Penn, the UFC lightweight champ, failed to answer the bell after getting pounded for four rounds by the welterweight king at UFC 94 in Las Vegas. Penn actually made a trip to the hospital after doctors and his corner men determined that multiple blows to the head and body are hazardous to one's health. However!

After the fight, Penn's people filed a formal complaint with the Nevada State Athletic Commission, because they say that St. Pierre's people rubbed Vaseline on his back between rounds one and two. I don't think that makes knees to the chest any more painful, but that sort of thing is just not done! Plus, it's gross.

But at least it provides good post-game quotes like this:

""The guys from the athletic commission went up there and started screaming at them. Knocked the Vaseline and kicked the Vaseline out of the Octagon"

Or was that a Stone Temple Pilots lyric?

B.J. Penn's Camp Files Formal Complaint Over Vaseline on St. Pierre's Back Between Rounds [Cage Potato]
Is St. Pierre the new pound-for-pound king? [Yahoo]

TMZ, has the dirty details, but The Smoking Gun has the full report:

According to the officer who wrote the report, "He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat."

The officer continues: "He asked me to admit that she was 'hot.' He asked me, 'You want the truth?' When I told him I did he said, 'I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a 'b**w job' one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life."

The report says when Barkley was taken to the station, he told one of the employees, "I'll tattoo my name on your ass" if he helped "get him out of the DUI." According to the report, "He laughed and then quickly corrected himself and said, 'I'll tattoo your name on my ass' and then laughed again."

The report also says officers "found a handgun in the vehicle" which was immediately impounded. The report doesn't say if the handgun was legal or not, and the only thing that we know for sure was loaded...

Hmm. This is probably not the best way to kick off his political career. Anyway. Back to New Year's. I'm sure we'll be talking about this more on Friday.

Barkley: All I Really Wanted Was Oral Sex [TMZ]
Charles Barkley's Oral Statements [Smoking Gun]