According to the bartender at CJ's Pub in South Bend, Clausen stopped by the watering hole after Saturday's crushing double OT loss to the Huskies. He was there with his family and other upperclassmen teammates following the Senior Day game. There may also have been "a female acquaintance" with the party. As Clausen tired to leave the bar around 2:30 a.m., there was allegedly some sort of disturbance with an irate fan who then "sucker-punched" Clausen, giving him "at least" one black eye. That's gotta suck.

No police were called so details of the incident are sketchy and no one seems to know what happened to the mysterious puncher. My theory? It was Olympic gymnast Alicia Sacramone. Hear me out. See, she used to date a football player from Brown University, but recently traded up for another Brown—Cleveland Brown Brady Quinn. The last Irish starting quarterback before Clausen arrived on campus? That's right ... Brady Quinn.

Quarterbacks. Irish. Browns. Sacramone. It all connects! Sort of like a well-placed punch to the face.

Case closed.

David Kaplan report: Clausen in fight outside South Bend bar [Chicago Breaking Sports]
Jimmy Clausen involved in altercation outside a South Bend, Ind., bar [Chicago Tribune]
Source: Notre Dame Fighting Irish QB Jimmy Clausen punched by irate fan [Joe Schad]
Brady Quinn's New Girlfriend Is Alicia Sacramone [Larry Brown Sports]

The winners

• Dogs. Chinese government spent $6 million to take dog off of restaurant menus in all host cities. "General Tso's Tibetan Monk" still there, however.

• Michael Phelps. In addition to eight gold medals, also bagged Lindsay Lohan, and a book deal. We can only pray to God that it doesn't include recipes.

• NBC. The Games became the most viewed U.S. television event of all time, drawing 211 million viewers over 16 days. This beats even the season 2 finale of The Two Coreys.

• Jacques Rogge. Not-at-all myopic IOC President declares Games "best ever," and "a total success," then departs Beijing to triumphant fanfare while screaming "I don't know how it works!"

• Alicia Sacramone. Despite winning just one silver medal, captured America's heart, plus record for most times image used as desktop wallpaper.

Losers:

• Chinese protesters. Despite assurances that citizens would be provided safe zones in three Beijing parks in which to demonstrate, not one protest sign was spotted in the city during the entire Olympics. The Chinese government's explanation for this: "All of their concerns were addressed to their satisfaction ." Not shown: Satisfied Chinese protesters hanging by thumbs inside cattle car headed to Nepal.

• Lin Miaoke. The 9-year-old Chinese girl was scheduled to sing "Ode to the Motherland" during the opening ceremonies, and did; although a different, more attractive girl was shown on camera, lip-syncing. This technique was also used for all Chris Bosh interviews.

• U.S. softball team. Despite losing to U.S. 7-0 and 4-1 in earlier rounds, Japan makes finals and hands U.S. its only loss, 3-1, to win the gold medal. Yes, that seems fair.

• Tiki Barber. Mistakenly called NBC TV colleague Jenna Wolfe a very bad word, when actually he probably meant it for Andrea Joyce.

• Canadian fencer Sherraine Schalm, who lost in the round of 16: "It's like I imagine being a man. It's like being kicked in the nuts repeatedly, that's how bad it feels. You feel like you want to curl up and die."

Joyce: "Alicia, did you feel responsible for your team's loss when you ..." BAM! (Twittering birds).

Sacramone is from Boston, so perhaps shirtless dude is a BC frat guy who now finally has an interesting story to tell at Mary Ann’s.

UPDATE: The rumor is that the video was shot at Brown.

Of course it was Sacramone's flubs which pretty much cost the U.S. the gymnastics gold on Wednesday, but you know all that. You may have missed this interview, though, in which Joyce laid into the 20-year-old with the reckless abandon of Jim Grey, or perhaps Carl Monday. (NBC has removed it from Youtube, so you'll have to download their special plugin to watch it. And enjoy the beer commercial, young gymnastics enthusiasts!).

The questioning went something like this:

• "Take us through what was swirling through your head ..."

• "Do you blame yourself? ..."

• "You're the emotional leader and team captain. Did your mistakes rattle the rest of your team? ..."

• "What was going through your head when you fell off the beam? ..."

• "You worked a long time to get here; what were you thinking? ..."

And that was only the opening salvo. Joyce continued battering her opponent until Sacramone started to cry at the end, and NBC mercifully ended the video. But I expect that Joyce continued the questioning after the video was cut off. "Why are you such a LOSER?" "Oh, are you gonna cry now? Huh? Are you gonna cry, little girl?" (Later, outside Sacramone's hotel room door): "What are you feeling now, Alicia? Are you ashamed? ... Your failure SICKENS me!"

Meanwhile, U.S. gymnastics is blaming stadium officials for the loss to China, saying that their mistakes caused Sacramone to lose concentration.

US team coordinator Martha Karolyi said officials at Beijing's National Indoor Stadium had disrupted Sacramone's preparations for the beam. "First they called her name up, then they did not even put her name up even though the Chinese had finished ... (it was) totally unusual holding," she said. "She was mentally prepared and then she had a mental break, then after not doing the job, the beam, on the floor exercise her concentration was bothered."

That's kind of reaching, in my opinion. But I do think that it was wrong when the Chinese coaches coughed loudly and said "Noonan!" each time Sacramone attemped a difficult move.

Alicia Sacramone Could Punch Andrea Joyce And I'd Be Fine With It... [Sedano Show]
US Blame Stadium Official For Gymnastics Loss [Breitbart.com]
Broken Ankle? Chellsie Memmel Lands On It [Los Angeles Times]