And by "mess with the bull," I mean "shake hands with children after a match." (Watch the video here.) The woman—a Brisbane fan who "holds a Victorian-based Lions Membership with AFL entry rights," which I assume is Australian for "season tickets"—has already apologized for hurling the frosty beverage at Brad Johnson of the Western Bulldogs. Like the Cubs fan, she was hunted down by the media and quickly surrendered, but has not been identified by name.

However, she is "extremely remorseful" and prays that she can make restitution and/or not lose her seats. She feels terrible about getting caught, but still has no regrets about refusing to put her phone call on hold. The beer wasn't that good anyway.

So will this trend sweep the globe? What sports are next? Badminton? Curling? Beer league softball? (That would be a real tragedy.) It's good to see that so many people can afford to throw away expensive beverages in this economy, but let's throw them into our stomachs instead.

Woman sorry for throwing beer Bulldogs captain Brad Johnson [The Courier-Mail]
Aussie Rules Football Player Gets Beer Thrown On Him By Fan: Video [Sports Rubbish]

* * * * *

Get some sleep tonight. The Erin Andrews GQ issue drops in A.M. and you'll need all your strength.

Tim Orchard, who plays in Tasmania's State League, has reportedly been suspended after whipping out his bits in front of a live TV audience. Orchard found himself in the background of a locker room interview with his teammate, when he figured, "Maybe the folks at home would like to see my wiener?" and the rest is history. Of course, unlike Minnesota's Visanthe Shiancoe—who simply suffered a towel malfunction before a post-game shower—Orchard was fully clothed. So he was willing to go that extra mile to make sure that the world got a glimpse of his junk. Hopefully, he will bring that determination to his upcoming "professional counseling."

The images are all censored so no word on whether Australian Rules players also eschew padding down there.

Aussie Rules Football Player Tim Orchard Flashes His Penis Live On Air [Sports Rubbish]
Footballer suspended for flashing on TV [ABC News]
Club to act on football flash [Tasmania News]

Some genius "volunteer" threw this image together to promote a weekend social function with an all-white theme. The white was supposed to refer to the dress code, but I guess he figured nothing explains the power of non-color like blushing brides in their ivory gowns, majestic snow tigers, and 150 years of bigoted intolerance.

The latest Ku Klux Klan scandal comes after Fremantle this month denied claims by its assistant coach, Steve Malaxos, that players had dressed in Klan gear and raided each others homes as a prank.

Oh yeah, that doesn't help either. What's worse, the Klan members were replaced by an almost certainly unauthorized picture of Disney's Snow White, so now all I can think about is dwarf tossing. Way to be sensitive, guys.

Marketing Fail: KKK Promotes All White Night [Sporting Blog]
Footy club sorry for KKK promotion [The Age]

* * * * *

Oh, man—what a rough day, huh? I knew I shouldn't have eaten that Mexican-imported bacon for breakfast this morning. Thank you for your continued support of swine and swine-related products. Should I be worried about this vestigial tail growing out of my back?

That guy in the photo actually isn't only in blackface; he's going as Morgan's Freeman God character in Bruce Almighty. (And Evan Almighty, we suppose.) If the blackface weren't bad enough, the guy actually dressed up as a character from Bruce Almighty. Australians: Decendants of murders and rapists! With funny referees in cool hats!

How To Celebrate A Loss: Wear A Hitler Outfit, Put On Blackface [FanIQ]

(UPDATE: Sorry, soccer. Long day.)

She crawled to the finish, even though she could barely move! I have no idea what that means! YEAAAHHHHHH!

Aussie F@ckin Rules F%ckin F%ck! [Deuce Of Davenport]

He talked about it afterwards, and in what has to be considered an upset, he is able to put together complete sentences.

"The ball came in deep and I thought I was a fair chance for a mark," Westfield said.

"I wasn't aware of where the posts were, I just jumped and ran into something and didn't know what it was until I saw it (the post) on the ground.

"It didn't hurt at all, I'm pretty happy with that. To see it actually snap, I can't believe it, it didn't feel that hard."

You didn't know where the post was? And you ran into it, and still didn't realize what it was? Did you just start playing this sport yesterday?

If Manu Ginobili ends up hitting a game-winning shot for the Spurs, I wouldn't expect him to say afterwards "Well, I had the ball, and I decided to just close my eyes and randomly heave it into the air ... and I'll be damned if there wasn't a fucking rim there. You never know where they're going to put those things."

Devil leaves postmark [Sunday Tasmanian]

WEST COAST EAGLE Adam Selwood is expected to tell the AFL tribunal tonight he was punched by Des Headland before any words were exchanged, as he defends a charge he taunted the Fremantle player with sexually explicit remarks about his six-year-old daughter.

Selwood is expected to concede that, after Headland hit him, he motioned to the tattoo the Dockers forward has of his daughter Madison on his left arm, but will deny knowing it was a picture of the six-year-old or that he made the comments attributed to him by Headland. Instead, it is believed Selwood will say he had recently had sex with a woman who held a similarity to the tattoo. This differs from Headland's complaint, which alleges Selwood motioned to the tattoo and said: "I fucked her last night."

Charming! You know what we have to say about that:

We don't know what it means, but we're saying it!

He Hit Me First, Says Selwood [The Australian]