It really wouldn't have helped the Australians if they had Hugh Jackman, Nicole Kidman, Heath Ledger, Luc Longley and Olivia Newton-John in the line-up. Unless Hugh Jackman had his Wolverine powers, then maybe they'd be in business. But those claws would get him in foul trouble.

This could be my imagination, but maybe one of you could help me confirm it. Was this a tape-delayed broadcast that ESPN tried to pass off as live? I could have sworn that I got online and ran across the final score while the ESPN broadcast was still in the third quarter. I know that they have no intention of telling us that Jim Durham and Fran Fraschilla are nowhere near Japan, but the tape delay transgression seems worse. And if that did happen, did they really delay this broadcast because of an MLS game on ESPN2?

Up next for the United States will be Dirk Nowitzki and his merry band of Germans, who beat Nigeria 78-77 yesterday. That one's happening Wednesday at 6:30 a.m., or whenever ESPN gets around to showing it.

WBC : USA v.s Australia [Bench Renaldo]
USA vs AUSTRALIA (Group 66) [FIBA.com]

Thank goodness that in the midst of this there was the steadying, impartial presence of Central Chinese Television World Cup announcer Huang Jianxiang. Recently voted the most popular sports announcer in China, Huang made a dramatic call on the goal, which we present to you here, thanks to the BBC World Cup Blog. It's in Chinese, of course, but still hilarious, especially if you go in knowing the gist of what he's saying. The Associated Press translates a portion of it:

Goal! Game over! Italy win! Beat the Australians! They do not fall in front of Hiddink again! Italy the great! Left back the great! ... Hiddink lost all his courage faced with Italian history and traditions! ... He finally reaped fruits which he had sown! They should go home. They don't need to go as far away as Australia as most of them are living in Europe. Farewell!

On Tuesday, Huang apologized on the CCTV web site. Although it's hard to take back the statement he made on Monday directly after the match: "I don't like Australia. I was hoping they would lose."

Biased Chinese Commentator Apologizes [BBC World Cup Blog]
What A Way To Lose [Sydney Morning Herald]

Did anyone really think it was going to be easy, a walk in the Piazza perhaps, while a bunch of Foster-swilling Aussies serenaded them with Waltzing Matilda?

Forget for a moment that, going in, Italy was unbeaten in 21 games and already had three World Cups in its trophy cabinet while Australia was playing in the tournament for the first time since 1974 and was better known for its success in cricket, rugby and beers-consumed-before-noon than soccer. Never mind that the chasm in terms of talent between the Serie A-stacked Italians and Australia — with a starting defender from a Third Division English club — is as wide and deep as the ever-burgeoning match-fixing scandal that threatens to implicate every Italian with the possible exception of Roberto Benigni (not to be confused with the divinely ponytailed Roberto Baggio whose vertical penalty kick in the '94 World Cup final was last seen orbiting Pasadena)

This is Italy we're talking about, and when was the last time that the Azzuri didn't try to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory? Against an overmatched US team that was playing two men down for the second half, the Italians, unable to sustain any semblance of an attack in the face of the Americans' Rollerball tactics, contrived to look like they were the team playing shorthanded. Yesterday, the Italians created high drama once again, starting with Lippi's brave move to leave out the team's talismanic playmaker Francesco Totti. The Roma captain, still struggling with his fitness after sitting out three months with a broken leg, has been a shadow of his former self in the first three games, and even his loyal flare-throwing fans seemed to give up on their hero after he disappeared against the Czechs.

In lieu of Totti, Lippi decided to go with three forwards in the hope that Italy would lay siege to the Aussie goal and advance with minimum fuss. But instead it was the Aussies, combative and unrelenting, who threw everything but Russell Crowe's phone at Italy's vaunted defense, which was again missing world-class center-back Allessandro Nesta. In his place was Marco Materazzi, a big, powerful defender whose ability in the air is rivaled only by his propensity to lose his head at critical stages of a match.

Though the early parts of the game were notable for how S-L-O-O-O-O-O-W the pace was, and for Italy's usually deadly marksmen Luca Toni making a hash of several gilt—edged chances, you kept waiting for the inevitable crisis to befall the Azzurri. What would it be this time? A reprise of South Korea, when Italy seemed through to the semifinals only to be cruelly hauled back at the door by cynical referees? Or would it be the other bane of their existence, a penalty kick shootout where their knees turn to gelato (Baggio's botched kick being only the most painful of three World cup exits via that route)?

So it was no surprise to veteran Italy disaster-watchers to see the referee wave a card in Materazzi's face in the 50th minute after the defender scythed down Bresciano just outside the box. Even though you could make the case, as the Italians did, that the color of the card should have been yellow, after watching the "officiating" in the Portugal-Holland game, Materazzi should consider himself lucky not to have been arrested and deported from the country. Down to 10 men, the Italians were forced to slow down the game even more, and Viduka and Cahill caused some nervous moments for Italy's keeper Buffon by hurling themselves into the penalty box scrum (sorry, wrong sport) with little fear for their more delicate appendages. With 15 minutes remaining and the dread of overtime, penalty kicks and being hung in effigy looming, Lippi threw on Totti and prayed for a miracle. Totti, who unlike his teammates, goes light on the hair gel and heavy on the saliva flung in opponents' direction, was largely anonymous until the final ticks of the clock. But there was no place for him to hide when Lucas Neill took leave of his senses and clattered into Grosso as the Italian dribbled into the box. The ref pointed to the penalty spot and without a moment's hesitation, up stepped Totti to slam the ball into the net .

In a World Cup already renowned for its Redemption-A-Day storylines, Totti's goal was no less reputation-saving than Beckham's. So the Italians move on to face what amounts to a tomato can of an opponent in Ukraine. The question is: Will they finally whip up a goal-scoring feast worthy of their talent, or will they find a way to choke yet again?

Also, is it just me, or doesn't ESPN commentator Giorgio Chinaglia look like he belongs on the podium at this year's James Gandolfini Lookalike Contest?

So yeah, it's Italy vs. Australia, with the winner cruising on to the quarterfinals. Obviously, Italy's favored here, but may we remind you that this is a team that tied the United States. We can't emphasize that enough.

Your live-blogger today is Brandon who has done this for a few times, including the England-Sweden game. It should be big Monday morning fun. Follow along in the comments, and enjoy, after the jump.

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'94 An easily conversion by Totti, and that's the game. What a horrible way to finish. Australia's hearts are ripped out, after being the better side, and another terrible officiating performance has ruined yet another World Cup game. Someone tell Sepp Blatter that his officiating has ruined this tourney, and it's bound to get worse.

My heart goes out to the Aussies, who were the better team today, and did not deserve that awful call. Horrid. And now I have to go to work. Peace, CliffX is finito.

93' It's a terrible, horrid penalty call by Corroso, who sells a dive and wins the penalty in the box. Balboa becomes the official anti-Christ by praising Corroso for selling the dive. FUCK YOU MARCELO. FUCK OFF AND DIE.

Totti to take the pk. LOL.

93' NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOO, NOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!

92' Too many Italians in the box for Australia to penetrate. Ooo, that sounded dirty. But then Australia competely knock out the counter-attack.

89' Aloisi tries a crazy bicycle kick, but misses the ball completely. In a hilarious moment, Viduka cries out for a penalty, although nobody touched his partner! Three minutes stoppage time, then another yellow after that on Zambrotta for dissent. It was probably deserved.

88' Almost a wrestling match on the left side, and no call. That's actually a good thing. Now there's something fighting between Aloisi and Perotta. Gennaro Gattuso ends up with a yellow card, a result of the foul on Bresciano. Very tense, I'm sure. I wish that could be conveyed more on the broadcast.

87' Close-range shot is stopped. The ball is tussle around in the Aussie box, and Italy's eventual shot is right at Schwarzer. Pretty wild.

86' Buffon stops a good cross, and Aloisi is working very hard to create up front. Will it be too little, too late?

84' On a side note, I'd recommend Prozac. Bresciano takes his umpteenth shot, too high. Balboa's right in saying Australia needs to put up more pressure, I worry extra time would be a resurgance for the Italians.

82' Buffon kicks the ball. I'm begging for a goal now.

81' TOO HIGH! A fine Cahill header is too strong. Substitution: Alosi on, Sterjolski off. Atmosphere is quite intense in the stadium.

80' Another great Australian effort gives them a corner. C'mon Aussies!!!

79' Flop, Totti, flop! LOL. He wins a free kick in midfield because I hate him so.

77' Just a word here: if we end up going into extra time, I'll have to leave you in Jason's hands because of work. Don't worry, he's a nice boy. A tad demented, but very nice. The cameras finally show what Guus Hiddink looks like, but still don't identify his name. Another good shot from Bresciano, and yet another save from the world-class Buffon.

76' Aussies control on the ball, but it doesn't matter, Totti's playing. LOL. An Italian guy kicks the ball back to Buffon, and Viduka almost steals it from the mistake. Shot by Italy blocked by those darn Aussies.

74' Dale Chipperfield plays it on the left, but he's well defended. And guess what..........HERE COMES TOTTI. His big frame and nose replace Del Piero, keeping the attacking scheme the same. The Italian fans go crazy. Yay. Totti. LOL.

73' BORING. DAMMIT. PUT IN TOTTI. LOL.

71' I know he's got producers talking in his ear, but Dave: it's not all that important that Australia is ranked 44th in the world. I don't care. Really, and my opinion is the only one that matters, seeing as Maddox probably isn't a fan of soccer. Harsh foul, no card, Aussies control.

69' Cullina (an Italian last name playing for Australia) chips in, too high. The referee easily misses some Italian dude sending the ball into touch. Pathetic. Foul and free kick in midfield, Italy.

68' Oaky, so I realize I've been spelling Sterjolski wrong. It's not "Stoyowski", it's "Sterjolski." Just call me Peter Gammons because I caught my mistake.

66' Del Piero gets a great freekick tipped over by Schwarzer. Bresciano tries to control on the other side, but slips and the attack for Australia is thwarted. I like that word, thwarted.

65' A BUNCH OF HARRIER JETS HAVE JUST FLOWN IN!!!! CLOWNS, TINY MIDGET CLOWNS, ARE PARACHUTING INTO THE STADIUM!!!! OH NOES!!! THE ANIMAL LIBERATION FRONT HAS SHOWN UP!!!! THEY'RE SETTING FIRE TO THE PITCH, JUST BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63' Jason thinks Paul Konero should be put in, but that might backfire against the Australians. Gattuso has a great break and crosses to Del Piero, but it's over his head and rolls into touch. On the other side, Stoyowlski wins a corner.

60' Great cross by Stoyowlski, but it hits Viduka's hand. Tough break, but I truly feel the Aussies are on the cusp of victory. Meanwhile, Wilkshire gets a yellow card, partly in thanks to Del Piero (the guy he fouled) acting like a huge wuss on the pitch. What a tool.

59' NEAR GOAL! Dale Chipperfield hits an amazing turn-and-shoot, and Buffon stops it AGAIN. It's clash of the titans, baby: Gianluigi Buffon vs. DALE F'N CHIPPERFIELD.

58' Italian free kick is well off. You should've put in Totti, yo. YOU SHOULD'VE PUT IN TOTTI!

56' Substitution: Barzagli on, Toni off. That's a mistake. Toni was your best chance, pal. BRING ON TOTTI! LOL.

53' How many comments has this blog gotten so far? Six? Seven? Severe case of the Mondays. At least we have Unsilent Majority here to protect us from all evil. Faquita (the substitute) tries a shot but it's way off.

52' It's a great kick, but a couple of feet to the right. The stadium is buzzing right now.

50' HOLY COW! UNCALLED FOR RED CARD!!! Materrazzi gets involved in a crazy tackle near the Aussie penalty box, and I'll tell you what, that may not even be a yellow card. Huge decision by the ref. Cahill got a yellow earlier, and now it's a big free kick for Bresciano.

47' Once again, slow, midfield play. Geez. Jason notes that somehow his XM satellite radio feed of this game is about ten seconds slower than the TV feed. Weird as heck. Comment from Jason: I don't know who they have doing the broadcasting, sometimes the crazy British guys from ABC I think, but they do a decent job on some games, although they spend a lot of time talking about random events in the game, a lot of speculating, and a lot of time watching their hands. At least there's no Dave O'Brien.

46' Second half is underway. Substitute for Italy: DI CANIO IS COMING!!!! naw, just kidding, some big buy wearing number 9.

45' I just noticed, Will could neither find a cute Italian nor Australian to pick a favorite for the game. Perhaps that explains the slower first half.

IT'S THE HALF-TIME HAPPY SHOW, WITH JASON!!!!!

BOOOOORINGGGGGGGGG

BOOOOOOORRRRRINGGGGGGGGGGG
DINGO TOOK MY BOOOORRRINNNNNNG
ITALY CANT STOP THE SOCCERROOOOOOOS
AUSTRALIA IS STUCK IN PESTO SAUCE
OCEANIC AIRLINES CRASHES OFF THE ITALIAN COAST AND NO ONE CARES
I wonder if the australians could form a mafia syndicate, perhaps based upon
debtor colonies. They'd have a big following in Georgia.

Really, I got nothing except the Aussies should put in Skoko pronto. At least that way I can hear funny names and laugh at cultures different from my own. LOL SKOKO!!1111.

Don't forget to always buy American. The power of Christ compels you to vote Constitution party.

Here's Brandon.

He better be making me a delicious sandwich.

45'+stoppage: Only some midfield possession for Italy, and that's the first half, very quiet, very encouraging for the Australians. I'm quite surprised they haven't mentioned Guus Hiddink's name in this broadcast.

44' Absolutely nothing happens. The game is vgery competitive, but it's deadlocked in the middle for the most part. There's a good cross by Aussie punched away by Buffon, I suppose there's that. One minute stoppage time.

43' Del Piero taps out! He taps out! That's what Dave O'Brien says. Sorry, channeling my WWF days there.

40' Good free kick by Italy easily stopped by Schwarzer. Toni then tries to bring the ball forward, but he's tackled very harshly, and writhes in pain on the ground. He'll be okay, though, he's Italian.

39' ESPN does well in showing actual Australian fans in Sydney, Australia, instead of going to the Virgin Megastores in LA. Kudos. The Italian fans are getting very frustrated, booing and whistling their team's efforts.

37' Foul on Grosso. Balboa says no, I say shut up.

36' Long ball for Italy is too long, game beginning to slow down again. Although now I'd say both teams are pretty even. PUT IN TOTTI! HE'S A GOD! LOL.

34' TONI DANZA! He gets into the box again and sends a point blank header just over the goal. He's the Azzuri's bright spot thus far. Buffon has played well, too.

32' The Australians are too cautious with their bal handling, and hey give it away. Italy proceeds to do what Australia just did, and then they give it away. Almost a fast-break for Viduka, but it's snuffed out. Then Toni takes another great shot, but Dale Chipperfield, fast becoming a favorite for me, blocks the shot.

31' Italians are putting on a stereotypical defend-and-counter show at this point, and I guarantee you, if they keep it up, they'll pay for it dearly.

29' Gross takes out a player on an Aussie breakaway and gets the yellow for it. Bresciano takes the free kick...and Dale Chipperfield almost scores a goal! Buffon is there to put it away. Douchebag Davey calls the free kick a "Beckham-style" one. I want to kill him, hump him, and eat his fucking costume, just wait.

28' An Aussie cross is too high, and Viduka can't chase it down. He's working very hard so far today.

25' Del Piero surprisinigly easily loses possession, but the Italinas keep fighting. Eventually the Aussies can head back to Schwarzer. ESPN admits wrong intelligence and it was Grella, not Chippefield, who got this mysterious yellow card.

24' Viduka is close again! His header is right at Buffon though. Pace of the game is picking up.

22' Several great displays. Viduka does some fancy footwork in front of the Italian goal, but he's thwarted. On the other side, Toni spins around and fires a cracker at goal, but Schwarzer saves again with his feet. Dale Chipperfiled gets a yellow card in the midst of all the excitement. Dave the douchebag has no comment.

21' GREAT CHANCE! Gilardino (for Italy) cracks a very high kick towards goal, and Schwarzer tips it over the net. Good stuff. Hey, does anyone know of any animals native to Italy? We're trying to find a contrast to the kangeroo.

20' Now the announcers speculate about Totti's fitness. This is why you have a PREGAME SHOW to discuss these kinds of things.

19' Schwarzer comes out of his goalto quell an Azzurri attack. Dave tries to be funny by mentioning how no one's been carded yet. And I almost got twenty minutes in without calling Dave a douchebag. Oh well.

17' Alessandro Del Piero is called offside. You know what? He's one of Juventus' greatest players ever, and we've barely heard a peep out of him in this World Cup. Even in the US game. Interesting. Counterattack for the Aussies bodes well, throw-in coming.

15' I know you're waiting for me to write something fun, but I just can't. It's a very conventional game rigth now. Free kick Australia.

14' Clear foul on the right, but a quick restart for Italy is ill-advised, as a goal kick results. Totti wouldn't have done that. LOL.

11' It's worth mentioning at some time in this match that I have tremendous amounts of respect for the Aussie coach, Guus Hiddink. What he's done for football on a world scale cannot be underestimated. Italians get a good attack into the box, but the final shot is blocked Chipperfield. We're calling him Dale Chipperfield from now on.

9' Foul on Bresciano for Aussies, free kick in the middle. NOW the fans are starting to yell, and they sound like Australian voices. Good stuff.

8' And for your non-shocker, Marcelo informs us that Totti's not starting! I'm not shocked...he's not all that great. Give me Kaka or even Patrick Vieira 9 times out of 10.

6' Of the three games I've blogged, this certainly has the most inauspiscious start. It sounds very quiet in Kaiserslautern today, with neither side being all that aggressive. Jason (my bad and doomed lover) says the Aussies have a player named "Skoko" who needs to be put in immediately so we can cheer for him. I concur.

4' Viduka plays well on the left, another corss, but that Italian defense is tough.

3' Oh, hey, Gattuso did get the start after all! Glad I got that. A near goal from Cattoni...but his header is just wide.

1' Some technical difficulties warp us right into play. The Aussies make some nifty moves on the wing, controlling well to start. A cross finds a striker's head, but the shot is off target.

0' The players come out looking like pedophiles once again, in lieu of the national anthems being played. I get stuck with Dave and Marcy again. Why can't I get the guys that did yesterday's England match? They knew what was up. Anyways, the cable link goes bad for ESPN, so no national anthems, after all.

A final word on the US performance in the World Cup (and after this, no one on Deadspin's allowed to talk about it):

Above all else, we must remember the fact that Group E was meant to be a very challenging group, complete with three world-class goalkeepers and several internationally renowned superstars. Only Group F was more difficult, with Argentina, Holland, and the highly competitive Ivory Coast all lunging at each other's throats. We were supposed to be the Ivory Coast of our group, a clear underdog but still a dangerous team you really didn't want any part of. Unfortunately, that notion fell apart within five minutes against the Czech Republic, browbeating our side from the start and making our attackers highly uncomfortable throughout the match. When the dust settled, and as the Czechs looked something like a juggernaut and Thomas Rosicky seemed destined to become the nation's next Pavel Nedved, our team seemed to become exposed as undersized, timid, and doomed to repeat their 32nd place finish in the '98 World Cup. This is the immediate impression you, I, Eric Wynalda, the News of the World, and President Bush all gained after watching that dreadful game.

So if you expected the USA to even get a result against Italy a couple Saturdays ago, you're kidding yourself. I certainly didn't, writing as much in my live blog of the game. If we couldn't penetrate the Czech's unknown defenders how could we get through Nesta, Zaccardo and Cannavaro? And if Nedved was unlucky not to get a goal himself against us, what would alleged soccer god Totti pull out of his sleeve?

But this was not meant to be; our team felt feistier and hungrier than it had. It played with the sense of urgency fans immediately demand from their teams right from their first game (the Germans pulled this off the best). Keller proved why he's still such a prized teammate at 36 years old, McBride went down as a bloodied hero afterwards, just in time for his birthday. Above all, a renewed sense of faith was restored in American fans, and the next Thursday in Nuremburg would be the final revival of US soccer, one last victory before playing Brazil and getting our asses handed to us in several ways.

This renewed hope became Bruce Arena's biggest enemy, and after the US disappointingly lost 2-1 to a much more passionate Ghana side, Wynalda vehemently lashed out on him, placing the blame squarely on his shoulders and sub-textually calling for his firing.

I'll say this about Eric Wynalda: he's a soccer legend, his goal against Switzerland in '94 was awesome, and it's truly a good thing to see commentators finally speak their minds without censure or hamming it up, a la Stephen A. Smith, Woody Paige or Skip Bayless. But I feel his shaming of Arena was uncalled for. Without Arena there wouldn't have been the expectations the US team was facing in the first place. Arena has found success at every level of competition, his tactics in the 2002 World Cup a display of brilliance. Arena's done too much in terms of organization and training, he's given too much to the national team's cause to receive this kind of treatment.

If there's one thing Arena can definitely be blamed for, it was his insistence of the 4-5-1 formation, which left McBride too often isolated and kept the US in limbo until Eddie Johnson would finally get subbed in after sixty minutes. Even so, I can't fault Arena's plan, considering he expected his midfield not to suck. Landon Donovan's performance at this Cup will go down as one of the great mysteries of life, especially when factoring in all the great goals he's made for the national team, including the one against Mexico in 2002. Maybe he has gone soft; maybe LA and his hot B-actor girlfriend have become too appealing, or maybe he just really can't stomach the food in Germany. But whatever the reason, the man who looks like Michael Ballack in MLS struggles time and again on US soil. Perhaps Arena should have sent a message to him in the Czech game and subbed him out, but that would have been a pretty unbelievable moment in itself. It was sink or swim with #21 all the way, and the coach is not to blame for the player's timidity.

DaMarcus Beasley's work on the wing confounds me even more. This guy plays for PSV Eindhoven! He plays in the Champion's League every season! What the hell happened??? He had one great cross to Clint Dempsey, but otherwise, forget it. Flat-out FORGET IT. Very upsetting performance, especially from a guy who saw him play out of his mind against Mexico in Columbus this past September. There were other culprits too; after reading so much about Oguchi Onyewu, his performance felt like a big letdown, and Eddie Pope never really got comfortable playing out there.

(Although that's not his entire fault, is it, Jorge Larrionda? The officiating of this World Cup is another rant worthy of an investigation by the New York Times. First it was Larrionda disrupting a great game, then it was Onyewu's non-penalty, then it was Graham Poll issuing three yellow cards to a Croatian player, and yesterday it was some Russian guy handing out SIXTEEN YELLOW CARDS, along with four send-offs. I didn't see Portugal play the Netherlands, but it doesn't take a hard-core soccer fan to understand that if the game has a better referee, it's a completely different contest. There are many reasons for the US and Dutch falling short of their goals, and the officiating isn't an insignificant part of that.)

All things considered, however, the US team looked outplayed for the majority of the 270 minutes they shared on the pitch in Germany. The cause, I believe, is because of the weaker competition these guys often face in CONCACAF and MLS. There are two ways we can improve upon this:

#1 Increase the level of difficulty in international friendlies and non-World Cup tournaments (outside of qualifying, of course).
#2 Send our boys over to the big leagues in Europe.

The first point is more difficult to achieve. There is the Gold Cup, but outside of weakened Brazil teams, the only true competition in those games has been Mexico, whom no one can beat in Estadio Azteca. There's also the Confederations Cup, but you have to win the Gold Cup a certain year to be invited to that, and the US missed out on the most recent tourney (in 2005 in Germany). Perhaps if there was some way to hold an intercontinental tournament between the best teams from CONCACAF and CONMEBOL—now that would be interesting. Plus the prospect of the US facing the best from Argentina and Brazil would garner national attention during the non-World Cup intervals.

Of course, the logistics of that are very difficult to pull off, so let's say "the hell with it" and send people to Europe, now. Send Freddy Adu to Newcastle United. Send Dempsey to a London club like West Ham so he can terrorize midfields and have photos of him in drunken make-out sessions appear in the Sun. Send Jimmy Conrad and Onyewu to the Bundesliga so they can toughen up. Send Donovan to Sweden so he'll ditch his girlfriend in lieu of infinitely hotter women and learn to be more creative with the ball. Adu noted on PTI that Europe is his next step, as soon as he's ready, and he's got the right idea, unlike most of the US team. Do that, and in 2010 the US team will emerge stronger, more in tune with the competitiveness of the game, and capable of reaching the knockout phases of the Cup. A better draw would help things, too.

On a final note, if we're this mad about our team, how do you think Czech fans are feeling? There's more than one heartbreak in Group E.

Rant done: ON WITH THE GAME!!

Starting players for the Azzurri:

G Buffon

D Nesta

D Cannavaro

D Not di Rossi

D Felipe

M Gattuso?

M Um, Totti

M Rocky Balboa

M Steven Balboa

S Paulo di Canio (which would be evil and awesome simultaneously if it were true)

S Some very liberal person

Starting players for the Socceroos:

G Paul Hogan

D Nick Hogan

D Ted Hogan

D Hulk Hogan

D Terry Hogan

M Greg Norman

M Nicholas Kidman

M The Tasmanian Devil

M Mark Viduka

S Tim Cahill

S Doesn't matter, Cahill's better

Harry Kewell will probably be used as a sub. Probably.

By the way, I went to bed thinking an upset was imminent, and I have awoken with those same feelings. So we'll see. Email me at CliffX5@gmail.com if you need to complain.

So: It's Australia vs. Croatia. We hope the Croats wear those checkered uniforms. Those are a lot more fun.

Your live blogger with live blogging mostest? It's Jon Shurkin, from SFist.com, a pleasant enough fellow who's rolling up his sleeves and ready to put some shrimps on the Ken doll. Play with us in the comments, and enjoy.

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Okay, all I can say is wow. That was just sheer bedlam at the end. There was the player who should have been called off, an offsides call that wasn't, a handball call that wasn't, and then the just utter confusion at the end. Not to mention shot after desperate shot by Croatia who really played well, but just not well enough.

I'd hate to be in Croatia right now as that loss was just devastating.

Mazel tov to the Aussies, who unlike a certain team who shall reamain nameless, just gave it their all. Just a great effort on their part, especially considering they could have just thrown ten in the box and played for the tie.

As for the game, as Smyth said it wasn't the best technical wise so lots of people will probably criticize it for it's lack of technique, but sweet fancy Moses that was fun. Shot after shot after shot and all that craziness at the end.

Anways, I'm outtie as I gotta go soak my wrists after typing all that.

93: Australia scores!!!! But after the whistle? Who knows. There's a yellow card and a red card and nobody knows what is happening or if the game is over or what the hell is going on.

Wait, it's over. Australia ties and advances, Croatia goes home. It's a 2-2 tie, the goal doesn't count.

92:50 They don't know how much time is left in the game....

92: They lost track of how many cards Siminc has and whether he should be off or not. Australia is just dithering with the ball right now.

91:20: Srna is mauled before getting a kick off. Two mmore minutes left in stoppage time.

91: Kovac just misses

90: We're in stoppage time and there's now announcement about the time. Croatia shot goes wide.

89: That sound you hear is millions of people screaming as the video feed just went out.

87: Emerton sent off for double yellow card-ness. It's now 10 on 10. Could this game be more out of control?

86: How does Croatia miss that? Someone (sorry, I can't remember who it was) had a wide open shot after a beautiful pass but he can't connect. The ball dribbles slowly passed the goalie but there's two Roos there to defend

85: Simic gets a red card. Or is it Srna? Simic did the tacky tackle, but Srna was doing a lot of close talking to the ref to protest the whole thing.

83:After showing the replay, it looks like Kewell was offsides on the goal and it shouldn't have been counted. Also, they showed on the TV the women Will should have used.

Kewell gets a ball knocked around after a free kick and hits a sideways launcher from the right side of the goal to the left side of the goal, right beyond the reach of the Croatian goaltender. The Aussies bust out a rousing rendition of "Ole!"

78: Goal by Kewell. It's 2-2!

75: On a free kick in front of the net, a Croatian defender gets his hand on it, but no call. Croatia isn't just knocking on the door, but trying to blow the mother up with dynamite.

73: A bunch of ic's get switched off for Croatia. The new Croatian player looks like Tommy Shaw of Styx.

72: There's a scrum match in front of the goal. The goalie has it, but where does it land? No goal is the call. Wow! There was like two Aussies right there and the Croatian goalie who gets it and falls pretty much right ON THE LINE.

71: Great play by the Aussies in front of the net. There's one great shot that was right at the goalie, then Kewell almost got a shot off of a corner kick that also misses.

68: Kalac is way off-side. Is it me, bu tin looking at Will's choice of pictures, is he showing that he is rooting for Australia? And does the Croatian dude look like a new wave Braveheart? And does the "slutty" girl in the picture really Australian? I thought Aussie women were all tall, leggy, and blonde. The girl in the picture looks more Croatian actually, or maybe it's because she looks like the girl in the sex video.

65: Leko in for Kranjar, the Croatian coach's son and source of much Croatian hullaballoo. That was Aloisi who came in for Australia.

62: First sub for Australia, Bruce for Bruce (and that's your obscure Monty Python reference for the day)

61: Yellow card on Siminic for stiff arming Kewell. Free kick for Australia.

58: The question has to be asked about why Hiddink started Kalac instead of Schwarzer. Schwarzer is the regular goalie and Kalac has pretty much been fumbling everything. If the 'Roos lose this, poor Guus is going to be hammered for that decision.

57: Goall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Croatia. Kovac hit a little squibber from outside the box and the Australian goalie (Kalac) pretty much pulls a Buckner and let's it get right by him.

52: Nice free kick by Croatia, but Kovac's header goes over the net.

51: One more thing about this game, there doesn't seem to be much in the way of flopping, despite all the hard tackles that are going on. Australia doesn't seem like the team to do stuff like that but Croatia did. They've been playing without the dramatics also.

48: Some 'Roo (couldn't make it out) also made a great run downfield and had a great shot on goal but it was all work and no payoff as he got a weak shot off. Hey, it sounds like Fatso Ronaldo scored for Brazil.

46: And we're back. Neil takes the ball from the Aussie side all the way to the mid-section of the Croatian field, passed it to the left for a good opportunity but once again, Croatia gets back in time.

HALFTIME: Wow, what a half. I hate to use a football(American) analogy, but this is like one of those playoff games where each team just marches back and forth every possession. Except, of course, without as much scoring. Considering Australia had to just tie to advance (presuming Brazil beats Japan, which is iffy at this point), you gotta admire the fact that they came out and attacked and then kept attacking even after equalizing the game. Tommy Smyth even started criticizing the 'Roos for keeping up their frantic pace. Croatia feels a little overwhelmed right now but are holding tight fairly well. Considering they got to win, though, they need to get a move on.

Also of note is that while it's a pretty fast game and a pretty physical game, there hasn't been many fouls called and only one card has been issued. The ref seems to be just letting everyone play which is adding to the fun. For anyone who wonders how a 1-1 game can be any exciting, that half pretty much explained how. It was more foosball game than football game.

Expect things to slow down a bit the next half because, well, it has to. And I hope so because my wrists are hurting so much from having to type up something every thirty seconds. Also Australia has to realize they might be teetering on losing control of things and maybe getting a bit defensive about things. Also look for Croatia to pick things up, but they don't seem like the attacking type, more like the counter-attacking types. Guess that'll have to change.

HALFTIME after two minutes of stoppage time. It's a 1-1 tie.

45: Injury time starts. I think it's a minute, but I completely missed it. Austarlia on the attack once more.

42: Kewell makes a nice header straight on goal that's saved. A few seconds later, Prso on the other end gets a shot off that is also taken by the goalie. Not that they were difficult saves, but I swear, there's at least a shot or two a minute.

41: Once more, from the top of the box, Cahill tries an upside down bicycle kick type thingy and completely misses. Nice try, though.

40: On a Croatian corner, the Aussie goalie gets it, then drops it for a few seconds right in front of the goal before picking it up again. Ooops.

38: Croatia 1- Socceroos 1

36: Penalty kick for Australia for a hand ball on Croatia. Then there's a yellow card for some guy who looks like Joe Rogan (Tudor). Craig Moore hits a low shot to the right side of the goal and SCORES for the equalizer.

35: Viduka gets a nice clearing pass in front of the goal but dives so much going for it that he can't get up to kick it. He tries to get up but by the time he's up, Croatia is there to defend. The Aussies are really making me work.

34: Cahill hits another drive from the far-right of the goal that is also stopped. Viduka is mauled in front of the goal but once again, no call.

33: Aussie Kalina shoots one from the top of the box right over the Croatian goal.

31: Simic of Croatia gets a yellow card for, well, I'm not sure. Some unsportsman-like thing involving the ball and a blown whistle.

30 Cahill outleaps the Croatian goalie and heads it over the goalie, leaving an open shot but a whistle calls Cahill for a foul.

29: Cahill gets a header on goal and there's a save. About thirty seconds later, Kewell kicks a line drive from the left that the goalie also saves. Corner kick goes nowhere.

28: Prso again on the right side, doing some fancy dribbling with the ball but once again is shut down by the Aussie D

27: More attempts by Australia from around the box but nothing much going on. They have been pretty much on the attack since they gave up the first goal, playing with an intensity not seen by a certain team this morning (and yes, I'm still bitter)

24: Team Bob's Big Boy counters as Srna goes down the right-side but is stopped by the Aussie D. The Socceroos back on the attack.

23: Aussies still on the attack with lots of lobs towards the box but Australia can't do anything with it.

22: Corner kick by Australia is once again cleared wide by a Croatian header. They need to work on that.

20: Kewell dribbles clear towards the top of the box, passes to Viduka who is open for a second but Viduka just can't pull the trigger and the ball is passed back to the Croatian goalie by a Croatian defender

19: Neil goes up for a header against Prso and it looks like Neil yanks Prso's hair as they go up for the ball. No foul is called. Again, if this was the U.S. game, that would have been a penalty kick even if it was nowhere near the goal.

18:The Socerrros are definately on the attack and get off a bunch of shots on goal. Some even make it to the goalie. Note to the US team: it's called "shooting."

14: free kick by Australia to the left of the Croatian goal is cleared quickly by a Croatian header. Australia recovers and plays around for a bit in the mid-field.

12: A bunch of Croatian ic's pass it back and forth to the right of the Aussie goal, but finally gets stripped by a defender.

11: Kewell of the 'Roos takes the ball down and gives it up right outside the box, Croatia counters but gets just loses it at midfield.

10 And yes, I realize "fast break" is a basketball term. Sorry.

9: Viduka gets a fast break, trips up on the ball around the line of the box, passes it Cahill rather weakly and the ball is kicked out of bounds.

8:Croatia still on the attack. They are, as they say "stepping up" and "taking it to the next level" this game. They play around in front of the Aussie goal, but get nothing until it's finally cleared out.

6: Viduka is pretty much tackled, American football style, right in front of the Croatian goal, but nothing is called. If it was the US game, the Croatian player would not only have been red carded, but their male, first born son too.

1: Kovac and his Flashdance headband is tackled right outside the box. On the free kick, Croatia scores. Goallll!!!!!!!!!! by Srna on the free kick. All of this right after Smyth is talking about how Australia doesn't have their regular goalie (Schwarzer) in for no particular reason

0: For some reason, this game is on ESPN 2 (interrupting some sort of Domino's Championship- God love ESPN 2). And our announcers are Tommy Smythe (Smith?) and Adrian Healey which makes me feel like I'm watching actual real soccer announcers. Healey tells us to "buckle up" for the game. Australia is in there yellow unis, Croatia are in there Bob's Big Boy unis

We're coming to you liiiiiiive from my apartment on a beautiful San Francisco afternoon, perfect weather to spend the day indoors watching soccer. I hope everyone's not too burnt out and disillusioned after this morning's Matrix-sequels like buzz kill. I hate to say it, but as much as it sucked to see the U.S. lose, you have to be happy at least it was to Ghana. Basically any country that throws national holidays for winning a World Cup match probably deserves it more than we, the country that actually has something called NASCAR Nation, does. And it's not like they have much of anything else going for them and I don't mean that in a snotty kind of way, I just mean that it's not like Bono is running around trying to save our asses.

Anyways, today's Australia/Croatia game might look like one of those random World Cup pairings between two countries that have probably never been put together in the same sentence in like, ever, but it's actually a pretty big game. And not just for the obvious reason that it will decide who advances and who goes home. There's actually a bit of history between the two squads and even though ESPN will probably beat it into your heads by the end of this game, bear with me.

Turns out there are a lot of ethnic Croats living in Australia (Aussies call them "Wogs" and not in a nice way) all of whom seem to breed soccer players. A lot of Croatian Australians are playing today, and not all for the Socceroos. Three players on the Croatian team (Josip Simunic, Joe Didulica and Anthony Seric) were born and live in Australia but decided to play for Croatia thinking they'd have a better chance of World Cup advancement. Australia's captain, Mark Viduka, is also Croatian but decided to stick with the Socceroos out of patriotism. So what this means is that a lot of people are playing not just to advance, but to not look like idiots. If Croatia wins, there's probably going to be three soccer players who will be going to be looking for new homes in a month or so.

As for styles, since you're supposed to discuss soccer teams in terms of national character, the Aussies play a physical, defensive style but with an attacking style usually not seen in teams that play that kind physical football. Exactly what you'd expect from a country mainly descended from English convicts. As for Croatia, I have no idea what Croatians are known for other than fighting nasty little civil wars with their neighbors. So far their style has been sort of Italy-lite: good defense but not so good offense, great skills but not so great smarts, and an amazing array of haircuts.

Now to the game....

Japan 0-0 Croatia. ...because Darijo Srna mised a penalty kick against Japan this morning in the 21st minute of the game. Great save by Yoshikatsu Kawaguchi, the Japanese keeper, diving to his left to get one of his giant goalie gloves on the low shot. Croatia can still get through with a win, and I hope they do, because they've got the best jerseys in all the World Cup.

France 1-1 Korea . Well, the French finally scored a goal, which had previously been about as rare as them winning a war. What they didn't do, however, was win, giving up a goal to Ji-Sung Park in the 81st minute for the 1-1 tie. That gives France 2 points, and if there's a winner in tomorrow's Switzerland/Togo game, it'll put France in jeopary of not advancing out of a group that includes South Korea, Switzerland, and Togo. Fair to say that France's international soccer efforts are comparable to those of American basketball?

Togo Still Has Issues The Togolese players were considering boycotting tomorrow's game against Switzerland, until FIFA officials stepped in and convinced them otherwise. Players, coaches, and officials are still bitching about money. In the 76 year history of the World Cup, no team has ever withdrawn from a match. I think it's time to send dispatch Drew Rosenhaus to Togo and let him work this thing out.

Today's first game: Japan taking on Australia. It's a good palate cleanser for the big United States match coming up at noon. And if you didn't get enough of The Mighty MJD over the weekend, you're in luck, because he'll be doing all our 9 a.m. games this week. Starting with this one, obviously.

So, after the jump, the live blog begins. If you're feeling frisky, leave some comments, or email MJD and let him know what you think.

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90:00: Anyway, that's going to do it for me. Enjoy the USA/Czech game later, and please do not even consider treading on our boys. Have a good one.

90:00: And it's in the books. Australia gets a 3-1 win, and the Japanese guys are shellshocked. I'm not even sure if they know what happened. They look like the Raiders after they were just beaten by the tuck rule, only it's not quite as funny.

90:00: GOOOOOAL! Australia adds another one, and this has, in the last 10 minutes, turned into a rout. And that'll wrap this one up. It was John Aloisi. I'm feeling a little bad for the Japanese team right now. Shep Messing is openly celebrating, though. I believe his mother was actually a kangaroo.

90:00: Three minutes of stoppage time here.

88:40: GOOOOOAL! Holy fuck. Tim Cahill scores from way out, putting up in the top corner, saying, in effect, "That's not a goal... That's a goal." What an incredible turn. Tim Cahill, amazing shot.

87:41: Fukunishi lasers one just wide of the goal. Heating up there. Just a few minutes to play, and they're both going for the W.

86:41: Australia's got some legs under them now, they're threatening to get another one. Kennedy wastes a chance for a corner by fouling someone, though.

85:22: Japanese guy gets taken down right on the edge of the box. Shep says it should've been a penalty kick. But they get a corner... Schwarzer knocks it up in the air, it's knocked out, and it's goal kick time for Australia.

83:45: GOOOOOAL! The Soccerroos get one out of a long throw-in... Tim Cahill found the ball at his feet with an empty net, and G'day Mate. 1-1. Man, how that one found its way through that mess of legs, I don't know. Whole new ballgame.

82:55: Free kick for Australia... Just a few yards outside the box, and ANOTHER great save by Kawaguchi. That guy's been phenomenal today.

81:17:: Lucas Neill wastes a possession for Australia. I don't know if he was trying to score there, or cross it, but he ended up just rifling it into the stands.

78:08: Japan threatening again. They're pretty good on the counter attack here today. I like the way they play.

77:38: Yellow card on some Australian asshole, Aloisi, I believe, who just shoved a Japanese guy down out of frustration.

75:15: Fast break for Japan... pass just a little bit behind where it should have been. Looked threatening for a minute there.

74:15: Shep: "I feel like there's a goal coming, either by Australia or Japan on the counter." Well, thanks for narrowing it down, fella. I really thought Iceland had a good chance to score here.

73:05: "Good long ball to Nakamura, and that's not the guy you want around your box." I disagree, Glenn. I think there are a lot of women out there who would like to have him around their box.

71:39: A giveaway by Japan deep in their own territory. Australia can't make anything of it, though.

70:38: Kennedy, if nothing else, seems to have given Australia a spark. He hasn't been close to finishing anything, but he's been active.

69:22: Tim Cahill gets a yellow card for doing something mean.

68:10: Hard low shot, and a great save by Kawaguchi. That was outstanding. Reflexes, baby.

67:24: Kennedy is knocked down at the top of the box... free kick time. Tension. Six Japanese guys stand by side, holding their Japanese junk. Viduka's taking it.

66:23: Corner for Australia, and the big new guy, Kennedy, nearly gets a head to it. They need some life.

65:52:: Shep calls "Bobby Convey" "Conway."

64:51: Nakamura has the ball along the baseline (though I know it's not called that), and kinda gets shoved out of bounds. I guess that's not a foul. Perhaps a flop would've been in order there.

62:43:: Japan's playing some nice long balls across the pitch. They are definitely not out of idears. Australia's had a decent amount of possession here in the 2nd half, but they can't seem to build anything. Sounds to me like they have a case of the mondays.

60:06: Another sub for Australia. 6'4" Josh Kennedy enters the game. Shep Messing says that Australia is "out of idears." Yes, idears.

58:03:: Aussie goalie heads one, but ends up right on the foot of a Japanese attacker. And they get a corner. Nothing doing there for Japan.

56:32: Yellow card on Craig Moore of Australia. He grabbed someone's jersey away from the ball, which is cheating. Sportsmanship is for T-ball.

53:14: After an odd incident where there were two balls on the field, Japan is awarded a free kick, and they just give it right back to Australia. The commentators call it "good sportsmanship." I call it "kinda dumb." This is big show, fellas. Bad call or whatever, I say take advantage.

50:14: Australia brings Tim Cahill into the game. He's had some injury problems, and I think Australia was hoping to not have to play him today, but there he is.

50:04: It's evident that the 2nd half will not be played at the same buck-wild pace of the first half.

49:41: Australia has never scored a goal in the World Cup. Hm. I wasn't aware.

45:59: Hottest fan shown so far... blonde Australian woman. I would like to put a shrimp in her barbie. No hot Japanese fans, though. At least not for our straight male readers.

45:00: Shep Messing is saying that the Japanese goal should've been called back. I disagree, it looked to me like the keeper went plowing into some other people by his own will, but... I think it's also worth pointing out that Shep Messing knows infinitely more about soccer than I ever will.

45:00: Alright, that's the half. Still 1-0 Japan, and hey, I dig the way they're doing business. Entertaining game. I'll be back for the start of the second.

44:29: Action has slowed a little bit here, just before the half.

43:04: I also failed to learn Spanish. I did get that "T-Mobile" in Spanish is "T-Mobile," though.

41:00: I'm back on ESPN2. I just missed Shep Messing, and I was tired of not being able to tell if the commentators were saying names or just random Spanish words that maybe sounded like "Nakamura." And their time/score thingie is back.

40:32: Free kick for Australia, and it's a long attempt on goal. Pretty good one. Shot goes off the side of the net.

36:25: Okay, now there is a Japanese guy laying on the field like a bitch. I guarantee you he's back on the field in two minutes, despite looking right now like he's just been atacked by Jeff Gillooly.

32:52: Nakamura gets drilled from behind, and there's no call. And to his credit, he's not just laying there like a little bitch. He's up on his feet and back in the play. Maybe that shouldn't be noteworthy, but it is. A Japanese shot goes just wide.

32:52: Nakamura gets drilled from behind, and there's no call. And to his credit, he's not just laying there like a little bitch. He's up on his feet and back in the play. Maybe that shouldn't be noteworthy, but it is. A Japanese shot goes just wide.

30:59: This is probably the most exciting game of the Cup thus far. Australia's just banging on the door. A corner, followed by a free kick just outside the box. And then Japan responds by getting it down to the other end quickly and threatening to score on the other end.

29:39: That was Nakamura on the goal, by the way. Sorry.

25:48: GOOOOOAL! Oh, I think I'm turning Japanese. A crossing attempt from outside the box just went over everybody. The Aussie goalie tried to jump out and play it, but he hit a mass of players and didn't get there. He screwed up. And it's 1-0 Japan.

24:02: Close call for Australia there... nice shot off of a nifty back-heel pass, and a diving, fingertip save from the Japanese goalie. This is some handsome soccer.

21:33: Nakamura whistles one just wide of the goal along the ground. Japan's best chance yet, and it wasn't far from going in. I think that's who it was, anyway. I can't understand these guys.

20:05: Long, sustained possession for Australia in the Japanese zone. Seemed like Japan got away with a little foul there to finally end the possession. But man, it feels like the Soccerroos are going to get one soon. Goal kick for Japan.

19:19: Okay, welcome to Univision. Bienvenidos, I should say. I'm going to learn Spanish before halftime.

?.??: For some reason, ESPN2 has decided to dispense with their live time/score thingie at the top of the screen. I've said some unflattering things about the Worldwide Leader... They might just be intentionally screwing with me.

13:34: Australia keeps the pressure up, and the Japanese defense is scrambling. Not a lot of midfield play here. It seems like all the time has been spent with one team or the other threatening. More Australia than Japan.

12:21 Fukunishi blasts a long shot just over the bar. And by the way, there's no way I'm not going to screw up a few names today, so that's just something we're all going to have to deal with.

11:03: Japan's wearing blue jerseys. I'd have guessed red. Hm.

10:00: Pretty good action here, up and down the pitch. Lots of room. Japan earns a corner... Aussie goalie punches it away, and he was fouled. Goal kick.

6:46: Another corner, Viduka can't quite get to it. Phew. Alright, I'm starting to wake up.

5:48: Mark Viduka gets a couple of good looks at the goal, met by two saves by the goalkeeper. Corner for the Soccerroos... Japanese header goes over the bar.

5:08: Lots of movement up and down the field, but no one really getting close to the goal. Lots of talk from Shep Messing about Zico, the former Brazilian star and Japanese head coach.

0:30: Japan gets fouled right away, and gets a free kick right outside the box. Nakata is taking it. Into the wall.

0:00: Commentator just described Nakata as the "Terrell Owens" of this Japan team. Oh, good. Hey, what's Japanese for "Our striker is a homo"?

0:00: If you'd have told me two years ago that a day would come when I'd wake up to talk about a pre-9 a.m. soccer game between Japan and Australia, I'd have assumed that you were suffering from some sort of psychosis. But here we are. Let's get it on, baby.

0:00: So I'd say Australia's probably a little better team here, and they'd be expected to win. But it wouldn't be a huge upset if Japan won, either.

0:00: And for Japan, Hidetoshi Nakata, who's with Bolton of the EPL, is in the mid-field setting things up. Shunsuke Nakamura, of Celtic of the Scottish League, joins him. Shinji Ono will be up front trying to score the goals, an area where Japan isn't thought to be that strong. It's Ono's third World Cup, despite being just 26 years old. He was on the 2002 Feyenrood team that won the UEFA Cup, but he eventually made his way back to the Japanese league.

0:00: Here are some of your key players for this one, on the Australian side: Mark Viduka's the captain, and a pretty good goal scorer up front. He's been a stud for Middlesbrough of the Premier League this year. And Tim Cahill's very good in the midfield. He plays for Everton. In fact, Australia's got nine guys on Premier League teams. That's a lot. Mark Schwarzer's pretty good in goal, too.

0:00: The official MJD simulation of this game went like this on the FIFA '06 World Cup game on the XBox: Japan 1, Australia 0. Chances were about even, but Australia hit the post a couple of times. I controlled Japan, and what can I say, I'm a gifted finisher.

• 1. Can Olivia Newton-John Be Far Behind?. For the past month in Australia, they have been preempting South Park for a show called Song for the Soccerroos. Here's the description from Yahoo7's online TV Guide: "Hosted by RocKwiz's Julia Zemiro, this new seven-part series follows the search for a song to inspire the Socceroos to glory in their 2006 World Cup campaign, tracing the finalists' song entries from rough cuts to professionally recorded anthems. The winning song, to be decided by judges and a public vote, will be released by Universal Music as a single, as well as sung and chanted by thousands of fans to encourage the team during its 2006 World Cup bid." So it's like a crappier version of Australian/American Idol for songwriters to spend a whole lot of time cheering for the Socceroos, who will do about as well as the Aussies in the WBC. — (thanks to Ryan Day).

• 2. Aussie Rules. In world terms, Australian acceptance of soccer is much like America's. Most full-blooded, koala-eating Aussies prefer their version of football; Aussie Rules. And golly, with teams like the Geelong Cats, Sydney Swans and West Coast Eagles, why wouldn't they? Basically the only people that care about soccer Down Under are immigrants from Italy, Greece and what have you. Thusly, the players are really playing for themselves. — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

• 3. You Were Expecting Russell Crowe?. We're not sure how we feel about John Travolta showing up in the Aussie lockerroom to help celebrate their qualifying for the World Cup. Of course he's a licensed pilot, so he's liable to show up anywhere. But Australian soccer? Doesn't sound like something Vinnie Barbarino would be into.

• 4. Know Your Key Australian Footballers. Aussie fans should be on the lookout for Tim Cahill (Mid, Everton); Marco Bresciano (Mid. Parma, as Aussie as they come!); Harry Kewell, (Mid, Liverpool, generally considered an enigma); Mark Schwarzer (GK, Middlesboro, as gawky as they come). — (thanks to Mike Cardillo).

(Tomorrow: Denmark) (Sorry, we didn't mean Denmark.)