Believe it or not, NHL training camps open this weekend and that means press junkets galore. Ovechkin is the cover boy for 2K Sports' NHL game this year, so that seemed like as good a time as any to invite a couple of pasty-faced bloggers out of their basements for a little throwdown. In Russian!

Since he was on roughly Hour 36 of his whirlwind tour, Alex wasn't that talkative (unless you talk Russian), but he was very interested in winning the games. He seemed genuinely upset when some kid—who won a video game tournament to get there—bested him in the first game. (He demanded a rematch.) Fortunately for him, I did not put up such a valiant fight.

Yes, I lost. BUT! He had already played two games against other people and I think that he was able to use that valuable game experience against me. Also, he had the crowd behind him (the fans at the NHL Store loved him and he was mobbed with every move he made) and his handlers supplying him with water mid-game. Water! I did not receive these valuable performance enhancers. Plus, who wears a jersey with their own name on it to a game? Come on!

AND! I didn't want to point this out to his face lest I get a mouth full of Wiimote, but before our game he "inadvertently" switched from the Capitals to the Penguins—and then scored two of his goals as Sidney Crosby. I'm not sayin' ... I'm just sayin' is all.

I have many more excuses if you'd like to hear them.

(Top Photo: Michael Cohen/Getty)
Ovechkin Dismisses Boomer Esiason, NYC [D.C. Sports Bog]
Alexander Ovechkin made his way through NYC in style to promote NHL 2K10 [NHL.com]

The Capitals have a 2-0 lead now and Pittsburgh will find itself in a must-win situation at home on Wednesday night, but no one can complain that the two superstars have not delivered so far. The two gentlemen traded hat tricks last night and have four goals a piece in the series—and Sidney Crosby was robbed on a "all-time" save by Simeon Varlamov that's been replayed everywhere, so there's been more than enough to talk about.

The "can you top this" vibe going on in Game 2 certainly raises hopes for more competitive wackiness in games to come. Crosby actually complained to officials after Capitals fans caused two hat-tossing delays in celebration of Alexander Ovechkin's third, but something tells me Sid the Kid wouldn't mind returning the favor back in Pittsburgh. And he'll probably have to if the series is going more than four games—which is something the NHL desperately needs. A seven-gamer between these two teams—and these two players—doesn't even have to be on par with Celtics-Bulls in order to give the league a new lease on life and put hockey back in the "National Conversation."

So either the Penguins need to get their act together or Gary Bettman needs to get some crooked officials in there ASAP.

Crosby, Ovechkin stage an epic battle [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]
Ovechkin, Crosby trade hats; a few too many for Sid in loss [Puck Daddy]
Game 2 Memories: The Crosby Taunters [DC Sports Bog]

Several individuals have forwarded us one or both of these images over the last few weeks, demonstrating evidence of the man's lusty, money-wasting ways. The first is a picture of Ovie looking stone cold hammered with fellow Russki and Montreal defenseman Andrei Markov. The other is a very detailed strip club receipt that would seem to indicate a rather long, rather expensive night at the titty bar. The internet being what it is, these two pictures somehow merged into one classic email forward and there's your urban legend.

(Click images for full size.)

A few problems though. First, how many strippers do you know that wear flowery sundresses and carry their purses with them out on the floor? Second, the receipt has no name or signature on it, so it could belong to anybody. Third, the bar identified at the top—Teazers Rivonia (possibly NSFW)—is in South Africa. The receipt is dated March 17, 2007. The Capitals had two home games that week; one on the 16th and one on the 18th. I hear Teazers is a cool place, but it's not that cool. (Thanks to a commenter here for noting the dates of the games.)

Who knows how or why the receipt became entangled with Ovechkin and I'm sure if he dropped nine grand on a series of lapdances and Amstel Lights he would not be ashamed to admit it. But it's not his.

Plus, the receipt is not in dollars. It's 9,146.00 Rand, which is like ... eight bucks or something. With tax. Trust me, the man rolls higher than that.

Alexander Ovechkin's Epic Night At A Strip Club [COED Magazine]

The major takeaway from the story is that Ovechkin likes to have fun, which is both shocking and appalling to people like Don Cherry. However, it is also very lucrative for luxury car makers like Mercedes Benz. Ovechkin took Nichols for a spin in his new SL 65 supercar that he boasts of taking up to 180 m.p.h. He boasts about a lot of things actually. He wants to let everyone know—without actually letting them know, you know?—that he is someone who enjoys a little unspoken depravity. (Although the infamous strip club receipt that is making the email rounds is almost certainly not his. The club in question is in South Africa, which is not exactly convenient for post-game relaxation therapy.) Bottom line: Party Man likes to party and the fact that people are bothered by it only makes it more fun for him.

Oh, and we sort of ribbed ESPN for their Nick Adenhart/NASCAR flub that was really just an unfortunate coincidence and not anyone's fault, but you do have to wonder if any of the producers of E:60 thought about the juxtaposition of Alex's "play hard, live fast" lifestyle with another story featured later in the program. It was about former Dallas Cowboy DB Dwayne Goodrich, who is currently serving a 12-year sentence for vehicular manslaughter. If you want to do something, do it, I guess.

E:60 - Alexander the Gr8 [Full video @ ESPN]

LeBron James had an audience with Alexander Ovechkin the other night after the Cavs played the Wizards in Washington. Fortunately, someone was there with a video camera to capture this insane "worlds collide" moment. I'm guessing Alex requested the meeting himself since he wanted to present LeBron with his own Capitals jersey (bearing Ovechkin's name?), but of course, LeBron had no gifts of his own. Maybe he could have offered him a piece of that gum he was so interested in.

The best part is when LeBron fully admits that he's never even been to a hockey game, but he "heard that it's awesome." To be fair, Cleveland isn't really a hockey town. Plus, those tickets are expensive! Maybe next year, Big O!

Ovie, Meet LeBron [Washington Post]

It's been my experience (through observation) that hockey players have no problem generating female interest, but Washington is going the extra mile with "Capitals Scarlet," a new fan club devoted to the testosterone-deprived members of their rooting base. Their website has all the latest Caps news, plus sexy team bios and primers on hockey rules and terminology. (Actually, I think a few of our male commenters could use that.) Best of all, the club hosts cocktail parties and other lady-centric events that can guest star friendly (and single?) Capitals players. It's like "Sex and The City," if Mr. Big got punched in his teeth more often.

Look ... hockey needs fans, guys want someone pretty to sit next to them at games, and chicks dig athletes with funny accents, so this is certainly not the worst idea the NHL ever had. Plus, they couldn't return these headbands to the manufacturer so somebody better buy them.

Female Hockey Fans of the Washington Capitals [Scarlet Caps; photo via; thanks to Steinberg]

The game was tied after two periods, but Alexander Ovechkin scored two goals and an assist in the third period as Washington handed the Penguins yet another defeat. They've lost eight of their last ten, are slowly sinking out of the playoff race, and if that wasn't bad enough Sidney Crosby left the game in the third after a collision along the boards. But other than that, things are great.

As for the Malkin/Ovechkin feud, no blood was spilled, but the pair did mix it up a bit and Alex's rather excitable reaction after his first goal suggests that he really, really wanted to win. Or he needed to pee. Either way.

Elsewhere...

Detroit 4, Anaheim 3: The Red Wings scored two goals 35 seconds apart in the third period to beat the Ducks on the road and move within three points of San Jose for the conference lead.

Ottawa 3, Atlanta 2: The Thrashers have lost 12 of their 14 games ... at home. For the first time in a month, Ottawa has a whopping two-game winning streak. Let's just move on.

Chicago 4, Buffalo 1: The Blackhawks shut down the Sabres, but lost defenseman Duncan Keith to a hard hit. Wasn't he the manager of the Partridge Family or something?

Highlights of all Games [NHL.tv]
Crosby hurt in painful loss to Capitals [Post-Gazette]

The two teams already have a crap load of star power, as they feature the top three scorers in the league, but there's also some international intrigue to spice things up a bit. Former bestest buddies Alexander Ovechkin and Evgeni Malkin were roommates at the 2006 Olympics, but for some reason that no one seems willing to talk about, the young Russian superstars are now the bitterest of enemies. In their last two meetings, at the end of last season and the beginning of this one, Ovechkin went out of his way to try and deliver some hard hits on Malkin, a dastardly strategy also known as "playing hockey." But this feud has allegedly moved beyond the rink to include—what else?—a nightclub brawl back in Russia between Ovechkin and Malkin's agent. Or did it?

"Ovechkin is a great player, but every time he hits me, I don't know why," Malkin said.

I like to imagine Malkin saying that quote while holding a teddy bear and sniffing back adorable tears. Why is he so mean?

Whatever the case, the league's top two offensive studs hate each other and that makes for good ratings—or it would if these games were televised. Throw in Alex Semin's old comments about Sidney Crosby's punk-like abilities ("I think that if you take any player, even if he is 'dead wood,' and start promoting him, you'll get a star.") and you've got the makings a rough, hotly-contested game. One that the Penguins desperately need to win after losing seven of their last nine. Let's see some of that Mudbug intensity!

CAPITALS, PENGUINS SET TO CARRY HOSTILITIES ON TO THE ICE [TSN]
Capitals-Penguins Preview [Yahoo]

• This should make for some interesting conversation at the Pants Party [The Sports Hernia]
  
• NHL Shop sells Ovie Hart Trophy shirts before the award is officially handed out. If it's on a T-shirt, it must be true. [Mister Irrelevant]
  
• A Pavlik-Lockett and De Leon-Lopez preview [Ring Report]
  
• Tony Romo improves his golf game. Joe Simpson can't wait to caddy for him. [The MERKIN]
  
• Kosuke Fukudome interviewed by a sumo wrestler. Even he thinks that name is funny. [Screwballs]
  
• Kenny Williams helps his own. Maybe a little too much. [UmpBump]
  
• Pocono 500 preview - Who said the honeymoon was over? [Ridebuyer]
  
• LEAVE FRANK MCCOURT ALONE! [So-Cal Sports Hub]

OFB turned to their buddy Dmitry Chesnokov of SovetskySport to make SovSports' wacky interview with Ovechkin more palatable to English-speaking fans. Some choice cuts:

Q. When will Sidney Crosby score 50 goals in a season?

OVECHKIN: Maybe tomorrow! The guy is extremely talented. He could pick up a video game console, pick Pittsburgh as his team, and score 50 goals in one gaming session.

Q. Is it possible to score a goal with a head in hockey?

OVECHKIN: It is doable. But you shouldn't try - because you can injure yourself very seriously, so that you won't even realize whether it was you who scored the goal, maybe you won't even remember your own name. You use your head to think. And also, as boxers say, you use it to eat.

Q. What smells do you like, and what smells you can't stand?

OVECHKIN: I can't stand bad breath. And I love how my girlfriend smells.

Q. Is it possible to play hockey on Mars?

OVECHKIN: Why not? There are open air games in the NHL already. Although we might have to make a window in the schedule a little longer - it might take a while to get to Mars.

Q. What would you say to President George W. Bush if you saw met him on the lawn in front of the White House?

OVECHKIN: "What's up, dude? How's life?" And let him pretend that he doesn't know who I am.

Pimp. A few years ago, it was commonplace to call Ovechkin the Magic to Sidney Crosby's Larry Bird. As their personas have developed on and off the ice, a more appropriate comparison would be that Ovechkin's the Jagger to Sidney's McCartney. Which would make Mario the Lennon, and Viktor Kozlov the Charlie Watts, I suppose.

Alexander Ovechkin, Stand-Up Comedian [On Frozen Blog]

Photo from an aces collection of Ovie photos on Flickr.

The Southeast Division, the NHL's equivalent of the Republican presidential nomination race, now has a three-way tie at the top with Atlanta, Carolina and Washington. The only reason the Capitals are there is named Alexander Ovechkin, who scored his 48th goal with 1:21 left to steal a charity point for Washington before the Thrashers won in the shootout, 4-3. Even if you're rooting against his team, I didn't think there was any denying his talent, his frontrunner status for the Hart Trophy (MVP Award, U.S.) or the unmitigated joy of seeing how he plays the game; he's more fun to watch than a "Wonder Showzen" marathon during a Percocet bender. But that was until I found an admitted Ovie-basher who not only thinks Ovechkin is a "son of a bitch" and a "Russian dummy," but painstakingly mocks his post-goal celebrations in a poorly lit basement.

For those of you who choose not to immerse yourselves in the laconic diatribe in the following video, allow me to transcribe the first portion of this "HockeyFools08" soliloquy titled "Alexander Ovechkin Sucks!!": "I'm here to talk about son of a bitch, dumbass, motherfucking Russian dummy Alexander Ovechkin. First off, the celebrations: Why? Just somebody answer that for me. Why does he jump up and down for every goal he gets? He scores a (sic) empty net goal and he starts jumping around like it's the Stanley Cup? Last time I checked, it's one goal."

Yikes. Insightful commentary begets insightful commentary, as this rant has received feedback like "U HAVE AN UGLY FACE U SUCK" on its YouTubage page. The trouble is that I'm sure this guy isn't alone, and there's a small legion of Debbie Downers who want to attach their hack criticism and "waaaah-wah" horns to every Ovechkin lovefest. I imagine these are the same people who complain that "Airplane!" lacked plot cohesion.

Even if you don't think Ovechkin is the best player in hockey — and I think the best player in the NHL is Sidney Crosby, even if half of you are mumbling "pussy" under your breath right now — cutting down A.O. for his unbridled enthusiasm is pretty much the dumbest fucking critique I've heard since Brodeur whined that his visor was too dark. To these poopie-pants, I say, in the words of the great Crow T. Robot: "Bite me ... it's fun."

Puck Headlines

Byfuglien! Poor Dustin Byfuglien. Many hockey fans hit their pillows last night believing the Chicago Blackhawks' man-child had scored a hat-trick in their 7-2 curb-stomping of the Blue Jackets. Whoops: Turns out the last goal was actually a Freddy Modin "own goal" that was credited to Robert Lang. Columbus's Fredrik Norrena was such a sieve last night that Hitchcock tossed in a flu-riddled Pascal Leclaire in relief.

But I feel bad for Byfuglien. Here's a 22-year-old guy without a position who's still getting teased for being overweight, even after dropping from 280 pounds to 246. Chicago Sun-Times headline today: "Offense gets fat on backup goalie." Oh. Snap. It doesn't help when Byfuglien has postgame quotes like, "We came out of the gates hungry and ready to go." Once a chubby kid, always a chubby kid. Forget the Indian, Dustin: Commit to the Salad Bar.

Chara > Malkin. As someone who used to salivate at the thought of watching Scott Stevens pound the shit out of Jagr or Lindros for 60 minutes while shadowing them, it must have been interesting to watch Zdeno Chara face down Evgeni Malkin last night in Boston's 2-1 win over Pittsburgh. And by "interesting," I mean like watching a big, goofy-looking Russian being shut down by a bigger, goofier-looking Slovak. At least now the rest of the League knows how to handle Malkin; all they need to do is find 28 more 6-foot-9 hockey players who look like goons from a Bond sequel. Shouldn't be too difficult.

Anyway ... last night was Advantage: Chara. This is why even magical genies and/or former members of the Fu Schnickens want his autograph. "Can you make this out to 'Kobe Blows?'"

* Meanwhile in that Bruins/Pens game, Aaron Ward becomes yet another gruesome and ultimately bizarre injury victim when he takes a hit to the throat and begins spitting up blood. Said Chara: "When I got there, he was holding his throat and making a choking sound ... like he was gasping for air." Good Lord...maybe my "make them all wear chain mail" idea yesterday wasn't so outlandish. [Boston Globe]

* Your official hockey poem for Valentine's Day, with accompanying cartoon. "When we first met, my dear, you gave me that look/And from that first moment, my poor heart was hooked/I thought it would pass, but that wasn't the case/You cut into my heart with a high-stick to its face." [The FanHouse]

* Blackhawks vs. Red Wings at Solider Field? Count me in. If Ditka's there, ready to throw down against Ted Lindsay. [The Fourth Period]

* The eight worst trades of all-time, without a single mention of Mike Milbury or the Toronto Maple Leafs? Is that even possible? [USA TODAY]

* Finally, another quarterfinal in the KB's Greatest Hit of All-Time tournament. I'm not trying to influence the vote, but here's your winner. "WHHHHHOOOOWHAT A HIT BY CAMPBELL!"