Not quite. According to Page Six — which is never, ever wrong about sports personalities — Benitez is moving out of their mansion because Seikaly is "partying too hard." We can just assume, for the sake of our fantasies, that this is a ruse, and Benitez is just frightened of pounds of chest hair.

Remember Rony Seikaly? [Fox Sports]
Elsa Benitez [Official Site]

The Piazza Is Gay rumor is as old as his mustache was once long, including the famous "I like to do it with chicks" Piazza press conference a few years ago. This isn't even the first time we've heard the Sam Champion rumor: In 2002, an email circulated that Champion had filed domestic abuse charges against Piazza. We never believe any of it anymore, because there has just been so much. We're gonna have to see Piazza getting a reach-around from Tom Seaver before we are convinced ... and probably not even then.

Todd Zeile, however ...

Piazza-Champion Love Nest [Gawker]
Piazza Beats Champion [Google Groups]

Needlepoint For Men [Flickr]
Rosey Grier's Needlepoint For Men [Amazon]

Which brings up an interesting question: Will Comedy Central be more successful at sports than ESPN has been at comedy? You'd think they'd have to be, right?

Only Has To Be Funny [JS Online] (last item)

"I've Heard He's Big" [Boston Herald]
Kemp On The Rebound [Seattle Times]
Reignman [Official Site]

BenMaller.com TV sports mole asks... Is it true? Which sexy TV sports reporter has been suspended and could be fired for having an affair with a star pitcher on a team she was assigned to covers?

Any guesses? We're going to assume "Gary Miller" is the wrong answer.

Is It True? [Ben Maller]

Robinson Doesn't Know When To Say When [Tacoma News Tribune]

The reason? Jock straps really don't do anything. And, even more shocking, many professionals aren't wearing cups either.

"The majority of players feel that less is more, especially padding below the torso," [Giants equipment manager Joe Skiba] explained via e-mail. "They feel that it hinders their speed and performance."

Funny: It doesn't seem to effect players' sperm counts that much: They're still procreating like freaking crazy.

Where Have All The Jockstraps Gone? [Slate]

Anyway, he's a little flashier than we thought: His new girlfriend is Fox Sports correspondent and former Playmate Lisa Dergan. We're not into gossip all that much — no! — but let's just say we doubt Dergan was banging down Podsednik's door four years ago, when he was batting .249 for the Texas League's Tulsa Drillers. It's good to be in the major leagues.

Lisa Dergan [Official Site]

Apparently, last year, in the playoffs, Schilling's robo baseball wife Shonda made "rally scarves" for all the players' wives; responding in robo baseball wife kind, they all wore them. Except for Michelle Damon, who thought they were kind of lame, fancy that. That set off a chasm between the two women that apparently has yet to be bridges. Says a Red Sox robo baseball wife source: "Johnny's bad-mouthing is coming from Michelle's influence," said Someone Who Knows. "Curt doesn't really want to get involved but he's not faulting Shonda for feeling bad or being mad." We love the idea of players' wives fighting, though we always figured it would be less about scarves, more about which of their husbands' road mistresses were more attractive.

Scarves Of Destiny Still Haunt Sox [Boston Herald]
No Relief For Schilling [Boston Globe]

Simpson is not pressing charges. He can take care of this one himself.

O.J. Caught Up In Brawl With Ex [Contact Music]
O.J. Simpson Admits Murder [Kaos2000]

If you missed it, the three players are charged with assault and accused of beating up a male stripper in April 2003. Prosecutors say the players jumped out of a cab and attacked Adrian Cimpean — which is totally the name we'd imagine for a Toronto stripper, by the way — as he left a club with his fiancee. Cimpean, who says he is too emotionally distraught to strip since (we know how he feels), claims that the players called him the n-word during the beating, even though Cassell, Payton and Caffey are black and Cimpean is not. The trial is supposed to last all week; Raptors general manager Rob Babcock is expected to trade for Cimpean, pending a plea agreement.

Assault Accuser Ready To Sue [Toronto Star]

We always found Tadano's explanation for his role amusing; it was of the "I needed the money, and so you know, other than that, I'm totally not into dudes at all, totally" variety. He'll know ply his trade in Buffalo and try to make it back in the bigs.

Tadano Sent Down [Transaction Guy]
Porn Star Baseball Player Part 3 [Gay Porn Blog] (not safe for work)
Tadano Apologizes For Gay Porn Film [ESPN]

Poster One:

here's a question for you ladies...why do professional athletes give groupies money and gifts? i was talking this one girl and she gets so much shit from different men. i would think these guys — with their fame and status — can get any woman for free!!!

And Poster Two's response:

U have to pay to play. There's has to be an incentive for the groupie to deal with the athlete and take all his BS, money is usually the incentive, but there are so many different types of groupies, there are those they do it for the sake of saying they screwd so and so and don't get a thing and there are those who make a living out of it....just depends.

And that should settle it.

NFL Wives Club [Yahoo Groups]

Minnesota Vikings cornerback Terrance Shaw:
He never says he's married. He had a girl here in the bay head over hills in love and then she found out about the wifey back in Texas. His wife never lives with him in the city he plays for. He's also cousins with ex Laker Brian Shaw. Terrance is a very sad case he will run game till there's no tomorrow and seriously have you thinking you're the one.

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Reggie Brown:
First Poster: One of my co-workers is Neveah's grandfather, his daughter is Reggie Brown's baby mama. Reggie has a girlfriend that has moved with him to Philly. Now that child support has come into play he wants paternity test and to my understanding hasn't looked out for baby girl since he got his first check, that's what grandpa told me.

Second Poster: My little cousin went to UGA with him. I was at her house and she was talking to Tyson Browning (he plays for UGA too..He's a senior this year) and Reggie, Tyson, and this other dude, Mario or soem shit like that was over there. She told me that Reggie will swear up and down that aint his baby if he gets mad at baby mama. lol. I said ol dog. That's a shame. He too young to start off with that type of rep.

Third Poster: Got a little more info today. Reggie's girlfriend is white!

NFL Wives [Yahoo Group]

"Today we had our drug test, but was it supervised? No. I could have easily pissed for another guy. It was no different than last year except last year we had a guy there looking. This year there was nobody looking. I was like, 'Wow!'"

Interestingly enough, that guy last year, the one "looking?" Didn't even work there. Nobody knows how he got there. He was just watchin'.

Alicea Vents On Steroids [Lowell Sun]

I don't know what he (CliNton) prefers when it comes to groupies however, he likes to date attractive women, pretty, nice body, good sense of style, etc... He likes them thick too, "A bad bitch that's top of the line..cute face, slim waste, wit a big behind..." If your slim but have an exotic look, he'll go for that as well.

So you know. Application should NOT be sent to Gibbs, Joe, at Redskins Park in Hyatsville, Md.

NFL Wives [Yahoo Groups]

"I think I have lost a lot of my gay fans to Welsh rugby star Gavin Henson," Beckham said. "It is a shame as I really love them."

Imagine, say, Brett Favre saying this, or Rasheed Wallace, or (gasp) Ray Lewis saying something like that. The best part is how Beckham and Henson are compared by the British press. Beckham confesses to wearing his wife's underwear, while Henson sports a fake tan and shaves his legs. What is going on here? Just try and ask Ray Lewis if he shaves his legs sometimes. Go ahead. Let us know how that goes for you.

Beckham: Gav's Caught My Gays [ICWales]

At an arraignment yesterday, Grieco filed one charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon — a bat — against Taylor's co-defendant, Charles Elwood Caughman , 19, of Baltimore. Police have said that on June 1, Taylor drove his sports utility vehicle, with Caughman inside, and with several other friends trailing in another car, into a Miami neighborhood to settle a dispute over the NFL player's two stolen all-terrain vehicles.

According to police reports, Taylor got out of the car and pointed a gun at two people and demanded the return of his ATVs. No shots were fired but Taylor returned shortly thereafter with more friends, police said. The second time, Taylor hit one person with his fist during a scuffle, the report said, while Caughman chased the second victim with a bat.

Taylor could face up to three years in jail ... minimum. When Redskins coach Joe Gibbs sleeps at night, he dreams of cars going in circles ... and circles ... and circles ...

Redskins' Taylor Could Face Charges Today [Washington Post]

NFL Wives [Yahoo Groups]