Deadspin: asian games

Please Do Not Reveal The Surprise Ending Of The Asian Games

rickchand — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 12:15:07 EST

You know that Indian athlete whom you thought had won the women's silver medal in the 800 meters at the Asian Games? The one you kind of have a crush on? Well, how can we put this delicately? She actually keeps her toilet seat in the locked and upright position. Um, she never saw Steel Magnolias, and doesn't intend to. Come on, she owns every "Larry the Cable Guy" CD ever produced.

She's a man! (Sorry for shouting).

An Indian runner who won a silver medal in the women's 800 meters in the Asian Games this month has failed a gender test and is expected to be stripped of the medal, according to reports Monday. Santhi Soudarajan took the gender test in Doha, Qatar, after the victory.

The medical evaluation panel usually includes a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, and comedian Sinbad ("Women be different than men!").

We suggest testing everyone, just to be sure. This includes the official mascot. Bend over, Orry.

Indian 'Woman' Runner Fails Gender Test [MSNBC]

God, The Full Monty, And You

rickchand — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 13:30:02 EST

In Western religion, most of us figure that God has already seen us naked on multiple occasions. And he ain't that impressed. Just look at Exodus 19:21 for proof: "And the Lord said unto Moses, Go down, charge the people, lest they break through unto the Lord to gaze, and many of them perish. But first put on some pants."

Apparently things are different in Far Eastern religion.

A Thai Asian Games gold medalist will run around his training track naked after his prayers were answered as he awaited the result of a photo-finish. Sittichai Suwonprateep, who ran the last leg of the men's 4x100 meter relay final on Tuesday, said he prayed while waiting anxiously for a decision which ruled he had got to the finish line just ahead of Japan's Shinji Takahira. "I didn't know what to do while waiting for the photo result so I just told all the spirits and sacred objects I worship that if I won I would run naked," Sittichai told Reuters. "I am not sure if this gold medal was the result of my ability or the power of the spirits I prayed to."

Now Lord, let's discuss women's tennis ....

Athlete Wins Gold After Promising To Run Naked [MSNBC]

The Asian Games Will Brook No Shenanigans

rickchand — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 11:00:03 EST

As if you didn't know, the Asian Games begin today in Doha, Qatar. And no one involved is taking any chances. One of the events is chess (seriously), and before they can compete, all participants had to be tested for performance enhancers.

"I would not know which drug could possibly help a chess player to improve his game," competition manager Yousuf Ahmad Ali told Reuters. "But, yes, there will be official monitors who may demand that players undergo a drugs test after the rounds."

Out of habit, Floyd Landis appeared on HBO's Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel to deny any wrongdoing.

We wonder if they will also test Orry, the official Mascot of the Asian Games. Modeled on a native antelope which was almost hunted to extinction and now exists only in captivity, Orry is not bitter, instead preferring to entertain Asian Games spectators with his playful antics. He also has a special page at the Asian Games web site, in which fans can download screensavers that feature Orry participating in different Asian Games sports. And yes, chess is among them. It got us to wondering: Is there anything in the world less sporting than shooting an antelope which is seated at a desk playing a board game?

Ticket Agent: "Welcome to United Airlines."
Anna Benson: "One ticket to Qatar, please."

Smoking Up At The Oche [GlobeSports]
Chess Players To Face Anti-Doping Measures [Reuters]