This series will run on MONDAYS this year. Again, consult the initial post if you'd like to help us out with this.

ONE:

Dear Daulerio.

I'm a Senior at the University of Arizona, which prohibits me from participating in failgate 09 for one reason; this story includes events from various games because we lost them all anyway and who the fuck can remember the difference when you're watching the U of A play football (our greatest achievement of the decade is the Vegas Bowl). Three quarters of the "zona zoo" leaves at half time ‘cus they start to sober up and realize what horseshit they're watching. Whatever, all this shit actually happened at a game we'll just call the Mike Stoops era.

Because we were playing ASU we decided to start drinking at 10 in the morning ‘cus we were freshman idiots and it was a good idea (after all, the fucking territorial cup was on the line). By the time the game rolls around our friend from ASU is drunk enough to not be making any sense yet pansy enough to wear a U of A shirt to the game. Halfway through the first quarter he starts pissing in a cup and fills it to the brim right in the middle of the "zoo". No one seems to notice and or give a shit. Five minutes later, the cup is inevitably spilled onto the row ahead of us. We apologize to the people it may have gotten on, who had luckily replaced the ones who were sitting there earlier and definitely got dip spit on. We wipe it up with pansy's ASU shirt, which gives him some sort of regenerative power. Puss-devil takes the piss soaked ASU shirt, tries to start a "Fuck the Devils" chant, and throws the shirt about ten rows ahead. The Zoo is fucking inspired by this. The guy who catches the shirt proceeds to tear the shirt in two, and toss both pieces in different directions starting an unstoppable piss-shirt-rippin'-rally. By the time all's said and done, the shirt is in about ten pieces all across the zoo, and the crowd is going nuts.

I go to take a piss and coming out of the bathroom, who do I see? David fucking Hasselhoff. He's walking towards me escorted by two security guards, but he's at least as trashed as I am, so I throw a hand in his direction and ask the Hoff for some love. Naturally, he obliges with a raucous "GO CATS" and a hardy high-five. I didn't J.O. with that hand for a week.

Wilbur (our mascot) then decides it's a good idea to crowd-surf up the zoo. When he gets to our section one friend starts tearing at his hat (which is attached to the costume) screaming, "gimme the sombrero you little fuck or I'm gonna rape Wilma", while another attempts to cornhole our beloved mascot. Come to think of it I'm pretty sure it was the same guy.

At this point, we're playing the UNM Lobos, a team that is theoretically a lot shittier. They're handing it to us with their second string QB. A bunch of our friends are from New Mexico, and we're tired of watching the Wildcats lose to terrible teams, so we join in on their "everyones a lobo, woof, woof, woof" chant. Everyone around is just generally confused as to why a bunch of people in Wildcat gear are doing this. Having seen enough, we walk out yelling, "leaving the game early, look at these guys", adding to people's general confusion as to just what the fuck we were doing there anyway. Just as I start wondering this myself, I see two girls dual-yacking in one trash can at the same time. Coincidentally, this dually justifies both my attendance of the game and decision to go to the U of A. And oh yeah, puss-devil now goes to U of A, and looks like this. (Up above)

TWO:

Hey Daulerio, I have a FAILgate story I'd like to share. Speaking of underage drinking (i.e. the Boy Scout story), when I was 15 (maybe 16), I dated this 18 year old loser and he decided to take me, my best friend & his buddy to a game at Three Rivers Stadium. The best part of said loser was that he could buy alcohol, so he bought the girls wine coolers and the guys beer. My friend and I drank the sh** out of those Bartles n Jaymes drinks, while shelling and eating peanuts. Since we were so young (!), our tolerance was non-existent, so we were wasted when we got to the game. I was sitting in my seat and I felt sick, so I urgently told my friend, "I have to go to the bathroom, come with me", to which her drunk a** responded, "in a minute!" Okay, fine. I then proceeded to barf all over the guy in front of me (on his jacket). I mean, he was COVERED in pink vomit mixed with chunks of peanuts. My bimbo friend was all "Uh, okay, let's go to the bathroom now" (gee thanks!), so we left to clean up. The kicker about all of this was that the dude that I puked on never turned around to notice I had ralphed on him. The people behind us were laughing so hard, but he never knew what was going on. Needless to say, we beat a hasty exit to the door and left before he realized he had someone else's puke on his jacket. To this day, I cannot stand the smell or sight of wine coolers; get me within 5 feet of those evil things and I start having flashbacks of this awful day.

Three:

A series of events contributed to this particular FAILgate, events in which the principals go unpunished, except for a relatively innocent bystander.

The morning after Halloween in East Lansing was a perfect day for the UM-MSU tailgate, and my crew embarked upon it in costumed grandeur. Having little ambition due to being drunk the night before, my costume consited of a hockey mask. My hearty companions dressed up as Uncle Sam, a sperm, and a penis.

Our journey to the tailgating area inexplicably was without interference from law enforcement. As large crowds, including several police officers, passed in front of our prime partying spot on Grand River Ave, I proceeded to chug several beers through my hockey mask. This was much to the amusement of passing crowds, especially when I proceded to barf with my hockey mask still in place, creating an odd "sieving" effect. Despite gross distrubance of the peace, the police seemed preoccupied with crowd control.

We soon starting walking toward the tailgate, at one point passing a homeless fellow who happened to have a perfectly functional, albeit soiled, paper towel. Having puke all over my person, I made a fairly large deal out of purchasing this paper towel for $3, which got a cheer from the younger members of the crowd (older members who I assume were alumni, were not as amused).

Which brings us to the penis and sperm. In the meantime, sperm (dressed in all white with white extension cord hanging out of the ass to signify "motility") had to take a piss, right on the MSU student union. The penis, sensing a prime burn opportunity, speared the peeing sperm into the building and bushes, getting much attention and cheering from the crowd. The sperm, having richocheted off the brick facade, was bloodied in several places. This led to many people to believe that sperm was actually dressed as a used tampon the rest of the day. However, this assault still did not get the attention of police, still preoccupied with crowd control.

The "piss spearing" had a profound effect on Uncle Sam, and he refused to piss the rest of the walk. Having recently been busted for minor in possession of alcohol, he wished to maintain a low profile and avoid law enforcement as much as possible.

When we finally got to the tailgate, much attention was given to our entrance thanks to being accompanied by a 5 and a half foot bloody playtex plug. Uncle Sam seized the opportunity and ran into the woods to relieve himself. However, he somehow pissed no less than 20 feet from a sheriff's deputy, causing him to be detained for urination in public. Due to his recent legal troubles, he was detained at the county lockup.

Having no sober friends or relatives within 100 miles, Uncle Sam had to wait until the next day to be picked up from jail, still in full costume. Coincidentially, me and the penis scored student section tickets for $20, and penis pissed in the middle of the student section in the 2nd quarter.

FOUR:

Yes, I suppose I have now been outed as a FAILgater myself. As I long ago lost whatever dignity I may have had, much of it on this very website, I suppose there's no harm in sharing the story with the world.

Kansas (of course) was playing at Missouri for the final game of the 2004 season. Both teams were suffering through sub-.500 seasons as was their wont at the time. A bunch of my college friends and I decided to meet up in Columbia - some friends now lived in St. Louis, others in Kansas City, and Columbia was a good midpoint -for the game to see our Jayhawks. We parked outside the stadium on some sort of frontage road...Columbia's tailgate setup isn't exactly charming, but it gets the job done. One of our friends brought along a big bottle of Crown Royal, of which I drank the majority. There may have been other booze involved, but all I can really remember is Hallas' bigass bottle of Crown. Or hell, maybe it was something else. In any case, it got me drunk.

When I was younger (i.e., five years ago), I had an annoying habit of wandering when drunk. This game was no exception. I left our seats near the endzone and spent a good majority of the game wandering around the stadium, making slurred small talk with anyone who could put up with me. In my drunken travels, I stumbled upon the section reserved for friends and family of KU's players. As there were some open spots, I invited myself in, sat down, and started talking with a very nice middle-aged woman who were kind enough to not punch me in the face. As it turns out, it was the mother of KU (and former Minnesota Vikings) cornerback Charles Gordon. We chatted about her son, California (where she lived) and any number of other pointless topics. We discussed meeting up after the game for drinks and celebrating the Kansas season, and somehow I ended up with the cellphone number of KU's star player written on the back of my ticket stub.

I was pretty pleased with myself so I continued my wandering, thrilled that Kansas was running away with the game and that I had made a new friend. Beaming with pride, I started back towards my actual section, and promptly lost my balance, fell down about 10 rows of stadium stairs in full view of thousands of Missouri fans, and knocked out a tooth. Bruised, bloody, but drunk enough that embarrassment didn't even enter the picture, I managed to make it back to my friends. That's the last thing I remember until I woke up in my bed the next morning. Charles Gordon's mom was nowhere to be found.— Pete Gaines

Attention tailgaters. It's a long season so please help us with this project and send along any and all shady stories, ridiculous videos, and photos from your tailgating experiences from this season. Or last season. Or 1952. Just make it funny/sad/gross/shocking. Email to tips@deadspin.com. Subject: FAILgate

Xavier's Sean Miller is the second coach to turn down the Arizona Wildcats head coaching job in a week, a gig that—in theory—should be highly coveted. So what's the problem out there?

Obviously, the legacy of Arizona hoops begins and ends with Lute Olson, but he did leave a pretty decent foundation to build on. This year's team barely snuck into the NCAA tournament and then made the Sweet 16, and that was considered a down year. They have the budget and fan base to match the biggest programs in the country. Their conference is challenging enough to be respected, but not so tough that you can't compete every year. Their student body is legendary for its, um ... desirability. The weather is hot, but it's a dry heat. Are USC and Xavier really such awesome properties that you would turn that down without much thought?

Now we don't know the details of those offers—reports were between $13-15 million for Miller—so maybe Arizona is being stingy with the cash. And Miller does have a good thing going at Xavier, so there's no need for him to jump ship without a very attractive deal. But it is curious that the school is having such trouble filling the spot. They've had three coaches turn down the job since October. What's worse, they're holding up the works in the coaching carousel. (Their next target is likely Utah's Jim Boylen.) Just hire the Hoff and we can move on with our lives.

Miller reportedly rejects UA job offer [Daily Wildcat]
Miller spurns 'Zona, expected to stay at Xavier [Fox Sports]
Miller takes Arizona job [Yahoo]

2) Defense Win Championships An overused cliche, but a perfect fit for Rick Pitino's team. Obviously making shots are a necessity in basketball, but when the Cards are hitting it allows them to throw on the most vicious, in-your-grill press in college hoops. Guards Andre McGee, Jerry Smith and Preston Knowles make life living hell for opposing guards causing frequent turnovers. They are like wild dogs—the kind Mike Vick would lay the heavy bread on. Pitino says getting 35 deflections on defense will get you the win 9/10 times. The turnovers caused by the ferocious press get the Cards easy buckets and harm the opposition's morale. The Cards have been known to go on 15-0 or 23-2 runs based solely off their press which completely cripple their opponents. If the Cards' shots are falling and the patented Pitino press is engaged the Cards will be extremely tough to beat.

The Mystery of Earl Clark Earl "E5" Clark might be the most talented player to come through Louisville in the last 25 years. How he uses that talent is a different story. Recently Clark has had a monster games and is a double-double machine. However, Earl has been known to make horrendous decisions at the most inopportune times (ie: walking, lazy passes). This is something that has to concern Pitino moving forward. Clark turned it up for the tourney last year by eating Blake Griffin's breakfast lunch and dinner then taking his girlfriend out for a steak dinner and never calling her back in the second round. That is the E5 that needs to show up for Louisville. When Clark is ready to play that way, he gets this Bruce Banner-like look in his eye and just starts grabbing board after board and dunking on people's heads. Yet you really never know when that's going to happen. His draft stock is at stake and so are the title hopes of the Fightin' Cardinals, so for the Cards' sake let's hope the good E5 shows up. — Rob Jones (The L Yes! Report)

[Ed: We didn't get a new capsule for Louisville and I'm too tired to write one. Sorry.]

ARIZONA WILDCATS

1) Defense? Defense! Arizona exclusively plays a 1-1-3 zone. If you like shooting wide open threes, this defense should not scare you. Entering the tournament, Arizona's opponents shot 35.5% from behind the arc, resulting in the 244th best 3-pt defense in the country. But in their two tourney wins, opponents Utah and Cleveland State shot just a combined 11-55 from three-land. If a team is patient against the Cats, they'll always be able to get an open look (especially on the baseline).

2) The Little Engine That Could Point guard Nic Wise is a microcosm of Arizona's season ... both amazing and frustrating, often at the same time. Wise has an uncanny knack for getting the ball to the rim. But he also plays with reckless abandon, knowing there isn't anyone on the bench to replace him. Plus, this is his seventh coach in the last seven seasons. Wise had a different coach every year in high school and three new ones in college. Next year in Tucson will make it eight for eight.

3) Coach Like Every Game Is Your Last This is particularly true for Russ Pennell. Even a Steve Fisher-esque run to the Final Four won't earn him the full-time job next season. But just being in the tournament made it a successful season for the Wildcats, and probably opened the door for a head coaching job at a smaller school for Pennell. For ‘Zona fans, being able to watch at least one more game helps kill the time until they find out who's really taking over for Midnight Lute. — Brad Burnes

Hello everyone, I'd like to personally welcome all 10 of you without access to a TV or MMOD to the blog of Utah-Arizona. I, Alex Resch, will be your host for the evening. Just a quick background on me: I was a Hot Off the Wire analyst for KFFL.com for two years, and after writing for on a tight leash for a formulaic site, I would like to say… FUCK! Man, that felt great. Fucking great, some might say. Okay, enough of that. Currently, I write on occasion for The Review, the University of Delaware's school newspaper. And, since I'm not above a shameless plug, you guys should check out my upcoming fantasy baseball blog on The Review's website, udreview.com.

Quick thought about yesterday's action: excellent game between Memphis and Cal State Northridge yesterday had me shitting my pants on account of having Memphis in my title game. Nothing gets your heart rate going like having your entire month hinging on a lagging feed from a lack of internet connection in class. CBS' March Madness On Demand is on pace to rival fast food and the Philadelphia Eagles for most heart attacks caused.

Anyways, I'm sure you all know what has been going on to date, watching hours of basketball and maybe doing five minutes of work during halftime. Let's get to the preview of tonight's game.

Utah comes into town with 7'2" center Luke Nevill, a talented big man named Mountain West Conference Player of the Year, Defensive Player of the Year, and First Team All-Mountain West Conference. Nevill averaged 16.9 points, 9.1 rebounds and 2.7 blocks per game and has the ability to take over games. Guard Lawrence Borha was also named to Third Team All-Conference and the MWC's All-Defensive Team. The rest of the roster is talented as well, with forward Shaun Green named as the MWC's Sixth Man of the Year, and Green, and guards Luka Drca and Tyler Kepkay receiving honorable mention from the conference. Defenses are forced to pay heavy attention to the low-post play of Nevill, which frees up the guards to drain three-pointers. Borha and Green both shoot over 40 percent from three, and Drca and Kepkay have serious three-point range to boot. If the shooters are hot, this will be a tough team to beat.

Arizona, on the other hand, is a three-man show. Forward/center Jordan Hill has emerged this season as one of the nation's top players (Chad Ford on ESPN.com recently wrote he could be a top-five pick in the 2009 NBA Draft). He's been downright dominant, especially on offense, which makes for an intriguing matchup against Utah's Nevill. Forward Chase Budinger is a freak athletically and when he's not busy getting his face stomped, he makes a difference on the court. While his pro prospects aren't quite where they used to be, and he now is in the shadows of Hill's spotlight, he still averages 17.9 points and 6.3 rebounds a game and hits 41 percent from three-point range. Guard Nic Wise is also dangerous from three, hitting 42 percent from behind the arc, to go along with 15.1 points and 4.6 assists per game. Hill and Budinger were both named to the Pac-10 First Team All-Conference, and Wise earned Second Team honors. While these three players will give Utah a handful, no other player on the team averages more than seven points per game, and the bench is pretty thin.

It's a good matchup between the more team-oriented style employed by Utah against an Arizona teamed strapped firmly on the backs of three players. My gut tells me Utah wins, but the talent of the Wildcats' big three could certainly be enough to pull out the upset.

Quick thanks to Sussman, Daulerio and the rest of Deadspin for having me tonight. Let's enjoy the action and please, if you guys in the comments are going to do me like you did to the Dukie last night, lube up first.

PREGAME: I've got the jitters! I feel like I'm going on my first date with the Deadspin community. I might put out on the first date, but you have to buy me dinner first.

PREGAME: Notice how the Duke fan grabs the UNC fan's hand on the Sheraton commercial? What a homo! Right?

PREGAME: Damn, I was really hoping I'd get Gus Johnson tonight.

PREGAME: Drca is pronounced duh-rcha apparently. Let's see these guys have fun with that last name.

19:37 - Arizona comes out aggressive. Nic Wise gets fouled on a layup after a Jordan Hill rebound. And the free throw is good. 3-0 Arizona.

19:30 - Arizona is pressing and forces a travel right after the basket. Not a good first 30 seconds for Utah.

18:18 - Utah picks up a couple steals and Utah's Kim Tillie gets fouled and sent to the line. Makes both free throws, 4-3 Utah. Lots of foreigners on Utah. Lou Dobbs isn't happy about it.

17:15 - Hill backs down Nevill and is fouled on the play. Picks up one free throw and Arizona is up 6-4. This will be a good matchup to watch in the post.

16:53 - Budinger gets butter fingers and turns it over. Arizona's full-court press is giving up lots of open three point shots for Utah. Lucky for the Cats, the shots aren't falling yet.

16:22 - Nevill cleanly blocks Hill but the Cats rebound it. Budinger gets fouled by Nevill and now Nevill hits the bench with his second foul of the game. Utah could be in a little bit of trouble without their best player on the court.

15:36 - Hill picks up a dumb foul and we're heading to our first TV timeout. Let's enjoy some MMOD commercials!

Commercial - You would think with the amount of money it must take to get a commercial on the NCAA Tournament, the commercials wouldn't be garbage. You would think incorrectly. Thanks Cisco.

15:24 - Arizona is forcing the Utes to play uptempo and Utah can't handle the fast play. 10-4 Arizona after a three-pointer.

14:14 - Awesome steal and coast-to-coast layup by Arizona's Fogg. Utes call a timeout and are losing 12-4. They need to find a way to slow things down a bit.

Commercial - After being turned down by the Mavericks, Rome, Japan and every country on Earth, Milosh wants to play for Utah.

Commercial - Microsoft might think their software is usable by 90-year-olds, but my grandfather would put that theory to the test. You think they can teach a man who tries to keep meat fresh in a microwave how to use a computer? I think not.

13:55 - Another sloppy turnover for Utah. Are they aware this is a single-elimination tournament?

13:24 - Missed three-pointer by Utah and then turnover by Utah... I'm sensing a theme here. Utah is 1-for-8 for the game and Nevill is back in the game. A little bit of early desperation from the Utes.

12:03 - 16-6 Arizona. Nevill dunks it on offense, then gets a defensive rebound stripped on the other end by Budinger, who flew in from nowhere to get the rebound and layup. It's only a 10-point deficit, but Utah looks sloppy enough to be getting phone calls from Dion Phaneuf. Am I right, Sean Avery?

11:44 - 16-8 Arizona after a nice cut and layup by Brown for the Utes.

10:50 - Hill forces shot over Nevill and bricks.

10:15 - Borha decides against bricking another open three and opts for the patented "drive, spin-move, turnover" move these Utes seem to be so good at.

9:29 - Arizona's press forces a turnover before the Utes get it upcourt, and Wise hits a three for the Wildcats. 23-10 Arizona, and this one might be over before it even starts if Utah doesn't wake up.

8:26 - THREE!!! Green finally drains one for the Utes, but they're still back 10. 25-15 'Zona.

7:36 - Announcers tell me Utah has 11 turnovers already right as I'm thinking "How many turnovers do these scrubs have?" MMOD: Taking over your life and reading your mind.

Commercials - I feel like this game would be more entertaining with Gus Johnson. Then again, Gus just taught us that anything, including dinner, is more entertaining with Gus Johnson.

7:12 - Hill continues to have no success on Nevill. Kepkay knocks down a deuce and Utah is back 25-17.

6:43 - Arizona's Wise airballs a three. Is he auditioning for a Utes' scholarship or something?

6:16 - Nevill back off the court after a Budinger blocking foul. Now is the chance for UA to get Hill involved.

5:45 - Utah has already turned the ball over two more times than they did in the MVC championship. Way to step it up for the big stage guys.

4:39 - Hill uses some power down low with no Nevill on the court. 29-17 Arizona.

4:11 - Borha finally makes his first three from the left corner. He's 1-for-6 from three, let's see if that gets him going a bit. Arizona calls a timeout and is up 29-20.

3:40 - Borha drains a 3! Or a 2? Utah has thrown the red flag and the refs are reviewing the play. Looks like it was a three to me, but for right now it's ruled a two and the score is 29-22.

3:40 - And.... it's a three! 29-23 Arizona. Pretty nice camera work to get the final word.

3:12 - Hill again takes advantage of no Nevill and sinks an easy layup. 31-23 Zona.

2:43 - 3 in the key called on Hill while my roommate says "Take deez nuts in your mooouuuth" to no one in particular.

2:16 - Kepkay for three for the Utes! 31-26, they've cut the deficit to five and are heating up a bit from the arc.

1:50 - Following a Wise jumper, Utah's Borha settles for a three-point shot instead of attacking on a two-on-one fast break. Needless to say, the shot bricked.

:39.4 - It's 34-26 and Utah is still in a game they really have no business being in after how awful they've looked for most of the half.

:03 - Green nails a three with the clock running out and it's 34-29 Arizona.

Halftime - Budinger missed a three as the clock expired and the Wildcats only have a five point advantage after the first half. Really, that was the best case scenario for Arizona, as they got Nevill into foul trouble very early and Utah missed quite a few open three-pointers. It's a little disappointing for them to not have a bigger lead despite things going so well for them.

Halftime show - Kevin Willard, coach of Iona, has the worst on camera presence I've ever seen. How the hell did they find this guy to do the MMOD halftime show? He consistently has this look on his face like "Please don't ask me anything, pleeeeaasse don't ask me anything..... SHIT!" He looks so uncomfortable, like he has to fart but he's afraid to let it go because he might let a turtlehead go instead. Relax man, it's only millions of people watching.

Rant - While there's a break in the action, I'll share with you this nugget. My brother comes to me recently and wants me to join his fantasy baseball team since he hasn't played in awhile and doesn't know who's good anymore. Then today, he tells me he doesn't want to take Nick Markakis because he's never heard of the guy. Isn't that why you asked me to be on your team? That's right Jason Resch, you got served! Now the only way you can retaliate is to get a blog on Deadspin and defend yourself... I'll be waiting.

Halftime show - Did someone tell Kevin Willard that the only way viewers will listen to you is if you stick your elbows out as far as possible? Is anyone else bothered by this?

Halftime show - Does anyone else hope Sean Williams tries to get to the USC-BC game? Some serious comedy potential there.

Pre-second half thoughts - Utah has done well so far against Jordan Hill, even with their star big man spending most of the half on the bench. However, they need to figure out a way to stop Chase Budinger, who has 12 points. Arizona needs to get Hill involved offensively more and if I were Lute Ols— I meant, Russ Pennell, I would try to figure out how to limit the number of open threes Utah has been getting. It hasn't burned them yet, but only because Utah has been uncharacteristically off from behind the arc. I wouldn't bet on that trend continuing.

20:00 - And we're back! With Jim Spanarkel and Ian Eagle! Gus Johnson, oh how I miss you...

19:49 - That was quick, Utah turnover, Wise hits a layup. 36-29 Zona.

19:35 - This whole "Everyone wear Utah on the back of their jerseys!" might make for nice team camaraderie, but it's a pain in the ass for me.

19:05 - Hill finally gets the best of Nevill down low, 38-31 Zona.

18:27 - After a failed alley-oop attempt by Utah, Horn hits a three for Arizona. You would think Utah would just try to hit a shot before they start going Globetrotters with an alley-oop. 41-31 Zona.

17:05 - Kepkay hits a three for Utah, then the Wildcats get a layup at the other end from Budinger. 43-36 Zona. Zane Johnson (whitest name ever) picks up his third foul.

16:50 - SURPRISE!! Utah turnover on an attempted cross-court pass. Their coach Al Bundy isn't pleased.

16:20 - "Oh, reverse delivery from Wise!!!!" Thanks Mr. Spanarkel. 45-36 Zona.

16:10 - Utah turns it over before even inbounding the ball, then Nevill picks up his third foul on Jordan Hill. 46-36 Zona.

15:49 - Timeout. The Utes are looking just as ugly as they did in the first half. Thanks phillas for providing 4/9 of the comments so far. Since I have no other interest in the game, I'll pull for Utah for you.

15:49 - Russ Pennell played college ball with Scottie Pippen! If he played in college with Mike, I'd be interested.

15:15 - Nevill tips in a failed three attempt. 46-39 Zona. How have there been no Nevill/Bogut comparisons yet? Both big centers for Utah from Australia! Do I need to do your job for you Spanarkel!

14:38 - Budinger drives and Nevill gets his fourth foul! The risky play to keep Nevill on the court has clearly backfired and he hits the bench.

14:24 - "DENIED!!! He could not get there through the FOGG!!!" Utah's Kepkay blocked by Fogg and someone finally gets to take out the pun they've been saving up.

13:29 - 50-43 Zona and Utah's Kim Tillie picks up an easy dunk off an inbound after Jordan Hill's third foul. Timeout called by Pippen's old teammate.

Commercial - Guy eats almonds while skydiving! Then he catches the last one in his mouth and says "YEAH!!!" while giving you a DOUBLE THUMBS-UP so you know its EXTREME! Is this supposed to make me want to eat almonds? Or just catch things in my mouth that have been dropped from a plane?

13:00 - Okie silly dilly dokie-o. I'm an idiot.

12:28 - Jordan Hill dunks on the entire state of Utah while I have a sudden craving for almonds. 52-43 Zona.

11:45 - Nic Wise and Chase Budinger show Utah how to complete an alley-oop. The guy Budinger dunked over took out a pen and pad to take notes.

Commercial - I appreciate the gesture phillas, but you've already provided me with so much. Although if you're from Utah, you probably have one or two wives to spare.

11:29 - Nevill back on the court with four fouls after some Utah free throws. 56-46 Arizona.

10:45 - Nic Wise with an awesome floater for the Wildcats, followed by Nevill getting an easy layup at the other end for the Utes. 58-48 Zona.

9:48 - Nic Wise fouled and is on the ground in some pain in the mouth area. Utah got away with a foul that would have sent Nevill out for good. Wise took a 'bow to the grill and then landed on his face just for shits and giggles. Wise is on the sidelines getting some attention, replaced by Brendan Lavender.

8:15 - Wise re-enters the game and wastes no time with a "scoop to the hoop!" Wise has 20 so far. Borha hits a three for the Utes, then Wise answers back with his own three. 63-55 Zona. Not even giant elbows can stop Nic Wise!

7:18 - Utah's Green gets a steal and goes down court by himself with the announcer happily saying "This is gonna be a dunk!" He forgot Green is white, and was treated to a soft layup. 63-57 Zona.

Commercial - Beer man sees Southwest "Wanna Get Away?" commercial, laughs at people's misfortune, then spills entire case of beer on customers. Brilliant.

6:42 - Hill gets physical while the Utes' big man Nevill sits on the bench and earns a trip to the free throw line. He's been picking his spots more, and by that I mean, he's been waiting until Nevill is off the court to try to score. Hill goes 1-for-2 at the line and puts the Cats up 7.

5:12 - Nic Wise barely misses a circus layup that certainly would have made ESPN, then Budinger gets stripped before throwing down a monster dunk. Utah fouls for the eighth time and sends Hill to the line for a one-and-one. Hill misses the front end and Utah takes it the other way for a three! 64-62 Zona, and it feels like both teams are trying their hardest to not play in the next round.

4:32 - Jordan Hill auditions for the NBA with a monster putback after a Budinger missed layup. 66-62 Zona.

4:05 - Delay of game called on UA's Horn, proving delays of game aren't just for Eli Manning.

3:24 - Timeout Arizona. They're up 68-62, but they can't put Utah away. Pennell has Lute Olson on speed dial to see what to do after the timeout.

2:58 - Another break in the action. Zona goes up 70-62 on a Jordan Hill jumper off the inbound. Nevill gets fouled on a dunk attempt on the other end and will shoot free throws when the action resumes.

2:58 - The possession arrow is in favor of Utah, for anyone who was wondering. Utes have three timeouts and 10 fouls against, Arizona has two timeouts and eight fouls against.

2:58 - Joyce Nevill makes a "U" with her fingers while her son shoots free throws, and is promptly assaulted by University of Miami fans.

1:48 - Foul on Borha will send UA to the line in the double bonus. Arizona hits both free throws to take a 74-63. Zona is on a 10-1 run.

:51.9 - Hill takes a big dump on Utah's tourney run with an easy dunk. Nevill follows with a layup but this game is pretty much over. Zona is up 80-67 with under a minute to play.

:38 - Arizona's Horne dunks the ball and it pops back out of the net. The refs blow the whistle, and somehow the final ruling is Jordan Hill traveled, the basket didn't count, and it's Utah's ball.

:20 - Utah fouls, apparently unaware that the game is over. Arizona is up 82-71 and has silenced all critics saying they didn't belong in the tournament. At least until they get blown out by Wake in the next round.

GAME OVER - Arizona 84 - Utah 71
Nic Wise had 29 points, Budinger added 22 points and eight rebounds, and Jordan Hill got a double-double with 15 points and 12 boards. Luke Nevill, Utah's hyped big man, was held to only 12 points and six rebounds and Tyler Kepkay's 19 points weren't enough to keep Utah in the dance. Good game if you like watching sloppy play, lots of turnovers and missed shots. In other words, I hope for everyone's sake you were watching something else.

Thank you Deadspin once again for having me and thank you to phillas for keeping up with the game in the comments. And now, I'm going to stand up for the first time in 5 hours and hope my legs still function. Good night everyone!

2) Turnaround In only his second year on the job Coach Jim Boylen has lead the Utes to a MWC co-championship with a 21-9 record heading into the MWC tournament. (Ed.: Which they won.) In May 2007 he inherited a 11-19 team from Ray Giacoletti, who is currently an assistant at Gonzaga. Last year Boylen coached the Utes to the second round of the CBI where they lost to eventual champion Tulsa and finished the year at 18-15.

3) Signature win Luke Nevill scored 23 points as Utah destroyed LSU 91-61 on January 6th in Salt Lake City. He was named the MWC Player of the Year and if the 7-2 center heats up in March the Utes could easily wind up in the Sweet Sixteen. — Jon "snowpunter" Marsh

ARIZONA WILDCATS

1) Not bad, just dumb Everyone is in agreement that the Arizona Wildcats have no business being in the NCAA tournament this year, with their paper-thin 21 wins and delightfully medicore 9-9 conference record. But everyone forgets that this team completely gave away two victories with spectacularly boneheaded plays. So that says something right? Just think about how impressive their record would look if their players only understood the basic strategies of basketball. And what did smarts ever have to do with being gooder?

2) Tradition! You might suspect that the Wildcats were given a pass into the dance simply to keep their 24-year (now 25-year) tournament appearance streak intact. You're probably right. Most of the players in this year's tournament (maybe all?) were not even alive when that streak began and no one wants to end all that just because some other team might be more deserving. This year's 12 seed is the first time during the streak that Wildcats started lower than a 10.

3) The Ghost of Lute Olsen Most observers (i.e., your humble editor) believed that Arizona's season was headed for disaster after coach Lute Olsen abruptly retired days before the season began. Their first choice to replace him fled in panic—as did many of their recruits—and "interim" head coach Russ Pennell inherited a program in seeming disarray. It didn't help that he had a team loaded with freshmen and inexperienced sophomores. Fortunately, juniors Jordan Hill and Chase "The Face" Buddinger have risen to the challenge, scoring nearly 18 ppg a piece and leading the young squad through a rocky beginning to a nice solid middle. Losing five of their last six games made for a less than ideal end, but considering where they started they should be proud that it wasn't all six. — Dashiell

Join the Deadspin Pants Party Group Pool [ESPN]
Download the Deadspin Bracket [PDF or JPG]

Houston coach Tom Penders, appearing on Houston's 1560 The Game radio this morning, claims that ESPN has inflamed public opinion against his player by "doctoring" replays of the incident; adding a graphic that claims to show where Coleman was looking when his foot came down on Budinger's noggin. I scribbled this transcript of Penders' comments on the show:

"They doctoroed it up. They put that x-ray vision thing in, as if Aubrey was looking down, which painted a very poor picture of what actually happened. We have replays of the game taken at different angles, where we have the entire sequence ... Aubrey's eyes never do anything but look straight ahead and then up and toward the ceiling ... ESPN made it look like he was looking down. I think it was a total distortion.

I've worked there, and I've seen them do that kind of thing. I called a producer I know over there, and he's pretty high up, a guy named Norby Williamson; I called him three times. And he hasn't returned my calls. So you know something's not right. ... He was tried and convicted without a jury. Without a defense."

The charge that ESPN "doctored" the replay is silly, of course; that's the wrong word. For it to be doctored, Coleman would have to have been added to the scene via green screen, when in reality he was relaxing at home watching The Simpsons. What ESPN did was add a graphic. Whether that's valid, or shows anything of intent, I just can't tell.

What I do know is what I see of the raw video. And anyone who thinks that Coleman stepped on Budinger's face by accident is either a fool, or lying. Of course Penders goes on to say that he had a sports psychologist look at the replay, and he determined that it was an accident. Quote: "And this psychologist is a guy who has worked with the New York Yankees."

Oh, well that clears things up.

Tom Penders Accuses ESPN Of Dirty Tricks [Houston Chronicle]
Houston G Coleman Suspended For Stepping On Budinger's Face [The Sports Network]

As you can see from the video his actions were pretty blatant, and Coleman didn't seem all that upset with himself when he was sent back to the locker room. Arizona captured the momentum following the ejection of the Cougars' second leading scorer, and Jordan Hill propelled the home team to a 96-90 comeback win in overtime. Hill scored 30 to pace Arizona who also got 23 from Nic Wise and 15 from the stompee himself.

In today's college basketball action Louisville traveled to eighth ranked Syracuse and came away with a big 67-57 victory. The win moves Louisville to 15-3, and could mean a promotion into the top ten when the new rankings are released. It was the Cardinals 6th straight win, and their second over a top ten team in just over a week. Elsewhere 14th ranked Georgetown fell at Seton Hall while number 21 Minnesota picked up a win over Indiana.

The Dagger: Please note that Chase Budinger's face is not a doormat

It probably seemed like I was picking on them a lot at the beginning of the season, but they kind of deserved it. Their coach left in a completely bizarre and slightly unprofessional way, his number one assistant turned down the job of running the team, his ex-wife started threatening people, and unsigned recruits started bolting left and right. Then they lost the second game of the season in a comically inept fashion. Things did not look good. But since then, they've rattled off six wins in seven games and knocked off No. 4 Gonzaga on Sunday. So bully for them! [Rivals/Yahoo]

They are currently at 7-2 with both losses coming by exactly one point. Not bad for a moving trainwreck. (It does help that they've only played one true road game, but maybe that's just what the doctor ordered.) Their next two are at UNLV and Kansas at home, so that will tell us a lot more, but putting up a respectable non-conference record and knocking off a top five team is a good start to keeping that tournament appearance streak alive—and maybe winning back some of those recruits.

Earlier on that same court, No. 20 Arizona State had to go to overtime to stop IUPUI, which I believe is a Dragonball Z character. The Wildcats draw Gonzaga, but the Sun Devils get IUPUI? That's quite a doubleheader showcase. [Rivals/Yahoo]

The Wildcats were scrambling to comeback in the final minute, when Kyle Fogg snagged a loose ball off a missed free throw and tied the score with 25 seconds left. It was a chaotic moment for the freshman, so he can sort of be forgiven for fouling immediately after the inbound pass even though his team didn't need it. And hey, UAB missed the one-and-one, so Arizona got it back with no shot clock and a chance to win. It's all good!

But when Arizona missed their shot attempt and UAB got the rebound 70 feet from their basket with one second left, it probably didn't make sense for Wildcat forward Jamelle Horne to grab the jersey of Blazer Paul Delany ... and earn an intentional foul call with 0.8 seconds left on the clock. They lost by one.

We're not saying that this is some sort of metaphor for the disarray and chaos that has consumed the Arizona program this season—because it's not a really a metaphor. They need some help.

By the way, so does Stephen Curry because kid was straight ballin' last night (who let Stu Scott in here?), but his 44 points were not enough to beat No. 12 Oklahoma. It's going to be pretty hard for Davidson to shake the perception that they're nothing but a one-man gang, but ... they're a one-man gang. Curry's tournament run last year was obviously not a fluke, but without some more points from his teammates, they're going to see a lot more games like this when they play good teams.

Late Fouls Doom 'Cats [Daily Wildcat]
Gimino: 'Sting' of defeat may bring UA together [Tucson Citizen]
Davidson's Curry scores 44 in loss [Charlotte Observer]

On October 23—the day Olson announced his retirement—Christine Olson showed up at the office of Dr. Steven Knope, Lute's physician and the man who would later reveal that the coach had a stroke within the last year. She had called the office three times that day asking to speak to Knope, but had been denied, and after waiting in the reception area for 20 minutes, she stormed into his empty office and left behind a little present. It was a paper outline of a human body used for target practice at a shooting range. Oh, and this one had 25 bullet holes in it.

Needless to say, Knope has gone all "restraining order" on Christine Olson, who has claimed in the past that Knope "destroyed her marriage." How that might have gone down is anybody's guess, but we think that whatever problems may exist between these good people, they aren't going to be settled over a quiet cup of coffee. Or a fun day out at the gun range.

"Lute's doctor gets restraining order against coach's ex-wife" [Arizona Daily Star]

At the moment, Arizona has no coach. Associate head coach Mike Dunlap has been offered the "interim" gig, but said he has to sleep on it, which probably means that if he can find a better option in the next 24 hours he'll take it. Any recruits they're pursing certainly have to be re-evaluating their position and no one with a sane choice is going to commit until a permanent replacement is found. The botched announcement also made his university look foolish, since spokespeople were forced to deny the report all day long simply because no one bothered to tell them the truth.

If Dunlap turns them down—and he very well might, he's only been at the school since April and has no ties there—their options get real thin, real quick. The ranking assistant is former Wildcat Reggie Geary, who has been on the staff for one year. No established coach is going to run out on his own program this late into October. In other words, this is the kind of thing that dooms programs. Despite all their success under Olson—their streak of 24 straight tournament appearances may be in jeopardy—without the right move now, basketball at Arizona could be set back a decade.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Midnight Lute is a shaky 7/2 in tomorrow's Breeder's Cup Sprint and hasn't won a race in a over a year. Maybe they'll both need to be taken out back and shot.

Olson and others haven't grasped the art of the exit [ESPN]
Lute Lives On in Horse Racing.....Probably [Storming The Floor]
[Photo: AP]

UPDATE: Dunlap has turned down the offer and the interim job will go to first-year Arizona assistant Russ Pennell, who will run the team for the '08-'09 season. Good luck with that, Russ. [Rivals]

Olson has not been seen or heard from today, but the fathers of two highly touted Arizona recruits told the Arizona Daily Star that assistant coaches confirmed the decision to them today. ESPN hasn't wavered from their story one bit and Jason Gershon of the Arizona Rivals.com site says he has confirmation as well, and that at least one of those recruits will be pulling his commitment for now. We assume the rest of the Arizona community will be informed during half-time of the home opener, when Kevin O'Neill will be called out to center court for a ceremonial pantsing by the Olson family.

• LUTE OLSON RETIREMENT CONFIRMED (Updated) [Arizona Star Daily]
• Go AZ Cats [Rivals]
• Lute Olson’s Legacy [Rush The Court]
Thanks to Storming the Floor for their help on this story.

• Olson misses practice, annual Rotary luncheon [Arizona Daily Star]

That honor belonged to Lute Olson's third biggest mistake, Chris Dunn (behind Kevin O'Neill and remarrying). The lanky (terrifyingly skinny) wing was a high school star at Hobbs in New Mexico before failing out of Arizona while redshirting. Dunn attempted to keep his career alive by transferring a few miles down the street to Pima Community College (Go Aztecs!). Eventually Dunn's long frame disappeared from Tucson, apparently bound for another community college back home in New Mexico.

All that was left of Dunn's career as a Wildcat was this beautiful diamond ring, and now it belongs to "gotchampionshiprings" (Shark, is that you?) for the bargain basement price of $860.

2003 ARIZONA PAC 10 GOLD CHAMPIONSHIP BASKETBALL RING

via GoAZCats, which has crashed under the tremendous weight of Chase Budinger's announcement to return for his junior season.

"I said, 'Do you want to be an assistant for three more years or five more years? He said, 'No.'"

Olson's 48-minute press conference was reportedly stand-offish, blunt and a little confrontational as the media attempted to get some answers about why exactly the coach needed to take off so much time:

Frankly, even though I realize I'm a public figure, I don't think I need to go into every nuance of my private life. There were things going on in my life that did create some health issues that I needed time to address. But it was not a health scare."

Um, you kind of do, coach. Not every nuance, but perhaps you could offer a little bit of self-deprecation or enthusiasm toward the media and the fanbase that respectfully backed off of your ugly marital turmoil the whole time you were having your end-of-life crisis. And even though the coach said yesterday that he's "excited" to be back (but didn't act like it ), the only question really left to answer is this: Is Arizona excited to have him back?

'Zona's Olson Spars With Media [SI]
Olson: O'Neill Out [Wildcat Online]

WEST VIRGINIA MOUNTAINEERS

1. Next Year, Buy Us Presents. West Virginia has played 99 illustrious years of basketball, compiling an impressive 61.4 percent winning percentage and a trip to the 1959 NCAA title game. WVU hasn't been as lucky with several opponents, however, owning overall losing records against Steubenville Athletic Club, Smith Skating Rink and the Parkersburg (W.Va.) YMCA. Though, in our defense, both losses to the Parkersburg YMCA came on the road.

2. He Can't Run For President. Over the last six games of the season, junior forward Joe Alexander torched opponents for 26.8 points per game. He was also named First Team All Big East. Alexander, despite having American parents, was born in Taiwan and lived eight years abroad while his father worked for Nestle. After some research, it seems Alexander is already the most successful Taiwanese basketball player in history, just besting Yulon veteran Chen Hsin-an.

3. Ann Arbor's A Woman of Questionable Morals. Michigan coach John Beilein, who left WVU after five seasons because he felt he couldn't recruit to Morgantown, recently failed to sign a top 100 recruiting class to play in Ann Arbor. This, of course, on top of the stellar 10-22 record he compiled in his first season. Bob Huggins, meanwhile, just put the finishing touches on a 24-10 record and a top 20 recruiting class. Did Beilein make a good decision? From WVU's perspective, he certainly did. — Charley West

ARIZONA WILDCATS

1. Depth That Rivals A Wading Pool. If we were comparing depth, a team like Tennessee might be an aging porn actress while the Wildcats are a young virgin, still contemplating how long "true love" actually lasts. The Wildcats have three (3!) players that are averaging over 8.8 points a game and only five players averaging over four points a game. Along with the problems of balanced scoring, only one player is averaging more than 5.3 rebounds a game and only two cheerleaders are charting more than six back-handsprings a game, down from last year.

2. Lutey Patooty. Lute Olson isn't coaching this year because he's traveling through the big D and doesn't mean Dallas. Olson has brought the Wildcats to the big dance 23 straight years, the longest active streak in the NCAA, but won't be on hand to see them shuffling their feet this year. His divorce from Christine has sidelined the 73-year-old coach for the season, with interim Kevin O'Neill taking over for those Silver Locks. The strangest part about it all - when his wife Bobbi died in 2001 Olson only missed six games, coming back to lead the Wildcats to his fourth Final Four.

3. Freshman Phenom. If you didn't know, Jerryd Bayless is good. He's Eric Gordon with the ability to finish. He's D.J. Augustin with a tremendous amount of confidence. He's Tyler Hansborough but shorter and not as much a center. The Phoenix native is averaging 21 points a game at 47 percent shooting. Bayless is a one-and-done candidate, already making waves in pre-draft boards that have him as high as the fifth pick to the New York Knicks (stay another year Jerryd!). The Wildcats are 11-4 when Bayless scores 20 or more points and struggled to a 1-3 record when Bayless was injured in the middle of the season. —Shane Bacon.

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2. Lutey Patooty. Lute Olson isn't coaching this year because he's traveling through the big D and doesn't mean Dallas. Olson has brought the Wildcats to the big dance 23 straight years, the longest active streak in the NCAA, but won't be on hand to see them shuffling their feet this year. His divorce from Christine has sidelined the 73-year-old coach for the season, with interim Kevin O'Neill taking over for those Silver Locks. The strangest part about it all - when his wife Bobbi died in 2001 Olson only missed six games, coming back to lead the Wildcats to his fourth Final Four.

3. Freshman Phenom. If you didn't know, Jerryd Bayless is good. He's Eric Gordon with the ability to finish. He's D.J. Augustin with a tremendous amount of confidence. He's Tyler Hansborough but shorter and not as much a center. The Phoenix native is averaging 21 points a game at 47 percent shooting. Bayless is a one-and-done candidate, already making waves in pre-draft boards that have him as high as the fifth pick to the New York Knicks (stay another year Jerryd!). The Wildcats are 11-4 when Bayless scores 20 or more points and struggled to a 1-3 record when Bayless was injured in the middle of the season. —Shane Bacon.

The As the USC blog All Things Trojan points out, Arizona head coach Kevin O'Neill did everything to try and prevent events like this. He made a video ... he tried everything!

Not only is throwing a water bottle onto the court dumb in a general setting, it's downright suicidal in Tucson, Arizona. Imagine if Minnesota fan chucked a parka toward halfcourt. (This is, of course, imagining that a Minnesotan has the ability to be a dick.) Either way you're gonna need that item to survive in the harsh, unforgiving elements. Which is why you never see Duke fans try and hit the opposing team's players with their trust fund.

..what? Oh, right, the video:

Stay Classy, Tucson [LA Times/All Things Trojan]