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Taste Test: Will Dorito-Sheathed Tacos Be The End Of Us All?

You saunter up to the counter at your local Taco Bell, you order your Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Taco (taking care not to actually say all of that, for fear of creating the accurate impression that you have paid rapt attention to the television advertisements and planned this trip in advance; instead affecting your best… » 3/16/13 3:00pm 3/16/13 3:00pm

UNC And Michigan State Will Wear Ugly Camo Uniforms In Game On Aircraft…

Now is as good of a time as any to remind the world that in just a week and a half, two premier college basketball programs will be playing an actual game that will actually count on a giant aircraft carrier on the water in San Diego. And they'll be doing so, it turns out, in camouflage jerseys that say "U.S.A." on… » 11/01/11 6:00pm 11/01/11 6:00pm

In Michigan, The Grandmas Shotgun Beers Better Than You

Who says you can never relive the glory days? Who says you can't do it at age 85, in a parking lot, wearing a pair of jorts and a Michigan Wolverines windbreaker as you inhale the contents of a Keystone Light Michelob Ultra in just under ten seconds? This is what dreams (and Cirrhosis) are made of, America. » 9/19/11 10:20am 9/19/11 10:20am

These Deadbeat Parents Fell For The Old "Free Tickets To The Iron Bowl"…

The Lee County Sheriff's Office in Opelika, Ala. took a creative approach to rounding up a few parents who'd fallen way behind in their child support payments: they told them they'd won free tickets to the annual Iron Bowl, and then they arrested them when they came to collect on the prize. It's like To Catch A… » 8/05/11 12:45pm 8/05/11 12:45pm

"NBC = National Broadcasters For Communism," According To Pro-American…

During yesterday's U.S. Open broadcast, NBC presented two readings of the pledge of allegiance — the first omitted the phrases "under God" and "indivisible," and the second also left out "one nation." Yahoo's Devil Ball (!) golf blog dutifully posted the story yesterday afternoon. Here's what the commenters had to say… » 6/20/11 4:45pm 6/20/11 4:45pm

An Essay About Osama Bin Laden's Death, Constructed Entirely Out Of…

SOURCES: OSAMA BIN LADEN IS DEAD!!! WATCHING CNN NOW... THE PRESIDENT TO ADDRESS THE NATION SHORTLY... I got off the plane,went in my hotel rm, turned on TV, saw all those people outside the WH and thought "did the Skins win another SB?" LOL. Osama Bin Laden dead????? Whoa!!!! Osama Bin Laden Dead. Got him. We got his… » 5/02/11 4:30pm 5/02/11 4:30pm

We Can Infer From This Video That Heidi Watney Does Not Like Her Food…

Baseball's on-field reporters, much like NBA's sideline reporters, are often sent to ask asinine questions and do asinine things on camera. It's a part of the job. Today in Cleveland, as the Sox did indeed crawl their way into an 0-6 start, NESN sent Heidi Watney to try Progressive Field's chicken and waffle… » 4/07/11 3:00pm 4/07/11 3:00pm

Barack Obama Is An Irresponsible Anti-American Frat Boy, According To…

President Obama filled out a March Madness bracket earlier in the week. Soon after, Newt Gingrich told Sean Hannity that Obama had "this fixation with the Final Four" and Fox Nation posted a story with the headline "Japan Melts, Libya Burns, Deficit Grows ... and Obama Fills Out NCAA Bracket." All this has of course… » 3/18/11 4:00pm 3/18/11 4:00pm

Christina Aguilera Is An Anti-American Slut, According To Pro-American…

"I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place," Aguilera has explained about last night's blunder. "I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through." Sure, fair enough. Now let's check in with Real America. What follows is… » 2/07/11 5:30pm 2/07/11 5:30pm