If you were wondering what it takes to write a good, old-fashioned Scary New Drugs! article, it takes 12 failed tests and a principal's testimony in open court about using "spice," the scary-sounding and "highly addictive" pot-like substance.

Welp. In the wake of the big, ugly story that Selena Roberts dropped on the Auburn football program yesterday, several of the players quoted in the report are now rowing furiously backward and claiming they were misquoted.

Two years ago, four Auburn University football players—Antonio Goodwin, Shaun Kitchens, Mike McNeil and Dakota Mosley—were arrested and charged with armed robbery. Almost immediately, all four players were dismissed from the team by then-coach Gene Chizik, and everyone got on with their lives. Now, just a few days…

Forbes's latest best guess at the most valuable college football programs is out, and if you're a Texas fan, congratulations: Your slavering devotion to the Death Star of the Big 12 has paid off once again. You're number one! Granted, you're in the "also receiving votes" category in the AP's poll of on-the-field results, …

We're almost reluctant to out a certain Don Jones II as a master of Twitter, because we all know that s̶t̶u̶d̶e̶n̶t̶s̶ athletes who exhibit true voice on social media scare the thin liquid shits out of university athletics officials. But what the hell.

College football players are men. They're at least 18, so they can vote, they can serve in the armed forces, they can smoke, and they can roam the streets of America until all hours, doing whatever it is college kids do, so long as they don't do anything illegal. But not at Auburn, where the program has contracted a…

It's been a rough year for Gene Chizik's Auburn team, but things are about to turn around in a big way if Chizik's wife has anything to say about it. Yesterday, Jonna Chizik took to Facebook and posted the following inspirational(?) screed:

Our weekly college football shame index.

The trees at Auburn's Toomer's Corner: not doing so hot. "Aesthetically dead if not actually dead," the university said last week. (Still, they might be doing better than Harvey Updyke, who is living in his car in the woods as he awaits trial.) The oaks received a massive pruning earlier this month, in yet another…