Deadspin: around the nfl

Hester Gets Paid, Favre Is a Douchebag, and the Pats Sign Jordan

KOGOD — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 17:00:00 EDT

The Chicago Bears have finally settled things with Devin Hester. They've agreed to reward their return man and potential wide receiver with a four year deal that worth $30 million including a guaranteed $15 million. However ESPN is reporting that the terms of the contract get a bit more complex from there. According to the report he team has agreed to pay Hester a $10 million bonus if he performs at a high level at wide receiver. So file that under "shit that isn't going to happen."

• Brett Favre didn't show up to camp because he didn't want, "to be a distraction to the Packers," because he's just that fucking selfless.

• Adam Schefter is reporting that the New England Patriots have added some depth at running back by signing seven-year veteran LaMont Jordan to a one-year deal. If Jordan's body holds up he can still be an effective contributor, especially for a team like the Patriots.

• Just to update yesterday's post regarding Deuce McAlister's knee, the Saints workhorse was back in practice today after yesterday's MRI exam. So go ahead and draft him in your fantasy league. Come on, do it. Pussy.

An MRI For Deuce And $22 Million For Dorsey

KOGOD — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 15:20:00 EDT

After yesterday's practice at the Saints training camp Deuce McAllister's surgically repaired left knee was swollen enough to send the running back in for an MRI exam. The move is just precautionary, but the idea of losing Deuce to another injury is to make a Saints fan throw up all over their Reggie Bush jerseys.

• Kansas City draft pick Glenn Dorsey has reportedly agreed to terms on a contract that gives him a guaranteed payday of $23 million according to Adam Schefter. The contract runs for five years and is worth a total of $51 million. Dorsey is expected to use his newfound wealth to purchase the Kansas City Chiefs.

• Asante Samuel, the biggest offseason acquisition of the Philadelphia Eagles, left practice today with a hamstring injury. If it's anything serious it could give his backup Lito Sheppard some more leverage in his contract negotiations. Disappreciate my ass now, bitches!

• Something something Brett Favre.

OK, Peyton Can Keep His Job

Unsilent Majority — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 15:49:46 EDT

Damn, just when you write off Peyton Manning as a fluke he comes back to life! Since we last checked in he's added a pair of touchdown passes (Wayne and Addai) and the Colts have pulled away from the first place Panthers. Wait...Carolina's in first place? I don't think I want to live in such a world, fortunately the Colts are making things right. Joseph Addai just picked up his second touchdown with 89 rushing yards on the day. Indianapolis 31 - Carolina 7 4th Quarter

Fuck Da Eagles! Donovan McNabb has been successful spreading the ball all over the field and it doesn't seem as if there's anything the Vikings can do about it. He's currently 18/27 for 254 yards and a touchdown with completions to six different receivers. Brian Westbrook has found the endzone twice, one by air and once by ground. The Eagles defense knocked Kelly Holcomb silly, but that might have been a mistake. Brooks Bolinger has looked slightly less decrepit under center and Ryan Longwell just connected on his third field goal of the day. Purple Jesus has looked downright mortal this afternoon, but some might argue that his white counterpart was no different in that regard. Philadelphia 20 - Minnesota 16 4th Quarter

Hoge Was Right! Yeah, maybe not, but Vince Young probably shouldn't be playing this week. So far he's completed just six of his 14 pass attempts for 42 yards. Luckily he's matched up against the Oakland Raiders, so things are actually going pretty well. LenDale White and Chris Henry are owning shit on the ground and the Raiders can't figure out what the hell they're going to do. LaMont Jordan has 12 carries for 16 yards while Justin Fargas has 12 carries for 61 yards, so there's one easy decision. Tennessee 13 - Oakland 9 4th Quarter

Do I Really Have to Write This? Detroit and Chicago are about as mediocre as two football teams can possibly get. Kitna and Griese have combined for 61 passes yet just one has resulted in a touchdown (Griese to G-Reg). In between all of the throwing Kevin Jones has gone over the 100 yard mark with a touchdown of his own. Detroit 16 - Chicago 7 4th Quarter

Our Big Ben Can't Tell Time Or Hold His Liquor, But He Can Throw

Unsilent Majority — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 14:34:26 EDT

In Cincinnati the quarterbacks have been all but perfect. Caron Palmer has gone 14-16 for 114 yards but the Bengals have seen two drives stall out forcing them to settle for a pair of field goals. Conversely Ben Roethlisberger is 10-12 for 136 yards with two satisfying touchdowns. Willie Parker has racked up 79 yards and a touchdown of his own on 12 first half carries. Pittsburgh 21 - Cincinnati 6 Halftime

Fear the Rams. Steven Jackson is back, Mark Bulger rediscovered the gold mine that is Torry Holt, and Scott Linehan looks significantly less suicidal. The St. Louis trio has orchestrated two flawless drives on the Browns defense and all three have taken part in the culminating touchdowns. But don't count out Derek Anderson and the Cleveland Browns, they're quite plucky. Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow have each contributed a touchdown towards savvy fantasy teams throughout the land. St. Louis 17 - Cleveland 17 Halftime

A Game In England? Yes, there is a game being played at Wembley Stadium. The turf, cut short and fast for the beautiful game, is getting torn to shreds by big wet Americans. By the second half this is going to look like that game from All the Right Moves. New York has done a better job keeping their footing and it's showing on the scoreboard. Maybe Wembley can install a retractable roof before we pencil in next year's game on the travel schedule. New York Giants 13 - Miami 0 2nd Quarter Halftime

Bench Peyton! Joseph Addai just scored the first touchdown of the day for the Indianapolis Colts after Peyton Manning finally pulled his head out of his ass. The King Midas of signal callers had been struggling mightily, still, he's just 5-14 for 88 yards. Vinny Testaverde has completed 11 passes, 10 of them to his own team, and his arm has yet to fall off. DeShaun Foster is carrying the load for the Panthers with 49 yards and a touchdown. Indianapolis 10 - Carolina 7 Halftime

There are three other games going on, but they'll have to wait.