One authentic 1999-2000 Los Angeles Lakers NBA Championship Ring. This ring was designed and crafted by "Henry Kay Jewelers" and comes in its original rosewood presentation case with personalized plaque. This is a large ring by normal standards but is considered to be a "ladies-size" since it is size 8 1/2. Per the authenticity certificate (hand-signed by the president of Henry Kay Jewelers) that accompanies the ring, the ring weighs approximately 25dwt. The top of the ring contains 10 diamonds weighing about .04Ct. The top is paveed with 27 brilliant cut diamonds weighing approximately .50Ct. and are set in a 14Kt.

Our favorite part is the "Bling Bling" on the side of the ring; boy, THAT won't be dated in 25 years.

Anyway, we looked over the 1999-2000 roster to figure out who the most likely candidate is. Let's see ... Travis Knight ... John Salley ... Sam Jacobson ... Tyronn Lue ... you know, we're gonna go with John Celestand.

LOS ANGELES LAKERS NBA 1999-2000 CHAMPIONSHIP RING [eBay]

The eBay auction to see Willie Mays' 1963-era penis has no bids yet. It does seem a bit pricey.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to own a professional vintage negative, with rights, featuring San Francisco Giants great Willie Mays NUDE from the waste down. That's right, Mays is pictured completely NUDE from the waste down. This is the first and only time a photo of Mays like this has been offered to collectors. This photo was taken before Mays received a shot from the team physician during the Giants spring training on February 25, 1963. This item has incredible resale value as you will receive the full copyright and ownership, giving you the right to reproduce this negative as you wish. Due to the nature of this image I have placed a Giants logo to cover Mays. The original negative is 100% authentic and has not been altered in any way. Feel free to contact me with any questions. Please view my other items for more amazing vintage sports memorabilia. Good luck bidding!

We suspect a 2008-era Willie Mays penis shot would go for considerably less. Though we bet Lupica bids on both.

1963 Willie Mays Giants NUDE Negative W/ Rights [eBay]

He's appealing to other West Virginia fans, so we'll just assume he's able to sell it. We appreciate the mindset.

My lovely beard would like a new home after the Fiesta Bowl, but we can make arrangements for after basketball season, if you would like. I will keep growing it for the lucky Mountaineer fan that has the highest bid. The beard has served coach Huggins well this season. I will try to get coach Huggins to touch it at the Oklahoma vs. WVU game on 12.29.2007. I will take a picture for proof of the touch, and you will get a copy.

We love the idea of him increasing the value of his beard by having Bob Huggins touch it. That increases the value of everything.

WVU Fan's Beard [eBay]

Well, kind of: For $1,500 bucks — as of now — you can pose in the Canucks team photo.

If you're a Canucks fan, you have the opportunity to bid for a spot in the teams annual photo at the end of the season. Along with being in the team photo, you'll receive an 8x10 copy as well as a replica jersey to wear in the picture. No word on if they'll let you keep that lovely sweater.

The winning bid will be donated to Canuck Place Children's Hospice and BC Children's Hospital Child & Adolescent Mental Health Building. Wait: Don't they have socialized medicine there? Why don't they use that money for something useful, like upgrading police equipment, so they don't have to, you know, ride horses?

Win A Chance To Be In Canucks Team Photo [Going Five Hole]

Someone is selling a wad of Red Sox manager Terry Francona's gum/chewing tobacco taken from the Red Sox dugout during Game 1 of the World Series. Who wouldn't want that? (Via Center Field.)

YOU ARE BIDDING ON A VERY UNIQUE PIECE OF SPORTS MEMORABILIA. THIS IS AN ACTUAL GAME USED PIECE OF CHEWING TOBACCO CHEWED BY RED SOX MANAGER TERRY FRANCONA DURING GAME 1 OF THE 2007 WORLD SERIES AT FENWAY PARK VERSUS THE COLORADO ROCKIES. THE PIECE OF TOBACCO IS INTERTWINED WITH A PIECE OF BUBBLE GUM. SEVERAL PICTURES ARE POSTED BELOW AS PROOF OF THIS ITEMS AUTHENTICITY. THIS ITEM WAS TAKEN RIGHT FROM THE SEAT OF TERRY FRANCONA AS SEEN IN PICTURE 4. A PORTION OF ALL PROCEEDS WILL BE DONATED TO THE JIMMY FUND.

Bidding is at 100 bucks (plus 30 bucks shipping, for some reason; does it count as hazardous material?) and ends Saturday. We're not sure where you'd put this in your home, but please keep it away from children and small dogs.

2007 WORLD SERIES GAME USED CHEWING TOBACCO BY FRANCONA [eBay]

Yes, folks: You can bid on Sandy Koufax's yarmulke.

My uncle quietly approached Mr. Koufax at a wedding in 1971 after the service and asked for his autograph. Koufax politely declined but my uncle got the next best thing- the yarmulke he was wearing! When Koufax returned his, my uncle snagged it. Not quite in keeping with the Old Testament, but my uncle believes God is a Dodgers fan and would completely understand.

He's kept this yarmulke for years and even considered going to Spring Training just to get Sandy to sign it (how cool would that be?). So after years of being banished to my uncle's sock drawer, he asked us to sell it for him. With that said, we are please to offer (possibly) the only Synagogue-worn Sandy Koufax yarmulke.

Bidding is stuck, oddly, at a dollar, which seems extremely low to us. Oh, and:

Hello? God? Are you there, God? It's us, Deadspin. You're not really a Dodgers fan, are you? We hope not. Though we do imagine you having the voice of Vin Scully.

Sandy Koufax's Worn Yarmulke Kippah From Synagogue [eBay]

Yeah, this guy's selling his club through eBay, and his reasons are frighteningly specific.

Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles.

OK then! Thanks for sharing!

TaylorMade Rescue Hybrid Titleist Cleveland Callaway [eBay]

Anyway, if you're eager to pick through the carnage of a union blasted apart, you can head to Millea Brothers Catalog and pick through the Strahan's discarded detritus room by room. How about a $1,800 table in the kitchen? A $5,000 bed in the nursery. Speaking of beds, you can have the Strahan's candleabras for $600.

All of these items, by the way, scream NFL FOOTBALL PLAYER. Yipes. We'd be tempted by the handsome black man too.

Strahan Auction [Millea Brothers Catalog]

(Photo via Bossip)

The artist seems to be making some sort of "statement" — which, proving his status as a true artist, he explicitly describes in the auction — but that won't matter if this is on your wall. All that matters it that it's Michael Vick, riding Barbaro.

Paint another one, dude: We know what we want for Christmas already.

Michael Vick Rides Barbaro [eBay]

Actually, there are two auctions. The first is for the 755th homer; that one's listed at $60,000, with bids at $6,000 increments. (No bids yet.) The second is for the big dog, and it's starting at $100,000. No bids yet for that one either, but hey, they've still got 17 days in the initial bidding process.

We still think he should have thrown it back. God, that would have been amazing.

Bonds' 755th Homer [The Road To History]

Murphy, ever the entrepreneur, i selling that ketchup-stained Jose Reyes jersey he was wearing. Current price is 100 bucks.

This is the real Jersey I wore at the Giants game while catching the famous Barry Bonds career 756 ball...I have not washed the jersey. There is a picture of me holding the Jose Reyes jersey that I wore to the game. There are several ketchup stains on the front as well as back illustrated in the pictures from being on the ground of At&t park figthing for the ball. This is the real Jersey, I will be putting the hat that I wore to the game up for bid also. There are a lot of fakes floating around......i promise you this is authentic. For me to autograph the jersey will be at the buyers request.

You haven't washed it? Jeez, sign us up!

Matt Murphy's Jose Reyes Jersey Worn While Catching 756 [eBay]
It Seems Like Matt Murphy Is Going To Sell #756 [100 Percent Injury Rate]

We've been thinking of late, again, about Tim Forneris, the old Cardinals groundskeeper who gave the ball back to Mark McGwire after he hit his 62nd homer in 1998. At the time, it seemed like the most logical thing in the world to give the ball back; it was seen as a code of honor. Now, of course, it's obvious that honor wasn't returned, and nobody even pretended Murphy would give the ball back to Bonds (who said Murphy should sell it anyway). And he shouldn't; that would be dumb.

But you know what? We haven't heard from Forneris in recent years ... but we bet he doesn't regret giving the ball back at all. Just a hunch. It still, in spite of everything that has happened since then, seems like the right thing to do.

eBay Asks Matt Murphy To List Barry Bonds' 756th Home Run Ball On... eBay [beRecruited SportsWrap]
Big Mac's Big Night [New York Times]

(UPDATE: Way to go, Post-Dispatch. The St. Louis paper catches up with Forneris ...)

At "Vintage Authentics," some auction site we've never heard of, you can buy a prescription bottle for Mark Gastineau. To quote:

This original personal prescription bottle for Floricet was prescribed to former NY Jets defensive end Mark Gastineau with his name and address appearing on the bottle. Floricet is a medication used to relieve complex tension headaches.

Bidding is stalled at $25. We cannot figure out if that's a good price or not.

Lot 206: Mark Gastineau Prescription Bottle [Vintage Authentics]

Currently up for auction on Events.org: A urinal signed by every member of the Chicago Cubs.

We can't quite make out all the signatures, so we can't tell if Michael Barrett was still around when everybody brought out their blue magic markers. But if he was, we're pretty sure this has been used.

Clubhouse Urinal Signed By The Cubs [Events.org]

This seems like a dramatically missed opportunity. The Smittblog has a few more useful suggestions for what fans would really want to bid on.

• See How Long Can You Spend With Skip Bayless Before Punching Him In The Throat.
• Get A Tour of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory From Quint Kessenich.
• Watch The Monday Night Opener With Joe Theismann.

That last one sounds really, really fun.

ESPN Really Missed The Boat With Their V Foundation Auction Items [The Smittblog]

You can guy a piece of 30-year-old chewed gum straight from the mouth of Pete Rose. Amazingly, it's not actually Pete who's selling it, though this probably gonna give him some ideas.

you are bidding on a ONE OF A KIND lot!!! All the items for one price! First you will receive a piece of chewing gum thrown by Pete in disgust after a strikeout in a loss to the St. Louis Cardinals on 8/31/1975. The gum was thrown toward the dugout and stuck to the top wall where it was retrieved by my grandfather and stored for over 30 years. The gum is as hard as a rock but in original chewed condition.

It occurs to us that this piece of gum is exactly 40 days older than we are.

Pete Rose Game Used Chewed Gum [eBay] (via The Lefty)

Officially, it's Maker's Mark, which is officially bourbon, we suppose. (It's the Dewar's of bourbon!) And it's being sold on eBay right now, for $99, with $15 shipping, which is also a lot.

It is not yet known if any part of Barbaro is actually in the bourbon, but there's really only one way to find out. Drink it, and then see if you are stronger, more powerful, possessing the ability to fly.

We can't quite read what that plaque says, but if it doesn't end in "Affirmed," we don't want any.

Maker's Mark Barbaro Kentucky Derby Bottle [eBay]

Because, so far, no one has yet to bid on Brian Urlacher's jock strap.

This auction is for an Authentic Used Brian Urlacher Athletic Supporter. The item is in used condition and has a tear in back strap from use. The item was obtained by myself as a locker room attendee. My duties included handling the teams gear, this item was discarded and replaced, and was worn during the first half of Super bowl XLI.

Tear in back strap from use. Of course. We're not quite sure why this would cost 25 bucks to ship, but hey, what do we know? We suspect Michael Flatley's costs less.

Brian Urlacher Athletic Supporter - Chicago Bears [eBay]

The reserve has not yet been met; bidding is currently stuck on $28,100, with the auction scheduled to end on May 13. It's a 2004 GMC Yukon, though apparently you don't get that dog as part of the deal.

Roethlisberger is famous for his big motorcycle mishap last year, but the truck appears to be in good enough shape. Though we wonder if there are some concussion-related dings; we imagine Big Ben occasionally trying to signal left turns with the windshield wiper.

2004 GMC : Yukon DENALI [eBay]
Buy Big Ben's Ride [Mondesi's House]