asses - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Any Interest In Watching This LeBron James No-Look Pass On Loop Every Second Of Every Day Until You Die?
This year’s Golden State Warriors roster is fairly unrecognizable. That is true in the sense that the team is different from last year’s, but mostly in the sense that the average basketball fan will recognize very few people on it. Juan Toscano-Anderson? Is that someone you know? Ah well, all the ea...
Dustin Pedroia Has Officially Entered Pre-Retirement Limbo
Dividing baseball players up into types used to be easy—you had your goatee guys and your non-goatee guys. But in this age of increasing specialization and aesthetic proliferation, that work has become more difficult. You’ve got your Beardo Hunter Guys, your Orange County Tattoo Dudes, a whole grim ...
Where’s The Worst Place On Your Body To Put Your Sunglasses When You’re Not Wearing Them?
Today, we’re talking about old man farts, parking apps, Florida, road trips, cupcakes, and more....
Sergio Ramos May Have Earned Himself A Suspension With His Big, Dumb Mouth
When you’re part of a top European soccer club, it’s probably easy to forget that the rules, at least in theory, apply to you as well. Whether that’s Manchester City wiping their collective asses with the Financial Fair Play regulations, or Barcelona players gleefully indulging in tapping up (the eq...
Jose Ureña Played Dumb And Defiant After Plunking Ronald Acuña
Pretty much the entire baseball world (except for Keith Hernandez) united against Marlins pitcher Jose Ureña after he knocked red-hot Braves starlet Ronald Acuña out of the game with a first-pitch heater to the elbow. Braves first baseman Freddie Freeman called Ureña “gutless.” Even his own manager ...
Michael Wilbon: LeBron Should Play For The Wizards So He Can Be Like Jeff Bezos<em></em>
Michael Wilbon, a grumbly shithead who’s spent the better part of this millennium actively torching his own hard-won relevance, has now weighed in on LeBron James’s impending free agency. You may be surprised to learn that Wilbon—who has made it clear multiple times that he thinks D.C. is a “terribl...
Screeching Moron Formerly In Charge Of U.S. Soccer Scouting Offers Braindead Anti-Messi Take
You probably aren’t familiar with Thomas Rongen, and we really wish we didn’t feel compelled to inform you of his existence. But when a gaping asshole like this has somehow amassed real, serious power at the highest levels of U.S. Soccer, and demonstrates his gross incompetence for his position in t...
Dipshit Saints Fan Sues Team Over Anthem Protests
A Saints fan named Lee Dragna, who appears to be a real dumbass, has filed a lawsuit against the team seeking a refund for his season tickets. He wants the refund because his ability to enjoy Saints games has been ruined by the NFL’s anthem protests....
Hank Williams Jr. Is Back On <i>MNF </i>Tonight, So We Wrote His New Theme For Him
Six years ago, ESPN parted ways with country singer and sentient pickup truck Hank Williams Jr. after Hank compared President Obama to Hitler. This caused Hank to fire back in a “No I’m firing YOU” letter that eerily presaged the current political hellscape in which we all now reside....
How In The World Did LeBron Make This Pass?
A half-baked theory: LeBron saw John Wall’s otherworldy self-nutmeg pass last night and decided to one-up him tonight. And, uh, yeah he sure did....
Movie Stars Who Play Badasses Who Might Actually Be Badasses, Ranked
Lots of actors get paid “big money” to play badasses in Hollywood movies. How many of these actors are actually badasses in real life? ...