From The NY Times:

But last week’s news trickling out of the endless investigation of Barry Bonds has caused me to feel something for him I never thought possible: sympathy. And beyond just sympathy, outrage over what has turned from a prosecution into a venomous persecution of someone who, no offense to the pastime purists, is just a baseball player. And I am beginning to think that federal authorities in charge of the pending criminal case against him for perjury have exactly the same attitude many sports fans do — we don’t like Barry Bonds, and since we don’t like him, let’s teach him a lesson he won’t forget. Let’s ruin him, which the federal government is fond of doing in all too many instances.

Just for the record, Barry Bonds is not an axe murderer. He is not a rapist or a child molester ...

And on we go. Buzz is billed as a "guest columnist" with the piece, which amuses me for some reason. Can you imagine Buzz as a guest at your place? Complaining about the TV shows you watch, criticizing your kids, upbraiding your dog for not fetching his glasses ...

Sympathy For The Slugger [New York Times]

Rogge claimed certain IOC delegates took Bud Selig's crusade against performance enhancing drugs as a blight upon the sport and that softball got caught in a bad PR halo effect. He was careful to name Barry Bonds specifically. It was unfortunate, of course, but that might be what happened, in Rogge's words. You know, that Barry Bonds killed Olympic softball as well as baseball. And love. Barry Bonds killed love.

By the way, they're building a velodrome in Great Britain for 2012. Jus' sayin'.

(P.S. The video doesn't seem to be up on the NBC Olympics Web site or elsewhere. Let us know if you spot their arrival to the Nets.)

Early Thursday it seemed like the Yankees might have been interested in Bonds; but by Thursday night, the chances had been downgraded to "not even if you covered us in bees." B. Molina, who's hitting .288 with eight homers and 61 RBI for San Francisco, seems like a better bet.

Sources such as the New York Daily News are reporting that Bonds ending up in pinstripes is very unlikely. But still, the rumors will not die. Come on, Yankees; despite all the baggage he would bring to an already tumultuous clubhouse, you know you want him. And he's just a phone call away ...

Yanks Go Off Barry Bonds Market [New York Daily News]
The Meeting Is Over In Tampa [The LoHud Yankees Blog]
As Yanks' Officials Chat, Bonds' Name Comes Up [Philadelphia Daily News]

You can spend the rest of the night staring at that ruined ball, dreaming of a better tomorrow, and praying for Chris Snyder.

Also, if anyone is not doing anything firework-related and would like to sit inside and watch sports all weekend while writing on this site, please feel free to hit me up.

Considering this is the freewheeling managerial style I'm adopting during this transitional period, the chances of you getting paid before 2010 are rather slim. Those who are interested, however, should feel free to drop a line.

Dan Patrick Interviews Jeff Idelson [SI.com]

The debate over Barry Bonds' Hall Of Fame induction is still a couple years away, but at least Major League Baseball can finally lay claim to the large-headed slugger's historic, controversial home run ball for posterity. Designer Marc Ecko paid a whopping $752,467 for the ball at an auction last September, branded it with an asterisk in a show of artsy-fartsy protest, and then held it hostage from the Hall to continue his bratty little stand-off.

Finally, he relented, and officially donated the ball to the Hall of Fame.

However, Bonds has said he would "boycott" the Hall of Fame if it displayed the marked ball. Maybe Hall officials see this as a best of both worlds-type situation. Besides, can Barry boycott anything if he's in prison?

Hall Of Fame gets branded new Bonds ball [LA Times]

Fire Joe Morgan is trying to make their peace with it in a letter to Theo Epstein.

Yes. Yes yes. Yes yes yes. I want the Red Sox to win the World Series. Also, if Bonds is the DH, that means they're winning the WS at Fenway. How can you pass that up? You think Gino from Brockton is going to care if Barry Bonds took some extra special medicine while he's dancing somewhere in short left-center along with 34,000 people who just want to pour beer on Mike Timlin's head and bang a townie? Nope sir.

When you consider that they suspected Eric Gagne was a steroid user before signing him last year ... what else is standing in the way?

An Open Letter To Theo Epstein: Version 1 [Fire Joe Morgan]
A Barry Big Debate [Boston.com]

Constant MLB.tv ads have featured the following copy:

“Willie Mays, September 22, 1969…600.
Babe Ruth, August 21, 1931…600.
Hank Aaron, April 27, 1971…600.”



Then the screen flips to Griffey, who sits at 599, and he says, “Ken Griffey Jr…. keep watching.”

This ignores, of course, Sammy Sosa and that Bonds guy, who actually reached a rather lofty milestone just last year. (And it really was just last year.) The big question has been how MLB would handle the steroid era, and we're already getting a pretty good idea: Just ignore it. Boy, doesn't Tim Forneris feel even dumber now?

As Griffey Approaches 600, MLB Whitewashes History [Wicked Good Sports]

Actually, Petey is part of a new marketing campaign for a Minnesota-based health care company called HeathPartners, who refer to him as "a friendly, light-hearted character that creates a buzz wherever he goes." I'm glad ... I would hate to encounter a bitter, pissed off walking urine cup.

Petey P. Cup even has a Facebook profile, which says he enjoys watching "Grey's Anatomy," listening to Coldplay and assisting with urinalysis, drug testing and pregnancy tests. Just six friends so far, though.

OK, you got me. It's really Jose Canseco in the costume.

HealthPartners Unveils Offbeat Ad Mascot [MinnPost.com, via Dave Barry Blog]

Bonds' legal team objected to technical flaws in the original indictment. By law, the government can accuse a defendant of only one crime per count of an indictment. Bonds lawyer Dennis Riordan contended that the indictment accused Bonds of telling as many as five lies in a single perjury count. Judge Susan Illston agreed, and ordered the government to rewrite the document. The new indictment broke each of the old perjury charges into multiple new ones.

This actually changes nothing, really. Bonds still faces a maximum of 30 months in jail if found guilty on all counts, same as before. It's just that now, all the counts are proportioned in smaller, bite-sized pieces.

You know, it really frosts me. Why would a major league team not offer a contract to an aging outfielder with no speed and bad knees who has a reputation as a clubhouse cancer, probably took cattle steroids for several years and has criminal counts that seemingly multiply like rabbits? Must be collusion.

Now Bonds Faces 14 BALCO Perjury Counts [SFGate]

This shift in anger (or interest) is no more apparent than when Barry ridiculously popped up in rapper David Banner's video for "Get Like Me," showing off his swing and sporting a nondescript baseball hat straight out of a Tom Emanski video. Banner did his best to put it out there as a positive addition for his new video, not grasping how kind of bizarre it is :

"Barry Bonds came out!" Banner said with pride. "You know how y'all like to have your rappers' friends — Barry Bonds is here. Barry came fresh out of court to come holla at me. That's real."

Fresh out of court? Surreal, maybe. Bonds appears in the video at the 49 second mark. Maybe this is the only way he can attempt to generate interest from any teams looking for a big left handed bat in their lineup.

David Banner "Get Like Me" [On Smash]
David Banner Gets A List Of Support For 'Get Like Me' Video [MTV News]

Yep, big heads, ripped muscles, imperceptible testicles ... those look like steroid users to us.

And hey, all you Pirates fans who have been frustrated that Barry Bonds waited until after he left your team to take steroids — and become pretty much the greatest hitter of all time — can take heed: In these cards, Barry's all roided up in the Pittsburgh uniform. So you have that.

Topps Pretty Much Predicted The Steroid Era In 1992 [FanIQ]

Today: The San Francisco Giants. Your author is Rick Chandler.

—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-—-

Sorry, Barry Bonds don't work here no more. Moose out front shoulda told ya.

Yeah, Barry is gone. And so Mom, suddenly single, has packed everyone into the old station wagon and headed toward a big new life. It's going to be scary at first, trying to raise a family on just her salary. But she had to break it off; Dad was always on the juice; he beat mother and ignored the kids. For his eighth birthday they took little Edwin to see him play, and Barry didn't even show up (15-day DL, shrunken testicles). So Mom decided that she had been enabling him long enough. What has become of Barry now? Sadly, he lives in a van, down by the river.

The good news is that the Giants have started dating again. The bad news is that they're mostly losers; not a potential husband in the bunch. When Will posted his NL West Preview on Thursday, he chose the Giants for last place, affectionately calling the pick "the easiest call in baseball." That's Will: Ever mindful of hurting my feelings. Here's a likely Opening Day starting lineup (provided all are healthy), and you decide for yourselves. (By the way, I have a baseball with all of their signatures; and to give you an idea of how star-studded this lineup is, four of the players paid me to sign it).

• Dave Roberts, LF. A solid outfielder, but also often injured; missed a month due to elbow surgery last season. Overview: By taking one step in any direction will automatically cover more ground that did Bonds. Not nearly as much fun to heckle, though.

• Ray Durham, 2B. Dedicated veteran has just returned from a hamstring injury, and says his age will not be a problem. Overview: Was once John McCain's babysitter.

• Randy Winn, RF. Is hitting .339 this spring, after a .300 season last year. Plus, he adds speed. Overview: He'll have to patrol the entire field like Benny The Jet Rodriguez to make a difference.

• Bengie Molina, C. Is hitting .452 this spring with five homers. Fantasy owners take notice! Overview: Can he throw out anyone at second? Magic Eight Ball says: Ask again.

• Aaron Rowand, CF. Comes over from the Phillies where he hit .307 with 27 homers last season. Is hitting .305 this spring. But can he stay healthy? Overview: Ow! My spine!

• Rich Aurillia, 3B. Played for the Giants for nine seasons before departing for three seasons with the Padres, Mariners and Reds, then rejoining the Giants last year, when he hit .252. Overview: I'd feel better about this if he weren't also second on the depth chart at every other position, including catcher.

• Brian Bocock, SS. Overview: ??? (hits own head with mallet) ...

• Dan Ortmeier, 1B. Muscled six homers last season in the traditional power slot. Overview: Lord help us.

• Barry Zito, P. May have gone 11-13 last season, but he can buy and sell you. Overview: Took the loss against the Fresno Giants in a spring training game.

To make an impact: Pitcher Matt Cain "Mutiny;" second basemen Kevin Frandsen (will undergo surgery on Saturday for ruptured Achilles tendon), Eugerio Velez (hitting .303 with 14 stolen bases); outfielder Fred Lewis (may bat leadoff); P.A. announcer Renel Brooks-Moon; infielder Jose Castillo (acquired on waivers from Marlins Saturday); a host of others. Manager Bruce Bochy used 124 different lineups in 2007, to list them all here would be pointless.

So yeah, everyone mock the Giants. But here's the thing: I didn't attend a single game over the past two seasons, disheartened as I was with that hollow, Faustian home run record chase, and the typical behavior of the hometown faithful who chose to watch the games with their heads stuck in the sand. And now here's this 2008 team, which the Chronicle is already calling The Bad News Giants; by all accounts perfectly awful in every respect. Their predicted last-place finish may indeed be the easiest call in baseball, other than the one I made to buy tickets for Opening Day.

The slugger did get one offer Wednesday, to work in media relations for a minor league team. The Lake Elsinore Storm, a Class-A affiliate of the San Diego Padres, released a tongue-in-cheek statement announcing that the club has offered Bonds "a cushy Media Relations position (with slight pay cut from $19.3 million), full use of baseball facilities and of course expanded cubicle space with barcalounger and plasma TV."

But seriously, folks, the MLB Players' Union has decided to investigate the fact that Bonds has had no offers to play in the majors. I'd venture to guess that one reason might be that Federal prosecutors are about seek a new indictment on him. Can you blame owners for being a little shy?

But back to the Storm's offer: How could Barry not want to wear this hat?

Bonds Gets Job Offer — In Media Relations [MSNBC]
Union Looking Into Bonds Snub [SFGate]
Feds Will Seek New Bonds Indictment [MSNBC]
Roger Clemens' Next Employment Opportunity [Deadspin]
Lake Elsinore Storm

Frazier had an excuse for his failure: "I'm always stoned to the bone during games. I'd been smoking big weed about 10 minutes before that (expletive) guy hit that ball, so they had a little advantage on me."

Let that be a lesson, kids. When smoking big weed, better to time it for when Lance Neikro and Dan Ortmeyer are due up.

So who ended up with the ball? Jameson Sutton of Boulder, who did not come forward until Thursday, for some reason, after having kept it in his closet. He got the ball after having it glance off of his glove (Manny Ramirez nods knowingly), and beating the 240-pound Frazier in a scramble for the prize.

And finally, the baseball gods got one right. Turns out that Sutton's dad has cancer, and the family is kind of struggling. Way to go, Barry! One of your steroid-tainted moon shots is actually doing some good.

Bonds' Homer No. 762 A Bizarre Mystery [Yahoo Sports]

(Yes. It's weed day at Deadspin.)

That's just not the case, though. The Smoking Gun highlights the best quote, which was posed to Bonds regarding his trainer Greg Anderson, and how he might do something nice for him:

Q: With all the money you make, have you ever thought of maybe building him a mansion or something?

A: One, I'm black. And I'm keeping my money. And there's not too many rich black people in this world. And I'm keeping my money. There's more wealthy Asian people and Caucasian and white. There ain't that many rich black people. And I ain't giving my money up. That's why.

What Barry Bonds Told The Grand Jury [The Smoking Gun]

Cameras caught Bonds at the Palms Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, peer pressuring the NFL's biggest crybaby into downing a performing enhancing substance — Le Tourment Vert absinthe. We're not sure which is more shocking, the look on T.O.'s face when he tries to suck it down, or the fact that Bonds managed to squeeze his gigantic head through the casino door.

Common Barry, unlike you, T.O. has a job. He has to get up in the morning!

T.O. To Barry Bonds: Gimme The Juice* [TMZ]

Of course, they also have chatted about Kenny Lofton, Kyle Lohse and most of the other free agents who remain unsigned. As one team official put it Monday, if the Rays weren't discussing all of those options, they wouldn't be doing their jobs. But any suggestion Bonds might join the Rays, fueled by a published report Monday, would be erroneous, according to people familiar with the discussions.

So to recap, the team that signed Jose Canseco and brought you Legends of Wrestling Night thinks that signing Bonds would be too weird.

UPDATE: Tampa Bay blog Rays Index has an interesting ad at the top of its home page ... for Barry Bonds ring tones. Ha.

Rays Say They Aren't Pursuing Barry Bonds [Tampa Tribune]
What If ... Barry Bonds And That Tampa Bay Devil Rays [The Sporting Orange]
Barry Bonds May Be Leaving Our Shores [Deadspin]

"He's not retiring," Bonds' agent, Jeff Borris, told Metro yesterday. "He intends to play somewhere. If a door doesn't open for Barry in the major leagues, as unbelievable as that possibility sounds, then Japan certainly is an option."

That possibility becomes more and more believable each day. Hmm, does Barry realize that any home runs he hits over there won't count here?

And then of course there's always the Long Beach Armada.

Blackballed Bonds Has Eye On Japan [Metro Times]
Barry Bonds To Play Ball In Japan? [Larry Brown Sports]

The typographical errors showed up in a recent filing by prosecutors wrongly accusing Bonds of flunking a drug test in 2001. They later admitted they instead meant 2000. Baseball's home run king has pleaded not guilty to perjury and obstruction of justice charges alleging he lied when he told a federal grand jury he never knowingly used performance-enhancing drugs. He is asking a judge to dismiss the case, arguing the questions posed to him while under oath were ambiguous and confusing. In a filing last week opposing Bonds' motion for dismissal, prosecutors twice referred to a drug test he failed in November 2001. They later said they meant to reference a November 2000 drug test that had previously been mentioned in the indictment.

JURY FOREMAN: "Your honor, we the jury find in accordance to the indictment that the accused, Barry Lamar Bonds, is galty ... uh, I mean guilty! Damn!"
JUDGE: "Case dismissed! Mr. Bonds is free to go!"

It baffles me as to why no team would want want to sign Bonds. Who wouldn't want to take on this horse and pony show? It's the Typo Defense, folks!

As for the photo here, I found it while rooting around over at the blog Terrence Says. He says it's real. The cat Barry is a bad mutha ... shut yo mouth!

Bonds Seizes On Government Typos [SFGate]
Careful Of Those Governmental Typos [Deadspin]

We're not the only ones thinking it. Why can Jason Giambi play, and Andy Pettitte play, and Miguel Tejada play, but not Bonds? Indictments? Pshaw. Yesterday's news.

Shit, man: If the Cardinals can openly speculate about having Juan Gonzalez as a right fielder, you're telling us Bonds isn't worth the trouble? We're still thinking Oakland.

If that's not a 2008 Comeback Player of the Year in the waiting, we don't know what is.

Someone Should Take A Chance On Bonds [Simon On Sports]

That's exactly what happened yesterday, though; papers filed by U.S. prosecutors yesterday listed that Barry Bonds has tested positive for steroids in November 2001, which would have been a mere month after the broke the single season home run record. If you're into the whole steroids thing being a big story, well, then that's a big story. Everyone went crazy, and ESPN trotted out Roger Cossack to do that Roger Cossack thing. (Apparently, Roger Cossack is the only guy there who knows how to read government filings.)

And then the news came out, amended: There was a typo. It was supposed to read November 2000, which was news everybody had already. They stuffed Roger Cossack back in his hyperbaric chamber, and everyone went back to their business. But for two hours ... boy! What a story there theoretically was!

Ooops [The Odds And Sods]

That said, it's the start of what could theoretically — though not, likely, in actuality — be a fascinating court battle, and the guys who know it better than anyone, Mark Fainaru-Wada and T. J. Quinn, have an excellent rundown of what it all means on ESPN. Here's the most compelling section:

Is this case definitely going to trial?

There has been rampant speculation that because Bonds' criminal attorney Michael Rains has blasted the government repeatedly, there is no way Bonds will agree to a plea bargain. As Bonds looks to expand his legal team to include a veteran of the federal criminal justice system — he reportedly hired Cristina Arguedas and Allan Ruby, both of whom are familiar with federal cases, Thursday night — he still hasn't seen the evidence against him, however. Whatever the government has probably will be turned over within the coming week as part of the discovery process. When that happens, Team Bonds might decide the evidence is overwhelming and he would be better off settling. Or Bonds and his team could decide the government's case is flimsy and worth fighting in court.

We still think it's hilarious that Bonds finally got around to hiring "veterans of the federal criminal justice system" last night. Don't plead, Barry! Let's keep this going for a while.

Answers To Key Questions As Bonds Begins Legal Journey [ESPN]
Barry Bonds Could Really Used Johnnie Cochran Right Now [Deadspin]

In fact, it looks like Bonds' legal team is in the midst of total chaos.

Much of the disarray can be traced back to Mr. Bonds's advisers. Unlike many celebrity defendants who respond to legal woes with flotillas of high-paid lawyers and public-relations experts, Mr. Bonds has largely depended on a high-school friend who works as a private investigator and bodyguard for guidance on hiring lawyers and laying out legal strategy, say several people working on the case. Meanwhile, his legal team has been spearheaded by Michael Rains, an attorney who usually defends police officers accused of misconduct in state court and who has little federal experience. In August, the slugger added John Burris, a plaintiffs lawyer with whom Mr. Rains has a contentious history, and whom Mr. Rains didn't want on the case.

Bonds is scheduled to be arraigned in San Francisco tomorrow; we find it amusing to imagine Lionel Hutz is representing him. "Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... lying under oath! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!"

Bonds' Team Has Trouble Deciding Who's On First [Wall Street Journal]

HBO Films is planning to turn a best selling book about Barry Bonds' alleged steroid use and the federal government's wide-ranging probe into performance enhancing drug use in sports into a movie, one of the book's authors said Thursday. Lance Williams, a reporter at the San Francisco Chronicle, said that Ron Shelton has been tapped to direct the flick and will co-write the script with "Tin Cup" partner John Norville once the Hollywood writers strike is settled.

Suggested working titles:

• Needle Park
• Vince Conte Hears A Who
• Mr. Magorium's HGH Emporium
• Big

Of course, 100 Percent Injury Rate has a few good ideas on casting.

HBO To Turn Barry Bonds Steroids Book Into Movie [Yahoo Sports]

"We've doubled our revenues since last year," said Stephanie Stober of www.flaxusa.com, based in Goodrich, N.D. "When we started this business eight years ago, nobody even knew what flax was."

Sales really can't be linked to Bonds, of course. Though the flax boom does correspond to its mentioning on the sports pages. According to a tracking firm called Data Monitor, flax was in 220 foods and beverages in North America in 2000 and five years later that number increased to 630 products. Just look at the folks from Flax USA. They have everything from roasted flax seeds to its newest product, Flax Sprinkles! ("Just shake on food or drink, it's that easy.")

Let's see, we've got:

• Bonds.
• Neither the 49ers or Raiders have won a game in a month.
• The Warriors are the only winless team in the NBA.
• After a nice start, Cal has collapsed. And their fans are falling out of trees.

We're spending Thanksgiving with our sister in the Bay Area. We hope our plane doesn't crash.

Bay Area Is Officially In Sports Hell [100 Percent Injury Rate]

• Bonds Indicted. Instant analysis and opinion. Relevant point. Examination of an angle to the story you hadn't thought of yet. Platitudes. Memories. Anecdotal evidence. Unqualified legal analysis. Critique of other opinions. Pithy comment. Rhetorical question? Possible answer. Finger-wagging. Finger-pointing. False bravado and mock outrage. Name calling. Not in my America. The same thing you just read, phrased differently. Something underlined for emphasis. Reference to another famous scandal. Moment of silence for America's innocence. Overblown conclusion. [McCovey Chronicles]

• Open Mic. So how are you sleeping tonight with that big head of yours, Barry? Do those records or warehouses full of to-be-sold memorabilia make you feel good this evening? How's breakfast going to taste tomorrow after your child asks you what all these people are talking about? FRAUD! FAKE! LIAR! [SFGate

• Hey, Douchebag! Make Way For Douchebag! "Instant Karma's gonna get you. Gonna knock you right in the head." - John Lennon. Sometimes — and believe me, those times are rare — life just happens to work out so perfectly that you can't help but sit back and grin. Like right now. Many baseball fans are dancing in the splendiferous joy of Barry Bonds' indictment by a Grand Jury on Thursday afternoon. What could be better than the long-awaited proof that baseball's home run king* was a knowing cheater? Oh yeah, said home run king* doing time behind bars. [Rumors And Rants]

• Barry Bonds Indicted By Grand Jury In BALCO Case. Bonds is due in court on December 7 — a perfect date that will live in infamy. [SportsbyBrooks]

• And This Was Slow . My first reaction is that this is a travesty, and has been for years. For someone to be investigated for this long for something so unimportant is a disgrace. The amount of money spent, and the effort and time that has gone into this bald-faced attempt to dishonor and disgrace a fucking baseball player is just terrible. This is an abuse of power, a shameless personal attack of Barry Bonds. [Only Baseball Matters]

• Bonds Indicted! I will also note that there was not one word about tax evasion in the news accounts I have read. If that holds, this means that whatever Bonds's ex-mistress, Kimberly Bell, told the Feds about his alleged tax evasion did not prove to be true, because either he did or he didn't. [Obsessive Giants Compulsive]

Bonds, as is his wont, is surely going to fight this every step of the way, and it's only gonna get uglier. But let's be clear: Bonds is not being indicted for taking steroids, or ruining the game, or simply being an asshole. He's being indicted for lying about something the government has yet to prove; it's the Martha Stewart principle. It's gonna be a tough case to prove, but that's not the point of this; it never was. Right now, the general public believes there's new information about Bonds, that the government is finally punishing him for the sins we all believe he committed. There isn't ... but we want our pound of flesh. We want justice. We want to see him suffer because ... well, because he's the symbol of how confused and conflicted we are about baseball in a post-steroid age. In a complicated issue, Bonds is blissfully simple: He's a jerk, he cheated, he broke all our favorite records. We want that pound of flesh. Give it to us.

And no one's really left anymore to defend Bonds. The Giants want nothing to do with him, Bud Selig is back to his passive-aggressive press release game and even the President is eager to sell him down the river. It's just Bonds, World's Most Loyal Friend Greg Anderson and Bonds lawyers, ready to fight a legal battle that they should win, but probably can't. They're gonna get you, Barry. This isn't even about you anymore; it's about a war we lost years ago but still feel compelled to fight. We need a witch to burn. It's you, Barry; it always had to be you.

Barry Bonds Indicted [The Smoking Gun]
Expect Bonds To Fight Charges [ESPN]

(Photo via National Lampoon's Splog)

Major League Baseball's all-time home run king Barry Bonds was indicted Thursday on perjury and obstruction justice charges.

The five-count indictment — four counts of perjury and one of obstruction of justice — capped one of the longest federal grand jury investigations in Northern California history — a proceeding that introduced the sports world to the acronym BALCO (Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative) and led to the downfall of American track and field world and Olympic champions Marion Jones, Kelli White and Tim Montgomery.

And so ... it begins. Or ends. Or continues. Or ... well ... it does something that's gonna make sure Barry Bonds never, ever goes away. They'll get him one day, our pretties. That day might not be today ... but with this and the Mitchell report, we're gonna have ourselves one helluva steroids offseason. Woo hoo.

Bonds Indicted By BALCO Federal Grand Jury [KTVU]

So, let's flip through the list. You'd have to think that Barry Bonds, Jose Guillen, Sammy Sosa, Jerry Hairston Jr., Neifi Perez, and Mike Cameron are no brainers. There's six. Steroid Nation and River Ave. Blues are playing the guessing game on the other five.

Our predictions: Luis Gonzalez, Fernando Tatis, Steve Trachsel, Aaron Boone and Marcus Giles. Blatant guessing is fun!

Reports Say 11 Free Agents In Mitchell Report [Steroid Nation]
Guess The PED Users [River Avenue Blues]

In interview situations, Bonds speaks like Cosmo Kramer enters a room. Be sure to duck as non-sequiters fly everywhere. He will also lapse into the third person without warning, and contradict himself more than once. There will also be jokes that only he finds funny. Oh, and this time he's interviewed by Jim Gray! Fun for the entire family. The highlight from Mr. Bonds:

"I don't think you can put an asterisk in the game of baseball, and I don't think that the Hall of Fame can accept an asterisk," Bonds said. "You cannot give people the freedom, the right to alter history. You can't do it. There's no such thing as an asterisk in baseball."

Bonds also said "I will never be in the Hall of Fame. Never." So does that mean he doesn't expect to get voted in? Or, if voted in, he won't go into the building? Or perhaps he doesn't want to be included in the voting? Even Gray seemed confused, following each Bonds answer with: "So Barry, are you saying that ..."

Countdown to an armed Barry raiding a Vegas motel room to retrieve his stolen memorabilia: about three years.

Bonds Would Boycott Hall Of Fame Over Asterisk [MSNBC]

Had I gone with my initial instinct — to show up at the event wearing the comical giant papier-mâché Barry Bonds head — I'm sure I wouldn't have even made it into the building. Don't tase me, bro!

So this Bonds pity party — hosted by KG0 Radio and attended by about 500 people, among them Danny Glover —revolved around two things: Barry being bitter at the Giants, and Barry expressing hope that the Giants would take him back. One would think that the two sentiments would be working at cross purposes, but that's a classic abuser for you. Problem is, the victim is usually the last to see it. Bonds' introduction alone took 15 minutes, with host Ray Taliaferro gushing over a list of statistics, and then finally asking his first hard-hitting question: "Barry, did you really do all of these things?"

"I did," replied Bonds. "And then I got fired. Shame on me, huh?"

Fired? Is that what they call it now? Bonds had a million of 'em, including the notion that, if he were running the Giants, they would immediately be in the World Series. "I know the game so well," he said. "I can see talent; I know exactly what I'd be looking for."

Cream and Clear dispensers in the dugout? Oh sorry, no questions about steroids allowed. Rove would be proud.

There was also this: "I told Peter Magowan that if I'm a part-time player, I'm better than your full-time player and it's a wise idea to keep me. We still have time. Things change."

So what was the point of this little party? Does Barry actually think that, with the home run record broken, he has any value left for the Giants? Even at a reduced salary, the baggage he checks with the team just wouldn't be worth it. Or did Barry simply want one last time to be wrapped in the warmth of the only fan base that actually likes him? He took questions from the audience, but they were written on cards and pre-selected by the host, Taliaferro, who gently laid them in his hero's lap on a satin pillow. If they had to be summarized, one could say they all read, "Barry, why are you so awesome?"

I have a feeling that we've seen the last of Barry Bonds in any uniform, let alone a Giants' one. And Glover can flap his arms all he wants, ain't nothing bringing him back.

Bonds Stung By Departure From Giants [MSNBC]

Their sex life really slumped, however, when Bonds started taking steroids, driven by jealousy after Mark McGwire began receiving piles of press for his pursuit of Roger Maris' single-season home run record. Bell told Playboy that Bonds suffered from sexual dysfunction, one side effect of steroid use. He tried Viagra several times but didn't like it because it affected his vision and stuffed up his nose.

His body had grown thicker, his back was pocked with acne, his hair had fallen out and his testicles had shriveled when Bonds asked his former mistress if she thought anyone would suspect he was on the juice. "Do I look bloated?" Bonds wanted to know. "Does it look funny? Do you think this is obvious?"

Bell also recounts that when Bonds first began taking steroids, his personality changed, and that she thought that his fits of rage were because he "had PMS, like a woman." Woooeee. And you thought you were embarrassed when your ex-girlfriend outed your love of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants on her Facebook page.

Barry Bonds' Ex-Mistress Details Star's Steroid Use, Temper [NY Daily News]

And so Barry Lamar Bonds is a Giant no longer. He made his final appearance at AT&T Park on Wednesday, making three unremarkable outs and then departing a bit prematurely in the seventh inning, like Professor Marvel in his hot air balloon. Barry! You were supposed to take us with you! Sigh. All that's left is Eugenio Velez in left field and an ache in our hearts. And Barry now heads off to that place where all creaky, formerly great players go ... the Yankees.

Willie Mays and Willie McCovey were in attendance on Wednesday, and Bonds fans milled about like excited munchkins, holding enormous signs and cheering their hero. Meanwhile, at the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, Calif., it was Unlimited Dessert Night, and Greg Anderson had three helpings of lime jello. It is unknown whether Bonds' former trainer was allowed to watch the game, which the Padres won 11-3. Sometimes they only let you watch one channel in the TV room, from what I understand. I just hope it wasn't the Democratic debate.

Anderson is in the slammer for refusing to answer grand jury questions on Bonds and steroids; a scene that they omitted from the Bonds tribute video that was shown in the stadium following the game. To me, the real fitting tribute would have been a montage of times that Barry failed to run out ground balls, but I realize that there were time constraints. Whew. Was it really 15 years ago that Bonds arrived at Candlestick Park, comparing his talents as an entertainer to those of Michael Jackson, and wearing a size 7 1/3 cap? From a business standpoint, Bonds may have saved baseball in San Francisco. From a moral and practical perspective, he may have destroyed it for years to come. Yes, when it comes to Barry, "You have my statement." Even though I'm a lifelong Giants fan, I've never liked the guy. Put that in your syringe and smoke it.

But now what? I think that for many of us, we've lost our archenemy. Who is Holmes without Moriarty? Luke without Vader? The Meeces without Mr. Jinx? I have all of this cardboard and paint around the house and no one to mock via signage! I feel a little empty inside, and it's not the Colonblow. Goodbye, Barry. I hated you, and loved every minute of it.

Quiet End To An Era [SF Gate]

It's Barry's last night in San Francisco as a Giant, and even though he'll be with another team next year, with their own fans, he'll never receive the unmitigated, unrestrained ovation that he will tonight. Even from fans who are kind of tired of him.

I'll miss Barry Bonds because I'll miss watching him play. I so, so, so won't miss talking about him, though. Wearing a Giants hat in another part of the country is a conversation-starter, but it's always a stupid conversation. Why do you root for Bonds? How can you root for Bonds? When would you stop rooting for Bonds? My answers, in order: Dunno, Eli Whitney, and I like banana cream pies. There's no sense in explaining it anymore.

The ovation Barry gets tonight — and he will get a huge one — is very likely the last, and biggest, he'll ever receive. No matter who he's playing for next year, tonight's how we will remember him. For better or worse, for the sake of the game, for whatever: The Barry Bonds we have known and hated and debated and defended and despised for a decade now ... that Barry Bonds ends tonight.

Open Game Thread, 9/26 [McCovey Chronicles]

"It's always difficult to say goodbye," Magowan said. "It's an emotional time for me. We've been through a lot together these 15 years. A lot of good things have happened. Unfortunately a lot of bad things have happened. But there comes a time when you have to go in a different direction." (My guess? A winning one, though, some think they're screwed.)

So where does this leave good ol' Barry boy? Well, blogging, naturally. Bonds, via his website: "There is more baseball in me and I plan on continuing my career. My quest for a World Series ring continues." Yup. Look out American League, here he comes!

• Boston Breathes. Josh Beckett pitched six strong innings to become the first 20-game winner in the majors since '05, as the Sox snapped a four-game losing streak in an 8-1 win over the Rays. Meanwhile, the Yankees rallied to send the game to extra innings by scoring four runs in the ninth off Jays ace Doc Halladay, but lost it in the 14th on a home run by Toronto catcher Gregg Zaun. (Silently pumps fist.) The BoSox have a 2 1/2 game lead in the East.

• Rising Arizona. Tony Clark had three hits and drove in four, leading the D-Backs to a 12-3 rout over the Dodgers. The win, coupled with the Padres 14-inning loss to the Rockies, pushes Arizona up to a 1 1/2 game lead in the NL West. Math is fun.

• The More Games Played, The More Things Stay The Same. The Mets and Phillies won to keep the margin in the NL East at 1 1/2 games. Same situation in the NL Central, where the first-place Cubs and second-place Brewers both were Victorious B.I.G.

Ecko bought Barry Bonds' 756th home run ball for $752,467, and now he's asking fans what he should do with it. The three options? Send it to the Hall of Fame, brand it with an asterisk or blast it into space. We're not sure the statement Ecko's trying to make, but we're not going to lie: We're pretty fascinated by the notion that the historic ball could be destroyed. We were entranced by the notion that someone would catch the homer and then throw it back as some form of protest, but in lieu of that, this is pretty amusing. Whatever stance we might have on that, we're voting for "Banish It." Or give it to Tim Forneris, anyway.

Vote 756