stands.

Top 2nd

9:14 — Quickinningquickinning Jasonbaymarkkotsayandjedlowriegodowninorder.

Bottom 1st

0 0

9:08 — Called it. Floyd grounds out. I win nothing.

9:07 — Oh, so Carl Crawford was the guy who walked? I guess Iwamura's the leadoff guy. Shows ya how much I know about this team when I haven't watched them in two years.

9:07 — Moreover, Matsuzaka stole my idea. They're loaded with outs of two. Watch Cliff Floyd ground out.

9:05 — TBS stole my idea for a stat. BACK OFF, CHIP. [hastily whittles pointy stick]

9:03 — Evan Longoria takes a good long look at strike three, and no sir, he doesn't like it. Okay, kids, this is slightly ridonk. With runners in scoring position, Matsuzaka's OPS-against dips down to .573. Why not just walk the bases? Batters are 0-for-14 against him with three guys standing on bases.

9:00 — Carlos "Bizarro Tilde" Peña? You can walk too. Matsuzaka appears to thrive when there are runners on base. (?!?) Sure enough, his OPS-against is about 40 points lower (.623) with dudes on base as opposed to the bases wiped clean (.661).

8:57 — Upton's fly ball was at least 50 feet short of a home run. But he "just missed" a home run. Please adjust your squares accordingly.

8:54 — Carl CrawfordAkinori Iwamura's walk is upgraded to a stolen base. It's okay, Carl Aki. They can't throw you out.

Top 1st

8:50 — And the first break of the game goes to Tampa after JD Drew strikes out to end the inning. Tropicana Field officials begin furiously building a catwalk in the right field corner.

8:48 — Opposite field doubles that bounce into the stands are all the rage this fall. (That and denim capris.) Kevin Youkilis smashes one that lands deep down the right field line but it sneaks into the bleachers and Pedroia will have to unhustle back to third base.

8:45 — David Ortiz flies to center, but Pedroia tries to test B.J. Upton's arm on tagging from first to second. Upton, who didn't study, just filled out "C" on the rest of the Scantron sheet and fortunately got enough correct on the standardized test, forcing Pedroia to retreat back to first.

8:42 — Some people walk to first on four pitches. But in this case, Pedroia drew a heartjog.

8:41 — Jacoby Ellsbury strikes out on four pitches, and Dustin Pedroia responds by stepping up to the plate with a bat as tall as he is.

8:38 — Joe Maddon's candid interview also shows that managers are not above mohawking one's hair a little.

8:37 — Lineup announcement time. ♫ Oontz, oontz, oontz, oontz

8:36 — TBS yet again proves the usefulness of blimp footage outside a domed stadium.

8:33 — Craig Sager is Violet Beauregarde in "Sager And The Amazing Technicolor Sideline Reporter." (In theatres this fall.) Also: catwalks. Marky post.

Pre-Game Babble

More bad news, this time for Tampa Bay fans. Now that Philadelphia is 4-0 in Deadspin live blogs, thereby forcing this site's editor into making my every other game they do this series, I had the company secretary look at the Gawker Media microfiche to get more insight into the ALCS.

It turns out that Boston is 3-0 when I'm watching them while live-typing. Since this is the definitive stat that controls the cosmic forces around the League Championship Serieseses, we might as well succumb to the notion that Tampa Bay will probably lose this series and return to the cellar for the next 10 seasons. Or it could also be contingent on the badassness of its perps featured on The Smoking Gun. Results are pending at this time.

Speaking of useless trends, if anyone who is not a Red Sox fan isn't rooting for Tampa Bay in this series, please speak up. I have a stereotype to spread. Well, that and bingo-age.

Red Sox ladies need to step up to the plate and go bald to show these dumb bitches what real fans are all about!

How ’bout it girls? Ready to go bare for the Sox?

I'm still waiting for the National League version of this. If you have any suggestions as to what the female fans of the Dodgers and Phillies could do to themselves to keep up with the enthusiasm of their American League counterparts, please leave them in the comments section. This is not a topic for Waxing Off.

Boston Craig's List Urges Sox Women to Go Bare [Bugs and Cranks]

Dr. Craig Morgan told the AP that he advised surgery for Schilling back in January, but the team wanted him to try rehab and he was forced to obey their wishes because of his contract. That failed, of course, and the surgery happened in June instead, which is why Curt is not on the playoff roster. In fact, the repaired shoulder is now "phenomenal" and Schilling will be fine next year—not that it does the stupid Sox any good now. Morgan added, “In January, everything I said has come true, right to a T.” All right then. Schilling, for his part, is staying away from his doctor's choice of words and timing.

He, unfortunately, like me has little to no filter when asked about things he feels comfortable with knowledge wise. My arm and pitching, and shoulders, are certainly topics he is smarter than anyone I’ve ever met on....

Regardless of how anyone feels about the ‘what ifs’ involved here, they are irrelevant. What’s done is done and even though I’d kill to be able to take the ball right now, I can’t. No one gains from looking back and wondering what if, most of all my teammates or the organization.

Why doesn't he just say what we all know to be true—the Boston PD would be setting up parade barricades right now if only Morgan had been heeded, you maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you all to hell!

• Doc: Schilling could have been ready for playoffs [AP/Google]
• Don’t ask… [38 Pitches]

Michelle Foster of Skin Deep Spatique in St. Petersburg says she was inspired by her son's Mohawk, "I stopped and thought about it a minute, and thought, well now everyone can have one!" But, it's not exactly pain-friendly. Team pride comes with a little sacrifice. Women wince. They cry. They even scream.

It's a bit of a shock to the system as hot wax is spread onto the skin with a spatula, while an aesthetician stands by with a white piece of cloth, ready to rip off the wax. When all is said and done, women are left with a female Rayhawk.

Michelle says she's getting tons of requests for the $30 procedure, and is often asked to dye the Rayhawk, which she declines. Her area of expertise is skincare, she says, not hair-coloring. If you'd like to schedule an appointment, here you go.

The Rayhawk craze all began when a few of the players started showing up with them, with the look quickly spreading to the fans. But leave it to the fine folks of the Florida public school system to spoil all the fun. Ellenton seventh-grader Zachary Sharples showed up to Lincoln Middle School with a Rayhawk, and was promptly suspended, being told that he violated the dress code. Now he has to shave his head completely or serve an in-school suspension every day.

If the Rays fail to make the World Series, we blame you, Lincoln Middle School. You know who else weren't allowed to wear Mohawks? The Nazis. That's who.

UPDATE: Bugs and Cranks may have found the origin of the "Mohawk to the South" idea.

Want A Rayhawk Bikini Wax? [Tampabays10]
Female Rays Fans Getting Mohawks Too ... Down There [Deuce Of Davenport]
Young Rays Fan Pays Price For Mohawk Haircut [St. Petersburg Times]

Oh, Cardinals won two out of three from both these teams this year. Let me have that.

Series Schedule
Game 1: Friday, October 10, 8:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 2: Saturday, October 11, 8:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 3: Monday, October 13, 4:30 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 4 : Tuesday, October 14, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 5 (if necessary): Thursday, October 16, 8 p.m. Tampa Bay at Boston.
Game 6 (if necessary): Saturday, October 18, 4:30 p.m. Boston at Tampa Bay.
Game 7 (if necessary): Sunday, October 19, 8 p.m, Boston at Tampa Bay.

SEVEN THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE RAYS-RED SOX SERIES

1. Boy Fights! Yeah, yeah, everyone on TBS — which, surprisingly, is the network broadcasting this series; Red Sox fans are finally spared Tim McCarver — will be hyping these teams' "intense" fight back in June. But it's still pretty cool that in the American League Championship Series, there's a palpable sense that people will start punching each other. (This certainly would have jazzed up last year's dull NLCS.) Let's just hope that if a big fight does break out, we don't get pundits tsk-tsking These Darned Athletes Today. Come on! Fights are fun! They're not punching us!

2. Don't Expect Cowboys-At-Buzzsaw-Esque Crowd Proportions. Amusingly, Kurt Warner and Ken Whisenhunt are actively begging Buzzsaw fans not to sell their tickets to well-oiled Cowboys fans. This sort of dynamic has led several Red Sox friends think they're going to have some sort of home-field advantage at the Trop. Don't count on it. The Rays easily sold out the first two games of the ALDS, and the Trop was louder than anyone who has ever seen one of their 8,000-fans specials might suspect. This is not going to be Fenway South.

3. Grant Balfour Is &#;*@ing Awesome. One of the biggest fear any sports fan has is that they care more about the outcome of a particular game than an individual player. This is not an issue with Rays reliever Grant Balfour, who violently curses himself out any time he so much as throws a pitch a couple of inches outside. Do not watch this man pitch with someone who is deaf and overly sensitive to torrents of profanity.

4. Where The Hell Did This J.D. Drew Come From? Before coming to the Red Sox, J.D. Drew had appeared in postseasons for the Cardinals, the Braves and the Dodgers. He went .246 (albeit with his fair share of walks) and generally looked like the same dispassionate, "I'd Rather Be Preaching Somewhere Oh Jeez I Think I Hurt My Hammy Again" vacant stare fans of those teams (and the Phillies, of course) had come to know and loathe. And then the guy goes to Boston and turns into Mr. Clutch. Infuriating.

5. Start Coming Up With Excuses For Your Boss Right Now. Game Three of this series will be played at 4:30 Eastern Time at Fenway Park on Monday. (Sussman, to the live blog!) This is happening Friday with the NLCS Game Two, but it's still worth noting that if the stock market explodes again next Monday, there will be no one manning the store.

6. Two In A Row. If the Red Sox can end up winning the World Series, they will become the first team to win consecutive World Series since the Yankees won three in a row from 1998-2000. The Blue Jays won in 1992-93, and the Yankees in 1977-78. The last National League team to win two World Series in a row? The Reds, in 1975-76. This is Jayson Stark, for ESPN.

7. All Together Now: Holy Crap, Tampa Bay Is Four Games Away From The World Series! Back in 2007, I asked RJ Anderson of D-Rays Bay to preview the Devil Rays' season. He wrote: "So what does being a Devil Rays fan mean? Well, your team is constantly under attack by most naive media members who paint the team as hopeless and talentless, the management as "clueless," and the fans as "none" ... and that's just from some local media members. The Rays may call Tampa home, though they play in neighboring St. Petersburg, but really there are a larger majority of New York Yankee and Boston Red Sox fans here than for the local Rays." This is probably still true, but, man, Rays diehards like Anderson really have earned this, haven't they? Here's the D-Rays Bay post from the other evening: "Fiddle me this, fiddle me that, thank you Rays for this appearance of Monsieur J. Fiddle Cat. I hope this day never ends." Congratulations. Let's see how long this can keep going.

PREDICTION
This hurts me more than it hurts you. Red Sox in five.