I know, it can be emotional going from riding the bench for a 7-12 team to riding the bench for a 5-14 team. At least that's what I think Iverson was choking out between sobs.

Let's watch.

But, Philly fans, don't get so attached to the notion that playing for the Sixers is so powerful as to move an ordinarily stoic man. Here's Iverson breaking down while giving a motivational speech to students in his scholarship program:

Teary Return For Iverson [Philadelphia Inquirer]

Smith, who is employed by FoxSports Radio, is now reporting, in a "Special to FOXSports.com" that Iverson may sign a contract and return to play for the Philadelphia 76ers, the team where he played the best basketball of his career.

Numerous team sources confirmed on Friday that the 76ers' brass has already talked - and talks will only escalate this weekend - about bringing Iverson back to Philadelphia. Possibly as early as next week."

SAS also reports that if Iverson does in fact end up signing with the 76ers, there is no doubt he will start, thereby eliminating the source of much of the friction Iverson caused during his stops in Detroit and Memphis. A source with the team maintains that they have "nothing to lose by bringing Iverson back" and that the team is "very boring right now."

As you may recall, Smith returned to writing columns for The Philadelphia Inquirer on November 12th and the fact that he keeps publishing columns for other media entities is puzzling, to say the least. But of course, there has to be a method to Smith's madness. They don't just hand out acting gigs on General Hospital to anyone.

Sixers appear ready to bring back Iverson [FoxSports]
Columnist Breaks Iverson Retirement Story Elsewhere [Maynard Institute]
(previously on Deadspin) The Trailer Has Cheesy Doodles, Right?

As you can probably imagine, Stephen A. Smith is partially responsible for this double dealing on ESPN's website. (They still haven't changed it, btw.) He was the first to publish the report that Iverson would retire after his attempt to sign with the Knicks fell through. A report that no one wants to believe. Even SAS admits that Iverson doesn't really want to quit, and John Thompson says he won't allow it to happen, and sooner or later someone is going to need a point guard, so really ... he's not retired.

But he still could be! So until then ... dual contradicting headlines will do just fine. Now who needs another turkey sandwich?

Report: Allen Iverson planning to retire from the NBA [ESPN - thanks JB!]

* * * * *

If you're at work today, I'm sorry about that. I really have no idea what's going on here, but we'll be posting some stuff about something until we aren't anymore. Stick around or don't, but withdrawal in disgust is not the same as apathy.

•Did you hear Lopez Tonight is coming to TBS? Day 1 of the playoffs went just as planned, with the Phillies, Yankees and Dodgers all winning. Wait, back up. The Dodgers? I guess whoever said they have no pitching was mistaken. Getting 3.2 innings from Randy Wolf is more than they could have hoped for.

•Dez Bryant is ruled ineligible not because he met with Deion Sanders, but because he lied about meeting with Deion Sanders. Let this be a lesson to our younger readers: if your parents ever catch you doing something bad, it's best to be honest and tell them you were with Deion Sanders.

•Allen Iverson may miss the Grizzlies' season opener as he recovers from a hamstring injury, but let's get real here: if you're counting on Allen Iverson in 2009 to be a crucial part of your team, you're probably not shooting for the stars anyway.

•Your injured quarterbacks update: Donovan McNabb probably, Tim Tebow maybe, Eli Manning maybe not. JaMarcus Russell isn't injured, but is listed as doubtful to play "football."

•Phoenix pulls out a win and forces the WNBA Finals to a deciding fifth game. This was exactly what the league didn't need; there's no way anyone will be paying attention to the WNBA once the UFL starts up tonight.

•Stars broadcaster Daryl Reaugh predicts Dallas will win their opening game. They don't. Now Reaugh's springing for free tickets for all in attendance. Let's hope he doesn't make the guarantee again; have you seen Marty Turco lately? Reaugh may have to spring for season tickets.

•We close with a link to the top ten hits in youth football. Does it make it sadder or funnier that they're children? We say funnier. A highlight:

The Grizzlies have not been shy about the fact that they have pursued Iverson for only one reason—to sell tickets. There's probably some questions about whether the 34-year-old coming off the worst season of his career can still do that. Especially when he's on the bench because he's just realized what a futile endeavor it is trying to play basketball in Memphis. Does anyone really think this ends well?

The deal is not done, because Iverson would probably prefer to play elsewhere, but it's doubtful that anyone else can offer him decent money. So is this how he goes out? A journeyman picking up scraps from basement dwellers? Or will he find a way to make himself a role player, taking a substantial pay cut to blend in with a winner?

Well, we're talking about Allen Iverson, so what do you think?

Memphis Grizzlies GM confirms making offer to Allen Iverson [ESPN]

•The woman claiming she was assaulted by Ben Roethlisberger drafted an e-mail from Harrah's announcing her resignation: "She is with Big Bens child and ... she has relocated to Pittsburgh. We wish her good luck [she will need it] in her future endeavors." Ben better hope crazy isn't a sexually transmitted disease.

•Allen Iverson Twittered that Memphis has made him an offer, and the Grizzlies confirmed it. We're one step closer to my dream of an AI/Marko Jaric reality show.

•According to McAfee, the Internet searches most likely to give your computer a virus are Jessica Biel, Beyoncé, Jennifer Aniston and...Tom Brady! Obviously the safest athlete to search for is A.C. Green.

•After a federal ruling, the list of MLB players who tested positive for PEDs could be destroyed. So you can stop sending in those fake lists that have been circulating. Seriously, Ruben Sierra? Yeah, that's believable.

•Rumors fly that Michael Vick is purchasing a $1.3 million home in Philadelphia. We remind you that his contract is only for $1.6 million. Math fail could explain why he's facing a bankruptcy hearing.

•We heard about those Vikings who preferred Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback. Now comes the emergence of a third faction. First sacrificing goats, now men openly pushing for Sage Rosenfels at QB? It's official, these are signs of the apocalypse.

•Hours after talking about feeling "hatred" from Cubs fans, Milton Bradley drives in three and hears nothing but cheers. Hey, there's a novel solution: stop sucking.

•And, courtesy of Second-String Fullback, comes Alex Smith KTFOing Greg Ellis. Way to risk your body to be a benchwarmer, Alex.

Iverson has been relegated to bench duty since returning from a back injury that kept him out for the last month. But A.I. cannot start and stop like normal humans. He need time to get into his rhythm. He needs breathing room. And now that he sees how the other half lives, he doesn't like it one bit.

"I'm in a position now that I've never been in my whole life," Iverson told the Associated Press. "It's harder than I thought it would be. With the back injury, I have to sit out at the start, then go in, then sit again. It's tough to really get going. I take my hat off to the guys who can come off the bench and be effective. It's tough for me. I'm struggling with it."

"I'd rather retire before I do this again," he said. said. "I can't be effective playing this way. I'm not used to it. It's tough for me both mentally and physically. If I'm able to go out there, I should be able to get it done and I can't right now. It's my fault. I have to be able to overcome the adversity and do what I have to do. I just have to find a way to get it done. Not being 100 percent makes it harder, and you can see that I'm not 100 percent."

Gee, I guess someone is struggling to come to terms with the fading of youthful abilities and how it augurs the cold dark embrace of his own impending mortality. Lighten up, would ya?

Curry unfazed by Iverson rant [Detroit News]
Iverson mentions retirement [Philly Inquirer]

Long the symbol of the L's urbanization, Iverson's braids have garnered as much attention as his ankle-breaking crossovers over the years. This, I presume, will make the people who once airbrushed his tattoos off the cover of the League's official publication feel some sort of vindication.

And thanks to this new look, which was unveiled yesterday in Phoenix, A.I. now spends a considerably shorter amount of time in front of the mirror. Which drastically reduces the number of excuses for skipping out on practice.

All-Star Media Day 2009 [SLAMonline]

Karl explained to the Denver Post yesterday that Iverson is a great player who will thrive in the veteran lineup of Detroit. But if he never pollutes George's gameplan again, it will be too soon.

"There are less bad plays, more solid plays," Karl said. "I think the wasteful, cheap possessions that we used to have 10 to 15 a game, they don't exist very much anymore."

Me-ow. But is that just praise of Billups or a backhanded slap at All... oh, you're just going to call him out now? Proceed.

"We have contested-shot charts, bad-shot charts and cheap defensive possessions," Karl said. "I would say that when A.I. was here, we had most games in the teens of contested, tough shots, sometimes in the 20s. And I don't think we've had a double-digit one since (Billups has) been here.

"I don't think there's any question coaching a team for many minutes, without a passing and point guard mentality, is frustrating for a coach. Sometimes I saw something, but I couldn't get it done on the court because I didn't have a playmaker out there."

"A.I., at times, had trouble trusting the guy he's throwing it to," Karl said.

Not a playmaker? That's one way to put it. Another way to put it is that he has the third-highest scoring average in NBA history and doesn't trust his teammates because he's better than they are. The important thing is that you shouldn't hide your feelings.

Karl to A.I.: "Don't let the door hit you on the way out"... [Denver Stiffs]
Point guard praise: Billups over A.I. [Denver Post]
Photo: AP

For starters, McDyess isn't going anywhere. The Nuggets will buy out his contract—which under the league's convoluted salary rules somehow makes them money. Then they will waive him, he'll wait 30 days and re-sign with Detroit for less money. Samb ("as big a project that there has ever been") is headed to the D-League and may never contribute a single thing ever. So essentially, it's a straight-up trade that the Nuggets believe makes their starting lineup into an actual basketball team and saves them cash. As long as no one tells Chauncey that he's 32 years old.

The Nuggets players seemed disappointed, but coach George Karl is not. "If you look at my history, I've always had good point guards, and we've gotten away with winning (here) without an all-star caliber point guard." That's a polite way of saying, "You're no Gary Payton." Billiups isn't either, but he will pass the ball sometimes and has "always dreamed of winning a championship with the Nuggets," which is sort of like dreaming that Superman would come to your birthday party, but he was just a kid.

For the Pistons, this is a low-risk, high-reward gamble. Obviously, they're good enough to reach the conference finals, but no one believes they're going any further without some change. So they take two big contracts off the books and pray Iverson blows up for the final year of his contract, dribbles circles around Paul Pierce come playoff time, then the Knicks give him $50 million while Detroit polishes another trophy. But in the worst case scenario, they're no better off than they were last year, Iverson leaves anyway, and they start over next summer with a clean slate and more money to play with. Rasheed Wallace now has competition for craziest athlete in the building, but at the very least we'll get a few laughs out of that.

Other results from the big trade: Juwan Howard is out of a job (at least until the McDyess situation is resolved) and Woody Paige threw out his tail bone attempting to pull off a very tortured chess metaphor. Seriously, I have no idea what that guy is saying. J.R. Smith is a rook or something?

How about that hair? The most important question of all though: Will Rodney Stuckey get to keep the his No. 3 jersey? Inquiring minds want to know!

Nuggets ship A.I. to Detroit for Billups [Denver Post]
Looking into the costs of the Billups/McDyess trade... [Denver Stiffs]
Roster Analysis: Detroit Pistons Trade Billups and McDyess to Denver Nuggets for Iverson [Indignant Sports]
Bearings On My T-Shirt [Free Darko]
Photo: AP

Part salary cap move, part "we have to try something new", this is one of those deals that has the potential to shake up future playoff races in both conferences—or their respective player contributions will offset each other and both teams will end up right back where they started. Either way.

There are others infinitely more qualified than myself to discuss the X's and O's of this move, but the fact remains that even if he's on the back side of his career, the name "Allen Iverson" still perks up ears. The Pistons have been to the conference finals six years in a row, but haven't won since 2004, so adding a dynamic player like him gives fans a new reason to hope. On the other hand, Chauncey Billups is a big reason they've gone to those conference finals and he's a fan favorite. Are Pistons fans excited or angry now? Do Denver fans feel burned by the too-brief AI Experience? Will I have nightmares about Kelly Tripucka tonight? The answer to at least one of those questions has to be yes.

Pistons near deal for Allen Iverson [Detroit News]
If true, this is a good trade for both teams... [Denver Stiffs]

From You Been Blinded:

"The Star Spangled Banner's going on right now and I don't celebrate that shit. I'm black."

Then Howard says something else about Barack Obama that I can't quite make out, and the camera mercifully pans away, leaving us to wonder, um, couldn't you have just said 'Hi, mom?'

Video: Josh Howard Doesn't Celebrate The National Anthem [You Been Blinded]

• Wasted. I hate having to throw food out that's gone bad. It drives me nuts. "Oh, look, pork chops are on sale," my girlfriend will say. "We should pick up a few extras. Throw 'em in the freezer for later." OK, sure. That makes sense, right? NO! It doesn't! You want to know why? BECAUSE WE NEVER THROW 'EM IN THE FUCKIN' FREEZER FOR LATER! Instead we get home, she throws eight or nine perfectly good meat products into the fridge, we forgot about them, they eventually go bad, I yell, she yells, I really yell, she cries, my ass is on the couch. Repeat every three weeks. Segue: Allen Iverson is an expired pork chop. A.I. tied a career best with 33 points in the first half and finished with 51 (!), but the Nuggets couldn't hold off Kobe and his Lakers in a 111-107 loss.

• Sans Stars. LeBron sits with a sprained left index finger; Cavs lose 105-86 to the Wizards. Kidd sits with a "migraine" (ahem); Nets lose 100-93 to the Marbury and Curry-less Knicks. Duncan sits with a rusty robotic leg; Spurs beat the Mavericks 97-95. *Scratches head* Don't worry, man. It'll all make sense when we're stoned.

• Labcabincanada. Leandro Barbosa scored 35 points, STEPHEN J. NASH had a season-high 18 assists and Shawn Marion picked up a double-double (two milk, two sugar) as the Suns set a season high in points, out Runnin' the Raptors 136-123. "Offensively we were just awesome," Suns coach Mike D'Antoni said. "They're a good defensive team. They've been holding people to 43 per cent. But c'mon, they're Canadian."

• Whodunit? Kevin Garnett scored, Paul Pierce rebounded and Ray Allen hit a few threes. Final score: Celtics 113, Sixers 103. OK, now to good stuff. According to the AP report, Pierce scolded a few teammates for having too much fun and screaming to some music before the game. Any guesses? I'll say Mrs. Pollard, in the locker room, with The Human League's "Don't You Want Me". You?

It turns out, the place was the ultimate money pit.

Pictures taken by experts hired by the NBA's four-time leading scorer show a series of horizontal and vertical cracks in brickwork on the outside of the house. Inside, the house has been plagued with settling as well as wide gaps in doorways, oak floorboards that have separated and floor-to-ceiling cracks in walls.

Experts hired by the Iversons reported that the trusses in the floor system at the center of the home weren't built to handle all the weight above, causing the house to sag dramatically.

Yeah, those saggy houses, they'll get ya. Iverson is now suing to get his money back. But all the weight above? How many people live in Iverson's house again?

AI Wants His Money Back [You Been Blinded]