Honestly, I've got to believe that winning against the Browns is no picnic either. Last night's 16 point, 16 punt masterpiece was not exactly an endorsement for quality professional football. The game was so boring, it made Ray Lewis eat the grass. And somehow we still haven't settled the Brady Quinn (23.5 QB rating) Dilemma? What information are we waiting for on that one?

Oh, and best of all? Next week: Browns @ Lions. Gee, I hope I can still get tickets!

* * * * * *

It's Tuesday. Please do not get up on the stage.

Gaither was able to move his limbs, so hopefully the injury isn't too serious. As for the game, the Patriots have taken a 17-7 lead over Baltimore. Tom Brady and Sammy Morris have both rushed for scores.

-Tampa Bay leads Washington 10-3 in the second half, because God hates me, personally. The Jason Campbell bandwagon is all but empty, and the Fire Zorn (#FireZorn) movement is heating up. It could actually be significantly worse. Fortunately Mike Nugent has kept things close by missing a pair of field goals.

UPDATE: WOOO! Jason Campbell remembered Chris Cooley was on the field. They hooked up for what should have been a game tying touchdown. Then Ronde Barber blocked the extra point. Of course he did.

-Congratulations if you picked Jacksonville in your suicide pool. They opened up a 27-3 lead over Tennessee by halftime. Silky Garrard has been as smooth as ever, while Kerry Collins looks awful. Come on, give Vince a shot, it'll be fun.

-Houston is handling the Raiders, they currently lead 20-6. JaMarcus Russell started 4/5, he's since gone 3/13. Steve Slaton owners can stop bitching, he has two touchdowns so far (and only one fumble!).

-Chicago and Detroit are engaged in the day's most exciting game so far. Johnny Knox recently returned a kickoff 102 yards for a touchdown to give the Bears a 28-21 lead. Jay Cutler has sulked his way to three touchdowns (1 rushing).

-Cleveland's offense has shown a little bit of life with Derek Anderson and Jerome Harrison in the lineup. However it's the Bengals that lead 14-7. Chad Ochocinco has one of the scores for Cincinnati, unfortunately a teammate held him back from jumping into the Dawg Pound.

-The Colts and Giants are cruising past the Seahawks and the Chiefs respectively.

-And now, an email from a concerned fantasy player who hopes Drew is having a better day than he is.

Deadspin,

No one in my ESPN league could log in to their account this morning,
so I called 1-888-549-ESPN (the fantasy hotline). Turns out that the
log in function is down so we were all locked out from changing our
starters. ESPN hasn't posted anything about this on their fantasy
site, but the WWL is fucking over every one of their fantasy players
right now.

Hope Drew has fun in Minnesota,

Brooks

Never get in between a man and his fantasy team.

Who's the bum now? Derrick Mason demanded to know following Baltimore's 500 yard, 38-point offensive showcase against the Chiefs yesterday.

In the wake of that victory, the former retiree WR made this rebuttal to current retiree WRs Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter:

Keyshawn Johnson is the bum, that's why he's in the analyst seat. He tried to come back to football but no one would sign him. He was never that good a player. He got lucky and signed on in Tampa Bay and won a Super Bowl because they had a great defense.

"Just look at the two people doing the criticizing, that's all I'm saying. Keyshawn was overrated and Carter is in the same boat I'm in. He doesn't have a Super Bowl ring either. He's in the analyst seat without a ring. At least I'm playing. He still wants to play but he can't anymore. We're the bums? That's why you're in the analyst seat. Just be quiet and keep dreaming you still could play.

Ravens Offense Explodes, On And Off The Field [PFT]

Ravens Win With More Than Just Defense With Flacco Behind the Wheel [CBS Sports]

UPDATE: ESPN maintains that Johnson/Carter never called Flacco "a bum" during the press conference. " nobody specific was being addressed during that comment...They were just talking and said that the Ravens have not spent all their money on receivers...they spend it on defense."

1. THIEVES! It's hard to embrace any team was stolen from another city in order to replace the revered team Baltimore still wishes it had. In their relatively short life as an NFL franchise, the Ravens have been wildly successful, and they've cultivated an unmistakable defensive tradition and team identity. That's not an easy thing for a young franchise to do (ask the Panthers and Jaguars, who remain somewhat faceless after all these years). Regardless, I think we all know damn well that if the city of Baltimore were offered the Colts back, with the Ravens being nuked out of existence, Baltimoreans would gladly pull the trigger. No matter how many games they win, the Ravens will always be that town's second, lamer girlfriend. They used to have Art Donovan, and Johnny U, and Jim Parker. Now, they get Ray Ray. They'll always pine for their first love, until the generation that grew up on the Colts finally dies off, and all that remains are camo-clad, retarded Maryland rednecks you see outside M&T Bank Stadium today. Ravens fans today consist solely of dudes who sold you your Christmas tree.

2. PUSSIES! Lest you think the Ravens are all tough and rugged, keep in mind this is the franchise that begged the NFL to not schedule them in a prime time opening game against the Steelers in Pittsburgh. That is fucking weak in so many different ways. This isn't college ball, where big name schools routinely pussy out on scheduling road games with dangerous non-conference opponents. If you're too afraid to play the Steelers in their house at night, then the Steelers own your fucking SHIT. Of course, Ravens fans don't see it this way. No, they believe the NFL is out to get them!

Who cares if the Ravens requested it or not? Watch the league still screw Baltimore over and make them play that game anyway! Remember this past season when we got no BYE week? If you've been a Baltimore fan long enough, you already know to expect the worst when it comes to the league, the officials, etc….

I wouldnt mind playing them in a primetime game in OUR HOUSE. Every time we play a primetime game vs Pitt, it's in Pitt.

Wah wah. The "NFL forces are conspiring to prevent us from winning!" attitude is the stuff Oakland fans are made of.

3. DOUCHEBAGS! Oh, that fucking Ray Lewis dance. There isn't a bigger glory hound in the history of NFL. You'd think stabbing a guy and getting away with it would teach a man a bit of humility. But nooooo. No, Ray Ray took the opportunity to make the leap from self-centered prick to self-centered prick with God on his side. If you never read Scott Price's infamous profile of Lewis for SI, I suggest you visit it immediately, to get in better touch with your hatred for the man. You see, not only is God on Ray Lewis' side, not only has God chosen Ray Lewis to be His primary messenger on Earth, but God will also smite anyone who dares criticize Lewis for letting two men be stabbed, fleeing the scene, and then ratting out his friends to cover his own ass. How dare you persecute the man for not paying his bills, or for being delinquent with child support payments, or forcefully grabbing women, or starring in porn videos? YOU will be the one awaiting judgment, haterzzzz.

Yep, no one runs up to a tackle already made in order to pad his stats and then jumps around like a fucking idiot quite like Ray Lewis. Every time I see Ray Lewis gyrate on the field, I try and telekinetically will lightning to strike him. The time he won Super Bowl MVP after beating the rap still remains one of the more repulsive moments in NFL history. He's not even close to being that team's best defensive player, with Ed Reed, Haloti Nagata, and Terrell Suggs now the heart and soul of the franchise. It's no coincidence that Lewis had his very worst season right before Ngata was drafted. Without a great, run-stuffing DT in front of him (Ngata, Tony Siragusa, Sam Adams, etc.), Lewis is just another asshole. Now Rex Ryan is gone, Bart Scott is gone, and Lewis will be further exposed as an aging attention slut who relies on his teammates to make him look good, rather than his own ability. This is the least likable team in the NFL. Fuck Ray Lewis with a knife.

4. CRIMINALS! Everyone knows Baltimore is the shit-stained asshole of the Northeast Corridor. It's a little bit of Ohio smacked down in the center of the East Coast. Like being murdered? Big fan of hopeless urban decay? Love being stuck in inexplicable traffic slowdowns? Like going to themed bars populated by nothing but men drinking Michelob Ultra and wearing Affliction shirts? I've got the town for you, brother. Baltimore's finest tourist attractions include a very nice baseball stadium that houses the most poorly managed team in Major League Baseball, a tourist area (Inner Harbor) that's a strip mall on water, an aquarium that you'll refuse to pay $28 to enter, and any number of crab restaurants that douse everything in Old Bay. Buy fish sticks at home, sprinkle Old Bay on them, and you'll get virtually the same flavor profile. Annapolis kicks Baltimore's ass all over the map.

Take it from a Maryland resident: Baltimore doesn't matter. There's a reason no one watched "The Sum Of All Fears". Ben Affleck makes a terrible Jack Ryan, but more important is that a nuclear bomb goes off in Baltimore in that film. Are you disturbed by the idea of Baltimore being wiped off the face of the earth? Do you care? Of course not. That's also the reason TV audiences criminally refused to watch "Homicide: Life On The Street" or "The Wire". Yes, those are probably the two greatest crime dramas ever produced for television. But really, do you find it all that moving, suspenseful or tragic when someone in Baltimore is killed? No, you do not. Oh, no! That Baltimore school is crumbling! I can't believe it! I thought it would be shot up by an eighth grader ages ago! Set those shows in Chicago and you get an extra five million viewers for each.

5. BORES! Even when this team wins a title, it still manages to put you to sleep on offense. The running game is a three-headed Cerberus of shittiness (not buying Ray Rice). Todd Heap injured himself playing Cranium last night. A busy day for Joe Flacco consists of 20 pass attempts. No team throws deep more often, and with less success, than the Ravens. It's like watching Matthew Berry try and pick up women.

6. COCK! Reader Josh N.

Fuck Art Modell, Seriously is that fucking guy dead yet? He took the Browns team and all of the talent they had built up and moved it to the fucking cesspool that is Baltimore. I hope he falls down a flight of stairs and lives out the rest of his life in agonizing pain so horrible, that modern medicine can not begin to help it subside.

And Fuck I-95. God I hate I-95 and every cockguzzler that drives on it in the northeast. Sure Baltimore isn't the only god-forsaken rathole that has this problem, just the worst.

Seamus H.:

Baltimore makes Buffalo look like Paris.

Travis H.:

Person: Hey, can I be a Ravens fan?
Ravens fan: Do you like incomplete sentences, crystal meth and purple camo?
Person: Fuckin fuck yes!
Ravens fan: Kick ass. Here, hit this pipe and put on this Ray Lewis baseball jersey!

Ian F.:

When I moved to Baltimore 5 years ago I was excited to be going to a city with such a rich baseball tradition. I was sorely disappointed when I arrived and realized that baseball had no place in this city. No, there was only room for one team and it was the God-awful fucking Ravens. You've never seen so many fucking retards wearing purple in your life. Not only that but it would seem that once you become a Ravens fan you are required to start speaking like the Macho Man Randy Savage, "Oooh yeah, the Ravens, they're coming to git ya, ooh yeahhh, John Harbaugh, MIss Elizabeiiiith, ooh yeah".

They have little fucking clubs called Ravens Roosts, where apparently people get together and compare who is the fattest, most backwater, purple covered douchenozzle. I hate the fucking Ravens, and their fans.

Todd U.

First off, their fucking accent is atrocious and they end every sentence with, "Hon." EVERYTHING they eat is coated in Old Bay seasoning and has some sort of crab in it. People in Merlin as they call it can't fucking drive. Other than the Inner Harbor, which is polluted as hell, the city is scary as fuck and you'll probably get shot or stabbed. Fans scream O during the national anthem. They have a murderer as their defensive leader. And all of these things are just the beginning. My ex girlfriend is from Baltimore and she's a Ravens fan. I happen to be from Indianapolis and I grew up a Colts fan. This led to many arguments. She would complain that the Colts left town in the middle of the night and without taking the marching band. I would point out that the state tried to illegally seize the team through eminent domain, plus they weren't drawing and kind of crowd. Inevitably the argument would end when I would point out that Baltimore stole Cleveland's team. This of course is different in her opinion. Fucking get over it already, hon. I can't wait to go to see the Colts play the Ravens in Baltimore. I will be there in my Colts jersey with a sign that says "God bless Robert Irsay."

Wanna be part of the Deadspin NFL previews? It's simple. Just email me here and give me some reasons why the team you hate most sucks. If it's because you dated a fan of the team and she turned out to be some crazy bitch who keyed your car, all the better. I'll throw any good material into the post and give you proper credit. We've got only the Steelers left.

The team thought they had solved their wide receiver issues by picking up a guy with one catch in 2008, who had been dumped by his previous team two years into a six-year $30 million dollar deal. They gave him a physical and the veteran minimum of $745,000, never suspecting that his bum knee would flare up less than 48 hours later. I assume he doesn't get to keep all of the money, but still ... not a bad weekend for Drew.

(Also missing from Ravens camp? Movie hero Michael Oher, who hasn't yet signed.)

The good news for Ravens fans is that Derrick Mason is maybe yet not retired yet and will probably drag his will he/won't he drama out through most of training camp, just like that other soon-to-be purple wearing dolt that everyone hates. Thus rendering my maudlin tribute to him both unnecessary and inappropriate, forever spoiling my remaining faith in heroes. Thanks, sports!

Bennett Retires [Baltimore Ravens]
Ravens Insider: Signing Drew Bennett can't hurt [Baltimore Sun]
Mason, Oher absent as Ravens open camp [The Capital]

How can a football player, who is my age, who went to my school, in my class, be finished with his career already? It doesn't make sense. I remember watching his touchdown punt return against Michigan—maybe the most thrilling game I ever saw in person—and that was ... geebus ... 14 years ago? How old am I?

He was never the best player on any of his teams (and I'm pretty sure he never accidentally shot himself in the thigh), but he was always reliable and occasionally great. He returned punts and kickoffs and caught passes with competence, which is suprisingly rare these days. He played in a Super Bowl—one of the most thrilling games I ever saw on the TV—and two Pro Bowls and again, never shot anyone, which for MSU wideouts is pretty impressive. He was just ... good. For quite a long time actually and now he's going to retire (earlier than he needs to, by the way) and will probably stay retired and open a car dealership or something. That's pretty neat. And maybe a little depressing for me.

I wish there was a YouTube of the pass he caught—lying on his back, after a horrible Tony Banks pass went right through the hands of freshman Charles Woodson—to keep that game-winning drive rolling back in 1995. I guess you had to be there.

This should suffice for the moment.

Baltimore Ravens WR Derrick Mason calls it quits after 12 years [ESPN]
Derrick Mason wasn't the receiver of the '00s, but he was close [Shutdown Corner]

• Tales From A Bourbon Street Bar. Annoying Steelers fan wears capri sweat pants. [Fack Youk]

• China Loves The Steelers, Apparently. "You are the steel men, and your will crush them. Everyone in China knows this. Good news!" [YouTube]

• No Go, Joe. The fake unibrows! They do nothing! [Kissing Susie Kolber]

• All Joe Flacco Action Figures Now Half Off. It seemed like such a good idea at Christmas. [Stock Lemon]

• Purple Reign May Be Over. Ray Lewis had a great game, but it may have been his last for the Ravens. [Baltimore Sun]

There is no love lost, between these two... blah, blah... Ben Roffleberger could bounce a game-winning OT touchdown pass off-Steely McBeam's oversized noggin and it still won't get as much attention as what we just witnessed earlier. Still, Ravens vs. Steelers promises to be some good hard-hittin football, so even after all that previous business, the day is far from over.

Enjoy, and I'm sure certain interested parties will be checking in later.

NFL Vice President Of Officiating Mike Pereira explains the criteria that referee Walt Coleman had to satisfy to overturn the original ruling on the field. I actually watched this game; I originally thought Holmes caught the ball outside of the endzone, and this hasn't changed my mind.

One thing that's indisputable? Santonio Holmes has a huge penis. I bet that thing breaks the plane every time.

• Fast Times At Mt. Carmel High. Now on sale, copies of Donovan McNabb's senior high school yearbook. Featuring Philadelphia Eagles quarterback in class picture, varsity football, varsity basketball, varsity volleyball and in candids. [First Cuts]

• Did You Catch This Comparison? So the Cardinals have a bit of an edge when it comes to receivers, it would seem. [Philadelphia Eagles Examiner]

• You Have Not Wasted Your Life I See. Meet Tim Rich, the Baltimore Ravens fan whose entire front yard is decorated in lights as a shrine to the Ravens, including a lighted football field. [Fan IQ]

• Keystone Logic. Top 10 reasons why America should root for an all-Pennsylvania Super Bowl. 7. Finally, the historic saga of the Phil-Pitt Steagles will be widely known. [Five Tool Tool]

• The Arizona Cardinals Bandwagon Placement Test. Score your Arizona Cardinals knowledge. (Not responsible for injuries suffered from being thrown off the Arizona Cardinals bandwagon). [Fanster]

• Gotta Support The Team. Father-son Philadelphia Eagles man-breast tattoos. Take that, Communism! [NBCPhiladelphia]

• Conan O'Brien Vs. Fox Robot, Round II. Late night host really hates that robot. [Sox & Dawgs]

In a hastily-called press conference today, Ravenstahl announced, straight-faced, that he's changing his name to Steelerstahl. He even went down to the Allegheny County Department of Court Records to fill out the paperwork, although there's some question as to whether he completed the forms. At any rate, the Troy Hill neighborhood native says he's done his part to support the Steelers in their upcoming AFC Championship game tussle with the hated Baltimore Ravens.

Mr. Ravenstahl said the idea for the name change was not his own. Callers to the Star 100.7 morning show "called in and thought it would be a good idea to change from Ravenstahl, given we are playing the hated Baltimore Ravens this weekend, to Steelerstahl," he said. "As soon as I heard it, I thought it was a great idea."

He said he and his wife, Erin, and 2-month-old son, Cooper, "didn't really talk about it, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind doing it, either."

Video here.

I called the Mayor's office and was referred to his press secretary. "She'll try to get back to you, but there's been a lot of reaction to this; it's been really busy around here," said David White, the Director of Public Affairs. That's something that Mr. Ravenstahl is used to, as it turns out.

Luke Ravenstahl fun facts:

• Played football in high school, tried to walk on at Pitt but didn't make the team.

• Transferred to Washington & Jefferson College, becoming the starting place kicker for three years and team captain as a senior. Still holds the school record for most consecutive extra points.

• Stahl is German for steel.

• On Halloween in 2005 at Heinz Field, got into an altercation with a Pittsburgh police officer and was led away in handcuffs, but released shortly thereafter. Because of the quick release, the incident is now known in Pittsburgh as "Heinz-gate."

• Other notable Washington & Jefferson graduate: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

• All kinds of other controversies.

Ravenstahl grew up around football — he played for his father at Pittsburgh's North Catholic High — and often laments that he can't attend Steelers games in person because of all the media attention he draws. Can't see how he's going to pass up Sunday's game, however.

Under Spotlight Young Mayor Says He's Learning [The New York Times]
Mayor Wants To Drop 'Ravens' From His Name [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]
Mayor Changes His Name To Steelerstahl [KDKA-2]

Replica of The Linc in your back yard? Why not? "Invite Tony Romo over so he can feel what it's like to be in the Eagles' end zone." [The 700 Level]

• This Is In No Way Stupid At All. Pittsburgh mayor Luke Ravenstahl has called a press conference for this morning to announce that he is changing his name to Luke Steelerstahl. Eh, school tax hikes and bank robberies can wait. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

• Sports Guy In A Deep Hole. Which TV pundit has the best NFL playoff prediction record? Of course it's the NFL Today's Cris Collinsworth, at 6-1. He's followed by ESPN's Mike Golic at 6-2, and a host of folks at 5-3. Bill Simmons is 2-6, and Cris Carter brings up the rear at 1-7. And Keyshawn Johnson (4-4) was one of the few people to pick Arizona over Carolina. [Thanks to Geoff Decker at WhereIStand.com]

• Tracking The Super Bowl Ticket Market. Prices are trending down, for whatever reason. May be time to pounce! [Livestub.com]

• Fair, Measured Wisdom From A Steelers Blog Comments Section. "Hey Raven Fan...Just remember
you’re only in this game because a ref didn’t blow his whistle when your team took 8 minutes to run a play on that final drive." [Behind The Steel Curtain]

• A Ravens Blogger Responds. "I really hate Santonio Holmes, he is so rude. And Hines Ward is a fat lard that has no friends and should go suck his thumb in a corner because he’ll never accomplish anything in life. The Super Bowl MVP Voting was rigged. Boy, I hate the Steelers. And its the friggin’ AFC Championship!!! I am dialed!" [The Ebony Bird]

• 'It Tells Me We Want To Fight For Every Week'. Arizona fullback Terrell Williams' dying mother had a vision nine months ago that her son would be playing in the NFC Championship game. [NBCSports]

• Forget Boston, We Have A New City To Hate. "No matter where a New York fan turns these days, a vulgar scent of cheesesteak taints the atmosphere and distorts the schedule of sports events on our flat-screen televisions. Philadelphia is the new Boston, suddenly. Maybe not as prim and haughty, but every bit as dangerous and much, much sneakier. [New York Daily News]

• I, Robot. Conan O'Brien: Absolutely no love for Cleatus, the Fox robot. [Awful Announcing]

• Steel Curtain Decends To Host AFC Title Game. All of that makes this report from NFL.com’s Adam Shaefter more intriguing. The league web site approved insider claims that there’s a legitimate chance that the Chargers could try to move Tomlinson this offseason to avoid the sizable cap hits his contract will bring. To wit, that’s worth nearly $9 million next season. That money would be more than enough to lock up both Sproles and quarterback Philip Rivers, which will almost certainly give the storyline more legs. [Sports by Brooks]

• What Is Domination? This is. The Steelers gutted the Chargers yesterday in the final playoff game of the weekend. The conference championship rounds are set, Philadelphia/Arizona and Baltimore/Pittsburgh. If defense wins championships, I think the deck is stacked for whomever wins the AFC to win the Super Bowl. Not to sleep on Philadelphia's defense, but it is no comparison to Baltimore or Pittsburgh's tenacious D. [Deuce Of Davenport]

• Playoff Chaos? Blame Realignment. Blame the realignment of 2002, which broke the league into eight four-team divisions. The realignment gave us situations like the one we've had here in 2008, when a 12-4 team (Indy) has to go on the road to face an 8-8 team (San Diego), while an 11-5 team (New England) that beat a 9-7 title-game contender (Arizona) by 40 points just a few weeks ago sits at home and watches it all unfold. [Cold Hard Football Facts]

• What Do You Do With A Ratbird Hat? OK, here's the situation I was in. I'll tell you what happened and what I did, and then I want to hear your comments about what you would do in the same situation. Titans vs Ratbirds, it's halftime with the score tied 7-7, and I go to the facilities. After taking care of business, I'm heading out the door behind some real stupid-looking goofus dressed in fugly purple and he drops something on the floor... [Total Titans]

• All Aboard The Purple Express, Redskins Fans. I know that you hate us, and there’s no way I can convince you to do otherwise. But if you think about it, the Baltimore Ravens are your best chance at peace with the remainder of the football season. [Stet Sports Blog]

• One Of These Probably Cost Us The Game... Choose Wisely Edition. Jeff Fisher on the blown delay of game call on the crucial 3rd down: "I've always maintained that there's a human element in the game as far as officiating is concerned. There are going to make mistakes; it is part of our game,'' Fisher said. "But this particular mistake was unacceptable. There is no excuse for it, it was a mistake, and it was a costly mistake." Peter King gives some inside scuttle-butt about the D.O.G. and what rules may change in reaction to what happened Saturday. [Music City Miracles]

• Pathetic, They Almost Looked As Bad As Denver. San Diego must have listened to everyone picking the Steelers because it looked like they bought into the whole bullcrap “Steelers mystique.” At least the defense made some decent plays, but they also gave up some critical yardage and first down conversions. I won’t mention the lousy officiating by Bill Leavy and crew. [San Diego Chargers]

• Big Ben Should Get Concussed Every Week. See David Brent there? That was me during the second half. And I'm not ashamed to admit it. [Heels Sox And Steelers]

In fact, home teams are 2-4 in this year's playoffs. On the other hand, weather has not yet been the factor it will be today. And home field or no home field ... six turnovers for Jake Delhomme? That's more than five! Even worse, this totally obvious YouTube video was not made with yakkity sax. It's so unprofessional. It's almost like none of these people have ever worked on TV before.)

And yes, it was delay of game on Joe Flacco, but it was 3rd-and-2 and the play went for 23 yards. It's kinda hard to claim that a flag would have won Tennessee the game at that point. Plus ... Joe Freakin' Flacco! A rookie, 2-0, on the road. Deal with it!

Apologetic Delhomme looked like raw rookie [Arizona Republic]
On football: One-and-done will linger after Titans ' choke [USA Today]
Playoff hopes blown when whistle wasn't [Tennessean]

* * * * *

I'm heading out shortly for what I'm told is a wi-fi enabled bar, that I'm told will be overrun by hyper, possibly inebriated Giants fans. (I won't tell you where it is, because I'm afraid of you people.) I have no horse in this race, but I will venture into the belly of the playoff beast and attempt to bring you tales of local fan excitement. I'm like that Survivorman guy, as long as I don't have to brew my own beer out of tree bark.

Everyone and their mother's mother seems to be picking the spooky Ravens, due to the emergence of Unibrow Hero Joe Flacco and the swarming defense led by cherry-picking extraordinaire, Ed Reed. But will the Tennessee version of Smash and Dash be enough to prevent Kerry Collins from relapsing into the 2000 Super Bowl quarterback who kept throwing passes into Ray Lewis' wrists? We shall see.

Here are some game summaries that should satisfy your every whim:

• "For Tennessee, they just aren't flashy. People love to hate the good teams, and when you can find flaws — such as the lack of an explosive passing attack — you are gonna hear dissent. They do have an incredibly dominant defensive line, a special defensive back in Courtland Finnegan, and a stellar inside-outside running duo in LenDale White and Chris Johnson. There continue to be questions about whether or not Kerry Collins can win a playoff game if the running game is completely shut down, but he's been to the Super Bowl before." [Fanhouse]

• Mike Florio: Italian Talking head. [PFT]

• "As everyone knows, the Titans used the mustache voodoo of Jeff Fisher to jump out to a great start this season before falling back to the pack a bit. Led by a great game with rookie RB Chris Johnson and LenDale White, efficient QB play by Kerry Collins, and one of the most dominant defensive lines in the NFL, the Titans were able to secure the #1 seed in the AFC Playoffs." [Midwest Sports Fans]

•"The X factor in this game is Kerry Collins. Collins struggled early in the last game against the Ravens but put it together late to lead the game winning TD drive. The Titans will need Collins to play the type of game today that he was hired to play; take care of the ball, hit open receivers, throw the ball away when there is nothing there, and keep the offense calm with his veteran presence. Overall this season Collins has done an excellent job of doing these things. This team can win the Super Bowl if Collins plays that way." [Music City Miracles]

• "The Ravens need to keep the heat on the quarterback as Kerry Collins is prone to turnovers. When they force multiple miscues they are 9-2. They need to run the ball to take the pressure off Flacco and put themselves in manageable third downs. Flacco doesn’t need to be spectacular but one thing I picked up on re-watching the Ravens playoff run of 2000 (Buy it at Amazon.com), he needs to make one or two plays. If he does that and doesn’t cough the ball up Baltimore gets this one." [Ravens Gab]

• "This is an evenly matched game between two hard-hitting, smash-mouth football teams. Both sport outstanding defenses and rushing attacks. Though the Titans have the advantage with Collins under center, the Ravens historically have forced the veteran into poor performances with their complex defensive scheme. Additionally, the Ravens' physical ground game will eventually impose its will on the Titans late in the game as Haynesworth and Vanden Bosch tire. Look for the Ravens to win a tight one, 16-13." [SI]

• "Ravens! Titans! Dierdorf! Gumbel! Defense! Power running! Two teams stolen from other cities! Neither of which you like! So why are we live-blogging it? Because you don’t want to be sober all day, do you?" [KSK]

Enjoy the game. Late game thread starts at 8 p.m.

• When To Say When . Ben Roethlisberger is not brave. Ben Roethlisberger is a moron. Any doctor who clears him to play is a moron. Any coach who sends him out to play is a moron. Any writer, TV pundit, former player, or fan who cheers him while he plays is a moron. Ben Roethlisberger's career as a professional football player should be over. Today. [OT]

• Keep Ray Ray Out Of The Limelight Club. About the only thing Steve McNair could do to ruin his legendary standing with most Titans fans is hold a pep-rally for the Ravens this weekend, and that's exactly what a Baltimore radio station is saying is going to happen Saturday at the Limelight club just a few blocks form LP Field. Keep in mind though that radio stations are known to fudge these kinds of things, and McNair's agent and manager deny that he would ever even consider such a thing. [Music City Miracles]

• Pittsburgh Has Some Fine Lookin' Women. A thought occurred to me last week when NBC chose to zoom in on the San Diego Charger Girls silicone-enhanced bustlines every time a SD player so much as downed a punt. I said to myself, “Damn, they got some fine lookin’ women out there in Cali.” Which momentarily made me sad because we have fine lookin’ women here in the ‘Burgh. However, with the absence of cheerleaders, the rest of the country is probably blissfully unaware of our Polish uber-vixens. [Nice Pick Cowher]

• Look At The Size Of That Boy's Head. Well, in a completely unsurprising development, Big Ben has made his bulbous head the main story heading into the playoffs. Between the broken toes (that weren't really broken according to Cowher), to the Thumb Gate to the latest news that his GINORMOUS head won't fit in the team-issued helmet ... well, let's just say I could do without the media coverage that will surely follow this story. [Heels Sox And Steelers]

• Remember The Last Time We Went To Tennessee For A Playoff Game?. The last time the Ravens visited Nashville for the playoffs, the situation was earily similar. The Titans were the #1 overall seed and the Ravens came in as a Wild Card. The Titans were favored and the Ravens put perhaps one of the original Baltimore Beatdowns on them 24-10, on their way to their Super Bowl Championship. The Ravens were also the first visiting team to ever defeat the Titans in what was their new home at the time. Therefore, being the visitor there this weekend does not faze me in the least. [Baltimore Beat Downs]